Whom I Hold Dear

Chapter 4: Regret

Velvet stared at the simple white stick. The inside of her stomach felt like it was on fire. She tried to keep calm by pacing, but she could only do so much to hold off the desperate anxiety. As the clock ticked in the otherwise silent bathroom, her thoughts whirled faster and faster. She wanted to think it impossible, but still, she had to be sure. After all, the symptoms hadn’t gone away. Worse still, they were terrifyingly familiar. The sudden nausea, the fatigue, the lightheadedness, she had felt it all before—twice before. But this—this was different.

This was worse.

She stared at the small object held aloft in her magic, agonizingly waiting for it to change while hoping that it wouldn’t. Finally, the moment of truth arrived. The stick’s color began to change, and her heart sank. Two thin red lines appeared, faint at first but growing sharper over the next few seconds. Slowly, a shake started in her hoof. It trailed its way up her foreleg and into her chest until her entire body trembled. She fell to her haunches.

“Deep breaths,” she thought distantly, but her lungs refused to obey. No sooner had she sucked in a mouthful of air than her chest convulsed, forcing it right back out. Her body didn’t want to accept this any more than she did and was rebelling in the only way it knew how.

With a choked sob, she whipped the pregnancy test at the wall. It ricocheted off, missing the garbage can entirely, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was the damn thing out of her sight.

“How did I let this happen?” she asked the empty room, but if she expected a response she was disappointed by the silence. All she could do was sit there, alone, shaking as her already strained life crumbled around her. When she was pregnant with Shining, it was a shock, but she was still happy to have him. And when she found out about Twilight, she was immediately filled with joy. But this time she couldn’t be happy. If it had been with Night Light, she would have celebrated. She would have burst out to tell him the wonderful news. Too bad this wasn’t Night Light; this was Twilight. Her daughter. Her own flesh and blood. If news got out, it would destroy their family, not to mention the burden placed on the poor foal carried to term.

"This is a dream.” She wanted to believe herself, prayed that she would wake up next to her daughter to find that these past few days had been a nightmare.

A glance in the mirror, however, told her everything she needed to know. The mare staring back at her had puffy eyes and a messy mane. She could see the trails made by tears flowing down her cheeks. No, this was real. This was what she had been dealing with for almost a week, and now her suspicions were confirmed. As much as it shouldn’t be happening, it was.

"Damn it!" Normally, cursing left a sour taste in her mouth, but the word felt good to say.

Just as she gathered the courage to swear again, a soft knock came from the door. Her heart came screeching to a halt mid-beat, which was odd considering that her hooves wouldn’t stop shaking no matter how hard she tried.

"Yes?" she managed to choke out. Whoever stood out there, she hadn’t heard them come. How long had they been out there? How much had they heard?

"You weren’t downstairs when I came home,” came her daughter’s voice, sweet and innocent. It would be a shame to ruin that blissful naivete. “Are you okay? Or are you still feeling sick?"

Velvet’s stomach lurched. A mare Twilight’s age, father to an inbred foal. She already suffered through teasing, both for her condition and her status as Princess Celestia’s personal student, but that would be nothing compared to what would come. This foal would ruin any chance she had at a normal life.

Velvet took a slow, deep breath to rein in her emotions once more. "Y-yes." Her voice shook, so she coughed softly before continuing. "I think it’s done now, though."

"Are you sure?" In spite of the situation, a faint smile ghosted across Velvet’s muzzle. It was as if the ever-persistent Twilight sensed her mother’s unease. Maybe she could.

"Yes. I’ll be out soon, sweetie." Twilight didn’t say anything, and Velvet had just begun to wonder if she needed to assure Twilight further when she heard hoofsteps moving away from the door. She breathed a sigh of relief, but no sooner had she done so than her heart started racing again.

Again, she glanced into the bathroom mirror. Her shaking was so bad she could see it, even with her wavering vision. Tremors ran from her hooves to her shoulders. Inside her reflection’s face terror and worry screamed from just below the surface.

"For Celestia’s sake, keep it together,” she mumbled. “You have to. For Twilight."

Mentioning that name sent a sharp pang through her chest. The poor, innocent mare waiting downstairs—she deserved to know. As badly as this news would hurt, Velvet had to tell her. She had decisions to make, and Twilight should be a part of those. That meant Velvet had to seem strong, even if it was a lie.

Moments later she stood at the top of the stairs, staring down what seemed like a mountainside. Never before had that flight seemed so long—or dangerous, she realized. She eyed the steep incline; how easy it would be to make this entire thing go away. Just one small slip, one tumble even partway down the stairs could solve her problem so discreetly. All she had to do was—

Velvet gasped and shook her head. She was ashamed she had even considered that, even for a moment. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and then proceeded downstairs. Each step was a chore unto itself. She felt as though her hooves were made of lead, just another layer of discomfort on top of all the rest. Even worse than that, as she neared the end of the flight, she felt her throat tighten. The noose drew taught, trying to haul her back upstairs. Her hoof hovered just above the wooden floor at the end, shaking.

"Down!" she ordered herself. Her hoof planted on the floor loudly. The fears lurking in the depths of her mind loosened the rope, allowing her to breathe freely, and she planted all four of her hooves on the ground floor of her home. Though she had overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacle represented by the daunting climb downstairs, the heaviness in her legs, and the choking sensation, it was soon replaced by a sinking pain in her chest.

She sighed, unable to keep her back from slumping and her ears from falling flat. Heavy hooves carried forward to the living room. Painstakingly, she shuffled along the wooden floor, leaving scuff marks all the way. Ghostly echoes of time past when she scolded her children for not picking up their hooves as they walked resonated, but she ignored the foggy cry of her memory. After all, what was a scuffed floor? A blemish that could be fixed with enough time and effort. She could handle a few tiny scuffs.

As she reached the corner to the living room, she tried to pick herself up, but her shoulders carried boulders. Luckily, her eyes weren’t held down by those boulders. She locked onto Twilight, innocently humming as she lay on her back on the loveseat, hooves lazily stuck in the air. A book hung open above her, suspended by a simple spell. The way her eyes widened every time she turned a page tugged at Velvet’s heart, like a foal seeing the world for the first time.

Velvet opened her mouth to speak, but her throat seized up. Sticky, thick words clung at the base of her tongue, almost to the point she might have actually choked on them. She swallowed them down as she stood there, without Twilight so much as raising an ear to acknowledge her. Again she opened her mouth again, but much to the same result. Defeated, she closed her jaw and lumbered over to the couch adjacent to the loveseat. With the grace of a sack of potatoes, she tossed herself onto the cushions.

The thud of her mother’s body hitting the couch cushions finally managed to snap Twilight’s attention from her book. She gasped before looking around the room. The air in the once cozy living room was almost tangibly heavier than a moment ago. When she noticed her mom laying next to her with a foreleg over her eyes, she sat up. "What’s the matter?"

Velvet’s jaw clenched. That was the question she didn’t want to answer. She pressed her foreleg down onto her eye, feeling the pressure on her skull and the pain in her leg from her skull pushing back. "Nothing," she spat out on instinct.

Only the buzz of deadly silence filled the air. She peeked around her foreleg to see Twilight giving her a perplexed look, one she had seen many times, and not just from her daughter. Night Light would give the same pensive look as he examined something. She let out a sigh and she sat up. "Don’t look at me like that."

Twilight blinked. "Like what?"

"Like I’m a puzzle."

"I’m not." Twilight lifted a hoof in defense.

Velvet, wanted to stay angry, but this wasn’t her daughter’s fault—at least, not just her fault. She groaned and closed her eyes. "I’m sorry, Twilight. I didn’t mean to snap; I’m a little on edge."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor," Twilight said.

Velvet cringed. The mere notion of going to a doctor right then made her blood run cold. What if she ordered a blood test? How would she explain the unexpected little surprise? A vise gripped her heart just thinking about it. "N-no, I don’t need to see a doctor."

Twilight leaned forward, almost till she was on the edge of her seat. "If you’re not feeling well, especially after a whole week, you should go see the doctor. Nopony’s sick for a week straight with a stomach bug, Mom. something could be wrong."

Again, Velvet cringed. There was something wrong. Something was seriously wrong. She desperately wanted to tell Twilight, but couldn’t. Even just thinking about saying anything made her stomach churn again. No, this wasn’t the type of wrong a mere physician would fix with a pill or spell. Her heart fought the vise grip around it, thumping against its bindings harder and harder. "There’s nothing wrong."

Twilight’s brow furrowed. "You should still go."

"Twilight, enough." She pinched her eyes shut as her heart raced ever faster, trying to snap the vise.

The young mare tilted her head to the side slightly. "Why don't you go just to be sure?"

"Because I know what’s wrong!" she snapped. Her eyes opened, immediately fixating on Twilight with a white-hot intensity. Her nostrils flared with each breath, and her lips twisted into a stone-cold scowl.

The slack-jawed Twilight simply stared back, looking much like a filly caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. The buzz of deafening silence quickly engulfed the room as Velvet continued to glare at her. After a moment, her eyes relaxed, but still she kept her gaze firmly fixed on her daughter. Under that look, Twilight shrank back into the cushion.

Velvet pinched her eyes closed again and collapsed back into the couch cushion. Her whole body felt like it was made of lead. On top of the nausea and heart-pounding, she was graced with self-disgust now too.

“I’m sorry, dear…” she muttered with a quivering voice. Just as she clenched her jaw, a trickle ran down her cheek. Soon the air felt frigid as a wetness spread across her fur.

“Mom?” The soft voice of Twilight came from right beside her. Velvet opened up her eyes. A blurred purple mass stood next to her, leaning close. “What’s wrong?”

Velvet wiped her eyes clear, finding her daughter’s worrying face hovering over her. She put on a smile as she sat up. “Twilight,” she almost choked. She had to tell Twilight. This wasn’t something she could bear alone. No, she had already resolved to tell her. Velvet swallowed. “The reason I’m feeling sick is because—” She paused, taking a slow, deep breath “—I’m pregnant.”

A long moment passed in utter silence, during which Twilight’s expression didn’t change in the slightest. Velvet searched her eyes, looking for a sign that she was still in there. Only the occasional blinks and ear-twitches told her Twilight hadn’t just passed out while standing up. After a moment, it was as if the lights turned back on, and her eyes sprang to life. She blinked rapidly before shaking her head. “What?” she asked, rather calmly by Velvet’s estimation. “B-but, Dad’s been gone for—”

Velvet placed her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Twilight,” she said firmly. “I need you to stay calm.”

“Calm?” Twilight’s voice cracked as a contorted grin spread on her face. Staring into her eyes, Velvet practically heard the terrified screams inside them. A subtle spasm of her lower eyelid came—a telltale sign she was on the verge of a panic attack. "Calm! I’m calm! Totally calm!"

"Come here," Velvet whispered with a practiced comfort in her tone. She pulled Twilight in with her magic for a hug.

"M-Mom, why are you—"

Velvet shushed her and affectionately caressed Twilight’s mane. "Take a deep breath."

The younger mare did as she was told. She wrapped her shaking forelegs around Velvet, squeezing back.

"Let’s take this slow. Neither of us want to have a breakdown." Velvet rubbed her cheek into the top of Twilight’s mane as she held her.

Twilight simply nodded back. After a quick tough squeeze, she pulled away.

She wasn’t perfectly fine by any stretch. Just looking at her, each breath was shaky, and her foreleg trembled. Her mind was clearly racing behind her frozen expression, but she wasn’t completely panicking. Velvet put on a smile, at least hoping that would comfort her. Maybe it would even help her feel a bit better as well.

"So, pregnant…" Twilight’s eyes stayed firmly glued to her mom’s chest, almost as if she was scared moving them would ruin the slight stability she had managed to muster.

Velvet tightened her throat and inhaled sharply. "Yeah."

"And it’s—" She cut herself off, inhaling sharply. "It’s—" Again she stopped. She let out a quivering breath. Her forelegs almost gave out on her, but Twilight managed to catch herself. Just then, her eyes locked onto her mom’s.

Velvet nodded.

Twilight’s hind legs collapsed, and she fell back on her haunches. "But how?" Her eyes fell to the floor. She stared for a brief moment before shaking her head. “I mean—” She dry-swallowed “—my doctor said I’m sterile, didn’t she?”

The emotions running through the younger mare were clear to Velvet. Just looking into her eyes, she saw each one bubble to the surface in the simmering pot that was her mind. Anger, confusion, disgust, fear—each caused the slightest shift in Twilight’s eyes that other ponies might not have even noticed.

“The results of your fertility test a few years ago were… complicated,” Velvet said. “It might’ve gone over your head at the time—you had a lot on your mind that day.” She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice calm and reassuring. “But, when she told us the results, she said you were effectively sterile.” She bit her lip, finding it hard to force the words out, despite knowing what she needed to say. “Your body produces—” She cleared her throat “—very few viable sperm, is what she said. Not none, but not many. Which was surprising since most ponies in your situation don’t produce any at all.”

Twilight stared past her mom. Velvet could see the gears working behind the scenes, the subtle shifts as she struggled to remember the conversation. When Twilight’s gaze snapped to her own, she gave a small nod. “I guess I do remember.” She inhaled sharply, and closed her eyes. For a moment, she was silent. “She said something like only one out of twenty-five-thousand were viable.” Twilight looked back to her mother. “The odds of a successful insemination at that rate would be highly unlikely, bordering on practically impossible.”

Velvet started to smile, but stopped. While Twilight getting distracted by the science was always an entertaining sight, she couldn’t bring herself it enjoy it. The corners of her mouth had invisible weights that tugged down hard as soon as she tried to feel happy. “And it seems one of those found its mark,” she said somberly.

“But, what are we going to do about it?” Twilight jumped onto all fours and took a step forward. Her voice was loud, shaking as she spoke.

“I don’t know yet, Twilight.” Velvet raised a calming hoof, but Twilight pushed it out of the way with her magic as she took another step.

“I-I mean, scientifically speaking, the odds of inbreeding aren’t that high.” She leaned in, almost nose-to-nose with her mom. “We’ll be okay, right? The foal—it could be normal.”

As Velvet stared into Twilight’s eyes, she could see the silent pleading. Her irises quivered, longing for some answer that she didn’t have. Finally, she shook her head. “I don’t have an answer, Twilight. I’m still trying to get a handle on this myself.”

What little hope Twilight had in her eyes faded like a candle at the end of its wick. Slowly, she sank back down onto her haunches. Her eyes fell flat and her gaze dropped down to the floor. “But…”

“I just need some time to think.”

“Then why tell me at all?” Twilight glared at her. In the corners of her eyes, tears started to bud. “What was the point?”

The words sliced through Velvet’s heart. “Because I couldn’t keep it to myself,“ she muttered. Her ears lay flat against her head and her shoulders drooped. “I thought you deserved to know, but I—I can’t be alone on this.”

Twilight’s glare vanished in an instant. Without even thinking, she lunged at her mom, wrapping her forelegs around her body as soon as she was in reach. She squeezed her tightly, almost like she would vanish if Twilight let go. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I—”

“No,” Velvet cut her off. “You have every right to be mad. I should have made you use protection.” She slowly placed her hooves on Twilight’s back, squeezing in response.

She pinched her eyes closed and grit her teeth. “Don’t blame yourself. I didn’t even think to use it either.”

“I was the adult here. I should have known better.” Velvet patted Twilight on the back. “For now, I’ll think of something to fix this. Don’t worry. I just need some time.”

The grip around Velvet tightened. “You don’t have to do this on your own! I’ll do something—anything!” Twilight pulled back. She had been practically screaming, but Velvet didn’t begrudge her. The poor thing was in hysterics.

The sentiment was enough to put a weak smile on Velvet’s face, despite the invisible weights. She closed her eyes and pulled Twilight in for a hug. The warmth of her daughter’s body against her own was a somewhat comfort. It might not have made her feel completely at ease, but it was a start. She rested her head against Twilight’s and rubbed her cheek into the younger mare’s mane.

“Mom?”

“Yes?” Velvet raised an ear.

“With all of this, what are we going to do about Shining’s visit in a few days?”

As soon as that question hit her ear, Velvet’s heart came to a screeching halt. This time, it didn’t seem to start back up after a few seconds. She struggled to breath, and soon, she felt lightheaded. The world went dark around her. Next thing she felt was a bump to the head, and then nothing.

Twilight stared down at her mom’s still body as she lay on the couch. At first it had been a terrifying sight—one that played out in slow motion as Velvet abruptly tumbled sideways, slamming her head on the armrest behind her. But after checking to see if she was breathing, and there wasn’t any trauma, Twilight brought a damp, cool washcloth and placed it on her mother’s forehead.

Now, she simply found herself staring at the incapacitated mare. Her own thoughts buzzed, thick and suffocating like her head was stuffed with cicadas. Each breath was a chore, as if she forgot how to breathe every time. So many questions; so few answers. She placed a hoof on her forehead, and pressed hard. “Why did I have to bring up Shining?”

Her mother clearly hadn’t internalized this news yet, and Twilight was already jumping ahead. No, they had to slow down and think this through. More pressing questions needed answering before even thinking of how and when and where they planned to tell Shining. After all, telling him wasn’t just informing him about a new addition to the family. It meant telling him about their relationship—everything they had done together would be out in the open. Twilight’s whole body shivered. Glares, shouting, tears—it all surged to the forefront of her mind in an instant, making her stomach almost empty itself right there.

“We need to decide first.” She swallowed, then sucked in a lungful of sweet, cool air. “On a few things.”

A groan from Velvet snapped Twilight back to the real world. She watched attentively as her mom’s eyes fluttered open. Her foreleg moved to her forehead, and her gaze was unfocused. "What happened?"

"You passed out," Twilight stated plainly.

Velvet spent a long moment in silence before trying to sit up. Twilight’s horn sparked, holding her down with her magic. "Don’t get up, yet."

"I’m fine, Twilight."

Her mom pushed back, but she didn’t have the strength to fight against the spell. Twilight continued pressing her into the couch with her magic until Velvet finally sighed in resignation.

“Stubborn doesn’t suit you,” she muttered under her breath.

The room fell silent while the two simply rested there, but deep inside, Twilight knew it couldn’t last. There was too much to discuss—too much to figure out. They had to start soon while they still had the chance.

"Mom?" Twilight’s heart was racing. Anticipation for the big question—more important than the rest—looming on her mind.

"What is it?" Velvet replied weakly. She turned her head, dropping the wet rag from her forehead; it hit the ground with a wet slap. Her eyes sagged, clearly from the past few sleepless night. It almost wasn’t fair to bring it up in her state, but it couldn’t wait.

"Now that you told me, I guess we should talk about the real issue.” Twilight trailed her eyes down to the floor. In the corner of her vision, she could see her legs shaking. She inhaled sharply, almost gagging out the words. “D-do we keep it?" The quivering words seemed to fall flat in the air, which hung heavily between the two mares. Twilight couldn’t stop the shaking in her voice or her hoof. It was the only outlet she had for the anxiety. But, she had managed to ask; that was something, at least.

Velvet’s eyes widened for a moment, but within instants her lids drooped back down. “I don’t know…” she replied, sharing Twilight’s tone.

Twilight locked eyes with her mother. “Well, what other options do we have?” she said, voice rising as she spoke.

“I don’t know!” Velvet, again, matched Twilight’s volume, but her tone was firm. She stared into her daughter’s eyes for a second, causing Twilight to shrink down under the gaze. “I don’t have an answer for you. I just found out I’ve got my daughter’s foal inside me when I was upstairs. I haven’t had time to decide what we should do about it yet.” Her eyes pinched closed. A small tear drop started for form, slowly trickling down her muzzle.

Twilight ran her hoof down the opposite foreleg. “I-I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“I wish I had answers for you.” Velvet glanced up, eyes bloodshot and watery.

Twilight sucked in a rattling breath. “Are we going to tell Shining when he comes home?”

“I don’t want to.” Velvet groaned at the thought; she flopped back and covered her eyes with a foreleg. “But if we don’t, we’re going to have to eventually.”

“He won’t take it well.”

Velvet couldn’t help but snort. “Would you if you were in his position?”

“No,” Twilight said after a moment’s thought. “No, I—probably not.”

Velvet peeked out from behind her foreleg to see Twilight sitting in a slump—her head was low, ears flat, posture a mess. She patted the cushion, pulling the younger mare’s attention from the floor. “Come up here, dear.”

Twilight rose to her legs and climbed on the couch with her mom. She nuzzled into her neck for what little comfort the physical connection could provide.

“Shining will be upset.” Velvet cringed inwardly, but made sure the reaction didn’t seep into her voice. “I raised him—I know how angry he can get—but he’s not what I’m worried about. You’re Princess Celestia’s personal student—not even out of school. We can’t let this ruin that for you.”

“But what about you?” Twilight said, looking up into her mother’s eyes. “I don’t want anypony saying bad things about you, either!”

Velvet pressed the side of her muzzle into Twilight’s mane. “It’s alright, sweetie. I’ll be alright. I’m a nopony who’s already put her life together. But you—you have a future to worry about.”

Silence fell over the two mares. Both simply let the situation sink in, but the lofty weight wouldn’t settle easily. Twilight’s heart and mind felt crushed under the severity; she broke the silence once more. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“I know, sweetie, but we have time. Let’s just try to get a grasp on it for now.”

Twilight quietly sipped from a cup of tea as her eyes bounced between the other two ponies sitting with her in the livingroom. On the couch adjacent sat her mother and brother, both also holding cups in their magic. The soft ticking of the clock was the only noise in the otherwise still and silent house. Her chest felt like a battered drum from the thumping of her poor heart. Each second was agonizing torture spent dreading the subject that had plagued her for days. When her mother glanced over Twilight immediately averted her gaze, instead focusing on the floor.

Finally, Shining cleared his throat and broke the silence. “That was a good dinner, Mom. Much better than what they feed us at the barracks.” He chuckled, but cut off almost right away when neither his mother or sister joined in.

Both simply sat quiet, emotionless, until Velvet finally jumped in her seat. She let out a barking laugh. “Yes, thank you! So, did you enjoy your dinner?”

Shining lifted an eyebrow. “Uh, did I miss something?” he asked, shifting his eyes between Twilight and his mother once more.

Twilight peeled her eyes from the floor. She inhaled sharply and took a sip of her tea.

“W-well,” Velvet began in a timid voice, “there was something, but—”

“No, there’s nothing!” Twilight blurted out after swallowing. “We’ve been great here. School’s great, work’s great, everything’s great, great, great!” A wide smile grew on her face as she spoke, her tone rising, culminating in a nearly hysterical laugh at the end. Her hoof was starting to shake, though luckily her tea cup was held in her magic. Twilight’s gaze moved from her brother to her mother, and then back again.

Shining stared at her for a moment, eyes focused on her twitching ear. “Great, huh?” he asked before taking a sip of his tea.

Velvet turned to face Shining. “What your sister means to say—” She glanced back to Twilight, irritation oozing from her words “—is that we have something important to tell you.”

“No, I didn’t mean to say anything!” Twilight interjected, slipping towards the edge of the couch.

With a deep breath, Velvet closed her eyes. When she exhaled, she had a deadpan expression. “Twilight, stop.” The words were soft, but the demand for obedience was clear.

Twilight sank back into the couch. Her hysterical smile had completely vanished, and she brought her shaking hooves up to cover her mouth. After a moment, and despite Velvet no longer looking in her direction, she gave a small nod.

Shining furrowed his brow when he saw Twilight’s reaction. He set down his cup on the table next to him and turned to face his mother. "Mom. What’s going on?"

"Shining, would you be upset if I was with somepony?" Velvet asked. The confident tone she had used on Twilight was gone, replaced by one laced with quavering uncertainty.

“With somepony?” He scratched his chin roughly, a sign of agitation that Velvet remembered him developing as a colt. "Are you serious? It hasn’t even been a year since dad passed, and you’re already dating somepony else?"

"It’s not like that," Velvet said, though she struggled to keep her eyes on Shining. As Twilight watched, she knew that her mother fought the same anxiety that she did;, it astounded her that Velvet was able to cope with it so well. Undoubtedly, she wanted to bury herself in a hole and hide out of sight, but she still managed to hold her ground without faltering. Twilight glanced at her own trembling limbs and grimaced.

"What do you mean?” Shining said. “Like, hypothetically then?” Some of the tension in his shoulder slumped away. “Is that seriously why you two are acting so weird?"

Velvet’s eyes shifted to Twilight. "It’s not a hypothetical." As she stared at her her daughter, she bit her lower lip. She wanted something, Twilight knew that much, but she was already paralyzed with fear herself. "Maybe I should just say it instead of easing into this." She turned her head back towards Shining, then added in a whisper, "After all, there really doesn’t seem to be a way to ease in."

"Okay,” Shining said, eyes narrowing, “what are you two hiding?"

"Shining, your sister and I have developed a close relationship since your father passed."

The softly spoken words struck Twilight’s ears like hammer-blows. For a long moment she squeezed her eyes shut, but after a moment passed without a peep from either her mother or brother, she dared peek out. She immediately wished she hadn’t.

Shining’s gaze bounced from Velvet to Twilight, shifting back and forth between confusion and fury. Twilight knew he wasn’t so stupid to let that loaded explanation slide; as soon as he recovered he would ask further, and then they would have to explain things. Shining certainly wouldn’t just let this go. The way he kept furrowing his brow and shifting his attention between the two of them, she could see he was searching for another interpretation.

At long last, his forelegs crossed over each other. "Alright,” he said, “I’ll bite. What do you mean?" He took a deep breath. Just as Velvet opened her mouth however, he spoke up. "Because it sounds like you mean to say you two are actually having sex. So, tell me this is some messed up joke, please."

"It’s not," Twilight squeaked out. She pressed herself deep into the cushion behind her. Her hooves covered her mouth, shaking visibly as she tried to hide herself.

"Shining," Velvet began. "Our relationship has become…complicated.” She took a rattling breath. “Very complicated."

Twilight watched, heart racing. She could already hear the coming storm. Yet Shining only sat silent. His gaze drifted down to the floor, brow kneading and jaw falling slack the whole way.

"You two are…" A sudden chill shook his shoulder, making him shudder. "Okay, seriously, it’s not funny. If this is some sort of sick joke, you two can stop."

"I know it’s hard to accept—" Velvet started.

"Accept?" he thundered. "I can’t even comprehend this—this—this!" He motioned frantically at both mares. "My sister and my mother? What do you expect me to even do with this?"

"I know it’s hard, and we’re aware how—" Velvet stared at Twilight for a moment. When their eyes met, Twilight immediately sensed Velvet’s struggle to put her thoughts into words. "—odd this is. But what we have works."

Shining's peal of laughter sounded almost hysterical. "Works? You two are family, and you think this works? She’s your daughter!" He flung a hoof in Twilight’s direction. After a short pause he shot a look at Twilight, somewhere in the crossroads of confused, hurt, angry, and delusional. Twilight found herself focusing on his piercing small pupils as they set their sights on her. The intensity froze her heart mid-beat. "And she’s your mother! Why the hell would you two think this is okay?"

"Shining Armor. Stop it!" Velvet snapped in the way only a mother could, but Shining pushed forward.

"I should stop?" He pounded his chest. The empty thud echoed in the small room. He stared at Velvet, eyes blazing and mouth slightly agape. His pupils still were still small, revealing the red veins emerging in the white around them, and making Twilight’s spine crawl.

Velvet took a breath. "Listen. It’s a shock, I know, but we’ve had this relationship for months. We’re already aware how unorthodox it is—how wrong it might appear—but your sister and I are happy like this." She looked to Twilight once more. Her eyes radiated that same motherly concern that had helped her these past few months. It immediately slowed Twilight’s pounding heart. She gave a nod as a small smile worked its way on her face. "It’s not going to be easy to accept, but I won’t be berated by my son for my choices."

Shining slammed his hoof onto the couch cushion, scowling at the soft thud. "This isn’t like a hairstyle, Mom!"

She shot a firm glare at him. Through her youth Twilight had seen that look often—usually aimed at her brother like it was now, and his inner colt must have sensed danger in that look, because he immediately stopped his protest. As he sank down into his seat, Velvet said, "I don’t expect you to accept or understand, but you need to at least know.”

“Just let us be happy, Shiny," Twilight pleaded. Her brother looked in her direction. The piercing gaze that terrified her moments ago was gone. Now his eyes were glassy, lifeless.

"Why are you two even telling me this? You think I’m happier knowing my mom and sister are—are—are—" He swallowed the lump in his throat "—romantically involved?" Suddenly, he lurched forward. A clear shudder wreaked havoc on his body for a short while before he quelled the shivers.

"We had to tell you because that’s not the biggest part," Twilight replied softly. A steady tremor started in her hoof again, shaking all the way up the foreleg and into her chest. Without thinking about it, she glanced at Velvet. Every ounce of sense she had told her to keep quiet, but they had come too far. Despite the dread creeping up her spine, sending tremors through her limbs, Twilight sat as still as she could.

Velvet nodded, mostly to herself—probably a gesture meant to steady herself—before opening her mouth. "Shining, you know about Twilight’s condition?" Her voice took on a raspy, dry quality. "Well, despite that, it would seem that…” She trailed off. After a second, she sucked air into her lungs and spat out the end of her sentence. “I’m pregnant."

“Pregnant?” Shining’s face twisted in confusion for a second, then took on a wide-eyed expression as what his mother said sank in. He shook his head sharply. "No way. No. No, you can’t be serious."

Velvet nodded. "It’s hers," she added, barely above a whisper.

Silence draped over the room. Twilight and Velvet stared at Shining, watching—waiting for him to do something. He pressed a hoof to each temple and continued shaking his head. "No," he repeated.

Velvet reached a hoof out to him. "Shining—" She was cut off by a violet shrug of his shoulders.

He jumped off the couch. Anger, disgust, confusion, and hurt all battled it out for control over his expression. Finally, his jaw clenched tightly, and he whipped around so his back was facing the two mares. Without saying a word or even glancing back, he stormed out of the living room. The heavy stomps of his hooves shook the floor and walls, to the point that Twilight felt the tremors in the couch she was sitting on.

"Where are you going?" Velvet called out as she took a step after him.

"Out," was the only reply she got before the slam of the front door echoed through the house. In its wake the deafening roar of complete silence fell upon Twilight and her mother.

A few agonizingly long moments passed, and Velvet sighed. "That went about as well as I expected," she muttered.

Twilight moved her still quivering hooves away from her mouth, placing them against her chest. "Stop shaking," she ordered them, but they didn’t obey. Even when she pressed them hard into her chest, they kept shaking.

"Are you okay?" Twilight glanced up to see Velvet standing over her, eyes warm and loving. The quivering came to a stop, and Twilight’s heart finally started to slow its frantic pace.

"I’m fine," she replied. "But I’m worried about Shining."

"He’ll come back." Velvet turned her eyes to the empty doorway Shining had stormed out through moments before. "He just needs some time."

Twilight followed her mother’s gaze. "Time for what?"

"That’s up to him," Velvet replied as she threw herself onto the couch, body going limp, and sinking into the cushion. Her eyes fell closed and she let out another long sigh. Slowly, she lifted an eyelid to glance at her daughter. “Honestly, it’s really up to him.”

Images continued to flash in her mind as Twilight lay in bed. Shining’s harsh reaction, the ensuing shouting, the controlled fear in her mother’s eyes—she could see it clearly, as if the scene played out in front of her once more. Just thinking about it caused her heartbeats to accelerate and her body to tremble once again. The tingle of fear trailed up her spine for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Why am I so worried?”

Twilight turned her head. Velvet slept next to her, but not peacefully, if the older mare’s frequent tossing and turning was any indication. Even without that, though, her face told it all, even in the dark of the bedroom. Pained expression mixed with quick, shallow breaths. The sight stabbed Twilight right in the heart.

“Shining never did come home. And she’s been dealing with all this for longer than I have.” Twilight rolled over onto her side and brought a hoof to her mother’s cheek. “I just wish there was something I could do to take it all away,” she whispered.

Suddenly, Twilight’s ear swiveled around. The sound of a door opening in the still of the night—specifically the heavier front door—rang through the otherwise quiet house. She rose from the pillow, looking towards the bedroom door. Uneven thumps came from downstairs. She glanced back at the still slumbering Velvet, who hadn’t reacted to the noise.

Twilight climbed out of bed. Using her magic, she insulated the hinges of the bedroom door to keep them from squeaking while she pulled the handle open. As she snuck out, she glanced back to ensure her mother hadn’t woken up, then made her way down the hallway, and down the stairs. About halfway down, a grimace twisted her expression as she ran snout-first into a wall of stench that she recognized as alcohol. Her heart sank at the realization.

“Shining?” she called in an undertone, but the only response was a groan. She rounded the banister, and there he was, leaning against the hallway wall.

"Shining?" she asked again.

"I don’t really want to talk, Twily," Shining said in a slur. He pushed off the wall, and started towards the living room.

“Wait,” she said, hustling down the last few steps. "Are you drunk?"

"I wish," he retorted. His head whipped around, showing heavy, bloodshot eyes that shone eerily in the pale white moonlight that splashed across his face. "Some drunk knocked his bottle on me. I barely had three beers."

Twilight stopped short a few steps away. "So where were you, then? Mom was worried sick when you didn’t come home."

"I was out walking, trying to wrap my head around—" He flung his hoof wildly at her “—whatever this is."

Twilight’s ears drooped. "I get that it’s hard to—"

"Just shut up,” he snapped. “Stop saying that!"

She recoiled for a moment, but then something snapped. Where she had retreated before, she found footing, forcing her back straight. "You think it was easy for me?” Her voice grew harsh and bitter. “Did you even think what I went through when I realized I was in love with my mother?" Twilight took a step forward, ears shifting back as her eyes narrowed. "You think you’re the only one unhappy about this? We’ve been dealing with it longer than you have, and we’ve felt a lot worse than you do!"

"You got our mom pregnant!"

Twilight stomped her forehoof. "That doesn’t change how we feel!"

Shining smacked a hoof against his forehead, dragging it down slowly. "What’re you two going to do? You can’t get married, have kids, be normal—nopony can know about this! You’re going to ruin both your lives because what?"

"Because Mom was all I had left after Dad died!" Twilight’s face felt like it was on fire. The heat in her cheeks bled over into pooling tears that blurred her vision. Every breath hissed through clenched teeth as she fought to control herself.

Shining stared at her. The glare he had been giving softened as he took a step back.

"With Dad dead, you off in who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what, Mom was all I had left! And she was the only thing I had that kept me from losing myself." Her breaths quivered as she exhaled. For a moment, she felt good, like a huge boulder that had been hanging around her neck was just cut loose.

As the tears rolled down her cheeks, her vision focused. She found Shining burying his gaze in the floor with his head hung low. "I know I wasn’t around after Dad died," he muttered. "I’ve been living with that every day, but does this sound like a healthy outlet for the pain?"

"It’s the way things have worked out between us," she replied. Her tone was soft, even quiet. In the heat of it, she had probably yelled. It was a miracle her mother wasn’t walking down the stairs. Twilight let out a sigh. "Don’t worry about us, Shining. We’re still a family."

He rolled his eyes while pulling his head up. "I am going to worry about you two. Nothing good can come from this. And I don’t want either of you to be hurt."

"I told you, we’re fine. Mom and I have never been closer. And—"

He swung his foreleg out, cutting her off. "It’s not about you two, it’s about how everypony else would react! Your future could be gone in a second, Twilight!"

"This is what we want!"

"You’re too young to know what you want!" he boomed.

Twilight shrunk down. Any resolve she had shrivelled up in an instant. For a second, instead of Shining Armor, it was her father looming over her in the moonlight. Shining’s voice radiated authority in a way she hadn’t felt since she was scolded a filly. She fell back on her haunches, almost dumbstruck.

Then Shining’s eyes widened. After a moment, he shook his head and turned his back on her.

"What am I saying?” he muttered. “I’m not Dad.” He glanced back at Twilight. “You’re old enough to make your own choices, and you’re old enough to live with them, too. So do what you want. I’m not going to be around for that—that—” He waved a hoof vaguely in his mother’s direction “—that thing, so who am I to tell you two what to do?"

With that, he walked into the living room, leaving Twilight sitting by herself in the moonlit hallway with only that horrible sinking sensation for company. She stared at the darkness in front of her, almost expecting something—anything—to happen. A voice, a form, a light—anything to distract her from the chain tightening around her heart. But the formless dark remained still.

She couldn’t tell how many minutes passed before she mustered the resolve to move—maybe just a few, maybe close to an hour. It didn’t particularly matter to her right at that moment. Shakily, she climbed back onto all fours. With her head hung low, she climbed the stairs. Twilight couldn’t bring herself to look at anything besides her hooves, almost like a rock had been tied to her neck. But as she neared the top, she saw a pair of pale hooves in the darkness. Weakly, she lifted her gaze to see Velvet standing there, waiting. Twilight’s chest tightened.

As she walked past her mother, one of the white forelegs shot out in front of her, cutting off her path. Before she could even react to it, it curled around her neck and pulled her into a crushing hug. Soon, she felt another foreleg around her, holding her tightly, and a cheek rubbing into her mane. A fresh stream of tears came to Twilight’s eyes.

"S-sorry," she muttered with a sniffle. As soft hooves rubbed her back, she let it all out. Velvet’s chest was soon soaked in her daughter’s tears, but she didn’t say a word. The best she could do was simply be there as Twilight sobbed into her shoulder.

By the time they shambled back to bed, the sun had already risen to peek over the horizon.

Twilight and Velvet both sat at the kitchen table across from one another. The sunlight poured in from the window above the sink, spilling across the tabletop. Both ponies had their eyes fixed on the single, daunting piece of paper that lied on top of the checkered table cloth.

Twilight’s eyes trembled. The sunlight made the letter illegible from her perspective, but she already knew what it said. The words written on it had been flashing through her head since she had read it. Her heart sunk lower in her chest just seeing it again.

"He’s never coming back, is he?"

Velvet blinked, expression blank before she realized what her daughter had said. "H-he just needs some time, Twilight."

"He told me last night he wouldn’t be here for this foal!" Twilight tugged at her mane, a nervous habit she thought she had gotten over years ago. "Why did I have to say those things last night?"

"He’s in the royal guard, Twilight." Velvet sighed, placing a hoof on the table. "He hasn’t been home since he joined. He needs time to come to terms with it."

Twilight slumped forward. "But he said—"

"His letter said he’s sorry it turned out like this, and that he needs some time to come to terms with this."

Twilight felt her mother’s eyes on her. Her heart stopped sinking under that gaze. She cracked her lids open, and peeked up from the table to see the tempered concern on her mother’s face. "But, last night…"

"He was drinking and it got heated." Velvet shook her head dismissively. "Have some faith in your brother. I’m sure someday Shining will come to terms with us—maybe even accept our situation."

"This isn’t fair. Now I have to worry about him and this foal." Twilight sniffled, and dropped her forehead onto the table.

"Speaking of, Twilight,” Velvet said, glancing away, “I think I’ve decided something.”

Twilight lifted her head onto her chin. "What?"

“Well.” The older mare gazed out the window overlooking their small garden. "I want to keep this foal."

Twilight’s eyes went wide. "What?" She sat up, ears perked. "You want to keep it? But what about—"

"We can say it’s your father’s." Velvet looked back at Twilight. Her eyes were bloodshot, and tears pooled in the corners. "I don’t think I could go through with another option. And with the odds stacked against this foal, it’s found a way." She placed her hoof on her stomach.

"But Dad’s been gone for months. If anyone does some basic math, they’ll realize it can’t be his."

"It’ll be easy to lie, Twilight. Like we’ve been doing to the world since we started this. I can just say Night Light had some sperm stored in a bank. Then no one will question it." She cracked a small, heart-felt smile.

"So then as far as the world’s concerned, it’ll be my brother or sister?"

"As far as the foal’s concerned too. This has to be a secret from her too. Kids can’t keep secrets."

An odd mixture of hurt and relief settled in Twilight’s gut. Relief that one mess had a solution, but an ache from thinking about the difficulties they would face over the coming years. It added so much more for Twilight to worry about. The foal wouldn’t be able to know the truth, and neither would anypony else—Shining had been right about that much, at least. They couldn’t tell anyone, and now that it was sinking in, Twilight had the slightest bit of regret. Her heart sank lower still as she imagined the horrible life she might have caused the foal, her mother, and herself. And even if her child turned out alright, she wouldn’t be able to express her true feelings towards it. Everything would have to be a secret. Even if this was the right thing to do—and she knew that it was—it didn’t make it hurt any less.

"Is that alright, Twilight?" Velvet asked.

Twilight shook her head for a moment, blinking absently. Her mother’s voice pulled her from her own little world. Their gazes met, and she saw fear in Velvet’s eyes. Twilight bit her lip and nodded.

"Yeah, whatever you want to do," she replied softly.

Velvet’s gaze fell down to the table. "This isn’t going to be easy, but it’s for the best."

"I know." Twilight’s eyes fell down as well. “I know,” she repeated softer.

Even if it was for the best, it left her feeling hollow inside. A life she had helped create—now tearing hers apart. It wasn’t fair. All she had wanted was for her mother to be happy. Whatever this relationship of theirs had become had brought some happiness out of the tragedy. But at the moment, she realized that she would be living with the consequences of that small kernel of happiness. A new life that she realized she wasn’t ready for, nor entirely sure she wanted. And now she would have to put on a smile, and resolve herself to caring for this foal—whether she was ready to or not—and for her mother—for the one she held most dearly in her life.

"Twilight? Are you okay?" Velvet asked, pulling Twilight’s gaze up again from where it had fallen. "You’ve been quiet for a while now."

"No," she said, without even realizing. It was barely above a whisper. “I’m scared.”

Velvet closed her eyes and nodded. “I know, dear. I am too. But we have each other to help through this.” When Velvet opened her eyes, she smiled. “You know I love you, Twilight?”

Twilight nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I love you too, Mom.” The words rang true in her mind; her mother did love her, and she loved her mother.

And that would have to be enough.

The End

Author's Note

And that's a wrap. Sorry for the long delays. This story just kinda got left behind for a while. Either from a lack of motivation or other stories just seeming more enticing at the time. Anyway, it's finished. I hope you all enjoyed the ride.