Deus Ex: Cosplay Revolution

Nope, I wasn't getting out of bed. Nope, nopity nope, just nope. Not with some broken/bruised ribs, a massive cut on my arm, and a dislocated shoulder. Nope, that wasn't happening, not in a million gajillion years. Damn, fucking cray-cray bitch got me hard.

Was there a call button? Should've been a call button, somewhere- there, yup, found it. I think the green button was for requests, the red one for emergencies, and the black arrows to lean up and down. Fuck, why'd I not seen this before? Would've made the leaning and shit that much easier, but whatever.

I started mashing the green button a couple times. Beep beep beep beep beep. Mashed it a couple more, earning me some more beepity beeps. Waited a couple minutes, waited a couple more, and bam a nurse walked in. Lucky me I'd hidden them under my pillow, like the eternal boss I was.

"Whatcha need, hon'?" she asked, southern accent readily apparent. Had to be something weird, but all the women I've encountered never seemed to be 'average'. You know what I'm talking about.

I ignored that sudden epiphany, putting more attention to my growling stomach. "You got any food? Cause I'm hungry. Like really fucking hungry."

"Well then, Ah'll getcha some food, sir," she said, then she walked out. I managed to catch a gliimpse of her ass over the somewhat-tight uniform, and that just confirmed my suspicions of most of the ladies here being above-average, in terms of physical appearance.

Shrugged. At least hospital food was better than no food. And pony-person ass and tits was better than no ass and tits. Weird, though, that there didn't seem to be an unattractive lady anywhere in the group I'd seen. Think there'd been a couple of "pudgy" individuals, but no one overweight. Conversely, "thin", but not "thin as a rail" thin. And they all had great tits and nice asses.

No, I wasn't that kind of person. Never would be, never will, seeing as I was just making an observation. Fucking disgusting, those kinds of people were. All of this "inner-wolf" bullshit, or whatever. You know what happened to wolves the second we started putting two and two together to get four? Yeah, that's right. Dogs. That's what happened, dogs happened.

God, I was bored. When was that nurse gonna get back with food? Fuck, fuck. I'm hungry.

Hungry like the hippo. God, I could remember this time when a couple friends of mine, we were challenged to parody a song. I had singing duties, cause I sounded the best on a mic, and somewhat-acceptable on a guitar, and Waldo, he was on guitar too. We'd been in the chorus program through middle school, and high school, so we were prepared. Anyhow, we got a mutual friend of ours to write the lyrics to be about "Hungry Hungry Hippos" instead of the cheesy "Hungry Like The Wolf" thing. It was pretty fun, to be honest.

Man, shoulda gotten the group back together and done more covers of songs. "Red Wedding", "Old World Blues", hell, even fucking "Spawn Together," if we ever got around to doing it and any of us liked Billy Idol, Social Distortion, or The Beatles. Man, we'd have been rolling in money.

Dammit I was bored. Really, really bored. They'd taken my phone, I think, because I couldn't feel it in my pocket. Goddamn, I would've so played me some fucking Angry Birds if I had it. Or... fuck, what other games did I have on it? Bah, well, I'd check when I got it back. And show these ponies some good music.

...Actually I don't think I've ever heard any actual music here. The canned stuff at the bar was just your generic instrumental punk, but... damn, how'd I not notice that before? Next thing you know I'm gonna be in a Goddamn musical number. Shit, did they do musical numbers in the show? Waldo never got me into it so I'll assume they did; pastel ponies, y'know. They always got musical numbers, and stuff. And the musical.

Fuuuuucccckkkk when was the nurse getting here with th- oooh those are footsteps. And the clattering of wheels. Am I getting me some grub? I'm getting me some grub mothafuckas! It's hospital grub so... no, mothafucka no!

Soon as the wheel-clattering tray of hospital-anti-delicious grub rolled into sight, I... had mixed feelings. On the one hand, it was food. On the other, it was hospital food. On the former, I was getting food. On the latter, it was most likely going to be below-average at best and "recycled" at worst. And by recycled I mean shit.

Fuck it I'm hungry. Just so long as it wasn't grits...

"Here ya go, hon'," she said, grinning. Then she took a tray off the top and put it on my lap.

Motherfucker it had hashbrowns! Fuck my arm and shoulder, I'm getting me some motherfucking hashbrowns bitches! Soon as she put the forks down I grabbed one and started digging in. Took me barely three minutes to stuff the food in my mouth, hampered by my dislocated shoulder and arm. Hell, I'd not mind this!

At the end of the second tray, she took the little metal thing away. "I think that's 'nuff, hon'. You jus' wait till we c'n git a doctor inna here, alright?"

I nodded, slightly disappointed at the fact that I wasn't getting me any motherfucking hashbrowns, but whatever. I had 'em anyway, and hot damn they were delicious. Fuck yeah, potatoes. They're the Swiss Army Knife of food, part of the terrifying trifecta of fish and wheat. You can damn near do anything with those three.

Then the nurse left once more after filling out a clipboard.

Now, just needed to wait for a doctor.