The Ward

Chapter 3

Corona was shaken from the pleasurable sleep he was in. For the first time in what felt like his entire life he was able to ironically forget where he was, and it brought him peace. He felt that this was where he was meant to be, resting the soft cloud pressing up on his horizontal body, as a pegasus should. There were no dreams, no monsters that came to relieve him of his special place, just whiteness, as the rest of his life seemed to be.

He was shaken from the rest by a hoof on his shoulder, a gentle touch that rocked him as not to cause a panic or irritate his ribs. Lillian spoke softly into his ear.

"Corona, time to wake up."

He recognized the voice, the mare Lillian. His mind was swamped with images of of her, every time he focused on her face she bore a smile. As he opened his eyes, he was met with what he had seen in his head. Lillian smiling down on him.

"Time for dinner." she reminded him.

In an instant he remembered where he was, crushing the smile he had inside. The massive white stone building looming over the yard was a harsh reminder that despite his memory loss whatever he had called home before was gone, and this place was his home, for the time being. He'd already began to watch silently for anything to aid in an escape attempt.

Left mostly alone, company of the nurse-mare aside, his mind was a flurry of gears, spinning in both directions. He had no knowledge of who he was, constantly taking small jabs at the empty wall, hoping to uncover but a mere shred of who he was. In the other direction the question of why he was in Briar Hoof, as it has to be something most atrocious. Both of these questions burned strong in the back of his mind, always running possibilities in an attempt to answer them.

Corona carefully stepped from cloud hovering just a few inches from the ground. He kicked out a rear hoof slow enough so that ris ribs would be spared agony, but a strong enough kick so that the cloud dissipated with a satisfying *paff*.

"Time for dinner." Lillian repeated, walking slowly ahead as an indication for him to follow.

Following silently behind the mare he noticed the disarray the of the other ponies shuffling in the main hall. Aside from the locked doors on the ground floor of two wings, the main hall was the only freely open door to the fenced in yard during the day. Though the patients were being herded towards the cafeteria, it was a directionless. Many of them seemed to zig-zag with the crowd, only changing course when met by a musclebound orderly or a wall, both an impenetrable funnel towards their destination.

Corona would rather see a tight order, lines moving with purpose, direction. It wasn't a preference, but a feeling that if there was more order he would be able to make more sense if they were categorized. He shook his head. What an odd thing to think. But order would have been preferable.

His mind was wandering. The two questions needed quelling. Instead he focused on the one thing he knew to be true, that he was a pegasus. So far that had been the only fact he could believe in at this moment. He had to hold onto what that meant, that one day he would be able to spread his wings and take to the sky.  This was a thought to hold onto, in case he began to feel overwhelmed by the walls.

As Corona moved in the line, Lillian a hoof step aside him, towards the cafeteria. She was smiling, perhaps happy to see him in lighter spirits than the morning. He only saw routine, something to stick to in the coming days. It played on the previous feeling of a needed order, structure.

He shook his head again. It meant something, or it was just nothing. Anypony watching this meandering scuffle would think the same. Lost bodies being guided by lost minds, and he was one of them.

While dinner was appetizing, both the hay and the strawberries were overpoweringly sweet, though it was a natural sweetness as there were no telltale traces of sugar. Other than the general muddy noise of over a hundred ponies that seemed to talk at once there was nothing remarkable to gleam.

The room slowly cleared, the ponies leaving in groups as various activities were called out. Art, music, games and group therapy. After half an hour everypony had gone aside from the off duty orderlies and a hoof-ful of doctors grouped together and talking quietly amongst themselves.

"It would seem that dinner is over." Corona observed redundantly.

"It is." Lillian nodded, though she made no effort to hurry him along to wherever he was going next.

"Am I supposed to have gone with any of the other groups? To an activity?" he asked with a guilty tone, fearing that at any moment somepony would stick their head from around the corner and angrily call out to him.

"No." Lillian said. "You have nothing scheduled at all. Not until you have a visit with Dr. Fetlock tomorrow morning. If all goes well then he could recommend some activities or you could select a few yourself."

"I see." he said in a low tone, ears folding to the sides of his head. This whole meeting with Dr. Fetlock was beginning to become intimidating, his whole future riding on some unknown outcome of what the doctor decided. At the very least he hoped that he would be told why he was here.

"What's wrong?" the mare asked, moving a hoof over the table's surface closer to his.

"I don't have any idea why I am here, or what I am have supposed to have done to be placed here. From my recollection I have woken up in an asylum, and while I have been treated well, everything is confusing. I feel as if I were put here under duress or against my will. I want to remember, to have things make sense. THAT is how I feel." his voice began to raise as he said this and ended with a tone of anger, using a hoof to send the empty platter from dinner in front of him skittering down the table.

Lillian hadn't moved during the verbal outburst, hadn't even flinched when the tray scratched noisily down the surface of the table.

"Everything hurts..." he trailed off, voice softening. "I'm scared..." he placed his nose on the table and put either hoof beside to hide his tears. "I'm scared."

Lillian placed a comforting hoof on his shoulder.

"This is always confusing for everypony. You are a bit worse off, not having any memory. I know how you feel."

"How could you possibly know?" the stallion sniffed, holding back more tears.

"I was a patient here once. Many, many years ago."

"You're lying." Corona elbowed her slightly away from him. Last thing that he needed was some song and dance about 'It's ok, I was there too.'

"I was just as confused and angry as you are. I thought that my parents taking me here was a mistake."

"I don't want to hear it, just leave me alone, please." he pleaded, covering his ears with his hooves.

"I became enraged, how dare anypony put me in some hell hole. I bucked and kicked and made a big deal about everything. No pony was safe from my hooves of rage. Deep down inside burned a will to escape this trespass against me."

Corona was listening, but was hoping that by pretending not to listen she would stop and take him somewhere else.

"As a spiteful mess of a teenager. I got the rough treatment, heavy sedatives, straitjackets and padded cells, the works. It gets lonely in the isolation cells. Just a low hum of the tepid air coming from the cracks near the ceiling. And your thoughts."

"After days of being constantly restrained, I had lost all my will to fight. The staff didn't believe me, the doctors saw it as a ploy to free myself from my restraints. I did ask that if they were not going to remove the straitjacket, that they at least cease the sedatives. We came to a shaky deal that I was to be on my best behavior. I followed my word and the doctors and staff followed theirs."

Corona removed his hooves from his head, but did not raise it. Lillian took this as a sign to continue, having piqued his interest.

"I begrudgingly spent a few more days in the isolation cell. I was quiet and did not cause any problems, but it didn't mean I liked it. All the time alone gave pause to think. I thought about why I was in here, why my parents would dump me in this..." she raised a hoof and spun it around in the air, as if to motion to the entire building complex. "Though since I could remember everything, this is where my story differs. I had searched my life for the answer, the haze of confusion lifted and I saw a mare on a one way ticket to derailing. In my rebellion against my parents I had become unruly. I had very few friends, the ones I did have were always willing to sell me stuff, that would take away my pain, the loneliness."

"It was a downward spiral. The more I began to drink and take drugs, the more I felt alone, the more I wanted to be separated from that pain, that lead to more drinking and drugs. Eventually the pain became too great, eating a hole inside of me. I spent days and weeks in a stupor. I told my parents to sod off, and would spend countless hours in my room bombed out of my mind."

"I realized that I had pushed away those that loved me and cared for me. I thought about ending it all. I thought that the damage I had done was too great to repair."

Corona was now listening with intent that she finish. As she spoke her eyes had glassed over with tears and she fought to hide them.

"I was ready to do it. I wasn't thinking clearly, or if it all. In my mind, If I ended it all, the pain would stop. It seemed like the only way. I sat on my bed, cradling my father's service pistol, it was good enough to do the job. I kept staring at it, for what felt like hours. Then I was a blank wall, the memories after that. It took weeks to remember what happened between then and when I was taken to Briar Hoof.

"When I did remember, it broke me, broke who I thought I was at the time. I remember my father walking in, seeing what his daughter was about to do herself with the pistol, he paused. He didn't gasp, didn't look surprised, he didn't try to stop me. He stood there, watching, waiting for what I was going to do."

"I never put the gun to my head, I sat there, shaking in fear of what I was going to do. I felt sick, stomach churning and ready to pass out, it had been hours since my last fix. For the first time I can recall I knew he was in the room. He may have been there the whole time and I didn't realize it. The pistol shook from my hooves, I couldn't hold it anymore, I turned to him, crying and said only one thing: 'Help me'. After then all went black, bits and pieces of traveling on the the road, my father and mother beside me. Then Briar Cliff."

Corona hadn't turned to watch her, just stared strait ahead to listen intently. The whole story was strangely reminiscent of what he was going through, but as of yet he had not experienced a breakthrough.

"After a few days of remaining calm and collected, I was released from my fetters and allowed to roam as I please, though within limits. My parents came for their first visit. I fell into their hooves and cried, told them how sorry I was, what I had done and how they had been shut out. They never said when I was to be released, but rather I told them that I would stay as long as need be. I had created this nightmare and it was something that I was going to have to live through."

"Desolation, isolation, revelation, detoxification and finally re-unification. It took nearly a year for me to feel confidant that I would be able to function on my own, though after the initial eight months the doctors said I was free to leave of my own volition. I stayed until I was ready."

"Once out, the world was my own. Everypony was a potential friend, and the thought that I was going to remove myself from this world and all the smiling ponies in it caused me to shudder. For the first time I realized that friendship starts with being friends with yourself, to love and accept who you are. To ask for help to fix what is wrong in you, if it was something that couldn't be done by yourself."

"I was a late bloomer, and ironically the same with my cutie mark, the Lily. I had been through alot and came out stronger. The lily stands for purity and friendship, and I had wiped away what was impure inside me, and gaining the friendship that matters most, being friends with yourself."

"What happened afterwards?" the pegasus asked, intrigued about the conclusion, the missing space between her stay and where she was now. It was more of an urge, to hear the whole story to it's completion.

"I was compelled to return to Briar Hoof, in a capacity to help others through their dark times. Bridleton was a newly forming costal town being fed by adventure and the high seas. Briar Hoof had been built on a plain a few miles outside of it's borders, there was little more then primary schools around. I headed north to Las Pegasus, a bustling town that never sleeps. Until the opening of the University of Medical studies in Manehattan a few months ago, Las Pegasus has the well renown College of Applied Medicine. I graduated two years ago and was taken in at Briar Hoof on an internship halfway through my schooling. The rest is history, and I have been helping ponies here ever since."

"That is amazing. Such a tale." Corona said with a hint of skepticism.

"I'll bring my medical records for you to see tomorrow then." Lillian replied. Perhaps such a harrowing tale of hitting the bottom and then climbing back up was a bit much for somepony in the same situation to believe. She knew that it seemed as if she was trying to buddy up to him, create a caring shoulder to lean on that was also a prominent voice in future treatment seemed like it was a facade to get other patients to hoof the line.

"But right now you are going to bed."

"What, now?" Corona asked.

"It's relatively late in the evening, and Celestia is nearly ready to push the sun below the horizon. I can show you to your bed for the night, take your medication and tomorrow will be a new day." Her tone was returning to the over the top cheerful attitude that rubber the pegasus the wrong way earlier. "Besides, you need to take things easy. Your body still needs time to heal."

Corona sighed, he was feeling exhaustion set in, the nap he took did just a little to restore energy. If anything it merely held off his eventual collapse from the day's events. As overwhelmed as he felt, it was probably best to turn in for the night.

"Let's go." he grumbled.

The Hospital was set up in wards. Ward A was where alot of the voulentary patients stayed, as well as those who were nearing their end of recovery. This wing held alot of the low risk activity rooms, as there were many things that one could hurt themselves on.

On the bottom floor there were the offices and records close to the main hall, followed by the supply rooms and the cafeteria with kitchen and food store room basement at the end of the wing. The second and third floors were patient rooms, eighty in all, twenty on each side of the floors. The fourth floor held a large library with a central observatory pushing through the glass ceiling in a bubble for a good view. The rest of the fourth floor were the activity rooms, art, music and a myriad of others.

The main hall served as a gathering point. With doors on either end and open doorways to either wings that surrounded it. The bottom floor was nearly empty aside from the great wooden receptionist desk and the two lifts that rose the open air to the top floor where the administration and doctors offices were. Around the walls were staircases that curved up with landings to each floor of the two wings.

Placed just under the main hall's floor were the rest rooms and showers, large signs for the ramps downwards under the ascending stairs let everypony know where they were. As a central point, it was the shortest route from all positions in the hospital.

Ward B was for the higher security patients. The ground floor had a guard post that was isolated from the hall with a metal locked door, a wire-mesh window allowed them to see outside, and activate the thick metal mesh door to let the proper ponies pass. Beyond the security checkpoint was the infirmary, locked at this hour as it held dangerous surgical implements and drugs. Following the infirmary were the surgical wings and therapy rooms, all locked.

The second floor was were the medium risk rooms were. Unlike the lavish 'suites' of Ward A, these rooms were more like cells, locked from the outside for safety reasons. These were for the unstable patients, those that were unaware of where they were or held contempt for being admitted. It was a lower security, mostly for those that had mental or motor functions who were more of a nuisance.

Floor three was for high risk ponies. Those that had shown a history of violence towards others or themselves. There were very few patients who spent most of their time in here, as they accounted for only a tiny portion of the population. They numbered in tens. Beds here were anchored to the floor with heavy bolts, straps lay across the mattress for securing all the limbs for the night.

The fourth floor was known as the 'Black Ward'. Heavy metal doors secured white thick padded cells, the isolation chambers. Dark, soundproof and lonely, these were the bane of every patient there, as trips tended to last a few hours to days. The ponies that were a threat to themselves or others were sent here to cool off, they could slam into each wall, throw themselves to the floor and scream until they were hoarse. Supply closets here were lined with straitjackets, muzzles and hobbles, tools to use on unruly ponies that hadn't been calmed with Thorazine yet.

Lillian stopped in the main hall, turning to Corona she said, "Last chance for the night to use the bathroom. I'd suggest you at least try, as there are no bathrooms in Ward B cells."

"Wait, I thought I was in A?" the stallion said with a tone of shock.

"For tonight you will stay in Ward B. Do not argue." Lillian's tone turned into deadpan speech.

"I'll use the bathroom then..."

He was right there, the front door waiting. It would have been a simple full gallop to freedom. His body was in no shape to run, much less a prolonged chase that would be required to escape properly. Besides he didn't know where he would go. Freedom would have to wait for another day.  He didn't want to go into the high security ward, he was sure that was where he woke up. Padded cells and restraints, this was what he had to look forward to tonight.

After using the bathroom he exited to the main hall. Ponies in various colored vests were still roaming around, slowly making their way to where they were to bed down for the night. He was hoping that Lillian was gone, called away on some emergency. Instead she was standing there, watching the exit from the bathroom intently.

She had seen the look on his face as he eyed the front door. He was calculating the chance of escaping. The pegasus was smart, he knew that he didn't stand a chance, yet. Lillian was going to try her best to dissuade him from it, but that would take time, and it may be time that he didn't have.

The two were buzzed in to Ward B and after a quick stop to the infirmary to give the pegasus the required medication, they took the lift at the end of the hall to the third floor.

The hall was well lit, but the foreshadowing of what lay ahead made the lights seem dim, sapping the will to continue on down the hall and casting long invisible shadows of the cages around the light that appeared as claws on the stone floor. His body pushed forwards without his consent, his mind not wanting to be restrained further, but his body was already showing the signs of what had happened before when he resisted. It became a slow trudge on auto-pilot past the thin steel doors sunk into the stone.

"I'm going to give you a room as far away from the other patients here as possible." Lillian said, leading him down to the end of the hall.

Corona noticed that above each cell was a light, seemingly turned on when there was an occupant inside. Down the expansive hall he counted eight lights. He would be the ninth.

The two arrived at the end of the hall. The nurse-mare opened the door with her magic and held a hoof out, indicating that the pegasus should be the first inside.

There was a second of hesitation. He was roomed so far down the hall, a fear of being forgotten was a real possibility. The longer he waited, the more stern Lillian's expression became. He willed himself to stay, but moved forwards anyway. They were inside and the mare let the door click shut behind them, as she was the only one who was able to open it from this side.

The walls were a bare white stone with a window high above anypony's reach except a fully able pegasus. The bed was the most daunting, it was more than a mattress. It was a white sheeted mattress with a web of natural colored cotton straps. It looked like something where an unwilling pony was restrained as they were slowly pulled apart, piece by piece, struggling against the bonds as their life was slowly sawn limb from limb away from their body. It sent a chill down his spine.

"This is where I have to sleep?" he asked, worried about being restrained to the bed's face.

"Yes." Lillian said bluntly.

"Does this come off?" he asked, touching the jacket strapped to his torso. It was a stall tactic, trying to avoid the inevitable by asking questions.

"Yes, actually. But it will have to go back on in the morning." She directed a flow of magic to the jacket quickly reforming the pin, unzipping and lacing the piece and then pulling it from the stallion.

Corona spread his wings slowly, letting them stretch from the folded position they had been in most of the day.

"That feels good." he mentioned.

Lillian nodded. "Time for bed Mr. Plume." she voiced, using a formal name instead of his first name.

With his head lowered and tail tucked between his legs, Corona slowly walked past the mare and climbed up onto the mattress. He turned over onto his back and laid where he thought was most appropriate.

Around his chest he felt the weight of the canvas laying softly there. It was followed by a pair of clicks as the magnetic locks secured it.

"Is it too tight?" the mare asked.

"N-no." he stuttered between almost panicked gasps.

"It's alright. There is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be scared about either."

He grinned nervously at her.

"Besides, I can say that sleeping like this beats having your torso cradled in a straitjacket all night."

"I guess." Corona whispered. He began to nervously press his fore-hooves together as he felt more straps close around his limbs and click in place.

"Is this necessary?" he blurted out.

"Yes. And the only reason for it is the history you have had for violence."

Corona folded his ears back and didn't respond.

"Tomorrow night, if you behave, you can sleep in a bed like normal on the floor below."

"Promise?"

"I'll keep my word Mr. Plume, if you keep keep your word."

"I... promise." he paused, rolling his eyes away from the mare's gaze.

"You need to say it for the agreement to be good." Lillian furrowed her brow and pursed her lips.

"I promise to be on my best behavior." He said, raising a hoof as if under oath.

"Good, fore-hooves at your sides."

Corona was already cemented well onto the bed, and resisting any further wouldn't be good. He placed his hooves in the waiting restraints and they were snapped shut.

A feeling of total helplessness washed over him. There was no way he could fend off any attack, and move to safety. He would be at the mercy of anypony that decided to do him harm. Laying face up, his body was spread bare, vulnerable.

Lillian noticed that the pegasus was not fairing well to this new change. She moved to the side of the bed and sat down.

"Corona, you will be alright. This is just for tonight. In a few minutes the pain killers will kick in, and you will feel relaxed. One is extended release so that you won't wake up during the night in pain." she placed a hoof carefully on his chest to calm him.

"Tomorrow is another day, full of new opportunities. I'll be there for you if you need me."

He nodded, though his body had calmed, there was still fear in his eyes. A quiet plead to be released and sleep like a normal pony.

"It's going to be OK. You will get better. I did, and I wouldn't be here if not for Briar Hoof. I want to give the ponies here the same love and attention I received. Right now it may not feel like it, but there is no better place in all of Equestria for you right now." Lillian smiled as she slipped from the side of the bed.

He wanted to scream, to cry himself dry pleading for something normal, something that didn't remind him that he was a prisoner. He stifled the fear, screaming out now would put him in a mess he wanted no part of. He just shifted uneasily in the restraints.

The mare took her hooves on either side of his head and removed his glasses, placing them in the apron pocket of her uniform.

Lillian unlocked the door and picked up the grounding jacket that she promptly hung outside on a hook on the wall. She turned back and looked at the stallion who was peering over his chest to see just a glimpse more of her. Smiling warmly she said a final good night.

"May Luna watch over you tonight."

The door was softly shut, letting the click ring out in the loneliness of the cell.

Panic had given way to a decent buzz from the opioid he was given. He breathed a sigh of relief and let everything rest, the tense muscles that were searching all day for escape let go, the weary mind that had been ticking endlessly for answers became blank. With heavy eyelids weighted by his trials edging down ever closer to shut, he didn't fight them. The two eyelids meet up he drifted off into sleep.

Luna had forgotten about him tonight.

He began dreaming about the wall, his wall. The white one where nothing was painted. His empty life. It's clean surface bore down on him, beginning to grow taller and taller reaching to the sky.

Hours seemed to pass as he faced the wall, unable to move as if his body was stone. The pegasus was just staring with unblinking eyes, and as time dragged onto eternity he focused past the wall.

From either corner the white surface began to grey, tiny little webs cracked the paint spreading slowly across it's face as if lightning in slow motion. The grey shards began to corrupt the wall, curling the paint into geometric flakes that molded black before his gaze before falling to the floor.

In a revealed corner where the white had been eaten away he began to see tones of grey, two blurry shapes moving together side by side. He was unable to make out what kind of ponies they were, but ponies he was sure they were. A light grey pony and a nearly white pony, side to side running together.

The muddled ponies leapt together in what appeared to be happiness, chasing each other, running aside each other and then on top of each other. The blurs were to hard to make out a direct action, but the pose indicated they knew each other well and were sharing in each others love.

The tone quickly shifted as a black fog rolled over the figures. They began fighting with quick hoof jabs to the others face and body. As a silent observer, Corona could only watch as it escalated. Blood was drawn, and in the vision he was seeing it was the only thing that had color to it. Trickling down from the noses and legs of the two, it splashed crimson amongst the greys.

The darker of the ponies was pinned on the floor, the white one looming over it. The white one smiled as it brought the hoof that had been raised above it's head, clutching something in it's hoof. The grey pony seemed to be at an end, as he was now seeing from a position on the floor how the white pony was ready to end the fight.

What happened next was a flash, the grey pony whipped his hoof across the exposed neck of the white one. Where the blur had crossed the neck, a smile appeared, but it was too far below the face to have been a mouth. From the smile a sea of crimson misted the air, collecting at the lips it dribbled down the exposed under belly as a pyroclastic flow engulfed everything in it's way, turning white to red. The pony appeared to be in shock at the turn of events.

The hooves that were ready to land a killing blow fell limply to it's side. It sat there for minutes, eventually teetering over to the side into a pool of it's own blood.

It was just a dream, a sick one at that, but Corona felt guilty. He wasn't sure of what he just watched, but his stomach knotted as he came to the conclusion that he was watching something he did. There was no proof, but he felt the warm blood on his chest and it quickly turned cold.

He kept seeing the gaping hole in the neck. The body lying on the floor, passing into death as it's life had been drained. In a twist of surprise, the newly formed hole began to move as if something was emerging from inside.

There was no more blood to be spilled, instead he was forced to watch a spectacle that twisted his spine in agony. From the morose grin a black liquid began to seep forth. It was thicker than blood and seemed to pour out like slow molasses, congealing in a glob in the center of the blood pool.

As if a shining light was placed upon a creature who dwelled in the shadows, the sludge screamed out in pain. From it's center the crud began to swell, first at an alarming rate, then the bubble forming in the center spat out it's volume, a thick cloud of black smoke. The bubbles kept surfacing, slowly turning the ooze into smoke that was whipped away in an instant until the pool was gone.

There was no explaining what he witnessed. Somepony had died, and from it spilled what could only be seen as pure evil. The pegasus struggled to make sense of what transpired, so much so that when he realized that the smoke from the wound had begun to curl around his body, it was too late.

The smoke began to hold his limbs down, curling around the hooves and wings so that any amount of will he moved against the haze, it took the energy from his muscles and grew in volume. The more Corona struggled the weaker he began to feel, and the black wisp began to consume him more and more. It wound around his neck and began to trickle into his gaping muzzle, sliding down his throat.

Just as he thought that it was going to end him, a great gale blew across his body, stripping the fog away. As the thick tendrils of the smoke became wrenched from his body, it left a burning sensation as if his body was radiating heat from the areas it had touched. He didn't care where it went as long as it was gone, it left him shivering in weakness on the floor.

The wind blew again, but it was not as harsh this time. It swirled gently around his head, blowing his mess of a mane away from his ear. This wind felt like it entered his ear, bringing with it a sharp cold. It whispered to him,

"Fight back."

The meaning was obscured, fight back against who? The smoke? Briar Hoof? The questions were mounting and he needed to know. He couldn't shout, his throat felt too harsh, still burning from the choking cloud. He merely mulled the words around in his head.

His eyes opened, revealing the new day's sun blaring directly into them.

Corona felt a cool breeze across his torso and came to the realization that he was drenched in sweat.