Hat Trix
"I've made extensive diagrams of the chest, and tried every spell I know. But so far I can't figure out what's inside it or how to open it." Twilight turned from the sketches of the Tree of Harmony chest hanging from the wall to the baby dragon behind her.
"Any idea what sort of keys we need?" Spike asked.
"I'm afraid not. I've tried spells to sense the shape of the keyholes, but they get reflected or dispersed, and on the rare chance they work they all turn back different results." Twilight sighed. "All I have left is to head to Canterlot and see if there's anything in the Star Swirl wing, but otherwise…"
Twilight's train of thought ceased when the door to the Golden Oaks Library slammed open.
"Twilight Sparkle!" Trixie ran in, her eyes wide. Her hat was floating beside her in an aura of pink magic. "Trixie requires your most urgent help at once!"
"Uh, hi, Trixie, long time," Twilight replied.
Behind Trixie, Spike crossed his arms. "We're kinda busy now, so would you mind taking a hike?"
"Yes, I would. Trixie is quite concerned and she needs help from somepony…" Trixie hesitated, her eye twitching. "Somepony more skilled with magic."
"What's the problem?" Twilight asked.
Trixie thrust her hat towards Twilight. "There's something in my hat!"
Twilight looked inside. "No there isn't."
"Yes, there is!" Trixie came closer. "I was walking in the White Tail Woods and I felt something touch my head!"
"Your hat?"
"Something else!" Trixie groaned and turned the hat upside down. "It was a rabbit, I lifted my hat and it hopped off my head and scampered into the woods! I thought I just imagined it, maybe the rabbit was just passing by and nothing touched me. I felt it again, but when I lifted my hat there was nothing. I cast my failsafe spells to undo anything from my last performance, in case there was a leftover spell doing something to me, and nothing happened. I put it back on, and a third time, I felt something touch my head, and once more, there was nothing there!" Trixie took a breath to compose herself. "Trixie knew something was amiss, so she came here to seek your aid. There is some manner of creature in her hat that she cannot find and she will not risk her safety letting it remain there."
"Are you sure you're not just making a mistake?" Spike looked at the hat and picked it up in his claws. "There isn't some secret compartment you hid something in and forgot about?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Trixie has moved beyond the need for such simple slight of hoof. Only amateurs need to rely on that."
Spike rolled his eyes and put the hat on. "Well, I don't feel or see anything."
"And I'm not detecting any sort of unusual magic from it. Well, there is a matter relocation spell," Twilight said. "You've been using your hat to transport items from inside it to somewhere else?"
"The items go into my hat and come back out in a pocket in my cloak." Trixie held the end of her cloak up. A concealed pocket was sewn on the inside, and she pushed a hoof in to show it was empty. "I keep them there to move them back when my act demands it. I've used this spell before going on-stage for years, there's nothing wrong with it."
"Maybe you just made a WAAAAAH!" Spike's words turned into a shriek and he tore the hat off to fling it to the ground. "I felt it too!"
"I told you!" The magician took the hat back in her magic. "You see? Trixie is telling the truth!"
"Are you sure this isn't some elaborate prank or something?" Spike asked.
"Trixie assures you, if she desired to play tricks on Twilight Sparkle, she could come up with something more creative than this," Trixie replied. Twilight raised an eyebrow. "That is, if Trixie wanted to. Which she doesn't."
"Well, let's have another look…" Twilight took the hat and stuck a hoof into it. "I don't feel anything odd. Just the matter relocation spell's energy at the bottom, but nothing solid…" Twilight turned the hat upside down and shook it a few times. "I'm really not sure what could be going on, but-"
Twilight stopped as something fell out of the hat and landed on the floor. Trixie jumped back, and Spike and Twilight gasped.
"She was telling the truth," Spike whispered. Twilight looked down at the object.
"No way… that's impossible…" She took the object in her magic and floated it up to eye-level. "It is… but how?"
"Twilight Sparkle knows what it is?"
"I do."
"Trixie asks that you destroy it, please." Twilight held a hoof to her mouth and snickered. Trixie scowled. "Does Trixie's terror amuse you?"
"Trixie, its fine. Here." Twilight floated the object in front of Trixie. Trixie pulled away and looked at the object carefully. It was almost small enough to hold in her hoof, rectangular and made of something clear. She could see several smaller objects inside, and a secondary interior area with some sort of brown slime. Twilight's magic peeled off a thin layer of the clear coating from the top, and she floated the smaller objects out into the air.
"What are they and what do they want?" Trixie asked.
"They're peanut butter crackers."
"… peanut butter?" Trixie leaned forward. "Trixie was frightened of peanut butter?"
"Be careful, it might be chunky," Spike smirked. Trixie took the transparent package on the ground and lifted it up. She dipped one of the crackers into the brown goo and licked it to confirm what it was. Her eyebrows lifted and she eagerly devoured the treat.
"This is one of Trixie's favorite snacks! But, how did a container of them get inside her hat?" Trixie wiped her muzzle with her hoof.
Twilight looked at the package and shook her head, while Trixie dipped another cracker into the peanut butter. "It isn't possible… unless…" Twilight looked around the library and ran to a shelf. A book floated down to her and she flipped through the pages. "Trixie, you have to renew your matter relocation spell before each show, right?"
"Yes. It usually only lasts a week or two, long enough for Trixie to do her shows in the area."
"Where and when did you do your last show?"
"On the outskirts of Appleloosa last week."
Twilight turned and held up the book. The pages displayed a map of Equestria with various colored lines criss-crossing the land. "I have an idea what it might be. Appleloosa is very close to one of the most powerful magical ley lines in Equestria. Trixie, when you cast your matter relocation spell on your hat, it might have been disrupted, or maybe amplified. The point is, I don't think it's connecting your hat to your cape anymore."
"That would explain why Trixie never found her flower bouquet after the act. But, if the portal I made doesn't go to my cloak, then where does it go?"
Twilight looked at the piece of headwear laying on the floor. "The ley line that passes by Appleloosa runs north to the palace at the Crystal Empire. If you cast the spell when I think you did, then…"
"Behold, the hat is empty!" Trixie snapped her fingers and turned her hat over, shaking it to prove it was empty. "Trixie has made the package of peanut butter crackers disappear!"
"And they took your talent with them!"
The kids sitting on the lawn in front of her burst into snickers. Trixie growled and looked for which one had made the joke. It could have been any of them; they had heckled her throughout the act. Performing on a backyard patio wasn't glamorous, but at least before a party of five and six-year olds, it was fun. These kids were out of her age bracket and it showed. They kept shouting out how she was doing her tricks and claiming they could do them on their own. But Trixie was a professional. She took a breath and forced a smile.
"They most certainly did not. For now, with a wave of her wand, Trixie shall make them reappear before your very eyes!" Trixie picked up the wand from the table beside her and waved it over the hat, spinning around to flare her cape out for show. Turning the hat over, she emphasized waggling her fingers and reached inside. She fingered the velcro pocket where she hid the item for this trick and poked a finger inside. Trixie frowned. "That's odd…" Trixie darted her eyes up to see the crowd staring at her, bored. She forced a laugh. "Trixie has many items stashed in here, so it may take a moment to find the right one." Trixie heard footsteps behind her and glanced over her shoulder.
Applejack laid a hand on her arm and leaned in to whisper. "Trixie, Ah appreciate you doin' this for Apple Bloom. But she don't look entertained." Trixie looked at Apple Bloom at the front of the crowd; she was playing rock-paper-scissors with Scootaloo. "An' if the birthday girl ain't happy, Ah'm gonna have to reconsider how much to pay you."
Trixie glared. "You promised me twenty dollars for this humiliation, you hick! You will not swindle Trixie!"
"Then stop playin' around and do an act worth twenty dollars!" Applejack smiled at Apple Bloom and stepped back. Trixie smiled as well and put her hand over her hat. The package must have slipped out of the pocket to the bottom of the hat. No matter, it happened all the time.
"And now, watch in awe!"
Trixie gasped through a mouthful of crackers and peanut butter. Some sort of strange creature emerged from her hat and felt around the floor. It looked like a mass of five light blue tentacles emerging from a single, thicker tentacle stretching back up into the hat.
"Twilight! What is that!?" Flecks of cracker fell on the floor as she spoke.
Twilight ran towards the hat, her eyes wide. "Then it's true… Trixie, you created a portal that crosses dimensions!"
Trixie swallowed. "I didn't mean to! Undo it!"
"Wait here, I may have something." Twilight ran upstairs into her bedroom, leaving Trixie and Spike with the hat and the monster poking out of it. Trixie began to breathe faster, and looked down at the cracker package at her hooves.
"Here, take it!" She floated the plastic over to the hat. The creature's tentacles took hold of it and pulled back.
"Voila!" Trixie pulled her hand out of her hat, proudly holding up the package, now empty of crackers and with most of the peanut butter scooped out.
"Okay, that's a new one," Scootaloo said.
"The hat ate it!" Sweetie Belle called out. Trixie looked at her hand and gasped.
"Wha… but…" Trixie glanced back at the audience and forced a smile, bowing. They applauded, a short, polite applause, but it was progress. She had no idea how the package came out with its contents eaten, though. Perhaps she had been eating one and stashed it up there when something interrupted her? She didn't remember doing that, but that was the only answer she could think of. She'd have to make sure to clean it out later. For now…
"For her final trick, Trixie shall perform her most fantastic and incredible illusion yet! You saw the crackers go in, and the package come out… empty…" Trixie tossed the empty plastic on the table beside her. "Now, she shall produce something more impressive than mere crackers!"
"You can't do less impressive!"
Trixie ignored the taunt and smiled.
"Trixie shall reach in, and produce… a live rabbit!"
"Do you think it's gone?" Trixie floated her hat over and slowly looked inside. The tentacle monster had retreated once they had returned its food to it, much to her relief. Trixie didn't want to think about what sort of awful place a creature such as this could come from, and silently cursed herself for being so careless as to perform on a ley line. She had learned about them and knew the dangers they posed, and now she had opened a portal to some sort of realm of monsters.
"Maybe... or maybe it's hiding in there, waiting to strike again!" Spike said. Trixie forced a smile and remembered her showmare ship.
"Don't be ridiculous. It's gone. Look." Trixie reached her hoof into her hat. "See? Nothing." Suddenly, something pulled Trixie forward, her hoof going deeper into the hat. "Ah!" She tried to pull back. "Spike! Help Trixie!"
"What is it?" Spike ran up and screamed. The monster from before was back, it tentacles wrapped around Trixie's hoof and trying to pull her into the hat's dark depths.
"I think it's angry I ate its food!" Trixie strained to pull away. "Get it off me!" Trixie looked down and tried to aim a spell to confuse it, but she was afraid she might hurt herself. The creature that had a hold of her was moving about and she couldn't get a clear shot.
"Hang on, I'll get Twilight!"
"There's no time!" Trixie tried to step back, but the creature pulled her to the floor with the force of its grip. "Spike! I don't want to be eaten by this… thing!" Spike ran over and wrapped his claws around Trixie's neck to help pull.
Trixie growled and turned on her back, raising her hind hooves and putting them on the brim of the hat for leverage. "The Great and Powerful Trixie will not be vanquished by a tentacle-waving blue monster from another realm! Release me and begone, beast!"
"What… is…" Trixie groaned and struggled to stay standing. She stumbled in front of the crowd, her arm being pulled into her own hat. She had a hold of something, but it didn't feel like her rabbit. She was fairly certain she had put him up the hat before coming, he should have been safe in the ventilated compartment in the tip. But whatever she had her fingers wrapped around felt like a leg or an arm, covered in short hair and fine muscle. Trixie's pinkie finger brushed the bottom of the limb. Was that a horse's hoof? That made no sense.
"This is gettin' kinda good," Apple Bloom said, watching Trixie struggle with a grin.
Trixie bumped into the table, sending her silver rings and plastic flowers scattering to the pavement. She stooped down and put a knee on the brim of the hat. "Do not fear, children! The rabbit is grouchy today, but The Great and Powerful Trixie shall teach him a lesson!" She leaned her head back and pulled as hard as she could.
"Spike! I can't stop it!" Trixie looked over her shoulder, her eyes wide. "Don't let it take me to another dimension, Spike! Trixie likes this one! She would prefer to remain in it!"
"Hang on!" Spike let go of Trixie and ran forward, claw raised.
"OW!" Trixie shrieked and fell on her rear, pulling her hand from her hat. "Son of a bi…" she looked up and saw the kids watching. "Biscuit!"
"I know what you wanted to say!" Scootaloo grinned.
Trixie looked at her hand and gasped. She got up and ran to Applejack, who was leaning against the wall of the house behind her. "Applejack, call animal control."
"Eh? What's goin' on?" Applejack stood up, concerned.
"My rabbit clawed me!" Trixie held up her hand. Two small trickles of blood ran from the back of her hand. "He's gone rabid! We have to do something before he gets out!"
Applejack chuckled and patted Trixie on the shoulder. "Ya probably just scarred 'im with all yer yellin' and waving 'im around. Here, Ah know a thing or two about animals." Applejack walked to the pavement and picked up the hat. "Alright ya little varmint, stop playin' around."
"Thank you, Spike. Trixie is most grateful." The magician was catching her breath, laying on the floor. The dragon had saved her from a beast from beyond the dimensional fabric, and she dreaded to think what might have happened if not for his quick thinking.
"No problem. Nopony deserves that sort of fate," Spike replied. Trixie nodded and looked back.
"There's a second one!" She scrambled to her hooves. Spike looked. Another monster was reaching through the hat. It looked like the first, five tentacles coming from a thicker one beyond, but this creature was pale orange instead of blue.
"No way! How many could there be through that portal?"
"They're trying to invade Equestria, Spike! We cannot let them pass through! The fate of our kingdom rests in our hooves and claws."
"I ain't getting near that thing! The first one was distracted, what if this one grabs me?" Spike looked up at Trixie. She looked around the room and smirked. Trixie's horn lit up pink and she slowly crept closer to the hat, the book of ley lines floating beside her.
"Trixie, there ain't nothin' in here." Applejack looked over at her for an explanation.
"Then explain this," Trixie said, holding up her hand with a napkin wrapped around it. She knew she something had attacked her, her hand didn't claw itself. Applejack shrugged, then cried out.
"What in tarnation!?" Applejack pulled her hand out of the hat and shook it out. "Somethin' hit me!"
"He bit you?" Trixie ran over.
"Not bit, hit! Like somethin' was dropped on mah hand!" Applejack looked at her hand in confusion. "Trixie, if this is some kinda joke…"
"Trixie assures you, if she was going to play a joke on you, she would come up with something better than this!" The two looked at the hat on the ground between them, then up at the audience watching intently.
"So? Where's the rabbit?" Apple Bloom asked.
Applejack made a face and put a hand on Trixie's shoulder to turn the two of them away. "Trixie, somethin' ain't right here. Ah'll tell them we're movin' on to cake, and while they're busy we can try to figur' this out."
Trixie let out a huff. "I haven't finished yet! This is my grand finale, I've never failed to finish an act! I've performed through the rain with one of the guests holding an umbrella over my head!"
"That's mighty dedicated of ya, but whatever is in that hat might be a bit more dangerous than rain."
Trixie pulled away and turned back to the crowd. "Trixie apologizes for the delays. Her rabbit is very temperamental today. However, Trixie will not stop until she satisfies her audience!" Taking a breath, Trixie stooped down and grabbed her hat off the ground. "Trixie has promised she will pull a rabbit out of her hat, and she will do it now!"
With no further hesitation, Trixie plunged her hand into her hat as far as she could.
"Trixie, here!" Trixie and Spike looked up at the stairs as Twilight emerged from her room, a book floating beside her. "I found a spell that can block teleportation. With the right modifications, it can stop things from coming out of your hat. At least, until your spell wears off."
Trixie nodded. "Fantastic! Quick, hurry and cast it, I think we're running out of time!"
"Why, what's going on?" Twilight looked at the hat, laying on the ground behind Spike. Suddenly, the blue creature emerged from the hat and wrapped its tendrils around Spike's tail. "Spike!"
The dragon's eyes went wide as the creature pulled him off his feet.
"BEHOLD!" Trixie thrust her hand up into the air. The crowd gasped, and Applejack's jaw dropped. Wriggling in Trixie's hand, hanging by the tail, was a green and purple puppy.
Spike looked around. His eyes drooped. "Oh. That explains it." Trixie's eyes bulged and she turned to stare at the dog in her hand. Spike noticed her and raised a paw to wave. "Yo."
Trixie screamed, dropping Spike and her hat to the ground. Spike looked at the hat and dove into it. Trixie watched, a hand to her chest, and slowly reached down to grab the tip of the hat. She stood back up, holding the hat upside down carefully. Shaking it, nothing came out. She flipped it over to look inside. Noticing the audience, Trixie tilted the hat to show them the empty interior, her face frozen in a look of shock.
The crowd of kids burst into applause and cheers, standing up and clapping wildly. Trixie looked over her shoulder. Applejack grinned at her and flashed a thumbs-up. Trixie slowly smiled and turned forward to bow.
Spike popped out of Trixie's hat and flopped on the wooden floor. He looked up to see Twilight and Trixie staring. "Twilight, do it, cast the spell now!" Twilight nodded and lowered her head, her horn glowing. Trixie's hat lit up in violet light and flashed brightly, a sheen of color washing over the fabric.
"There. It should have worked." She walked over to the hat and poked a hoof inside. "It's done. Trixie, look." Twilight floated the hat over to Trixie. The magician peeked inside and slowly put a hoof in. She felt nothing but fabric. Trixie let out a long sigh.
"Trixie thanks you deeply, Twilight Sparkle." She put her hat on and smiled. "Is there anything she could do to repay you?"
Twilight thought and glanced at the diagram on the wall. "Know anything about picking locks?"
Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Very little."
"Then I guess what you can do to repay me is, ask local unicorns about nearby ley lines before performing that spell again."
"Certainly. And if she may, Trixie requests you never speak of this to anypony."
"Waaay ahead of you on that one."
"Well y'all, thank Trixie again for an amazin' act." Applejack stepped up beside Trixie, and the kids complied with the request by clapping wildly. "Big Mac's got cake inside, if y'all wanna head in." The kids stood and filed into the house.
Beside her, Trixie was feeling the inside of her hat, finding nothing but fabric. She found the compartment for her rabbit, but it was empty. She'd have to look around the backyard now, hopefully he hadn't run far. Looking at the wounds on the back of her hand that had begun to scab over, Trixie thought back to the feel of claws. How her rabbit had gotten out of the hat without her noticing confounded her. And that dog, she could have sworn it waved at her and spoke, nevermind how that got inside her hat. Maybe the anger and stress of a heckling audience had gotten to her more than she realized.
"Hey." Trixie looked up to see Applejack holding out a twenty-dollar bill. "Sorry 'bout what Ah said before, with a last trick like that Ah think you earned this."
"Oh. Uh, thanks." Trixie took the money and gave an awkward smile. "Glad you enjoyed it."
"Gotta admit, the rest of the show was kinda shaky, but then you pull out that doozy for a finale. Ah didn't know you were studyin' ventriloquism too. That dog really looked like he was talkin', and Ah have no idea where you managed to hide him."
Trixie laughed nervously. "Yes, well, a magician never reveals her secrets."
"Ya know, if yer're up for another show, Scootaloo's birthday is next month, Ah could put in a good word with her dad if ya like."
Trixie looked at the hat and set it on the table. "Trixie will consider it. She had some trouble with tonight's tricks, she'd hate to screw it up again."
"No problem. Wanna come in for some cake, or ya gotta get goin'?"
"Trixie can stay for now. And if you don't mind, Applejack, Trixie requests you never speak of this to anybody."
"Uh, sure."
Fluttershy hummed happily to herself as she trotted along the stream leading from the White Tail Woods. Overhead a flock of her birds accompanied her, tweeting in time with the tune. She stopped and looked up at them.
"While we're out here, we can gather some materials to make you a new nest. Do you have anything in mind?" The birds began to respond, when something caught Fluttershy's eye. She looked down and saw a small rabbit hopping around the edge of the forest, looking around in fear. "Oh my!" She trotted forward. The rabbit noticed her and backing away.
"Oh, don't be afraid little guy." Fluttershy stopped and knelt. "I'm Fluttershy." The rabbit twitched its nose. "Are you out here all alone?" The rabbit nodded. "Are you hungry?" The rabbit nodded again. "Aw, you poor thing. Why don't you come home with me, and I'll fix you something, hm?" The rabbit slowly came towards her, and Fluttershy gestured to her back. The rabbit climbed on, wrapping a claw in her mane. "There you go. Don't worry, I won't hurt you."
As Fluttershy turned to head back to her cottage, the rabbit twitched its nose.
Whatever this place was, at least this pony was nicer than its last owner.
Author's Note
This completely random and silly story was inspired by this fan image
