The Ward

Chapter 4

The night was more than rough. When Corona bolted from the nightmare he had jerked at the bonds still cradled around his body, jarring him back into reality. Large amounts of sweat had pooled under him, dousing his fur and the cotton bindings to the point where they were still damp.

The pegasus gave an annoyed tug with a fore hoof, testing the resolve of his situation, and quickly found that they were not going to be pulled away. He was stuck for the time being, and as his bladder weighed the option of relieving itself or bursting. To hay with all that carrot juice they served, it had betrayed him.

He wanted to call out, so that somepony could hear him and come to his rescue. As he inhaled for the alerting shout, he paused to remember the tale that Lillian had told. True or not, perhaps spending some time alone to reflect on experiences would do some good. He instead released the breath into the air, feeling a stab from his ribs it cause him to cringe into a painful cough.

Corona focused on the dream. The white blur of a pony who's... he stopped this thought. Small tears welled from his eyes, as he thought about the figure he felt oddly attached to. That somehow he knew this white blurb of a memory, as it pained him to watch the life drain from it's neck. A knot formed in his stomach, feeling remorse for the sea of red that coated the body in his dreams.

He felt attached, that this white pony meant something. It was a mare-friend, or even his wife. That was a thought he wished he could erase, heart beating in his chest that in some way he had murdered his wife. If he had been married, had he?

Corona groaned out in pain. The memory playing over and over in his mind, becoming more aware that the bloodied figure was something special to him. Red mist and red drops as the face came into focus. Lovely goldenrod eyes that had been angered before, now constricted. They peered down at him in betrayal.

The eyes just stared, once flush with full color, now becoming the same grey as her body. All the pleasant thoughts and memories built in her mind began to fade as the electrical signals in her brain began to shut down permanently. They eyes slowly drifted upwards, their focus thousands of miles away. Her jaw fell slack and a single burst of breath escaped the lungs who had been frozen in fear, sending the cascade of red that had spilled into the trachea into the air as thick blobs. Each speck of blood pounded against his body, the wet smack echoing in his ears like a faucet left on during the night wearing constantly against one's sanity.

NO, he thought. This was NOT how it is. These thoughts are just from a bad dream, something whispered in his ear to tempt the sanity he was barely holding onto. He did NOT kill anypony. Get away, leave me in peace his brain shouted. The stallion's cheast began to heave rhythmically in short sharp gasps, fighting the pain in an attempt to get oxygen that he felt was fleeting.

'Pegasus, Pegasus' he thought, trying to push the red from his mind. 'Feel the wind passing gently over your coat, feel the clouds so soft and inviting. You are not here, you are high above Equestria and looking down at the houses. So small from up here.' he began to combat the darkness with what he knew to be true, the ONLY thing he knew to be true.

The line of thought was interrupted by the door to his 'room' opening, squealing loudly in the silence.

"Mistah Plume?..." and unfamiliar voice asked. It wasn't Lillian, but that of a stallion.

"Hello, yes?" he replied. "C-could you please let me out, I have to use the loo rather bad." The voice wasn't unwelcome, just rather surprised that it wasn't Lillian, the nurse that was assigned to him. But he was relieved that there was somepony else to break him away from the thoughts in his mind if only for a moment's respite.

"Ya, I can do `tat. But before we leave da the room, ya have to be fitted with da grounding jacket." the voice said, it was deep, commanding and most likely had twice the pegasus' size in muscle behind it as it came with an accent that seemed foreign to Equestria, perhaps a zebra or from the surrounding area.

With the lack of bi-spectacles, the shape of the stallion was apparent, but the white of his coat was obscured. He felt his restraints being unlocked, but the shape had no telltale horn of a unicorn. Soon he was free, but dared not move quickly from the bed, but rather stretch out his limbs, as they had been locked in one position all night.

"Here are your glass." the stallion said, lifting the blue horn-rimmed glasses to the front of Corona's muzzle.

He grasped them and placed them back on his face, so that he may see the world as properly focused.

Standing before him was exactly what he has speculated. It was a thick limbed Zebra nearly bursting out of the orderly white uniform with muscles drawing the cotton tight across his chest and stressing the buttons in the holes. While the black and white striped tail was neatly cut short, the piano keyed mane had grown quite long, it's length swept back behind his ears tied in a pony tail. It was a bit of a surprise, if pleasant, to say the least.

"Oh, hello." Corona said, lowering his back so that he appeared smaller to the intimidating orderly.

"Mah name is Pundamilia. But everypon `ere calls mah Punda." the zebra introduced himself.

"Good to meet you, but please, I have to use the facilities." Corona said quickly, feeling as if at any moment his bladder was growing with stretch marks.

"First, da jacket Mistah Plume." the wall of muscles said, and in a dark blue haze of what appeared to be a unicorn's magic grip the jacket he had worn floated across the floor, spread open and ready for him to step into.

If it were Lillian, he would have protested and made known that he wasn't able to fly. Facing down the zebra was another matter. It came to his mind that the massive hooves would have no problem flattening him against the ground if he hesitated but for a second. He lifted a hoof, indicating that he was willing to once again put on the restraint as the hospital deemed necessary.

"I'll watch yah ribs." Punda said, knowing full well that making the jacket too tight would cause serious medical problems and pain.

The levitated jacket floated to his torso and was laced tight in seconds, just as Lillian had done.

"How are you doing that, using magic?" The pegasus asked, calling to light that there was not horn protruding from the zebra's forehead.

"HA HA! It's zebra voodoo!" he boomed in laughter, using a short 'e' instead of the normal Equestrian standard of the long 'e' making zebra sound more like 'zibrah'.

"What is that?" he asked innocently.

"You lost yah mind `pon?" Punda asked, innocently, but quickly realized the weight the jovial question had behind it.

"I can't remember anything past yesterday, when I woke up here." Corona voiced defensively.

"Dats a sorryting `pon. I do hope yah remembah dough. Zebra's may not be a pegasus, or un-ahcorns, but we do know dah land and it speak ta us. Special gems are sometimes found, and dey are very powahfal. We take an become one wit da jems. It den lets us use it's powah."

Corona shook his head, trying to decode what he just heard. The accent was very thick and he tried to fill in the short pronounced words. He managed to conclude that '`pon' meant pony, the rest of the words were accented versions of 'this' and 'that'.

"Ya all right `pon?"

"Yes, just a bit confused. I'm sorry, I'm trying to wade though the thick accent. I haven't heard a pony like you before." Corona rubbed a hoof against his other fore leg in a nervous attempt to bleed of the tention he felt in his mind.

"Yah honor me Mistah Plume, I have nevah been called a `pon before."

"You ARE a pony, right?"

"Yah, zebra are pons, but alot ofdem don't see tings dat way."

The more he listened, the more he was able to put together the short throw words, but it was what he had said that confused the pegasus.

"Why don't others call you ponies? It makes no sense."

"Because we come from dah zebra eadlands an don't Honor Celestia as ah ruler. We have long been indahpendant from Equestrian rule, on ah own. So in ah sense of shame from dah crown, we ah called 'zebra' for not folding undah dere rule, dey consider us shamed and not worthy of da name ofpon."

"That is a shame that politics has to take rule over what we all are inside. I just want you to know that I consider you a pony."

"`Tank ya Mistah Plume," the zebra nodded. "We best be gone to breakfast. I could smell da blueberrey pawncakes at da door."

"Where is Lillian?" Corona asked, as he followed the zebra from the room, holding his rear legs close together while trotting as it felt better on his loins.

"She don't come till lunch `pon. For now, ya wit me." Punda informed him.

Pudenda lead Corona from the cell and turned the switch on the outside light off. The two entered the lift and passed the security checkpoint on the ground floor. The line for the cafeteria had already started, but it was much shorter. before the pegasus could wonder where the other ponies were, he heard the sounds of rushing water and voices from the ramp to the bathroom.

He trotted down the ramp in something right near a full gallop, intent on getting a stall to relieve himself there instead of on the floor, though with all the water pooled on the rough stone it would have gone unnoticed. Corona found relief in one of the empty available stalls lined up facing the door.

Past the line of stalls there was a wide doorway. Steam in the air and water leaving in streams was a clear indication of a shower room. Squeaks of rusty hinges echoing out meant there were lockers in there, and a quick run of his hoof over the top of his mane told him that he would need a brush to avoid looking unkempt for the day.

Corona went in through the steam and found himself in a rather open room. Shower heads bolted to the ceiling and hoof activated pressure pedals near the wall activated the water. Off to his right there were a line of grey lockers. They had been painted many times, each coat dripping the pooled paint more and more until it hung heavy on the doors in runs. It was a long shot, but there had to be one with his name on it.

A few minutes of looking past the names arranged out of order, he found his. The hinges dripped rust and as it swung open a piercing shrill filled the air, curling the ears of anypony nearby to protect their hearing. Inside he found plastic pouches with the morning accoutrements. Toothbrush, paste, and more importantly the brush. He pulled the bag from the locker and took them to the sink in the opposite room.

The mirror wasn't glass, as if it were broken would be quite deadly. Instead it was silver, tarnished corners where a rag could not wipe. It served it's purpose, as it reflected what would seem better than real glass. Everywhere he looked he began to realize that everything was constructed in a safety minded manor, no sharp edges on the sink, the stall doors had a handle on the outside, the rough stone floor and out of reach shower heads. A reminder that he was in a hospital. Corona took care of his morning grooming and replaced the bag back in the locker.

The pegasus felt better, at least more like a pony being able to take care of himself so that his appearance was more like one of society instead of a caged beast. Up the slip proof ramp he found Punda waiting.

"I thought you were just going to take me from the ward..." he said, wondering if he would have the massive pony as a shadow all day.

"Nah, Doctah done want ya bein` alone till he has a talk witcha." the zebra explained.

"Ok, I would rather somepony follow me around. I have a basic grip on the lay out and where to go, but it's always helpful to have a guide."

"Ya be fine. Quite suprised ya were in da cell, ya all quiet an timid. Most pon dere ah needin dem hoof jackets. Ya fine, till ya start actin like da foals."

"It was a precaution..." Corona lowered his head. "I took a blow to the head and haven't been able to remember a thing before yesterday. Dr. Fetlock thought that I may regress and become violent again."

Punda merely nodded. The line ahead of them progressed to the point where they could pick up trays to gather food.

During breakfast Corona asked about the gems, as the thought of giving the basic set of magic that unicorns have to an earth pony or pegasus was intriguing. If not extremely useful should he need it.

The gems were seen in the Zebra Headlands as gifts from the gods. The ability to manipulate without lifting a hoof made them sought after and precious. Most of the time they were found in rock formations or caves, and only would reveal themselves to those that deserved them. Once they were removed from the stone, the mere act of touching the gems took a part of one's spirit, locking in their allegiance to the discovering zebra alone. If a zebra was chosen, they would bring the stone to the village elder where it would be blessed, cut, polished and hung on a thin hempen rope. Any remnants of the gem from the process were ground into a fine dust, mixed with herbs and liquids, and given to the zebra that found it.

This was seen as the bonding ritual, as the gem had taken a part of the zebra, the zebra in turn takes a part of the gem as an exchange. Once consumed it awoke a sleeping power, linking the two together even past death. To be one with the gem was a great honor.

In the past there have been many ponies from Equestria proper who have sought the gems, few have found them. Those that did find them reveled in the joy it brought, but few were ready for what it meant.

The gems came from the Zebra Headlands, and when the Equestrian ponies that had become entwined with them left, it's power diminished and began to draw upon the soul of the linked one, death or a return to the Headlands solved the problems. The Zebras themselves did not suffer from these effects and it is speculated that it comes from a symbiotic type of magic, the zebras having had a greater tolerance to it's leeching tendencies.

It has become the center of many studies, but the best scientists from Equestria have not been able to unravel the mysteries behind them. Thus they remain a mystery, even to those that wield the power of the gems. To the zebras it was a spiritual event, as Punda explained.

Breakfast was seemingly over before it began, but the empty plate with a few telltale crumbs and an empty glass with a thin layer of milk stuck to the bottom was proof enough that he had eaten. Those and the blueberry seeds stuck in his teeth, the pegasus tounge kept exploring the surfaces of his teeth to remove them.

There was an odd line that formed in the hallway leaving the cafeteria, the ponies stopping at a table set up before the entrance of the main hall. Upon the table were stacks of paper cups and plastic jugs filled with water. Morning pills.

Punda led the pegasus past the table, nodding to the nurse as they passed and on into the main hall.

"I don't get any medicine?" Corona asked, worried that the pain would return from his ribs.

"No till ya meet with da doctah. Ya need a clear head `pon."

"I thought I would need some for the pain."

"Ya in pain?"

"No, at least nothing manageable. A slight sting when I breathe, but nothing that would cause me to fall to the floor." Corona answered, pressing a hoof gingerly to his side, stopping when it started to sting.

"Ya, `pons heal fast when it stops what dem ah born ta do."

Corona sat down on the polished floor, the painkillers had been numbing the pain of both his ribs and the hospital, making both tolerable. He'd have to... No, it wasn't something he would do. He pushed the thought of acting as if he had fell over to re-injure himself from his mind. For the time being he would have to get by without them. Dr. Fetlock would probably put him on mood elevators anyway, or some semblance of pills for treatment.

What does one give a pony with no memory of what happened. Surely there was a way to bring the memories to the surface, something, a spell?. There was the wall though, and if what he saw last night was true, there was a reason his mind had blocked it out, something more terrible than the sea of red he saw.

Red.

He began to shake, his front hooves clattering lightly on the marble floor sending hollow echoes out into the hall. They had been quite unsteady at breakfast, but he wrote that off as just the lingering fear that he would evacuate himself in front of everypony else. Bile rose to the back of his throat and instinctively swallowed to keep it down. He needed to stop thinking about the red mare, if it was a mare, mare just was the first thing he had thought when he saw the blurry images of the two 'together'.

"Ya ok `pon?" Punda asked, seeing his expression change from the flat lips to a frown that indicated tears would shortly follow.

"Just trying n-not to think of the dream I had." he responded, pushing his hooves down hard to the floor in a manner to stop the shaking.

"Bad dream?" the zebra put a hoof gently on his shoulder.

Corona straitened his muzzle and blinked several times. "Just... a dream. N-nothing more."

"Ya can tell da doctah in a few `owahs. Till den, we can head to the libree."

"Do they have news papers?" Perhaps the pegasus could read of his exploits, if they were headlines big enough to be printed. He was hoping to find nothing, but there was a small part of him that was expecting a three page spread.

"Not much recent, but most ah old by ah week or so."

"I expected as much."

The library was massive, at least as one he could compare by, this being the first he saw. The shelves were wood, through and through. They ringed the room forming a circle. It would have been odd, but a large circular platform from the center made it obvious why the room was designed that way.

A glass ceiling, made of squares that had squares inside them covered the entirety of the room, except the center. The center of the room had a massive dome covering it, wrought iron seams parted it, as if an orange had been sliced three times and turned into crystal clear glass. Small telescopes rounded the circular platform, pointed lazily in every direction. In the center was a large tube, a telescope for looking past the stars, as such a magnification would be used to reveal every crater of Luna's moon in detail.

The room smelled of oak and the musty twinge of books that had not been opened for hundreds of suns. The ink urging to look upon the the light of day.

They book were shelved in sections, fiction, non-fiction, history, fantasy, and foals. This surprised Corona, as he had seen no foals in the halls.

"Foals?" he asked in surprise, more to himself than anypony else.

"Ya. So sad ta see da small pons. But I guess allpons may have problems. Not dat many here nah."

"It must be harder on them. Growing up away from their family, confused and lonely." Corona realzied that he was beginning to explain himself. It seemed right, he didn't know much about his life, confused and alone.

"Dat it is." Punda replied quietly.

The new papers were no help. The stack had seen better days, and each dog-eared page had the ink smudged beyond comprehension. In addition to be in a near unreadable state, the paper looked like moths had gotten into the fine linnens. Very precise moths. Squares of text and images were removed, front pages had gaping holes, the obituaries pages were completely gone, torn from the other corresponding page. Everything of any value had be removed.

Amidst the new buildings, bakery openings and cheery editorials nothing was going to help. Corona piled the papers back up onto the round table where he had brought them. As much as the hospital seemed to have everypony in a state of perpetual lock down, it was no surprise that even information was restricted. The thought crossed his mind that he could ask for a more recent paper, even one from today, but he knew that they would refuse.

Waste of time.

The fettered pegasus leaned back in the chair and crossed his front hooves over his chest, thoroughly disgusted at the wall dividing him from information. Last hope was that Dr. Fetlock would fill him in completely. The quicker he could 'get better' the quicker he could leave.

Punda stood quietly at the entrance to the library, but never broke his gaze from the yellow pegasus. Corona turned his head to re-confirm this and turned back, letting his gaze float around the library.

The thought of the red mare returned to him. She meant something, as every minute he was not able to distract himself the 'memory' came back. It meant something. The last few seconds of the dream played over and over in his head. He could feel the hatred in her eyes, it spoke that her intent was to kill him. Then the smile and mist of red.

It became a continuous crushing blow, watching the anger dissolve from the mare into red flowing from her body. Her eyes became soft, as if awoken from a trance where she was being guided. The eyes became confused now, looking down at him. The stallion in red. They searched for a meaning as to why he was did it, why her life was flowing from her. A single tear streamed down her cheek before the mare leaned over, closing her eyes for the last time.

'It was just a dream' he told himself. 'Just a dream'. If it was, then why was he crying? He wiped away the tear and re-folded his for-hooves back across his chest. Inside his chest felt empty, something had been taken. The hole was screaming for him to do something, correct it by finding something to fill it. Aside from the battered ribs, he felt as if the rest were seperating, being pushed apart by his growing heart filled with sorrow. The feeling just sapped his strength and pushed more tears to the surface.

Corona was trying to sob quietly, suppressing the blubbering whines that clawed at his chest to escape, settling only for small rapid huffs of air and a silent stream of tears. He closed his eyes and dropped his head. He couldn't have killed her, but the pain in his chest seemed to indicate otherwise.

"Ya all right `pon?" the zebra asked having left his post at the door when he heard the poorly stifled sorrow.

"No..." Corona answered through a veil of tears. "I think I...I may have killed somepony c-close to me. I need to know, t-to be able to justify or deny this... hole." he stuttered, it was becoming more common when he was upset.

Punda had nothing to say, he was merely there to watch over Corona, just another assignment.

"Ten let's go an see da doctah. `Tis about time."

Corona mustered up as best he could and put his shaking hooves on the ground. They seemed worse, more unstable, less controllable. It was just something else to worry about, but something to keep him from his thoughts.

He had to concentrate, every hoof step that wasn't focus was a threat to his balance. It was concerning that he was loosing more control of his body, he had enough problems as it was, and he feared loosing control of basic motor functions would do more to destroy his sanity than the Psychiatric Hospital could ever do.

The lift ride from the fourth floor was short to the administration offices as they were technically the fifth floor. Wooden lined hallways and doors that towered to the ceiling. They served as great barriers as well, protecting those that locked themselves inside.

Dr. Fetlock was seated inside his office. The off-red pony adjusted the thin rimmed bi-spectacles back further up his nose. The white lab coat he normally wore had been folded haphazardly across one of the chairs in front of the great wooden desk. He looked up from the desk as Corona and Punda walked inside, taking a moment to adjust his short tie up further on the white collared shirt.

"Corona." he nodded, acknowledging his presence.

The pegasus wondered what kind of vocal lacerations he would receive this time. Last time the Doctor was not too kind, perhaps one of the only ponies in the hospital seemed off, in relation to what he had experienced.

"Going to yell at me more." the snide comment leaked from his lips, it just came out and he didn't mean for it to. It was just a different emotion to quell his mind from the sadness pressing in.

"I want to apologize for that actually. When you were approached before yesterday, it was always met with an explosive violent outburst. Yesterday was attempt to confirm that you were no longer acting in that manor, as uncalled for as it was." Dr. Fetlock said, it wasn't much of an apology, but it was probably the best he was going to get from a proud medical professional.

Corona felt that it was most appropriate to take a seat in front of the desk. He did not exchange words, but merely sat down.

"In light of this change, and in the hopes that you should stay this way I will try and answer any questions you may have that I do not deem detrimental to your recovery. After the evaluation."

"What exactly am I 'recovering' f-from?"

"Mr. Plume, I did say after the evaluation." Dr. Fetlock reminded him.

Corona grimaced, pushing his hooves into the cushion to steady them, not what he was wanting to hear. It also sounded like he was going to have his questions selectively answered. "OK."

"How are your ribs?" Dr. Fetlock started off, and gasped the thick folder he had yesterday with a cloud of unicorn levitation. He opened it then produced a silver pen and a yellow pad, writing the day's date on it and pausing for an answer.

"They don't hurt as bad. I haven't had any painkillers this m-morning, but they aren't pulsing with pain. I guess it would be a s-small hint of it when breathing."

Dr. Fetlock laid the pen across the notepad and focused his mind towards the pegasus, feeling his chest inside and out. Once satisfied that the truth had been told, he returned to the notepad to write down his findings.

"They are on the mend, and I think the worst of the pain is over. Provided that they are not injured again, you should be able to attend physical therapy in a week. Now, how do you feel." his hooves waved in an outward motion away from him.

"I feel lost, like I shouldn't be here. I've seen the other p-ponies, and they should be here, but I am not like them. I am more or less physically capable of leaving, and if somepony was to tell me exactly who I am, I feel that I could return to whatever life I had."

"Do you know why you cannot remember?"

"No, but it must have something to do with my head injury." Corona stated.

"The memory loss goes far beyond a head injury, Mr. Plume," Dr. Fetlock said, "It's stems from an event, the one that brought you here. This 'event' was painful enough that your mind blocked it out, it fractured your personality. You did this to protect you from the pain, the grief you experienced. The blow to your head was just the starting point for this fracture, as your mind had slowly begun to break before. Do you understand?"

"No, this is what is c-confusing me. WHAT did I do? It had to be something horrible." It was the mare in red, there was no other explanation. Corona just needed to confirm it, as much as it would sink him.

"I am afraid that if I reveal the entirety of events that it is possible you could relapse, or potentially it could fracture your mind further, and what do you think would emerge from a second break?"

"I need to know, I feel that if I did, things would make more sense. From my perspective, I'm being held against my will. If I knew there was a good reason that I was here, it would mean that even if I don't recall what happened, I could accept that I really am crazy and do need to be here."

"Mr. Plume," Dr. Fetlock raised his voice  "We do not use the term crazy. There are medically diagnosable terms that refine the general term as 'crazy' into categories. Each of which are treatable with time and medication. If I ever hear that term from your mouth again, I will have you muzzled until you can verbally control yourself."

The conversation was getting nowhere. He hadn't learned anything.

"Then use your 'medical' terms and t-tell me what I did." Corona was trying to edge in more aggressively, but as he tried to speak in this manner, he began to stutter.

"You were brought to Briar Hoof in a psychotic rage, triggered by the event you had experienced. As that faded, your personality fractured, leaving you in the state you are in now. In your psychotic rage you injured some ponies. What caused the rage has yet to be determined, but a first guess would be a severe depression."

It was that sick feeling again, his stomach twisting in an icy grip. He was using 'injured' as a soft term, but somehow he knew the truth. It was her, he had hurt her.

"The mare in red." he whispered, a tear rolling down the side of his face, it's route already etched by those he cried in the library.

Dr. Fetlock stopped writing, his ears perked up and he stared at Corona. "What did you say?"

"It was a dream I had, n-nothing more." The pegasus whispered, fearing that he let something slip that shouldn't have been mentioned.

"Tell me about the dream."

"It was n-nothing. Something I had just made up to scare m-myself..."

"It may not be nothing," The wide eyed expression and alert ears facing forward let Corona know that his dream was something. "I'll need everything I can from you to set up a course of action, to provide the most direct treatment."

"It has something to do with the wall."

"The wall?" Dr. Fetlock inquisitively repeated.

"It's what I call the block. When I try to remember what happened I get a wall. It's made of fuzz, if that makes sense. The more I try to push past it into my memories it pushes back harder. I think it is that fracture you described."

"Last night, after I had fallen asleep I saw this wall again. A black smoke rotted it before my eyes, just a portion of it. It's hard to describe, but it s-showed me something, something horrible." he watched the doctors expression, but it just stared on, hooves pressed together in front of his muzzle, urging him to continue.

"It was blurry and grey, like I had no glasses. I managed to make out two ponies. One was nearly white, and the other was a grey. They looked happy, as far as I can tell, trotting in a field, running to catch the other in a playful manner. They... shared of themselves there. It was blurry, but there didn't need to be details to see that they were in love."

"The whole time it was like watching through a thin cloud. But that cloud turned dark over time, and the two began fighting. The white one, the mare was able to kick down the other pony and sat on top of him, her hooves raised over her head. The pony on the bottom did something to her, he..."

Corona had to stop, his hooves began shaking beyond control, visibly so that they were seen by the doctor.

"He- he..." tears dripped from the corners of his eyes, feeling that the tale he was telling was from his perspective.

"She j-just turned red."

He clasped his fore hooves under his armpits, locking them close to his torso, the shakes were getting worse. The emptiness returned, the regret for watching her die. The regret for making her expire.

"Her eyes, t-they stared at m-me..." Corona closed his eyes and heaved out short panicked breathes.

"They-just-kept-asking..." his words began to be strung together between rapid gasps.

"Why-they-kept-asking-why."

Corona leaned over in the chair, shivering in disgust, now unable to control himself turned the sniffle of tears into a quivering mess bawling out of control.

Dr. Fetlock had been stunned by this. Such painful memories that had been blocked were generally the last ones to surface, but for some odd reason this came to light first. He couldn't imagine how this made Corona feel, he could see in an outward fashion what it was doing, but as just a fragment, the worst of them, alone it must have been hell.

The pegasus had already seen it once, and each time he told the story again it was just like killing her again and again. There were other memories, more pleasant ones that he could not remember, and without these to help counter the dark ones, it would continue to become harder and harder to convince him that there was the possibility it was not his fault.

"Corona." He said softly, approaching the pegasus in an attempt to console him. "We still don't know everything there is about the ordeal. Briar Hoof is not in the field of study to determine the entirety of events, we are here to deal with the aftermath."

The pegasus didn't react, as if he didn't hear a word from the doctor. He just sniffed between the tears, trying not to let anything spill from his nose.

"Mr. Plume," the doctor had taken to sitting on the floor in an attempt to move dirrectly into his view. There was little the pegasus was seeing through the wall of tears. "I'm afraid that if you don't calm down and regain some semblance of control, I am going to have to give you a sedative."

"T-take-it-away. I-I don't want t-to feel this-anymore..."

"Feel the pain? The shakes? What don't you want to feel?"

"E-everything. It's too-too m-much."

"I can give you some sedatives, help you calm down." Dr. Fetlock offered, trotting over to the desk to have a nurse bring up some.

Corona felt empty. He had taken away his special some-pony, not just taken, but he murdered her. He didn't know why, but he knew that he loved her, it was something he knew. Anypony that did that didn't deserve to live.

The black hole inside him was ripping him apart, there was no way that he could stand anymore time with this feeling of emptiness inside him. Even if he was sedated, eventually it would stop and he would be forced to live with the memory that he killed her. Ending himself was the only way to make it stop, then when they met again, he would be able to tell her how sorry he was, to make amends.

"I c-can't... I don't f-feel that I can't... live-anymore-not-after-"

"Corona, do not finish that sentence. You do not want what I will have to do to you if you complete that thought." Dr. Fetlock placed a hoof on the pegasus' thigh. "You are feeling the worst of your memories right now, but there are better ones, you haven't felt them yet."

"Then make t-this stop. K-kill me, or I w-will."

Dr. Fetlock nodded. He slowly backed away from the pegasus, maintaining visual contact. He pressed a hoof on the intercom.

"Send Lillian up with some sedatives, a wheel chair and-" he whispered in a low tone "...a straitjacket." He then turned back to Corona who had slouched lower into the chair, a hoof resting on the side. He turned his head to the side in interest.

"When did your hooves start shaking?"

"T-this morning, bef-fore breakf-fast."

"And you were not given any medication, correct?"

Corona nodded slightly.

Dr. Fetlock returned to the desk and began to page through the files in Corona's folder, peering up every few seconds to make sure the pegasus was not doing anything dangerous.

Paper after paper had no mention of any previous medical history. He found nothing useful past the written sections, but there was a mention that his blood alcohol level was above  the legal limit, way higher. He was suffering from withdrawal, the opioid was suppressing the condition.

Lillian entered the room in a hurried trot, pushing the wheelchair up to the side of the chair. She spotted Corona slumped over in the chair, the swept up mane of yellow tipped orange being the give away.

"Corona!" she gasped, trotting around to face him. "What happened?"

The pegasus was in a sad state. He seemed unresponsive, his tears had trailed off into watery unfocused eyes, staring past the bookshelves. His fur wet with tears that had fallen from his face. The hooves she had seen before were now shaking uncontrollably, but not out of fear or sorrow.

"I... killed h-her."

"Ohh..." She reached forward and wrapped both hooves around his torso. "It's all going to be ok."

"It's n-not." Corona mumbled, still seated in the same position. He was aware that Lillian had her hooves around him, but it meant nothing to him.

"You remember when I said that I felt like it was all too much. That I wanted it all to stop. It's a feeling you are going to need to work through, just like I did."

Dr. Fetlock retrieved the leather case from the wheelchair and opened it up. Inside there were several vials held within loops, he selected one and removed a glass bodied metal cased syringe and used it to draw a small amount of liquid from the vial.

"Nurse." he motioned for her to step aside. "Mr. Plume, I am going to give you some medicine, it's called Thorazine. It's going to make you feel a bit off, but it's going to help with how you feel. I'm going to need your hoof."

Corona let his hoof down from the side of the chair, holding it as steady as he could, but it still was not enough. He didn't move any other part of his body.

Lillian stepped into the seat in the direction he was facing. "Corona, do you know where you are?" she asked, seeing that he was growing more despondent.

"I'm in a nut h-house, because I am... insane." It was the right word, what other pony murders their wife?.

"No, you are safe. Here with us to help you." she voiced quietly, letting him know that whatever he did, there was still hope. "You don't know the whole story. I can't tell you now, you have had to deal with too much today already. When you work through what you know, we'll be able to tell you."

He felt the sting in his shoulder from the needle and once it was withdrawn he swung his arm back in close to his torso and lowered his head. He was disgusted with himself.

"You are going to feel disconnected in a few minutes. Like you aren't really here, just watching. Before you slip under this influence I need you to promise me something." Lillian said softly.

"To get b-better." he muttered.

"To get better." Lillian echoed.

"You also s-said you wouldn't coddle me."

"I didn't mean to, I just saw that you needed help. A calming voice helps alot better than a temperate or harsh tone." she let a hoof slip from the rest on the chair and reach over to his, the shaking having been calmed from the onset of the Thorazine.

"Can w-we start over? I don't w-want to die... anym-more."

Lillian glanced up at Dr. Fetlock, who offered an approving nod but made a motion to the straitjacket on the seat of the wheelchair. She let her smile drop.

"Yes, we can start over. I won't treat you as a foal, and you won't try to hurt yourself-or anypony else."

Corona's twisted scowl raised in a slight bit of relief. "I promise." he raised his head and held his hoof out, Lillian raised her and let the two touch softly with a muffled clop.

"But for now, you are going to have to wear a straitjacket, just for a little while though. Just until we can get the Thorazine dosage correct. It has to be balanced just right or it does nothing, or put you in a haze to drool all over yourself."

Corona nodded, shifting forward in the chair wiping the tears from his face and then held his hooves outward. "What you think is best."

Lillian concentrated around his form, lifting him from the chair. She removed the grounding jacket in seconds, letting it fall to the floor. The pegasus offered no resistance as Dr. Fetlock moved him into position, sliding the long sleeves over his fore-hooves. The jacket wrapped around his torso and buckled closed along his back. The front sleeves were guided through the respective loops on the front and sides of the jacket. The long strap on the sleeve met up with the buckle on it's opposite.

The deed was done and the pegasus was lowered into the wheel chair.

Corona felt his head buzz, the drug creeping up each side on the inside of his skull, blanketing his brain in it's numbing power. His hooves felt light, and became confused when he couldn't tell how they were positioned. He knew that he was sitting, and restrained, but that seemed like so long ago.

"Corona."

A voice. It was the mare, Lillian.

"Corona?" she asked again, calling his attention to her. He turned over to where he thought it was coming, he was unsure, as every sound seemed deadened, filtered through cotton.

"How do you feel?"

She was on the opposite side to where he was looking, and swung his head slowly around. She was smiling.

"I feel... not... right." he said slowly, surprised that his voice sounded different.

"That is the Thorazine. It has a tendency to deaden most of any perceived senses. Like everything is experienced inside a cloud." Lillian explained.

"Mr. Plume. How do you feel about the mare in red?" Dr. Fetlock asked, having taken his seat back behind the desk.

"I'm sorry for her. Sorry that she's gone. Who was she?" Corona stated, his voice slipping into an emotionless mono-toned level.

"She was your wife." the doctor responded.

The pegasus nodded. "I did, do that to her?" he couldn't mention it. The split he felt in his chest was softer, it's call for sorrow had been nearly silenced, but he still couldn't let himself say it for fear that he would see the images again.

"It appears so. But Mr. Plume, the investigation into the incident has not been completed. There may have been a reason, or none at all. For now we are merely dealing with what is... left of you."

"I'm sorry. Sorry that I can't help, can't remember. That she is gone."

"I need to ask you, if you are ready to speak with the detective." Dr. Fetlock asked. He closed the file on his desk after having shoved the papers inside.

Corona blinked rather slowly. "Detective?" he mumbled, as if his expression was not enough of an indication that he was confused.

"Yes, as part of the criminal investigation. He has taken a train from Detrot yesterday when word reached him that you were coherent. Bridleton has a very small police force, and certainly not anypony that can see this through to the end." Dr. Fetlock said. "Do you feel up for it, at least to tell him what you remember so far?"

"I can, anything to help." The pegasus nodded.

"I have Miss Ingvarr give him a ring, he can be here within the hour. Nurse, I am afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to remain with Mr. Plume. I administered forty milligrams of Thorazine. Monitor his condition and in a few hours you can add or decrease the dosage, depending on how the results from the initial dose fair."

"Of course." Lillian put the leather satchel from the desk's edge in the pocket of her blouse.

"I expect the detective will be here within the hour. It's-" the doctor paused to look at the clock. "-almost lunchtime. I'll have three lunches delivered to Office Three B, down on the lower floor of Ward A. It's grilled cheese with tomato soup for lunch."

"Sounds good." Corona chimed in. "Lunch with the detective."

Lillian stood up on her rear hooves and grasped the hoof holds for the wheel chair, pushing the pegasus towards the tall doors.

"And Lillian-" Dr. Fetlock said, the mare turned her head towards him. "Don't let the detective say anything past what Mr. Plume knows. He has been through enough today, and doesn't need to know the full extent of what..." he paused, looking for the right words, "what he did."

Lillian faked a smile. "I will."

"What was that about?" Corona asked.

"Nothing you need to know about..." she patted him on the shoulder, not sure if he would feel it through the jacket and the Thorazine. "Not right now, anyway. You'd break if you knew, drugs or not." she whispered to herself.