My Little Pony: Quest for the Holy Grail

Alberto just could not believe that this was happening. 20 years had passed since the time he and his ponies had won the victory over the evil forces of All Lee Enteprises back in his native Bolivia. He had thereafter spent the last two decades living in Equestria, living in Canterlot Castle's barracks and training as a squire under the leadership of Shining Armour and Flash Sentry; and now at 53 years young, he had since relocated to Ponyville and had just qualified for the knighthood, the ceremony of which was presently taking place in Canterlot Castle's Court before HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle's throne.

"Mares and gentlestallions, may I present to you, Don Alberto Garcia, Cavaliere di Gran Croce!" announced HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle, as Alberto turned around and faced the rest of the ponies all gathered in Canterlot Castle.

"It's time for the national anthem, biped," whispered Twilight into Alberto's ear. "You may give the command now."

Alberto stood straight, took a deep breath, and shouted. "BARIS! SEDI-A!"

Somepony struck a loud chord on a piano. The ponies and human citizens of Equestria broke into a rousing chorus of the Equestrian National Anthem:

God save our gracious queen,

Long live our noble queen,

God save the queen!

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us.

God save the queen!

As the strains of the music faded, Alberto took another deep breath. "BARIS! SENANG DI-RI!"

The after-party was held in the Great Hall of Canterlot Castle. Everypony was eating, drinking, and being merry. The highlight of the F&B was the Tequila Beef Steaks, the national dish of Bolivia and also Alberto's favourite food; Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Derpy were literally eating the Tequila Beef Steaks like never before.

"Now that I'm officially a knight," announced Alberto, as he raised his glass of grape juice, "I will pick the twelve ponies who have faithfully served me for the past two decades, to be my inner circle of Pony Apostles!"

The twelve lucky ponies were Applejack, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Dumbbell, Flash Sentry, Rainbow Dash, Soarin, Thunderlane, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails; they felt extremely honoured to be given the title of the Twelve Pony Apostles. Indeed, Twilight Sparkle thought that Alberto had made a very good choice there, for the combined forces of all twelve ponies plus Alberto's leadership would surely be a formidable force against any powers of socialism and corruption.

"Will you believe it," said Snips, as he bit into a huge piece of tequila steak, "that there are some funny bipeds who intend to hold a convention back in La Paz! And what do they call it? 'Università di Canterlot'!! à Of all the jokes, man! They're even using our capital city's name in vain! I can betcha they won't succeed, they won't find any sponsors who'd want to help them!"

"Who?" asked Alberto, perking up when he heard his birthplace being mentioned.

"Sean Anthony Brink!" said Snips. "Wow, that asshole! I mean he isn't half Bolivian, he's Irish, for the win! Who does he think he is -- Bernardo O'Higgins? I betcha President Evo Morales won't allow him to rent the Centro Culturale de la Paz!"

Alberto took a deep breath when he heard the name of one of his worst enemies being mentioned by Snips.

"When did he plan to hold it?" asked Snails.

"Look at his twitter!" said Snips, showing his BFF his phone. "Sean Brink said he wants to hold it somewhere in the third week of June -- the coldest month of the year in the Andes! He's asking for trouble! I betcha they'll all get the sniffles! Convention, eh? Yeah right -- 'Con' here is short for 'Con Man'! Nopony would believe an asshole like Brink; he just got out of gaol and he wants to do this! You think anypony would believe him? They'd sooner get suspicious of his evil intentions! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

Alberto took a deep bated breath. "That's amusing, indeed," he said, trying to fake a laugh. Deep within him, a warning bell was tinkling in his head. He knew that there were still enemies out there, just that he didn't expect that they had plans on their mind.

Suddenly Alberto received an urgent text from Huascar, asking him for a callback. "Excuse me for a minute," he said. He went to the gents' to call Huascar.

"Holà, Alberto?" came Huascar's voice.

"Holà, amigo mio," said Alberto. "Que pasa?"

"Just so you know, I'll be going back to Earth from June 16th to June 23rd," came Huascar's voice. "Mama just passed away of breast cancer, and I need to go to attend her wake at Chistenango in her native Peru, to carry out her funeral rites."

"Ah si," said Alberto. "Help me tell Uncle Bernardo that we send our condolences. Do take care of yourself."

"Muchas gracias," came Huascar's voice. "See you when I return. Adios, amigo mio." Click.

Alberto took another bated sigh as he walked out of the restroom. The suspicious thoughts were running through his head -- Chistenango was, for all sincerity, within 10 minutes' bus ride from La Paz; Sean Brink's supposed "Università di Canterlot", as Snips had been heard saying, was scheduled "somewhere in the third week of June"; and Huascar had clearly stated that he would be outstationed between June 16th and June 23rd -- which was, for the record, the third week of June!! What if -- and only WHAT IF -- Huascar had had other intentions on his mind, and his mother's apparent death was all but a pretext....?

"Are you OK, Alberto?" asked Derpy, nuzzling her favourite human rider on his cheek.

"I'm fine, gracias," said Alberto, still not smiling. He knew deep within him that something tragic was going to happen anytime. He then went to Snips and said, "For my first big task as defense knight of all Equestria, I plan to lead you all in a raiding expedition against Sean Brink. He will NEVER get the goddamn event started!"

"Sounds like a plan!" said Snips. "Snails, I think Alberto really will be an expert at this; these are enemies that he knows well and I'm pretty sure Princess Twilight will most likely give him this as his first assignment!"

"Not surprising!" said Snails. "It does sound like something he's familiar with, and also something that could pose threatening if left unattended for long; so this most likely should be the very thing he might be assigned to do first!"

Alberto was pleased that the two Brazilian unicorns were already so supportive of his first big plan as a defense knight. He smiled to himself, already beginning to make plans in his head.

Then it happened!

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! LEAVE THAT FRICKING THING ALONE!!!" everypony heard the voice of Spike yelling. Before he even looked, Alberto already knew exactly what he was going to see. So did the others. They could tell by the high hysterical note in the young dragon's voice.

And there it was. A bipedal figure caped all in black, darting down the Mane Staircase of the castle into the Great Hall, pushing some of the guests down in the process. Spike was chasing after him, trying to run as fast as his short legs would take him.

"OI! QUE PASA AQUÍ!" yelled Alberto. He knew that this was the best time to step in. So pulling out his gun, he gave chase. So did Flash Sentry, Big McIntosh, and Thunderlane; the three stallions, themselves among the Twelve, took out their own guns and helped to give chase. Just in time, Alberto managed to point his gun at the bipedal figure that was apparently cornered at the drain just outside the castle.

"Hands up!" yelled Alberto. "Hand back whatever you took from us!"

The thief took out the Holy Grail, which he had stolen from Canterlot Castle's Maximum-Security Vault (which Alberto himself had constructed about a decade ago). In a Soviet accent, he said, "Oh dear. I AM sorry it had to be this way, Don Alberto," before putting the Holy Grail back into his bag and diving into the water of the river, apparently unscathed.

Alberto and the three Stallions returned to Canterlot Castle immediately, disappointed at their failure to catch the thief. Nevertheless, they reported that the Holy Grail was what the thief had been after.

"OK," said Twilight, frowning. "The thief's identity has been revealed after Shining Armour and I scanned in his DNA; according to our findings, the thief is Aeron Lyovonovich Vartan, a Soviet-Armenian professional burglar-cum-hacker, who is known for being one of the toughest criminals to catch. The 41-year-old Vartan has been wanted for at least 5 years running for numerous thefts from top bank vaults in many democratic countries. Recently he was recruited by Sparkle Enterprises, an apparently new construction company which apparently is comprised of former members of the now-defunct All Lee Enterprises, and whose CEO is Dario Flavio Perez, a son of the late Don Francisco Juan Perez, founder of All Lee Enterprises.

"Vartan's life-long desire, it seems, has been to be able to get hold of the Holy Grail which was made famous in the stories by the first known 'brony', the late Sir Thomas Malory CBE, who lived in the Middle Ages. His joining of Sparkle Enterprises was his big break there, as the same desire had been held by Sparkle Enterprises' present COO, Sir Sean Anthony Brink CBE, the Irishman. How Vartan got into Equestria sans any intervention from unicorns or alicorns, I am presently unable to explain, though we are indeed investigating into that. Nevertheless, you all will need to be transported to Earth to chase after Vartan; I am aware that his intention upon acquisition of the Grail, was to bring it to the Imperial Vault of Heaven, a Soviet shrine in St Petersburg, where he would place it; and once it is placed there, it will render all our security step-ups futile, and we will immediately fall prey to invasions from Earth. So he has to be stopped.

"That said, I want Alberto and seven ponies -- Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Shining Armour, Snails, Snips, and Soarin --  to go to Earth now, and recapture the Holy Grail from Aeron Vartan's hands. Beware -- the Holy Grail may change owners a few times while you are chasing him. I will transport you all now to the exact location where Aeron Vartan is now."

"Wait a minute!" cried Alberto. "I mean, I was hoping for another less strenuous mission for my first..."

"NO WAY!" shouted Twilight. "The Holy Grail is the essence of our security! It is THE priority! We get that first, and then everything else follows! If we do not recover the Holy Grail first, we will be vulnerable if left long enough without it! That said, do NOT come back until and unless you recover the Holy Grail, and DO NOT FAIL ME! OK. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Your Highness," answered Alberto, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Soarin, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails, all in unison.

"Very good," said Twilight. "Hold still now. Ka......BEEEEEEEEEEMMMMM!!!"

And with a loud shout, Twilight Sparkle's horn glowed, and Alberto and the seven ponies closed their eyes .....