On the Edge of Christianity

It was a splendid day in Equestria. The birds were singing, the ponies were casually wandering around acting as if their lives were perfect, and everything was generally as surreal as utopia.

Twilight Sparkle was also enjoying her day, swirling a cup of tea with a spoon levitated by her ice cream cone powers. This was the average morning for her. She never had to do anything to help keep the town in order and barely had to make an appearance, because she was an alicorn princess. It was quite simple – the majority of the physical work force in Equestria were stallions which weren’t unicorns. This made sense, as Equestria was a matriarchy, therefore mares would dictate all which happened.

But this is off subject. The point is, she’d wake up in the morning, grace the townsfolk with her presence once, and then seclude herself in the public library which no one seemed to use. Not once...

However, today something strange was about to happen! Upon taking her first sip of her herbal tea she heard a knock at the door.

Twilight rose from her sofa, smiling delightfully with the thought ‘New episode! I hope I’m a main character this week!’ After a brief, gleeful skip she arrived at the front door, swung it open with passion for her potential main role.

“Twilight.” She was met with a stern gaze from her teacher towering before her.

The purple porny smiled nervously. “Oh, hello Princess Celestia! It’s good to-“

“There’ll be time for formalities later. This is urgent.” Celestia waved a hoof, and without thought Twilight naturally stood aside to let the superior princess step past the lower peasant alicorn. Her ice cream cone lit up, levitating the jug of pleasantly warm tea and pouring it into an ornate mug which magically appeared out of nowhere.

Twilight simply shut the door, feeling slight repulsion to the rude greeting, but not irked in the slightest! This princess was a deity who raised the sun, a queen for the highest respect, even though Twilight had already figured out that it was all a hoax, and that they were merely the first ponies to realise that the sun rose and set in accordance to the moon every day naturally.

Celestia sat on Twilight’s favourite spot of her settee and sipped some of Twilight’s favourite herbal tea, and took one of Twilight’s favourite shortbread biscuits all while levitating the TV remote to flick to Twilight’s most abhorred channel – the soap channel, where every episode of every programme was just a reformulation of angry pornies getting  pissed over affairs and pregnancies.

“Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia began, chewing on the bitter shortbread biscuit. “As my least vexatious subordinate of royal power, I am offering, and enforcing, you to join me at the League of Fictional and Non-Fictional Worlds Convention, starting in seventeen minutes from now.”

Of course Twilight was flabbergasted! It was an honour to be nothing more than a lowly student under the teaching of a goddess among several hundred, but to be invited to a convention as second in line to her holy leader?! She wanted to say ‘no’, she really did, but being an obligated subject with inherited godly powers, she had no choice.

Before saying a word the white, godly porny continued speaking. “Excellent. Let’s go.” Her ice cream cone lit up, spraying light all across the room and caused slight irritation to the eyes of Twologht Sporkle!

Seconds later they arrived at the convention.

Twilly’s face was in ecstasy, a display of horror as the world around her reformed, and the silent proximity of her public library was shattered into a bustling convention of anthropomorphic creatures, chuckling manically at philosophical jokes while picking out free samples from the desks.

“My student, remain calm.” The goddess spoke, not bothering to lower herself to the view of her associate.

“What’s. Going. On?!” Twilight shouted in shock, catching a couple of perplexed glares from nearby renowned theorists.

Celestia smiled to a nearby… creature, who was subtly facing them in pique, huffing as he checked his arm clock thing. “We’re at the convention. I just messaged Kant to ask if I could tp us to him. He was OK with that, and now here we are.” He looked towards Kant. “Ahem. This my student, Twilight Gestapo. Twilight, meet Kant.”

References to a corrupt police force which Twilight had never heard of aside, the purple horse stared at the man’s silly wig and massive shiny forehead, feeling confused about his name. “Pardon, Kant?” She repeated the name, ensuring she heard it correctly.

“Alright, alright! I know it’s funny – Kant – oh, when will people learn the joke is over?” He ranted humorously in an amusing acquired German accent. “I’ve been the butt of dim-witted moronic mockery for centuries now.”

Just then, another silly, bald anthropic creature walked past with a female at his side, locked in arms. “How’s the convention, Kant? Try not to get too drunk, Kant.”

“Damn you and grow up Mill!” Kant yelled angrily.