Falling Backwards

Faint white clouds gathered in the sky, blurring the horizon and the fields. Wind rustled gently through the bare tree limbs and lifted the crisp, fallen leaves off the forest floor. Dust and debris kicked into the air. It swirled about in miniature tornadoes that swirled up to the sky before dispersing and scattering its contents once more. The breeze gradually began to grow chilly and the two mares in its midst retreated to the warmth of a nearby home. The double doors clicked shut just as the first flakes of snow began to drift from the sky.

Across a mostly frozen creek stood a little cottage. It was coated in shrubs and ivy and plants. Little flowers sprouted all across the yard, now wilted and drooping over. The trees dotting the surrounding land all hung with little empty birdhouses that danced and shook with the soft gusts of wind. As they did, the snow fell heavier, dancing through the air and making little patterns on the cottage windows. From inside, the ponies watched the storm from across hot mugs of chocolate. Warmth inside spilled from the fire place, as did a welcoming orange light. It pushed at the shadows that the lamps could not reach and put a smile on the pairs' faces. The cozy little living room warmed us as we teased and laughed. I found myself grinning before long and I took another sip of chocolate. The sound was punctuated by the crackling of the fireplace.

I passed my cup to my mirror image, Posey. Her fur was only a shade darker and her hair a tad brighter. If not for her plump, healthy build we could have been sisters. At least, that is what she liked to think.

"I'll go find us some s'mores." I turned to the pantry and trotted in, searching the cupboards and shelves. Everything was well stocked. Bird seeds, worms, lettuce, carrots, acorns. There was a small pinch in my heart as I thought of all my little friends. They were safe, of course. Tucking in snug and tight into their nests and burrows. I would see them in the spring, when everypony came to help with winter wrap-up. Still, I could not help the small twinge.

Finally, I found some pony food. A little back of marshymallows and chocolates sat behind the bear mix. I took the delicious ingredients in one hoof and wobbled toward Mom. She laughed gently as I spilled the treats onto the floor beside the fire.

"Oh, Fluttershy, you'll be the death of my figure." She put a hoof on her slightly pudgy belly and felt it rumble when she laughed. Despite, her turquoise eyes flicked down to the gooey yumminess before her. "Alright, maybe just one." Her cheeks blushed a faint pink.

"Oh, mom." I stuck the mallows and set one over the fire, watching as the little puff expanded, browned and the caught fire. A bit of panic beat through me and I yanked the stick back out. Mom gently blew on it until the fire was out and the coating was a nice, crunchy black. She squished it between a cracker and a bit of chocolate while I started another. This, I was careful not to burn. "One little sweet won't harm," I smiled as I bit into my own. Crunchy and black, of course.

"It will if I keep missing my alarms." She swallowed quite audibly and settled onto her foreknees. "I just can't get up in the morning," she neighed, "I'm so tired when I finally fall asleep, I don't hear my alarm."

"Have you tried a hearing aide?" I teased gently, giving her a tiny smile.

She snorted dramatically in response. "Oh Celestia, Fluttershy! You're brilliant!" She laughed, not unkindly, and leaned over to nuzzle my cheek. "I don't need a hearing aide, I need a better alarm."

I toyed with the last remaining bite. The fire popped again through the silence, keeping discomfort at bay until I could form the words in my head. "What if you stopped working?" My ears dropped.

"Oh hush, I can't just stop." Mom reached over and popped another marshymallow into her mouth. "I might have a wedding to pay for? Some day?" She nudged my wing. "Hint hint?"

"The answer is still no." I could not help the faint grin passing across my face. "I'm not interested."

"Aw, come on. I saw some cute stallions in town." Her ears perked. "A particularly good looking red farmcolt." Her brow cocked as wide as she grinned.

Color and heat flushed to my face. "I-I, no, Mom. Y-you don't, I mean, I c-could never do that t-to Cheerilee!" I fumbled with my last bite and stuffed it into my face. Certainly that could keep me from sticking my hoof deeper into my mouth.

"Sounds to me like there is a bit of interest." She smirked.

I swallowed hard and found myself drawn to the window. The snow was already thickening, raining down with heavy white blurs. A few of them stood out against the grey mess behind them. Their intricate, delicate patterns swirled gently through the air before landing on the window. A small pile was already building just outside the sill. Before any misunderstandings could happen, I returned to Mom and her smug look. "Alright," I sighed, "There are some stallions in town, I guess." Further color heated my cheeks. "But it isn't Big Mac. It's somepony else." Suddenly, the room looked a little tanner.

"So, go for it, sweetie."

"I-I'm just not ready."

"Well, what are you ready for, then?"

The fire crackled loudly and sent sparks high up the chute. Bits of wood and ash fluttered down to join us on the hardwood floor. Sighing, I picked myself up and swept them away, adding a new log to the bright, hungry flame. Another burst of sparks cluttered the chimney and I frowned. Perhaps Caramel could stop by and clean it out. I settled back on the floor and took another sip of my chocolate as I pondered this. Gradually, my thoughts began to swing from the tan stallion to another.

"I'm ready for Sun Blaze." I nodded convincingly.

The fireplace seemed to laugh as its merry crackling overtook our silence. Our gazes intertwined as they stared off into the bright, flickering colors. I could almost hear Mom thinking. I could feel the surprise, and regret, radiating out from her. She played with her cup for a moment before glancing over at me. At that moment, I looked away from her. She was coated in a faint orange silhouette. Her shadows deepened away from the fire but the light shining over her face drew attention away from the dark patches. Her brilliant eyes shimmered and her brow furrowed seriously.

"Fluttershy..." She grasped for the right words, her mouth working silently. Giving up, she whinnied softly. "What are you going to do?"

"He's looking for a place to stay for a little while. Just to get back on his feet. So, I figured..." My ears fell with a sigh.

"I've heard that one before." The contempt in her voice made me flinch. Even worse, she had. And she did not fail to remind me as well. "Do you remember Stone Polish?" Mom's voice was soft and gentle. I could only nod in response. Mom opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, gesticulating with one hoof. "He's not... Flutters, I-"

"I know, Mom." I got to my hooves and stretched, spreading a wing over her back. "I won't let it happen to me. It'll just be one month. Just a month."

"Do you remember-"

"Yes, I remember everything that happened." My hoof trailed across the floor and clasped its partner, giving it a comforting pat. I watched them meet and reassure but I did not feel their encouragement.

"You haven't seen him in years."

"And I think that's the problem." I settled back down and rested my chin across my forelegs. "I need to see him. At least once, for a little while. I-I was so young then, I..." I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly just as my school adviser had once taught me. "I want a chance to know him while I'm strong enough to protect myself."

She scooted closer and cupped my cheek in her hoof, meeting my gaze. We sat there for a long minute, her eyes searching mine. Desperately, almost worriedly. "Is this something you really want to do?" Her eyes flicked between mine.

Did I? A stallion I had not seen since he struck me on the porch. A pony who gave up his daughter and his life to the bottom of an empty bottle. A stallion who held no steady job, no ambitions, and no sense of care. My father. At one point, my daddy.

"Yes." I spoke firmly, keeping my eyes focused on hers.

A heavy sigh shook her shoulders. She dropped my cheek and sat up, forcing a small, strained smile. "Alright, baby." Her hooves opened and I sank into them reflexively. She pulled me close, brushing my long pink mane. "You sure you can handle it?"

"My friends taught me so much, mom. I can handle this." I pulled away and smiled. "I'm ready."

A tiny huff escaped her and she kissed my forehead. "Call me any time. If I don't pick up, come over. Understand?" Her lips curled down as much as her ears. "If it ever gets too much, even just a little, end it right there. You tell him to get packing. Or you can call me up and I'll be over in a heart beat." Her old, beautiful hoof rose slowly to brush a strand of mane from my face.

"Okay, mom."

She pulled me into a tight hug. "I don't agree with this," she sighed, "But you're an adult. You have to learn on your own." Her hooves tightened. "And just know, love, I do root for you. I hope to Goddess that he's changed. That everything can be better for you two."

"I love you, mommy."

"I love you too, sweetie." She hugged me tight and never said another word on the subject. Which, for a parent, is always hard to do.