Deus Ex: Cosplay Revolution

Changing up the system, just slightly. First five comments I see, those are the ones I'll count. So, dear christ, VOTE! Should make this shit mandatory, like in Australia.

Anyhow, a chapter.

Shit, I don't know if these people are batshit fucking loco or actually pretty cool people. It's like that time I befriended a goth chick and went over to her place to work on a project. Damn near lost my hearing listening to the jackhammer she called music. We still friends, but we're distant compared to my broship with Waldo.

I'm gonna go with sneaky. These pony-people things could enslave people and use them as food, for all I knew. Or sex slaves. Hell, I'd be fucking batsit in a day if they decided to form a harem around me. No thank you, I'll stick to monogamy. I mean, I got no problem with people who do that, but I'd be a bit weirded out of it happened to me.

So, I'm just laying underneath a bush, keeping an eye on this group. They're about, oh, twenty-five meters from me, but half of that distance is underbrush and trees, so I doubt they see me. Pink one is acting a bit suspicious, kinda like Ms. LGBT Pride, but I'm confident that my skills I learned a long time ago in staying really still would get me through this.

I overheard a bit of their conversation as they passed.

"So, Twilight, remind me: just why are we out here?" I heard the spectrum-haired lady say.

Sounded kinda boyish, but I wasn't jumping to conclusions. Did that once, found out that the guy I was doing the project with was actually a female-to-male transsexual with an alter-ego on the internet of Ser Owen or whatever. We didn't talk much after that, but you know where I'm going with this.

I'm guessing the purple librarian looking one responded. "Because, Dash, Princess Celestia told us to come out here. She said it was about a spike in the cosmic background thaumological radiation somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres. "

And that's when they got too far away for me to make it out clearly. I waited a minute, then stood up. Damn near smacked my head across a branch, so fuck you branch, but I had so much ninja skill that I got away with it.

Either way, I started walking in the opposite direction of them. Pretty sure I'dve gotten my ass whooped, especially by that tomboy and the farmer; I once got in a friendly spar with a southern friend of mine. Guy had me in a headlock before I could whip out my fancy moves, and even though I'm a big guy, he was just plain stronger.

I started humming along to an awfully-familiar tune as I walked.

My "bullshit-o-meter" just skyrocketed. The "I'm-in-Ponyland-meter" also skyrocketed. The pain behind my eyes at seeing such a hideous village brought to life spiked. Yeah, it was that ugly.

I mean, yeah, the designs weren't too bad, looked like something out of a storybook or East German suburb, but hot damn did they pick hideous colors. I mean, pink and white and brown? What was this, a cartoon?

...

Bad analogy, but you get the point. The town woulda looked good monochrome, but in color? Hi-de-ous. Like an assault rifle loaded with incendiary rounds shoved into your eyes, on full-auto, turning your brain in to a mush of gray matter and agony.

I was thinking about rolling into town, hanging in the back-alleys, but that was a bad idea. Chances were there'd be a chicken-dinosaur or an ancient conspiracy doing experiments in the sewers or some shit. Honestly, I was expecting damn near anything with the revelation that I was in Ponyland, Not America.

Y'know who'd be really happy to be here? That chick and Waldo. Those two would fucking love to be here. Not me. Nope, no sirree. Not a brony, that's me. I've seen, what, one episode, and it was a year ago, so I don't think that makes me a bro-pony or whatever brony is short for. Damn, maybe they're flipping the fuck out right now, wondering where the hell I was.

God, if only I got my phone out in time. Waldo's face woulda been fucking hilarious to catch on film.

I grinned, started walking down to the town. I was sure to get off the road and travel along the side.

Started noticing odd shapes in the low-hanging clouds. A bit of a closer look and a taking-off of my shades earned another rank for the "this-is-bullshit-o-meter", far as I was concerned. There were people up there, wings, same as Ms. LGBT Pride, just zip-dee-doo-da'in around on the clouds and shit. What kind of bullshit was that, anyway? Looked like a big stinking pile of it.

...

Y'know, they probably have minotaurs here. Wouldn't put it past whatever sick and twisted woman created this fantasyland.

Almost caught me by surprise when I came face to face with a wall on the outskirts. It was a little stone wall, looked like moss had overtaken it in a semblance of order, but who would I care. I wasn't a moss-ologist, I was a kick-assologist, angerologist, and soon-to-be-graduating high school student.

Ignoring the weird moss, I leaned back against it, just about ready to pull out one of the apples and take a big ole chomp out of it.

"Doo-de-doo-de-dooooooo," I heard a chick hum. Almost quick as a gunshot, I tossed the apple underneath a bush and followed it.

I watched as one of the natives, or inhabitants, or whatever walked out. Hard to see her through a bush, but far as I'd be able to tell she had green-ish coat and skin, with big ole yellow eyes. Wore a white jacket and jeans, carried a case with an instrument in it, and... was that a fez? Looked like a fez, from this angle.

"Swear I heard somethin'..."

Aw shit!