"I'm just not so sure..." The controller wavered in the pale green cloud of magic for a moment, the owner of said magic glancing from her comfortable perch on the bed over to Luna.

"Merry Weather, what is your job here at the castle?" Luna sounded almost bored, but there was a hint of mischief to her voice that prompted Merry to suppress an eyeroll.

"To look after whatever needs you might have?" The controller came up again, round button depressed until a screen popped up, highlighting a game that appeared to Merry to revolve around carts and the theft thereof.

Taking a sip of her coffee and wriggling more comfortably in her chair, Luna nodded. "Indeed. And I say that what I need is for you to sit and amuse yourself until I need your input on our... recent project." She grinned, glancing back at the unsure yellow unicorn. "And since I am such a gracious and beloved princess, I offer to you technological marvels with which to give thyself the aforementioned amusement." Luna's magic guided her mouse to click on the now-familiar AdultFriendFinder bookmark.

"If you insist, Your Highness." Merry did a mock half-salute from the bed before turning back to the game, selecting her character and starting her mission as her princess huffed and turned back to her computer.

Blotting out the sounds of the game behind her, Luna scrolled through her messages, almost bored. The vast majority were simply "hi", followed up by a few "how r u"'s and a splash of "heyyyy" for good measure. She was irritated already due to Celestia's last failed foray into romance, and this certainly didn't help.

How was she supposed to know that particular Great Old One was married?

Her irritation only grew with the onslaught of boring messages. The replies she got back from her initiations were no better. Luna tried to craft each message with particular attention to what caught her eye about that particular pony, but her messages were often simply met with requests to meet and rut. Those she normally ignored and let the conversation die.

It's not that she didn't desire sex, of course. She simply had certain criteria a pony had to meet, first.

A new message popped into her inbox, and Luna's ears flicked in irritation.

Casual sex?

Annoyed, the Princess bent over her keyboard to respond.

What about it?

A soft ding indicated two things to Luna. The first being that he had replied. The second being that he had replied far too quickly for it to be a message of any substance, unless the stallion was a very swift typist indeed. Taking a sip of her coffee, she clicked it.

with me

She hiked a brow, clicking through to the stallion's profile. She noted he had filled out absolutely nothing on it besides his age and his assorted sexual fetishes. She sighed, preparing her response.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like there's much to go on based on your profile. We can certainly meet for dinner, if you like, and see where things go from there.

"Merry?" Luna swiveled in her chair, noting with amusement Merry Weather perched on the edge of the bed, tip of her tongue pushed out in concentration as she levitated the controller and appeared, on the screen, to be running from the police. Since she seemed engrossed in the game, Luna cleared her throat, trying again, a little louder. "Merry?"

Still nothing.

Rolling her eyes, Luna snaked over a tendril of her magic, pressing the "start" button on the controller to pause the game. Merry blinked, shaking her head, orange mane flipping to and fro as Luna raised her voice again. "Merry."

Rubbing the back of her head with a hoof, Merry Weather offered a sheepish grin. "Yes, Your Highness?"

"Just as a heads up, might have a date. If I need help preparing, I'd like to forego that awful curling iron." Interrupted by a soft ding, Luna swiveled back to the screen to check the message.

"It was just to make your mane look nicer! It was hard to go from seeing what it is now to being more like mine." Merry Weather hopped off the bed, trotting to Luna's side. Luna, however, was tilting her head at the screen.

no jus lemme come over n we can fuck, i got condoms n i didnt fill out my profile cuz i dont want my wife to know so where you live at ill cum over

"Spoke too soon, Merry Weather." Massaging her temple with a hoof, she glanced to her maid. "Would you be so kind as to bring me some more coffee?"

"Of course!" The unicorn trotted from the room, carrying Luna's favorite mug behind her in her telekinesis. The princess leaned over her keyboard once more, suppressing the desire to find and throttle the cheating stallion and instead employing a much more measured response.

I'm not interested in married stallions. I'm here looking for likeminded singles. I'd also need to know and like you to allow you to, as you put it, "fuck" me, which is why I had proposed a meeting first. Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for, whatever that may be.

Confident that her response had both been polite and a firm no, she nodded to herself. This new age she was still adjusting to had ponies that seemed to need to be spoken to like foals in order to keep them happy. She had asked Celestia about the changes, about how they had gone from a society that nearly feared the princesses to one that revered them as motherly creatures. Of course, Celestia had merely smiled that enigmatic smile she had and told her, simply, "Times change."

She smirked to herself. Of course they do. Time was there was none of this "nobles" nonsense, and time was that we could just build harems. Ah, well. They were too much work to maintain anyway. Her musings were interrupted by the entrance of her maid and friend, Merry Weather, and more importantly the steaming cup of coffee in her magical grasp.

Taking it gratefully, Luna gulped it down. I wonder why I'm so tired... I don't even usually need to sleep! Merry tilted her head. "Are you alright, Princess?"

"I am alright, thank you. Just a bit tired." A ding sounded from her computer again, and she halfheartedly clicked the message. It was, surprisingly, from the same stallion as before.

whatever you teasing attention whore cunt saying you want sex but then you dont give it up you bitches are all the same fucking attention whores i bet thats not even you in your profile pic you pig

"Um." Luna, for a moment, was thunderstruck enough to say no more. Concerned, Merry Weather peered at the screen, swiftly reading the message chain.

"Ah."

"But, a moment..." Luna cocked an eyebrow as she glanced at her friend. "Isn't the entire purpose of these sites to try to draw the attention of an appropriate suitor?"

Merry bobbed her head. "Yes. You make a profile to show what you're looking for and what you bring to the table in that regard, and you hope it attracts the type of pony you want to meet up with."

Luna made a small non-committal noise under her breath. "Indeed. And that includes photographs and paragraphs about oneself, correct?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

"And, further," the princess continued, "even if one has a profile dedicated to finding sexual partners, one is permitted to be choosy about said partners, correct?"

"Three for three, Your Highness. In fact, I would go so far as to say a pony should be picky about their partners, if only for safety's sake."

"Then, in summary, one could say that the entire point of sites such as these is to be, as he called it, an 'attention whore', and after garnering attention, evaluating the suitability of each potential partner?"

"Yep. That's what I do." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Merry stuffed a hoof against her own face. Aaaand here it comes...

Indeed, the Princess of the Night was looking at her maid playfully, a smile tugging at her lips. "Oh? Then do, please, advise me. Earn thy bits."

Cheeks burning, Merry Weather nonetheless cleared her throat and attempted to keep a professional tone to her voice. "Well, ah, I would say to either ignore the message, or you can write back a scathing reply. It's really up to you."

Luna blinked at the softly glowing screen before shrugging. "I suppose somepony ought to explain to him how these sites work, to spare him further embarrassment."

"That is very wise. I'm just going to go back to the game, if that's okay?" Still embarrassed, Merry glanced at the television, wanting nothing more than to engross herself in another world where she didn't just obliquely admit to the Princess of Equestria that she had a dating profile to find ponies to have sex with.

"Of course, of course." Luna waved her off, before composing her own message back to the stallion.

Regardless of your rude comments, I have decided to assist you. The point of a profile here is to get attention, so yes, one could say we all are, in our own ways, being "attention whores", as you put it. One could even argue that you yourself are even worse, considering you are already paired with a wife that you are being unfaithful to, thus attempting to have your cake and eat it too in the attention department.

If you want sex, it seems quicker and more expedient to simply request it of your wife. If she is unable or unwilling, you two ought to discuss other possibilities as a couple. If sex is more important to you than the trust and companionship of your wife, at the very least, do not be a coward about it.

Additionally, when you are being turned down, it is not charming nor does it speak to any good qualities you might have when you resort to insults. It smacks of sour grapes. It is not, as the younger ponies say, "a good look".

Good luck.

After sending off the message, the princess cheerfully hit the "block this user" button, and sat back with a smile. Perhaps that will help him. Turning in her chair, steaming coffee in her magical grasp, she watched Merry Weather play her game for a time. I really shouldn't tease her. I really, really shouldn't. She took a sip, considering her own thoughts, before smiling. I shall, though, regardless. She hopped easily over to the bed, settling down beside Merry to watch her play the game. After a few moments, she cleared her throat.

"So! Merry Weather." The unicorn blanched, yellow coat during distinctly more pale as she paused the game and looked up at Luna, who was curled suspiciously close.

"Y-yes, Your Highness?"

"You seem to have rather... intimate knowledge of these sites.". Luna fluttered her eyes at the small unicorn, who swallowed hard, ostensibly paying attention to her game while her blush belied her discomfort.

"Well, you know..." On-screen, Merry's character erratically fired off shots at whoever got too close before running off. "Just, you know, I'm grown and all so... so yes, I've had... I have... profiles like that. It's not a big deal. L-Lots of ponies do." The controller wavered slightly in her grasp and she tightened it, trying to put out thoughts of the Princess' well-meaning teasing from her head. Clearing her throat, she pasted on a smile. "So! This game, I like it! I like this mission especially. Have you done it yet?"

Luna tracked the character's progress on the screen, and stifled a smile. "Yes, I have. Though, I cannot help but notice, Merry, that you are going in quite the wrong direction." The unicorn's eyes flicked to the map, and she narrowed her eyes.

"I knew that."

Luna stayed curled beside Merry Weather, letting the pony play the game as she let her mind wander. Moments passed, her ethereal mane dropping against her neck as her brain ticked over. She was missing something, she knew, but what? Luna shifted her hooves against the duvet before turning again, clearing her throat. "Ah, Merry. I have a question."

Merry Weather paused her game again, turning to the Princess as she caught the somber tone. Oh dear. "Yes, Your Highness?"

Pawing at the duvet, it was Luna's turn to blush. "What do you... do? By which I mean, outside the castle. Not in the bedroom! Not like that." She held up a warding hoof, attempting to explain herself. "Although, we are in a bedroom. That's not what I mean, however."

Blinking in surprise, Merry tilted her head. "Then what do you mean?"

"I know you as a maid, and more recently, as a friend of sorts. However, I do not know you. Do you go home to a stallion or mare at night? Have you any foals? Have you... friends?" Luna kept her gaze fixed firmly on the bed beneath her, eyebrows furrowed slightly. Feeling Merry's confused gaze on her, the Princess glanced up. "I feel... bad? That I do not know these things about you."

And then, Merry Weather understood.

Turning off her game, she turned her attention fully to the Princess, a small smile on her face. "I don't have a coltfriend or a fillyfriend, no, and I don't have any foals, either... I don't really want foals, to be honest. And I have a little circle of friends. We like to go out to plays, and to dinner, and sometimes we all just meet of an evening at somepony's house and share a bottle of wine and talk." Merry nodded to herself. "It's nice."

Luna's smile grew wistful, and she looked down at Merry. "It sounds wonderful indeed. Once upon a time, my sister and I did the same."

Shifting over a little, the unicorn smiled up at the Princess again. "Well, why don't you now?" At Luna's raised eyebrow, Merry continued. "I mean, if you used to, why not do it now? You seem willing to try dating, so why not just... socializing? Tell you what. Thistledown, a friend of mine, is having a small get-together at her house. Maybe four ponies. She always says we can bring someone with us, so if you like, you can come with me! It'd be fun."

Luna's hoof continued to worry at the fabric of the duvet, and she knit her brows in thought. "Well. I suppose. Perhaps? I do not know." At Merry's confused look, Luna sighed. "I am unlike my sister. I cannot be friendly with ponies while keeping my distance. It is against my nature. At the same time, I also cannot risk being too close to ponies, for fear of sabotage, or accusations of favoritism. I have seen those things undermine kingdoms before."

Swallowing past a sudden lump in her throat, Merry flicked the game back on, running aimlessly through the virtual city. "I see. Yet you would date?"

Luna snorted. "Not as myself, I recognized the wisdom of your suggestion after that first date. I would not take a husband, or consort, as Cadence has done, no. Even I desire occasional companionship, though." She sighed, glancing to her maid. "So, you see, I must be careful. I do appreciate all your help and all that you do here."

Giving up on her pretense of the game, Merry Weather shut it off, setting the controller down perhaps a bit too hard on the console stand. "I understand." She stood, stiffly, leaping to the floor before bowing to Luna. "Was there anything else you require, Your Highness? I remember I am needed in the kitchens this evening."

"I... no?" Luna tilted her head, looking down at Merry Weather, confusion writ large upon her face. "I am quite well. However, should you wish, I am sure I can arrange for you to be reassigned here for the duration of the evening—"

"I would prefer the kitchen at the moment, if it pleases Your Highness." The unicorn looked up at the princess, swallowing past that lump again. "I could do with a change of scene."

Ten minutes later, and Luna still sat curled on her bed, frozen. Did I do something wrong? So she mused in her head, wondering what had affected such a change in her maid before her train of thought was interrupted by three strong knocks on her door.

"Luna. Let me in." Her older sister's voice rang through the door, and Luna winced. Probably here to yell at me about that date she had, again. Reluctantly, she snaked her magic to the door, opening it with a soft touch of telekinesis to admit her sister. To Luna's surprise, instead of stern anger, Celestia's face radiated mere annoyance mixed with concern.

The Sun Princess climbed up onto the bed beside her little sister, smiling down at her sadly. "Luna. I am going to do something right now, and I must ask you to forgive me."

Luna nodded. "Of course, but what—" She was cut off as Celestia's fluffy and deceptively strong wing caught her upside her head, sending her ethereal mane flaring. "Ow!" She rubbed the back of her head with a forehoof, glaring at Celestia. "If this is about your date, I think you've punished me more than enough for—"

"That was not for my date. Also, take this." That same wing now wrapped around Luna, hugging her close. The two sat quietly like that for a few moments, before Celestia broke the silence. "I ran into Merry Weather in the hall. She was on her way to the courtyard."

"She had said she had assignment in the kitchens—"

"She was trying very hard not to cry. Brave little pony. Apparently, she was very hurt that you were willing to go on dates to find ponies to rut with, but refused to come out with her to a friend's house because of national security concerns." Celestia glanced at her sister askance. "Of course, she didn't word it that way. She was much more polite."

Luna bowed her head, closing her eyes as she felt her cheeks begin to burn. "I did not mean to hurt her feelings. She is a fine maid—"

"She has been your friend. Completely and without reservation." Celestia sighed, head drooping as she pulled her sister closer to her, downy wing enveloping the smaller alicorn almost completely. "I know we both know that it's more of a national security risk to take random lovers, Luna—the infamous honeypot. So tell me, what is really going on?"

The silence spun out for a moment, before Luna laid her head against her sister's neck, answering in a whisper. "I'm scared."

"Of friendship, but not of... of random 'hookups', as it's called?"

"I can disguise myself better than anypony, Celestia. If I will it, nopony I should spend an evening with need know who I truly am." Luna laid her head on her hooves, looking at the ground in thought. "The same goes for a friend made and kept over this computer device as well. They never need know who I truly am, either. Merry knows I am one of the Princesses. I cannot hide that from her. If I were to become her friend, I would be unable to hide the rest, too." She shifted uncomfortably. "And I will endure, where she will die. I do not wish to become close to somepony, only to lose them. I do not know how Cadence even bears the thought of it."

Celestia mulled this over, troubled eyes fixed on the back of her sister's head. She had a point, but even still... "Luna? You remember Applejack, right?"

Pulled from her own thoughts, Luna blinked in surprise. "Of course. I recall with clarity each of my saviors."

"What is her Element, again?"

"Honesty. Honest Applejack."

"Indeed." Celestia stood, stretching with feline grace before hopping to the floor. "I think, perhaps, that is the first Element of Friendship you should study."

Celestia trotted from the room, leaving Luna thunderstruck on the bed.

Well, crap.

Author's Note

This was meant to be a little filler chapter and then the last part happened

SORRY

anyway enjoy, or not

whichever