Princess Luna sat upon her throne, stoically, as the few petitioners to her Night Court came to plead their cases. Currently, this included a stallion with an ill-fitting tweed coat wrapped around his generous barrel, mane slicked back. The stallion in question struck Luna as somewhat desperate, and she made a token attempt to pay attention despite her internal desire to roll her eyes.

"I mean, Your Highness, I just don't think that Ritzy Glitz opening her club so close to mine is fair! It's killing my business!" The stallion pawed at the throne room floor, glaring over at a well put together unicorn mare, who glanced back with amusement.

Foals, all of them. Foals in grown pony's clothing. Coming to cry to Mother because 'she's on my siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!' Luna held back a disgusted snort, barely, and turned her attention to the mare.

"Surely, Your Highness, this simply means that Mr. Lights here just needs to change his business model?" Her cultured voice swept through the hall, and a small smile snaked across her dark muzzle. "Why, in fact, I even have all my permits and zoning approvals here, if you care to take a look?" At Luna's stiff nod, Ritzy Glitz floated the folder to Luna's assistant, who leafed through the paperwork as all parties waited with varying levels of patience.

"It's all in order, Your Highness. Her club has all the necessary paperwork to operate at its current location." The bat-winged assistant passed the paperwork on to Luna, who after a cursory glance at it, nodded.

"I don't see the problem, Strobing Lights."

Furious, the stallion ground his teeth. "The problem is that she's stealing my customers!"

Suppressing an eye roll once more, she looked down at him with her best imitation of her sister's beatific calm. "Then steal them back, if you can. If you can't, know when you are bested. Competition is simply part of business. I will not order her club shut down simply because you need to compete. I find in favor of the defendant, Ms. Ritzy Glitz. You are both dismissed."

The unicorn mare bowed, red ringlets pooling on the floor, before rising and trotting out of the hall with a spring to her step. Strobing Lights stood for a few moments more, appearing lost in thought. Luna tilted her head to the stallion, curious and a bit annoyed.

"Is there a further issue, Mr. Lights?"

He pawed at the floor, snapping out of his reverie. "N-not as such, Your Highness. I just wanted to say, you know, if you ever wanted to visit my club, you've got free VIP access to everything. On me."

Luna allowed herself a dry, polite chuckle. "We appreciate your offer, Mr. Lights. Now, as this matter is closed..." She trailed off, rising from her divan and stretching her wings. "...We have other matters requiring our prompt attention."

The stallion scrambled backwards slightly, nodding. "Of course, of course. I shouldn't be away from my club longer now, I guess, since there have to be some changes..." He bowed, hastily, before cantering back out through the door to the throne room.

Yes. Run off with your tail between your legs like a scolded child. He knows he wasted my time. So why do it?

Once her night guards shut the doors, Luna allowed herself to bow her head, taking deep breaths. Her unfurled wings scraped at the floor, and her mane hung flat against her neck. After her misunderstanding with Merry Weather, she was in no mood for matters of trivial importance. Still, she allowed herself a quick congratulations for not yelling at the stallion with his ridiculous petition.

Raising her head, she began a sedate trot to the doors. Turning to the guard to the right, she inclined her head slightly. "Private Moon Dancer, I will be retiring to my quarters. Please see to it that none disturb me unless it's a severe emergency petition."

Moon Dancer bowed. "Of course, My Lady." Luna walked from the throne room, hooves nearly dragging on the pristine marble floors, and Moon Dancer's brow furrowed. She turned to her fellow guard, eyebrow raised, as Luna finally got a safe distance away.

"Hey, Juno. What's stuck in her craw? I mean, like, more than usual." Moon Dancer shook her mane out of her face, pale blue eyes still narrowed in thought.

Her partner shrugged, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. "Who knows? Maybe she had a disagreement with Princess Celestia." Juno and Moon Dancer took up their rigid posts beside the throne room doors once again, spears held upwards.

After a moment, Juno rolled her dark eyes as she heard Moon Dancer chuckling. "What is it, Moony?"

"What if she had a dispute with a lover? Heehee... Oh, that would be something." Moon Dancer had to physically restrain herself from hopping from hoof to hoof; as it was, her head bobbed in amusement as she eyed her partner.

Juno could only snort, pale wings shifting uncomfortably on her back. "Don't be ridiculous. Princess Luna is above such things."

Maybe I just need to go on a date. Take my mind off all this. Firmly seated in her computer chair and bathed in the blue glow of her monitor, Luna nodded to herself absently. Almost bored, she clicked on the familiar bookmark of AdultFriendFinder, and scrolled through the new messages that had accumulated in the past day or so.

"Boring, boring, oh Celestia no, boring..." She snuggled down more deeply in her black hoodie, relishing its inviting warmth and sipping at her coffee. "Although, given how my last date with a more eloquent pony went, I suppose I should give one of these 'hi' ponies a chance." So musing, she continued to scroll through the dozens of messages, eyes flicking up and down the page.

And then paused.

There, on the glowing screen, was a very different introduction message.

Just so you know, I think you're a narcissistic bitch. Just as a heads up.

Luna hiked a brow, and glanced at the pony's information attached to the message. Ah. Far outside my age range. Why bother with this message? She tapped her chin, musing to herself, before calling out absently, "Hey, Merry Wea—" She caught herself, cheeks burning in shame, as she glanced around to the bed where the unicorn would normally be lounging.

No matter. I'm sure I can sort this out on my own. Now, 'narcissistic', let's see. I have pictures of myself up, but it's necessary for sites like this. I have a blurb, let me re-read that... Clicking through to her own profile, she read it over.

Looking for like-minded single ponies for possible dates or more. Please be between the ages of 35 and 45, preferably. Immortals welcome. All races and species welcome. I enjoy stargazing, night flights, and experimenting with magic.

Her eyes roamed further to her photos tab. Ten photos, five full body (in disguise, naturally) and five head shots. All in all, Luna could not see where the "narcissistic" came from, let alone the "bitch" part.

"Huh."

She tapped out a message in return.

I'm unclear on where you're getting that idea. Please cite your examples. Thank you!

Thus certain she had been both polite and firm, she rolled back from the computer and stretched out, shaking her hoodie sleeves back down as her forelegs flopped back down on the armrests. Spinning idly in her chair, she glared at the ceiling, lost in her thoughts. I think Merry Weather's... get-together... thing... was tonight. I hope she's having fun. With an irritable grunt, she pushed back to the computer desk, scrolling again through the screen.

Another message caught her eye, and she smiled despite herself.

Hi. Uh, so, your profile did say you were okay with pretty much all races. So, I wondered, could we maybe meet up for drinks or dinner? You seem really straightforward, and I appreciate that in a pony.

She clicked through, seeing his profile lacked a picture, but was intrigued upon seeing "chimera" listed as his species. She bent back over the keyboard.

That would be most agreeable. I could certainly use a relaxing evening. How does late drinks at The Prancing Pony sound?

Sending it off to her potential suitor, Luna was interrupted by another gold "1" in her inbox. Clicking it, she noted it came from the pony that had called her... less than kind things.

Whatever, you just don't know what you're missing. Younger doesn't always mean better, unless we're talking about baby corn.

"Ha! So it was the age range. Stallions can be so predicable..." She noted the rude pony's cutie mark, before rising to prepare for her date with the chimera.

Her horn glowed, and her stature shrunk, taking her down to the size of that Fleur De Lis pony she saw in all the magazines. Her coat went a shade darker and a shade up, turning it into an extremely darkened version of Twilight Sparkle. Her cutie mark morphed and twisted to a crescent moon with two stars, and the normal splotching on her hindquarters migrated to her hooves and lower forelegs instead. With a stronger effort of will, her wings vanished from her body, and she trotted to the mirror to check on her transformation.

Oh, right. Mane. Another concentration later, and dark orange ringlets cascaded down her neck and chest, reaching nearly to her knees. There. Levitating over a pair of plain black saddlebags, she slid in her bits and a particular book before snagging her cell phone in her magic.

Going out. Chimera this time. At Prancing Pony.

Her sister's response was swift.

k. ill wait up. u should chk on merry

Snorting irritably, she shook her mane.

I'm sure she's fine, sister mine. I doubt she'd want to hear from me, anyway.

Another soft ding sounded from her phone, and she stamped at it with her magic.

i think ur wrong.

Rolling her eyes, Luna tapped out a response.

You always think I'm wrong. That's not exactly news. But I will be safe and check in with you when I return.

Text to her sister sent, she slid the phone into the bag and concentrated on her magic until she disappeared with a faint pop and a whiff of ozone.

Her post-teleportation landings were always rather unsteady. Illusion magic might be easy, but maintaining the illusion while teleporting? Not so much. She caught herself on the cobblestones, taking a deep breath of the crisp night air before composing herself and glancing around with her newly rose-colored eyes.

She'd landed in an alley near The Prancing Pony, and towards the end of the alley, she could see ponies moving to and fro in a much more sedate and relaxed manner than they did during her sister's day. Her first true grin of the day blossomed on her face as she watched older ponies canter and play through the streets, teasing one another playfully as magelights danced merrily to either side. This is what I was missing. Not dating, or any of that. Just being around my little ponies and seeing them love the night I bring.

Trotting to the end of the alley, she remembered the weight of the book in her saddlebag. Oh, right. She lit her horn, and the book disappeared from the bag, bulge noticeably absent. With a happy grin, she continued to The Prancing Pony.

thump

The stallion grumbled. "What the hay was that? Somepony tryin' to break in? I'll break your legs... probably." Muttering still to himself, he walked irritably to the living room where the noise had come from.

There was nothing there.

Confused, he glanced around more closely, eyes roaming his couches and tables in the darkened room. "I'm sure I heard it. My ears aren't going yet..." His eyes lit upon his fireplace, and more specifically, the grate within. Craning his head inside, the bemused pony noted that the innocent little book, clearly an Aesop's Fable book for foals, had landed open. His eyes scanned the page.

The Fox and the Grapes

Huffing, he slammed it shut. "I could have sworn I closed the stupid flue."

The low lighting of the bar greeted Luna as she slipped inside, eyes roaming the interior. The Prancing Pony was a quiet place, tables of ponies murmuring to each other and punctuated occasionally by bursts of laughter. Seeing nobody fitting the description the chimera had given, Luna slid up to the bar.

"Excuse me?" She waved a hoof politely at the bartender, who slung a bar towel over her shoulder and trotted to Luna.

"What can I get you, miss?"

"I was going to take a table, actually. I'm meeting somebody here. He's a chimera, so he'll be easy to pick out. Would it be possible for you to point him in my direction once you see him? Though, I'd love a rum and coke, if you have a moment." Luna pulled her bag of bits from her saddlebags as the bartender bustled about, mixing her simple drink with practiced ease.

Setting it down before Luna, the pegasus smiled. "Two bits, please. And I'd be happy to point your date in your direction."

Luna slipped her three bits for her trouble, trotting over to a secluded table towards the back, drink carefully levitated beside her. She slid into the booth, content to watch the ponies around her as she waited. A pegasus and unicorn couple occupied the table closest, and she couldn't help but smile at how the pegasus mare batted her eyes, the unicorn stallion blushing and trying to hide it with a deep pull of his drink. The machinations of love, Luna mused, might not be something she was the best at, but lust was certainly something she understood. Her eyes softened, and she continued to glance around.

She didn't need to wait long. A large, dog-like form soon darkened the doorway, and she froze, only her eyes moving as she took in the blue fur, traced his markings, and observed his large, monkey-like paws. Oh no. Oh nonononono. She allowed herself one ladylike facehoof while he was preoccupied with the bartender, who quailed back slightly from the massive chimera but pointed a wing in her direction all the same. Ohhhhhhhhhhh no.

The chimera lumbered over, gleaming rictus of a smile upon its face as it sat carefully in the undersized chair across from the disguised Princess. "Hi. So... I'm Ahuizotl." His paw shot nervously over the table as he extended it for a handshake, nearly impaling it on Luna's horn.

She took the proffered paw gingerly, shaking it with her hoof. "Ah. Yes. Hello. I'm Crescent Moon."

Both parties fidgeted for a moment.

Luna decided to break the silence. "So! What do you do for fun?" She began sucking down her drink as she waited for him to talk.

Twisting his paws nervously, he nodded. "Right! Um. I mostly fight my sworn enemy for various treasures and artifacts across Equestria and beyond."

Luna blinked. "Oh. A 'sworn enemy'? That's... nice."

Ahuizotl, visibly sweating, just nodded. "Yeah. Uh, her name is Daring Do. She's... kind of in the way. Oh!" He perked up suddenly, smiling more genuinely. "And! Also. I know royalty!"

It took all of her considerable might not to choke on the mass of rum and coke that was currently making its way down her throat at his proclamation. Rubbing at her throat, she cleared it gently, and tried a smile of her own. "Oh?"

He nodded vigorously. "Yeah! Celestia and Luna. They, uh, foiled a plot of mine."

Ducking below the table to feign rummaging in her saddlebags, Luna allowed herself a breathless, silent laugh before sitting up straight again. "Oh, what a... shame."

Silence reigned at the table after that for a time, Ahuizotl wringing his paws while Luna sucked down her drink to nothing. Finally, Luna cleared her throat again. "Do you... do you do anything but that?"

Ahuizotl blinked across the table at her. "Um. I, uh. I like to knit, sometimes?"

Rubbing her temple with a hoof, Luna sighed. "Look, I'm not really feeling any chemistry, here, Ahu—Awi—look, can I just call you Schnitzel?"

"I—no! Of course not! I'm the great and amazing Ahuizotl!" His fists balled on the table, knuckles straining at his blue fur as he glared at the disguised princess.

Luna tapped her chin. "Hm. No, sorry. It's not sticking for some reason, Schnitzel."

With a roar of frustration, Ahuizotl stomped out of the bar, knocking the door frame on his way out. The pegasus bartender sidled up to Luna's table carefully, blinking in confusion.

"So. Um. Can I get you another drink, or...?"

Luna sighed.

A glass of red wine, bathed in a dark orange aura, landed between the hooves of the yellow unicorn. Startled, Merry Weather reflexively took the glass in her own magic before glancing upwards into the face of her friend. "Sorry, Mers. You just looked really lost there for a minute, and I didn't want you to miss out on this wine." The beige unicorn mare grinned, sweeping aside a lock of silver hair, and Merry Weather tried on a returning smile.

"Sorry, Thistle. I've just been... really preoccupied tonight. My bad." She sipped at the wine, rolling the deep flavors through her mouth as her friend settled on the couch beside her.

"Yeah, we could kinda tell. Is this about that mare?"

Merry elected to not answer at first. Instead, she shifted her attention to the kitchen door, from which the sounds of three slightly tipsy unicorn mares could be heard arguing about the actual best way to make hot chocolate cookies. She chuckled, knowing that whatever came out of that kitchen would be close to inedible if the three decided to combine their recipes. Her mirth was interrupted by a hoof to her side, and she glanced at Thistle, annoyed.

Thistle was leaning almost disturbingly close, eyes dancing with merriment. "Weeeeeeeeeell? Is it?"

Merry snorted. "Nosy bitch."

"So that's a yes. You can't let stuff like that get to you, Merry. I mean, you met her at work. You know what they say! Don't shit where you eat." With that wise proclamation, Thistle took a deep pull of her own wine, ear perking at the sharp smack of a baking pan hitting the floor.

"I didn't say I wanted to date her. I'm just upset because I thought we were friends but apparently not. That's all it is."

"If that was all it was, you wouldn't be sulking like this."

Merry took her turn to playfully smack her friend with a hoof. "As if you'd know."

Nodding her head with mock solemnity, Thistle replied gravely, "True, true. Celestia forbid the great and mighty Merry Weather show some semblance of equine love." She lost her composure, giggling madly. "Merry 'Ice Queen' Weather."

"Hey." The two glanced up at the kitchen door, from which a pale pink head capped with equally pale blue locks of hair poked out. "That title is mine." The unicorn took a pull of her own glass, ignoring another smack of a baking pan. "I mean, the 'Ice Queen' part. You're quite welcome to your own name, Merry Weather."

"Ha! You spread 'em for any stallion in the town, Dainty." Thistle rolled her eyes. "I don't know who you think you're kidding."

"Excuse you. Stallion or mare, remember? Equal opportunity employer, I am. I mean, as long as they're not married. Or gross. Or assholes." Dainty thrust her nose into the air, looking down it at the two on the couch. "I am at least ethical about it. I mean, I don't bang ponies from work, at least."

"For the last time, I don't want to bang her!" Merry threw her forelegs up, upsetting her glass in the process. She glared at Thistle. "This is your fault."

"Me?"

Staring incredulously, Merry nodded. "Yes! If you hadn't run your mouth with some choice editing you made on the fly, our friends wouldn't all think I'm pining for work pussy!"

"Oh." Thistle nodded sagely. "Yeah, that's probably true."

Letting out a groan of frustration, Merry Weather buried her face in her hooves, ignoring the wine splashed across them. The ringing doorbell barely registered in her mind.

"Lemme go get that, it might be Glitter Pop." Thistle pranced away to the door, leaving Merry Weather to consider just calling the night a wash and leaving. Her musings were interrupted by Thistle's voice again, calling out from the foyer. "Meeeeeeeeeerryyyyyyyyyyyy! It's for youuuuuuuuuuuu!"

Merry blinked. "This isn't my house. How is it for me?"

"I dunno, mare, but there's a chick at the door for you!"

Confused and grouchy, Merry Weather walked heavily to the door. "Is this about my mail? Because if it is, I'm pretty sure it could have waited..." She trailed off, staring at the mare in the door, uncomprehending.

The mystery mare smiled nervously, extending a hoof. "Hi, Merry Weather. You might not recognize me, but..."

"No, I recognize you." She ignored the hoof for now, electing instead to roam her eyes across the mare. Huh. She got better at this.

"Oh." The mare in the doorway dropped a mottled hoof to the welcome mat, scuffing across it nervously.

Thistle looked from one, to the other, and back again. She took another pull of her wine, considered something for a moment, and then spoke. "So, like, you gonna invite her in, or what?"

"Two things about that, Thistle. Number one, this is your house, so you're the one that does the inviting. And number two, I'd prefer if you didn't until something happens." Merry kept her eyes, unflinching, on the mare in the doorway.

Thistle snorted. "'Something'? Be a little more vague there, Merry."

"No, I get it." The new mare took a deep breath, locking eyes with Merry Weather, and nodding. "I... I am sorry. I am. Truly. My sister told me what happened. I didn't realize my own insecurity would cause such offense. Friends?" The last word came out, wavering, and her hoof extended with the same waver. Her smile trembled, and it was clear the mare expected to be rebuffed.

Keeping on her stoic mask, Merry looked at the proffered hoof, then back at the face of the mare, and then back to the hoof. Sighing, she reached her own hoof out to wrap around the disguised princess'. "Friends." With no warning, she yanked Luna over the doorstep, wrapping her in a tight hug. "But no more of this nonsense, okay?"

"Okay." As the two shared a hug, Thistle rolled her eyes, shutting the door with a back hoof.

"So much for this being 'my house'."

"Shut up, Thistle."

"Yes ma'am."

Author's Note

Pre-read by the awesome Wanderer D.

Moon Dancer the Bat Pony is owned by my unproblematic fave Mr101 and used with permission.

Use of "Schnitzel" and that version of Ahuizotl shamelessly taken from FoughtDragon01 and his hilarious story "Ultimate Power is Finally... Mine?" which you should totally check out and yes, used with permission.

Juno, Thistledown, Dainty, and Merry's other friends were kind of randomly made up by me.

Hot Chocolate Cookies are totally a thing and I'm happy to share how to make 'em if you want. They're amazeballs.