Madness Equestria

Recommended music choice: Nuclear Mutation by Cheshyre

“This just doesn’t make sense,” Twilight said as she looked up at the gray slab sticking out of her library’s wall. From where she was standing, it looked like the slab was a few feet wide. But…

“I’m telling you, there’s a whole building in this thing!” Rainbow called down from the window, “As for what’s in the building… you don’t want to know.”

“This just doesn’t make sense. How can there be anything in that little block? How could-“

“Uh, Sugarcube, we just met someone with floating hands, dressed in black, who told us about a thinga ma jig that can change reality, and didn’t even bat an eye at three guys bursting through the wall to attack him. Ah’m fairly certain ‘sense’ isn’t going to apply here,” Applejack said.

“I agree with Applejack, we may have to look at this from a different angle,” Rarity commented.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I wonder how Hank’s friends are doing.”

Meanwhile in another part of Equestria, Sanford and Deimos were driving along completely and utterly lost. They were just coming out of a heated argument when they came across what seemed like a wooden caravan. Deimos parked the truck next to it and honked the horn. They were ready for almost anything.

“Who DARES disturb The Great and Powerful Trixie’s beauty sleep?!” A light blue pony yelled as she walked out. The three of them stared at each other for a moment in shock. “What in the name of Equestria are you?” Deimos looked at Sanford and, after a couple of exchanged gestures, Deimos grabbed the map and got out of the truck. Deimos noticed that the pony was a unicorn and was dressed in a purple cape. He showed Trixie the gray map and pointed at a part of the map.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie knows nothing of this…” Trixie squinted at the map to read it, “…Nevada. Although Trixie is sure that she would not want to do a show there.”

Deimos sagged a little and gestured to a name on the map.

“Is that supposed to be asking me where a town is?” Trixie asked and Deimos nodded. “Well, Trixie knows for a fact that the nearest town is Ponyville. It’s in that direction.” Trixie gestured in a direction and Deimos nodded and gave a casual salute to Trixie. “Well it’s nice to know somebody appreciates my help. Now be gone, Trixie must prepare for her next show!” Deimos shrugged and got into the truck, started it up, and drove away.

Sanford gestured back at Trixie in a silent question of ‘Was that seriously a talking horse?’ to which Deimos answered with a shrug, lit a cigarette, and focused on the path ahead.

“What strange creatures,” Trixie said to herself. She really should have been more surprised, but there’s only so much you can question before you just give up. She walked to her caravan’s door and it slid into the ceiling instead of opening normally. Instead of her caravan, the door’s opened into a gray hallway with similar creatures to what she had just talked with, only they were wearing suits and red sunglasses.

“What?” Trixie asked herself. The creatures made some gestures and charged at her. “Uh oh.”

When Hank entered the A.A.H.W’s base, it pretty much went how it always went with 1337 charging at him and getting horribly slaughtered. The first two got their heads sliced in half and a nightstick through their face respectively. Hank left the nightstick behind and proceeded through the rest of the 1337 who lasted about as well as was expected.

Hank drew his handgun and threw the sword into the last 1337 before walking into the next room. The closest 1337 had his back turned to the door, so Hank took him as a shield and managed to gun down the first two 1337 he saw. This caught the attention of the other 1337, who of course opened fire and killed their buddy. Hank killed another one, leaving three in the room. Two shots downed one of them and a third killed the second. The last one, armed with a micro Uzi, ran out of ammo because he was an idiot and Hank retaliated by tossing dead 1337 he was using at him and finishing him off with a shot to the head.

The door to Hank’s left opened and an ATP agent walked out with an M4. Hank grabbed the barrel of the rifle, pulled the agent closer, and shot him twice before entering the room the agent came from. He killed a couple more 1337 in the next room, emptying the handgun in the process and dropping it. Hank waited at the next door and waited for the door to open and rifle butted the ATP that walked through. Hank then swiftly killed the three 1337 and ATP agent in the next room. There weren’t any other doors in the room so Hank closed the door behind him and picked up a USP from a 1337.

Hank walked over to the ATP agent’s body and found he had been working on a computer, more specifically he was in a chat session. Hank wiped the ATP’s yellow blood off the monitor to read what was written.

ATP132: Everything is going almost as well as expected. The only real problem is that the Improbability Drive isn’t working at full power.

BIGBADAUD999: What do you mean it’s not at full power?

ATP132: The generator powering the drive was destroyed. We have enough power to it to get around, replenish weapons and troops, but anything more than that is too much for it.

BIGBADAUD999: When can you have it back up to full power? I need to be there.

ATP132: Estimates show that-

ATP132: Wait, I hear gunshots.

ATP132: I think that oojjll;

BIGBADAUD999: What does that mean?

BIGBADAUD999: *Sigh* Hank’s there, isn’t he?

BIGBADAUD999: Well then, I guess I’ll let him out.

‘Well, that can’t be good,’ Hank thought and started searching the computer. The first thing he found was a map with an arrow pointing to a mountain. Underneath it was a caption saying ‘Possible Improbability source located in city.’ Hank was about to search for more but was interrupted by a loud banging sound behind him. He whirled around and leveled the M4 with…

‘Oh crap.’

The group had moved on to trying to remove the slab from Twilight’s library with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy pulling on it from outside and Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie pushing from the inside. Needless to say, they weren’t getting anywhere.

“Well Spike, any ideas?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe this has to do with that ‘Improbability Drive’ thing Hank was talking about,” Spike answered.

“Well, it certainly was improbable. I hope nothing else happens.” Twilight watched her pegasus friends struggle for a minute longer before she sighed and called up to them, “alright stop girls, this isn’t working.” Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were more than happy to stop, throwing the ropes off of them and landing.

“I don’t get how that stupid thing is still there, it isn’t even attached to anything,” Rainbow Dash said and gestured to the slab.

“Um, Improbability Drive, remember?” Spike said.

“Spike, we are not going to use that as an excuse for everything weird that happens,” Twilight reprimanded as Applejack walked out. Applejack was about to say something when Lyra and Bon-Bon ran by screaming about monsters and ‘how everypony should panic’. “Oh, what now?!” Twilight yelled and ran in the direction Lyra and Bon-Bon ran, followed shortly by Fluttershy and Applejack.

“Stay here Spike!” Rainbow said and flew after her friends.

“…WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY BEHIND?!” Spike yelled after them.

---one minute earlier---

Lyra and Bon-Bon were having a nice lunch outside one of their favorite restaurants and chatting lively. Eventually Lyra started staring at her hooves and Bon-Bon sighed in exasperation.

“This again Lyra?” she asked.

“I’m just curious is all!” Lyra answered and wiggled her hooves at Bon-Bon, “I just want to know how humans could have done all those neat things with hands.”

“Lyra, I’ve told you already, humans are just myths. And even if they did exist I doubt that they would come to Ponyville.”

Just after that, the door behind Bon-Bon crashed open and a black clad figure landed hard against the ground. The strange thing flipped onto its feet and aimed some kind of object at the door. It happened to look over at Lyra and Bon-Bon with goggled eyes. Bon-Bon stared in shock at the thing while Lyra stared at its hands.

“A human! See Bon, I told you they were real!” Lyra yelled. Just then a massive bang shocked the pair off their chairs and the dirt near the human burst open.

“What was that?!” Bon-Bon yelled and heard a ‘chick-chick’ sound and some kind of large cannon came out of the door and fired at the human, although it dodged the shot. The cannon retracted, followed by another ‘chick-chick’. Afterwards the wall shattered as some giant monstrosity in a suit and mask burst through.

“MONSTER!” Lyra yelled.

“EVERYPONY PANIC!” Bon-Bon followed and the pair ran away as fast as they could.

Hank, for his part, was glad the pair ran away. Less chance of unnecessary casualties that way. Hank dove behind the table the pair were at just as the MAG agent fired it’s shotgun at him. Hank blind fired the M4 at the MAG agent until the clip ran out. He dropped the rifle and pulled out the USP and waited until the MAG fired again before leaping from cover and fired at the agent.

Hank knew how dangerous MAGs were and the only reason he had survived those fights were because of heavy firepower and being able to use their size against them. No such luck here, so Hank fired into the MAG’s mask until it pinned him against the wall and leveled the shotgun to his head and even then he didn’t stop firing until the gun clicked empty.

The MAG was about to fire as something tore against its body and it dropped Hank. It looked at its attacker to find a blue pegasus flying nearby with blood on one side of its body.

“Ew ew eeeew, this is disgusting!” she cried and tried to shake the blood off. The MAG fired widely at the pegasus which startled her into several aerial maneuvers. The MAG loaded a new shell just as a rope wrapped around the barrel and the whole gun was enveloped in a purple aura and it was almost pulled from it's grip.

“Hang on tight to that rope Applejack!” The MAG turned to see an orange pony gripping a rope in its mouth and purple one with a glowing horn. It grabbed the rope and effortlessly swung Applejack into the air and slammed her against Twilight.

“Um, excuse me,” a soft voice said and the MAG looked to see a yellow pegasus flying next to it. “Could you stop trying to hurt my friends?” she asked. The MAG stared at her for a moment before lifting a hand and flicking her into a window. Hank had taken the time it was distracted to try and climb up it, but was quickly knocked to the ground. The MAG fired at Hank, who had managed to dodge the shot by rolling.

“Oh no, what are we going to do Applejack?” Twilight asked.

“Get a move on everypony, those ambrosia aren’t gonna pick themselves,” Applejack replied dizzily.

The MAG pressed the shotgun against Hank’s head and loaded a shell. It was about to pull the trigger just as a horn sounded through the air. It looked to see a truck barreling towards it. The MAG managed to fire once at the truck before it slammed into its torso and drove it back into the building. Blood dripped onto the ground and the truck cab as Hank, Applejack, and Twilight stood up, the latter two retching in disgust. Rainbow Dash landed next to her friends and Fluttershy poked her head out the window before immediately pulling it back inside.

“What the hay is that thing?” Twilight asked. The door on their side clicked open and Sanford fell out, Deimos doing the same on Hank’s side. Deimos stood up, rubbed his head, and lit a cigarette as he inspected the dead MAG agent. Sanford rounded the truck and gave Deimos a slap on the head.

“I take it these are your friends Hank?” Rainbow asked as she tried to wipe the blood from her body. Hank nodded and made a couple of gestures to Sanford and Deimos. Deimos nodded and pulled out his communicator to show Hank the message while Sanford got into the truck to retrieve their weapons. Hank handed the communicator back to Deimos and rubbed his chin in thought.

“So, who’s going to clean up this mess?” Applejack asked and motioned at the MAG. Hank and Deimos shrugged, never having thought about it. Applejack looked at them angrily, but before she could say something Spike ran toward them screaming.

“Twilight! Geddje… radidy…!”

“Spike, take a deep breath and tell us calmly what happened,” Twilight said reassuringly. Sanford rejoined the group and stared curiously at the dragon. Spike took a deep breath.

“Rarity… Pinkie Pie… taken… suits!” Spike got out and collapsed in a breathless heap on the ground. Hank, Sanford, and Deimos shared a look and Sanford checked the magazine in his rifle.

“Those suit guys took Rarity and Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow yelled.

“Oh no,” Applejack added. Just then, a gray door shot from the ground, opened up, and a flashbang was tossed out. Sanford and Hank were the only ones quick enough to avoid getting blinded when the grenade went off. Some ATP and OBSV agents ran out and Sanford managed to kill a few of them before the rifle clicked empty, Hank killing an OBSV bare handed. Unfortunately two ATP agents grabbed Rainbow Dash and dragged her into the slab.

“Girls help!” Rainbow called as the door closed and the slab shot back into the ground, the hole closing up behind it.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled and tried digging at where the hole was, her ears still ringing and her vision spotted. Fluttershy, having heard the commotion outside, flew out of the window and grabbed Twilight.

“Twilight, calm down!” Fluttershy said forcefully, just shy short of shouting.

“But they took Rainbow, Rarity and Pinkie! We have to save them!” Twilight shouted with tears in her eyes.

“And we will Sugarcube,” Applejack said and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders, “but to do that, ya need to calm down!”

Deimos rubbed the stars from his eyes and he, Sanford, and Hank shared a look. Things just got a lot more complicated.

Trixie woke from unconsciousness and coughed a little. The cough turned into a wheeze as she looked around the dark room.

Where was she?

And why was it so hard to breathe?