A discussion about loopholes, then nothing happens.
View Online
Ponies Sing. Deal With It.
A discussion about loopholes, then nothing happens.
The sunlight shone through the crystal walls of the castle, making the throne room glimmer in a beautiful light show. It's rays carried the orange hue of the setting sun, but were disrupted by the long, pacing shadow of a more elegant creature. Princess Celestia's body radiated like a centerpiece as she was trotting back and forth, her mane flowing endlessly. Her expression on the other hand, was not as graceful nor as charming, for it wore a rather disturbed and anxious tone to her face.
A knock from the grand doors of the throne room resonated to Celestia, making her wear an even more weary expression. "Come in." She stated, masked in a tone of authority and professionalism. Soon after, the doors swung outward, revealing a member of the Royal Guard standing in attention, clamping his helmet close to his chest.
"He is ready, Your Highness."
A chilling sensation struck the emanating princess. She then faced the guard speaking, giving him a tight nod and a signaling hoof, mentally preparing herself for the conversation she was about to give and then wore her everyday, cheery facade. "Oh, and, could you give us some tea, please?" She glanced back at the stallion as she was already facing away, smiling unconsciously, to which the stallion nodded, bowed, and galloped off to do as he was told.
Moments later, unusual sounds of footsteps could be heard from a distance. She recognized that the one approaching wouldn't be anypony, literally, and finally got up from the throne she was sitting on earlier. The tiny dragon before her was surprisingly easily distinguishable from the enormous castle structure, given his size and color, she then trotted towards him and greeted him with a wide, plastered smile on herself.
"Good evening, Spike."
The sun dipped over the horizon as he was greeted a warm welcome, Luna's sky clearly visible from outside. Spike knew that he had to go back and deliver the luggage back to Ponyville, he didn't want his friends to worry about their things being left on the Crystal Empire. Given the circumstances he was in now though, he was more concerned by the sudden meeting with the co-ruler of Equestria. He tired to present his nonchalance over the sudden and private call to talk with the princess and mentally buffered himself to be in his best appearance.
Well, tried.
"Y-yes, Princess?" He choked. 'Way to go.' Spike mentally faceclawed as he was jittering awkwardly, waiting for the Princess' reaction.
The Princess' chuckle resonated in the giant hall. "I would appreciate it if you would loosen up a bit, Spike." She smiled warmly against her will, she then trotted over to the stallion who served their drinks, gave him a grateful nod and proceeded to pour herself a cup. "Would you like a cup?" She took a sip from her own.
The dragon shook his head as he kept looking down on the glaring crystal floor. He then jumped when a sudden red gem levitated near him. Tempting, but not enough to break the nervousness he was feeling. The gem then swayed in front of him. "Please, I insist." Her voice invited him, to which Spike eventually accepted and proceeded to nibble. 'Mmm...Ruby...my favorite.'
Princess Celestia just smiled at the dragon's excitement and gestured him to sit near where her tea was set. Silence reigned over as the two consumed their respective items. The princess finished first but waited for the little dragon to finish his treat, as she was evidently thinking deeply about the matter that she would be discussing to him. She quickly pulled out of her musing once she saw him finish the gem. She decided that now would be a good time to share him his fate, but first ease him in with a little small talk.
"Did you enjoy the closing ceremony this afternoon?" She received a quick nod and a glance to the tea set as the dragon was still evidently too shy to look and to talk to the ruler face to face. "I see. That is good to hear." Her smile directed more so to herself rather than to him as she considered the irony of the statement to the situation she was in. "I would personally like to give my thanks again to you, Spike. Not only did you save the athletes, but you have also help me improve the entire safety guideline for the Equestria Games." Princess Celestia gave a small bow as a token of gratitude, then poured another cup of tea for herself. "I think that royalty should freely have their magic enabled in case of situations like, or worse than, this. Don't you agree?" She chuckled lightly, still looking over to her guest as she took a small sip from her levitating cup. "I would also like for the pegasi in charge of the forecast to always have clear skies for whenever the games take place. I believe that's a rather simple task to achieve." Her smile still stuck on her face as she closed her eyes and went back to idle thinking. 'Come to think of it, why would a trained athlete trip at all...?'
Spike cautiously looked up to see the princess with her signature thinking face and once again tried to collect himself to speak to her. "T-Thank you, Princess." He gave an awkward smile even though Princess Celestia wasn't looking at him at all. "Uhm...I d-don't want to be rude, but....uh..." He stammered as he shuffled his feet and quickly looked back down. "If that's all you need t-to say, Your Highness, I s-should probably go and b-bring the girls' luggage back...I-It's getting pretty late..." He cringed at the fact that he just told an Alicorn princess to dismiss him and felt himself shrink in embarrassment.
She smiled a little more genuinely at his concern for his friends, but quickly felt guilty for her knowledge on what was about to happen to him. "The bags were delivered to Ponyville and were sent to the respective owners already, Spike. No need to worry." She then shrank her smile. 'This is it...may Faust help me...' She sighed internally and looked directly back at the dragon. "I did not call you here to only give you praise for what you have done. I have primarily called you here to give you rather, heart breaking news concerning you, Spike..." She lowered the tea cup to the table and trotted over to the balcony where the moon shone off a spotlight to the gleaming crystals that adorned it.
"Spike the Dragon, by the rules of the Equestrian nation and royal decree, you are hereby banished to the Moon."
'The BUCK?!'
Spike clearly snapped, his eyes nearly popped as he suddenly formed globes with them, his mouth gaping to a size that could fit an Ursa Major. He pulled out a make shift calendar from one of his fake scales, in which he made in case Twilight needed to schedule something, and checked the date. '...Uh...May fools...? Doesn't have the same ring to it...' He gulped as he tucked the calendar back. Spike knew that this was not joke. He had heard it from Princess Celestia herself, personally, professionally, with the guards and everything. He then realized that he was hyperventilating. 'I guess Twilight rubbed on me.' He flinched as he forgot to find the humor in the thought.
"B-Banished...?"
Celestia turned her head to the dragon and quickly nodded before she sharply turned back to view outside. She was still pained by the all too familiar memories that were haunting her day by day.
"B-But why?!" The dragon anxiously fumbled, backing away slowly, hoping to escape while he still had the chance.
Celestia decided that pity was not going to do anything, she needed to be direct and assertive, just like before. The princess turned to Spike with a glare in her eyes, freezing him in place.
"You are to be banished to the Moon...with the offense of...not being able to articulate proses, poems, or anthems with the aid of a melodic tune!"
Celestia glared.
Spike blinked.
'...The BUCK?!'
"I'm being sent to the Moon because...I can't...sing?" He shot his eyebrow up, mouth open once again.
Celestia nodded sharply.
"Forgive me Princess but..." Spike cleared his throat and looked back up at the mare in front of him. "Are you CRAZY?!" He flared his arms towards her.
The princess was taken aback by the sudden comment, breaking her glare for a split second, but then stomped a hoof on the ground and retained her authority. "I assure you, I am sane. I will take no further insult from you!" Her horn then glowed and directed it to the dragon in front of her. "Any last requests?"
Normally, other ponies would be pleading by now for their very lives, but alas, Spike was a dragon. "Who even came up with such a rule?! That's just completely ridiculous!" He flared, crossing his arms and expressed annoyance on his face.
The princess broke her regality with a sigh that hinted annoyance. Much like Twilight, she didn't favor sudden delays. "You are a citizen of Ponyville, correct?" The dragon gave a nod. "Now, does everypony sing in the town of Ponyville?" The leader stated, still looking down at him.
Spike did not consider even thinking about such a thing until now, he quickly scrunched and tapped his foot, musing over it. 'Well, Pinkie does keep rounding up almost everypony to sing along...Still...they can't all- Wait, she had the whole town for a flash mob just for that donkey dude, never mind.' He then looked back towards her, giving an uneasy nod.
"And who were the founders of the humble town?" Celestia asked emptily, for she knew that she would get the correct answer anyways, which in turn, she did, Spike is after all, her former student's assistant. "The Apples, exactly. Now, does everypony in the Apple family sing?" She continued her line of questioning, almost getting to her needed point.
"Of course!" He blurted out, putting on another sour expression. 'Their hoedown was as loud as the construction of their barn when they had their reunion. Rang all over Ponyville, geez.'
"I gave the Apple family the land that they needed, and in turn, they made it grow into a whole community. Now, may I ask, who initially made the first governmental rules for Ponyville?" Celestia rested her horn, letting the dragon chew the information and piece it together for himself.
"The...Apples." Spike gulped again. 'Uh oh...'
"Indeed." She gave a firm nod. "Due to the family's traditional culture and mindset, certain rules were kept in after their period of ruling. This, is one of them." She then started up her magic once again. "Ponyville's rules are as credible as every town's is. It has been set many years ago. I'm sorry."
"Wait! Wait! I-I uh...just didn't know the words!" He rapidly tapped his claws, shifting his eyes from side to side. "You can't just banish me for fumbling about something I didn't know! I know the Ponyville anthem by heart! I can sing it to you, right now!" Spike puffed out his chest and lightly tapped it. "Besides, I sang with Twilight for a few times and I can still sing little melodies, gee, come on." He retorted as he kicked the dustless crystal floor as he bit his lips, hoping to escape this tight squeeze.
"Forgive me, Spike, but you have displayed your actions through a great majority of known group of creatures, including ponies from other parts of the world, and non-ponies in general." She shook her head and grief as she sported a sad expression on her face. "Due to the bad publicity that you have received and the Ponyville residence witnessing your mishap, I cannot let you go otherwise. Again, forgive me." She bowed not in respect or sadness, but in the purpose of aiming her horn at the little creature in front of her.
Spike closed his eyes tight, tearing up. 'I can't believe I'm going to be banished...for failing to sing. How ridiculous. I should have asked Luna how it was up there. I bet it's pretty rocky...and dusty. Well, at least no more books to reshelve...no more being butt end of jokes too, at least I can look forward to that...for a thousand years...' He trembled and gulped, shielding himself with his claws.
Celestia blasted her magic towards Spike. Blinding light shone from inside the crystal room, lighting like a beacon in the middle of the deep darkness of the night. She held her aim and shed a tear as she tried not to think of what was currently happening. After a few seconds, the light reduced to mere nothing and her glowing horn had died out. The Princess still had her eyes close because of both the glaring brightness and the guilt of sending another creature to the Moon. She sobbed for a few minutes, her head hanging down in a sense of defeat. Slowly, she held her head back up, her face grimaced in sorrow and regret.
Spike was still standing in front of her.
'Wait...what?' Both seemingly thinking the same thing as they deadpanned, blinking at the same time.
They both smacked their respective arm appendage at their faces.
"The Elements of Harmony..." Celestia mumbled.
"...Were placed in the Tree of Harmony by Twilight and her friends." Spike huffed.
An (really) awkward silence fell as the mare and dragon had their (rather ridiculous) realization.
Spike coughed.
Celestia cleared her throat.
"Still gonna banish me?"
Celestia shook her head.
"Thanks, I guess..." Spike simply shrugged at the gesture. "Twilight's probably worrying about me though...I should probably go now. Thanks for the gem, Princess" Spike held his deadpan expression in both his face and his voice.
"Yes, I think that you should...Till next time, dear Spike. Forgive me for the...interruption." Celestia buried her brows, rubbing her chin, once again in deep thought.
Spike rolled his eyes as he exited the room, closing the door behind him, grumbling.
Celestia trotted back and forth under her sister's gracious light, radiating the empty throne room with her white coat as she wore a disturbed expression on her face. 'I should really reevaluate the Equestrian Constitution.' She sighed, walking out of the throne room with a plan to have a very long talk with her sister tomorrow. 'Say...I haven't heard Luna sing yet...'
'Ugh...that was just...awkward. Absolutely NOTHING happened. Although, come to think of it... ponies would just sing at random entirely...who does that? Oh well, I guess I should just try to sing a decent solo for once to match.' Spike shrugged and shook his head as he was riding the train back to Ponyville, completely puzzled at the events that just happened to him today. 'Hey...didn't Twilight burst her mane into flames? Maybe I can burn things with my mind.' Spike snickered at his own thought, a plan in mind for what to do tomorrow.
Due to her keen sense acting up, Pinkie cancelled all performances for tomorrow as well.
Author's Note
Alternate title: 'An Ode to Cathy Weseluck and Her Awesome Impression at Bad Singing."
This is a rather satirical take on serious 'banishment' stories, and serious toned stories in general, while giving the reader the simple thought to think about:
'Why the heck can everypony SING?'
I swear, even the CMC had improved.
If the humor has rather floated over you, I understand. I was once again drunk with Iced Tea and rage with connection problems when I was writing this story. On a more serious note, satirical humor is very suggestive and sensitive. Basically, it all boils down to whether I can convey it in the proper manner, and if the people reading may actually find humor in it.
