Madness Equestria

Sanford stirred to consciousness and rubbed his head. He looked around and saw Deimos lying still on the ground, so he stood up and walked over to Deimos and shook him. Deimos quickly stood up and looked around ready for a fight, only to relax when one wasn’t found. Sanford made some motions, questioning what happened, so Deimos pulled out his communicator to see if there were any messages. As luck would have it, there was.

>The Drive has been activated!

>From what we can tell it’s teleporting you to an unknown location. We don’t know what’s going to be there.

>New primary objectives: regroup with Hank, ascertain the Drive’s link to what happened and destroy it if necessary.

>Further orders will be given when contact is reestablished.

Sanford and Deimos nodded in agreement and Deimos put the communicator away. Sanford motioned up to the power generator which was now near the floor due to the angle the building was at. After all, if there’s no power they can’t activate the Drive if it’s off.

Deimos walked over to the generator and planted a C4 charge on it and set the timer to two minutes. Sanford meanwhile walked to the door and opened it to find a 1337 agent outside. He was quickly disarmed of his Desert Eagle and gunned down. Deimos joined Sanford and they both left the room.

The next room was pretty devoid of life so Deimos took the time to search a couple of lockers managing to find a 1911 pistol and an MP7 submachine gun. Sanford opened the next door and found it was the stairway they had come down from guarded by about five 1337 agents and three ATP agents, who all charged upon seeing him. The charge behind them blew up, which had the side effect of shutting off most of the lights.

Good thing too, things were starting to get boring.

“Do you think it’s alright?”

“I don’t know, it took quite a beating on the way down and almost drowned from what Rainbow said.”

“Oh dear, I hope it’s going to be ok.”

"I just don’t understand how something could wear such horrid clothing. All black clothing is so five years ago.”

Hank stirred a little from the voices filling his head and soon enough he was brought back into the living world.

“Hey, he’s waking up!” This voice seemed younger than the others. Hank slowly opened his eyes and found some kind of reptile staring down at him. He instantly became fully awake and reacted quickly in grabbing said reptile before rolling off the bed and drawing his Glock. He was expecting grunts or 1337 to surround him.

He did not expect horses.

“Spike!”

Talking horses at that.

‘How are they…? Oh whatever, this is hardly the strangest thing to happen to me.’ Hank backed away slowly from the horses, noting they were all different colors and apparently species, as the reptile struggled in his arms. The white one with purple hair took a step forward and looked angrily at him.

“You listen here, if you do anything to hurt little Spikey Wikey, I’ll tear you apart.” She had a feminine voice and motioned for her to back off as he started to think.

“Rarity, calm down!” the purple one who was the first to speak shouted at the white one and looked at Hank with worry in her eyes.

‘They’re not immediately hostile, which is a good start, and I’m fairly certain the A.A.H.W doesn’t hire talking horses. Or maybe they do now, I wouldn’t put it past them to try anything.’

“Listen, we’re trying to help you,” The purple mare started, “So please let Spike go. He’s just a baby.” Hank looked down at ‘Spike’ and saw the reptile look up at him with green eyes. The orange horse with a cowboy hat and the blue one looked ready to pounce on him.

‘Let’s… see how this plays out,’ Hank thought and skillfully twirled the handgun so he grabbed the barrel and switched it to his other hand. He pointed at Spike, made a walking motion with his hand, pointed at the horses, and then a writing motion before pointing to himself.

“You’ll… let him go if we give you something to write with?” the purple one asked. Hank nodded and switched the handgun back to his other hand and waited for their response. They whispered to each other for a moment before looking back at Hank. “Let him go first, and then we’ll give you something.”

‘Of course they’d say that. Still I don’t plan on hurting a kid, and I can probably take them anyway.’ Hank quickly spun Spike around, grabbed the back of his neck, and set him on the ground where he quickly ran behind the purple horse.

“Are you ok Spike?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Spike answered and rubbed his throat a little, “the guy has quite a grip though.” The assembled looked at Hank who was still cautiously pointing his handgun at them.

“I’ll get a quill and parchment for you. Just… be calm ok?” Hank nodded and the purple mare walked away keeping an eye on Hank. He was about to relax a little when the Pink one appeared in front of him, somehow.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s premier party pony. What’s your name?”

‘I have a bad feeling about this one,’ Hank thought as this ‘Pinkie’ smiled at him.

“Can’t talk huh? Or maybe you just don’t want to talk. I don’t really get why not though, talking is fun, especially with friends. Do you have any friends?”

‘THE NOOBS! I can’t believe I forgot about them!’

“What does this thing do?” Pinkie asked and poked the handgun, having somehow teleported to Hank’s side. He reacted as well as he could have, which was to toss Pinkie back to the group and was only slightly surprised that she stayed stock still in the air and landed on her hooves. “That was fun.”

“Ok, I have some parchment and a quill,” Twilight said as she reentered the room levitating said items over to Hank. He took the quill, dipped it into an inkwell that was provided, and wrote down on the parchment. He flipped the parchment around and showed it to them.

Are you A.A.H.W?

“A.A.H.W?” the purple one said and looked at her friends who shook their heads before looking back at Hank. “Is that some kind of group?”

Hank nodded his head and pointed at the group.

“Maybe they’re a bunch of professional house warmers!” Pinkie said and held a hoof to her chin, “Strange though, I’ve never heard of them before.”

“Yeah, if they are based in Equestria I’ve never heard of them.” Twilight said and they looked at Hank who visibly relaxed and lowered his weapon. He turned the parchment around and wrote something down before turning it back.

Names?

“Oh! We haven’t introduced ourselves yet have we? Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle,” the purple one said motioning to herself and pointed to each of her friends. “That’s Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie.” Each of them gave a short hello of various enthusiasm, with Rainbow Dash and Applejack still watching him carefully.

“So what’s your name?” Pinkie asked with a wide smile. Hank wrote on the parchment again.

Hank.

“That’s… kind of a plain name,” Rainbow said.

“I think it’s nice, Mr. Hank,” Fluttershy said quietly. Hank put the handgun away, fairly certain that no conflict would arise anytime soon.

“So, do you like parties?” Pinkie asked as she teleported behind Hank.

‘I really have a bad feeling about this one.’

Back in the A.A.H.W base, a couple of 1337 agents were trying to straighten up the building. Literally. This mostly entailed trying to get to the Improbability Drive by standing on top of one another’s shoulders. The one on top managed to reach the drive and punched in a command into the Drive.

In another room below that one, a few grunts and 1337 were cleaning up when Sanford dropped from a door on top of one of them. The nearest grunt took a hook to the face and Deimos poked out of the door and shot the remaining enemies. With the room cleared Deimos prepared to drop down just as the building righted itself which caused him to fall flat on his back. He quickly stood up and checked the door behind him while Sanford gave him an annoyed look. When Deimos rejoined Sanford at the next door, they agreed that Deimos should go in first.

The next room had a mingling of 1337 and ATP agents, so Deimos fired the last three rounds in his handgun, two hitting an ATP and the last one killing a 1337. The remaining agents opened fire at the door as Deimos dropped the handgun and took out the MP7. They waited until the firing stopped before they entered the room. Deimos focused on the left side of the room, killing an ATP agent and dodging a 1337 shot before killing him, while Sanford took the right and plunged his hook into a 1337’s head and flipped over him and tossed the body at an ATP agent who was taken down a moment later by a tossed hook.

Once the room was clear Deimos gave Sanford a thumbs up and walked to the next door, picking up a Beretta 92 along the way. Sanford picked up an Uzi and walked through the door with Deimos. The hallway was surprisingly empty so Sanford and Deimos to take a short break. Deimos looked out of one of the windows and stopped dead in his tracks. He shook Sanford a little and pointed out of the window.

‘What?’ was Sanford’s first thought at seeing the outside. Everything outside was filled with vibrant greens and blues which stood in stark contrast to the gray building. Sanford and Deimos exchanged looks just as the door opened to reveal a group of 1337 agents who were quickly gunned down. Sanford shook his head and walked through the open door. They can figure this out once they’re out of the base.

They entered the next room which turned out to be an office overlooking a truck garage with some grunts loading some trucks. Sanford motioned to one of the trucks and Deimos nodded and got into position near a window. Sanford went to another window and looked out to find a 1337 with a rifle, so he took out his hook and slowly opened the window. He nodded at Deimos who nodded back, so Sanford proceeded to hook the agent and dragged him up. At the same time Deimos opened fire at the agents downstairs which was soon joined by Sanford’s rifle fire.

When all visible agents were dead Deimos moved away from the window and down the stairs while Sanford covered him. As it turned out there was only one grunt left behind one of the trucks who came at Deimos wielding a knife and was quickly gunned down. Deimos tossed the empty gun and after a quick check made an ‘all clear’ motion up to Sanford and got into one of the trucks. Sanford walked by and got the garage door open and got into the passenger’s seat before Deimos started the truck and punched it.

Several 1337 agents gathered in front of the truck to stop it, but you can guess how that ended and soon the duo were home free and driving into the most colorful place either of them had seen.

Twilight and her friends had gathered in front of Hank in what had described as an explanation for what he was doing. This, as it turned out, amounted to a bunch of crude drawings of various things, such as him fighting a monster clown, zombies, and several numbers of the same man.

“So, you’re saying that you came from a place called ‘Nevada’ where you fought against this A.A.H.W… over a pie?” Twilight asked.

“And then you died,” Rarity said and Hank nodded.

“After that, you fought against a sheriff and a clown, where you died two more times,” Rainbow Dash said.

“How many times have ya died in the past?” Applejack asked to which Hank just shrugged, “That’s… not a good thing to forget.”

“In all honesty, I’m a little worried about this ‘Improbability Drive’. What exactly does that do?” Twilight asked. Hank drew a simple banana and then an arrow pointing to a box marked ‘I.D.’ and then an arrow pointing to a question mark.

“It… turns bananas into text?” Fluttershy asked.

“I think it means it can do almost anything,” Pinkie said.

“A device that can bend reality to its will? That’s… not good.” Twilight said.

“What do you mean?” Spike asked.

“Well, what other reality bender do we know about?” Twilight waited until the others realized what she meant. “Exactly, if this thing can do what Hank claims it can, then it would be more than enough to set Discord free again.”

“Oh nelly,” Applejack whispered. Hank tilted his head a little in confusion.

“Oh well, a while ago a being called Discord got freed and caused a whole lot of trouble. He apparently got out due to a small bit of chaos near his statue, so if this Drive does what you say it does…” Twilight didn’t need to finish that sentence as Hank nodded and drew a couple of heads, one with a bandana and the other with a hat and wrote Noobs? above them.

“Are those your friends?” Pinkie asked and Hank replied with a shrug.

“You were the only one we found, so if they came with you they might be with that building.” Twilight said.

“It fell to the Southeast, from what I could tell,” Rainbow said and started hovering. “I can take you there if you want.”

Hank thought deeply for a few seconds and shook his head. Sanford and Deimos were a pretty good team and could probably take care of themselves. No… something wasn’t right here.

No sooner had he thought that than a slab of concrete with a door blasted through the library wall startling all assembled. The door opened and three 1337 agents, armed with a knife, nightstick, and sword respectively walked through and charged at Hank. The knife agent stabbed at Hank, who dodged it and punched him out followed by disarming the nightstick agent and beat him and the sword agent down. Hank picked up the sword and walked through the door, which closed behind him.

The girls plus dragon just stared at the door for a few seconds before Rainbow Dash broke the silence.

“What was THAT?!”