Equestrian Psycho

Rarity sat at her vanity table and straightened her mane with religious fervor. Each morning brought the grim reminder that hair care equaled grief. Her unruly licks of wayward hair refused to cooperate, causing her to growl in agitation. As she struggled to bring her raging locks under control, she heard the pad of small hoofsteps entering the room.

Sweetie Belle plodded in with the house phone held up by magic. She approached her sister and relinquished the phone, stating, “Princess Twilight is on the phone.”

“Oh. Thanks Sweetie,” Rarity said. She set her straightener down and picked up the phone. “Twilight! I haven't seen you in almost a week. How have you been, darling?”

Twilight sounded as gleeful as ever. “Hi Rarity. I'm great! I've been up to my ears in errands lately, but that's nothing new. There's hardly been time to sit down and catch up with anypony since the last world-threatening villain fiasco. That's actually why I called you. See, I made a reservation at this new restaurant in Canterlot -”

“Horsia!?” Rarity barked excitedly.

Twilight giggled. “Yes! I'm trying to get everypony together for dinner tonight. The rest of the gang is coming and naturally I hoped you could too. I apologize for such short notice; I kind of dropped the ball on that one. Can you make it all the way up to Canterlot by six o'clock?”

Rarity didn't hesitate to accept. “As if I would ever decline an offer to see you! If you don't mind me asking, how in Equestria did you get a reservation at Horsia anyway? They never have openings!”

“Well,” Twilight began with a lighthearted sigh. “I have to admit something. I may have used my official Princess stature to wiggle my way into a reservation. No harm done, right?”

“Not at all! Hey, you deserve a little special treatment once in a while,” agreed Rarity. “Besides, I'm sure your presence will do wonders for their public image.”

“Probably. So, we'll expect to see you at six?”

Rarity nodded despite talking on the telephone. “You bet. I can hardly wait!”

“Great! Okay, see you then. Bye Rarity.”

“Goodbye Princess Twilight.” She trilled the R to emphasize the role's importance. Twilight hung up and Rarity set the phone down on the table. Now her first order of business was the resumption of hair straightening.

Like the day before and hundreds of days before that, she applied her knowledge of cosmetics into making herself a beautiful porcelain doll. Her image was perfect. Once finished with her beauty regimen, she exited her bedroom and headed downstairs to forage for a light lunch to tide her over until six. On the way, she passed Sweetie Belle playing a video game in the living room. The filly was thoroughly engrossed in the game, unaware of even the most raucous extrinsic stimulus.

Rarity wrinkled her nose in disgust as she watched the images on the screen. The game was more visceral than any of Sweetie's previous games; the characters brutally killed one another and dismembered the corpses in grizzly, albeit creative, processes.

What a repugnant game, Rarity thought to herself. Where did Sweetie Belle ever get her hooves on that? She left her sister alone to her vicarious pleasures and trekked the rest of the way into the kitchen. Six o'clock felt like an an eternity out of reach. Noon hadn't even rolled around yet. Rarity made herself a small sandwich and wracked her brains for something to do. If not for Twilight's call, she would have been bored and lazy the entirety of the day. She didn't feel like working on her dresses, and she was totally caught up on all of her reading. Finally, she formulated at a semi-satisfying plan.

I suppose I'll ask Sweetie if her game is two-player.

Evening over Canterlot was divine. Rarity stepped off the train and headed into the city, overjoyed to visit her favorite city once again. The day's restaurant of interest, Horsia, had only been open for two weeks; it was no surprise that when she arrived, a line of eager ponies wrapped around three corners of the building. Rarity buzzed with an excited energy as she bypassed the line and pranced into the lively eatery. So entranced by the high class atmosphere, she almost decided to emulate Pinkie Pie's springy jump. Each envious stare from the hungry ponies around her only contributed to her feeling of stardom.

“I take it you have a reservation?” questioned a young maitre d', looking back and forth between Rarity and his guest list.

“I do,” answered Rarity politely. “I'm with the party of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Now I know you didn't know that, that's why I won't saw your ribcage open and feed you your own intestines. But if you ever speak to me so brutishly again, I might not be so understanding.” She brushed past him with a Hmph! and continued into the dining area. Her friends sat at a wrap-around booth, laughing and sampling complementary Bellinis. Rarity approached and announced her presence.

“Hey, I'm glad you made it!” said Twilight. She stood and hugged Rarity.

“How are you all?” Rarity asked her friends, taking a seat.

Applejack lifted up her drink in a mock toast. “Not too shabby! How are ya, Rares?”

“Oh, I'm fabulous,” she said as she opened her menu. “I've been dying to try this place since it opened. Having a princess friend definitely has its perks!”

Pinkie Pie tapped her chin and narrowed her eyes, clearly irked by something.

“Why are you scowling at the menu?” Twilight asked.

“I can't read the names of the dishes on here! They're too fancy!”

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but groan. “Oh, Pinkie. Somepony help her.”

Rarity leaned over and made some suggestions to the perplexed earth pony, explaining the descriptions and foreign ingredients listed.

“I think it's wonderful that we can just relax for an evening,” said Fluttershy. “No monsters, no ancient villains, just good food in the company of friends.”

“I totally agree,” said Twilight while chewing on a roll.

“Don't talk with your mouth full, darling,” Rarity scolded.

Twilight blushed and covered her mouth. “Oops, sorry.”

The group conversed happily until their waiter arrived and humbly stood by for their orders. The young stallion was as formal as they came. His blond mane was slicked back into a perfect shape and he sported a double-breasted tuxedo from a brand Rarity didn't recognize. Pinkie insisted on having her order taken first, urgently claiming she'd forget what she wanted otherwise. None objected, so the waiter started with her. He made his way around the table and courteously waited as each pony questioned him about specific details of the courses. When Rarity's turn arrived, she voiced her choice and motioned for the waiter to come closer. He leaned in toward her, and she whispered in his ear.

“It's been a long time since my friends and I have gotten a chance to unwind and have a good time together. It would help me out oh so much if you could make sure we had our peace and quiet, maybe make sure the tables around us stayed empty for a bit. We don't want to be bothered by any loutish drunks, or tourists. I promise there will be quite a handsome tip for you if you keep us isolated.”

The waiter nodded slowly and receded, choosing his words carefully. “Well miss, I can certainly try, but that's not exactly in my power, or fair to the other guests. I mean, I...” He trailed off, not sure how to further clarify his refusal.

Rarity grabbed his lapels and brought his face down to hers. “Listen you insipid swine, I don't give a tuppenny fuck about the other 'guests.' I am a customer here, and my needs will not go unattended. Now either secure my friends and I some privacy, or I'm going to break my wine glass over your head and give you an enema with the fragments! Not only that, I will make sure your uncivilized ass is thrown out on the streets and you never work in this town again!”

The waiter scampered off without a word, utterly terrified.

“Whoa! What did you say to him!?” asked Dash in amazement.

Rarity adjusted her mane. “I just told him that I'd give him a little extra tip if he made sure we had our privacy tonight. That's all.”

“Oh, that does sound nice,” Fluttershy said as if weighing an option.

“Darn tootin',” AJ agreed. “Canterlot types can get kinda unruly.”

“Yes well, all should be fine,” Rarity assured them.

As the comrades waited for their food, Twilight regaled them with an unorthodox tale of how she discovered a sentient chiffonier in her new castle, and through a miraculous error on the IRS's part, wrote it off as a tax deduction. Rarity passively listened. She felt herself dipping into the familiar urge. The urge of a defective soul – blood lust. She rested her head in her hooves and sighed quietly. The urge gradually increased into a gnawing hunger. Somepony had to die.

A gang of four corporate looking stallions sat down at a table not far from the mares. Rarity growled inwardly as she watched the males laughing uproariously and high-fiving each other over presumably sexist jokes. She watched them harass their female waiter, eating her up with their eyes and whistling as she walked away. The group only grew louder as the minutes passed. Even when her food arrived, Rarity found it difficult to focus on her friends and their own conversations, as the racket from the males overshadowed them completely.

“Hey Rarity,” AJ said in a hushed tone, “One of those guys over there is eyein' ya. I'm willin' to bet he's single...” She raised her eyebrow flirtatiously.

Indeed, a jet black unicorn sat with a less than subtle stare in Rarity's direction. He winked, and audaciously blew a kiss at her.

Rarity looked away and tried to focus on her food. “Lowlife,” she grumbled to herself. Periodically she looked back to the other table. More than once, the stallion stared back. Minutes passed and the mares were almost done with their food. Rarity noticed the black stallion getting up from his table and heading toward the restroom.

“Hey,” she announced. “I'll be right back. Excuse me a few minutes, please.” Before she departed, she casually picked up her steak knife and carried it with her, making sure it was well out of sight. Around the corner near the restrooms, she leaned up against the wall and waited for her target to emerge. Luckily the wait didn't last long. As the door opened and the stallion got an eyeful of Rarity, his face lit up with an almost childlike delight. He sauntered up to her and introduced himself as some financial big-shot that she really couldn't care less about.

“Who might you be, my dear?” he asked, touching Rarity's chin softly.

She didn't flinch. “My name is Rarity,” she said in a completely serious tone.

“Well Rarity, my friends and I couldn't help but notice how drop-dead-gorgeous you are. You really stick out above your friends, a true beauty.”

“Look,” she said, losing her patience. “How about you and I go outside? I want to fucking murder you.”

“Oh, I bet you do!” he said joyously. He pushed himself up against her and kissed her neck, then took her hoof and lead her into the back parts of the restaurant. Rarity felt only hatred for the male and reveled in her dark anticipation. They pressed out of a side door into an empty alley lit by the light of the moon. Aside from a dumpster and billowing steam from a manhole, they were alone.

Immediately the stallion shoved Rarity against the wall and jammed his tongue in her mouth, all too eager to acquire his prize. Rarity on the other hand did nothing, and felt nothing. She stood stoically while the drunken stallion wormed about, thinking himself a regular cupid. When he eventually grew bored of nonreciprocating kissing, he lay his hoof on Rarity's back. Caressing her slowly, he slid farther toward her backside. Rarity told him to stop. He did, confused by her mixed signals.

“Up against the wall,” she commanded flatly.

“Ooh, very nice...” he slurred. “I see where this is going.”

He and Rarity swapped positions. She advanced upon him slightly, pushing him softly against the brick. He reared up on two legs and leaned backwards, expecting something pleasurable. Rarity glanced down at him curiously and stifled a laugh. She figured, apparently, that there were some things that money just couldn't compensate for.

“Come on babe, I didn't take it out for air,” the stallion said expectantly.

Rarity reached up with her free hoof and covered his mouth. “Close your eyes,” she said.

He obeyed and clamped his eyes shut. Now blind and mute, he was at Rarity's mercy, just where she wanted him. She tenderly kissed his chest, then whispered, “I'm going to stab you in the throat.”

He voiced a muffled Mmph? but kept his eyes closed. Rarity lifted up her steak knife and rotated it around, admiring the way the moonbeams glinted off the cool metal. Then she cocked her arm back, and quickly heaved the serrated blade into the stallions exposed neck. He jerked with an epileptic violence and squealed futilely into Rarity's hoof. She twisted the blade and ripped it out, unsealing a spring of steaming blood. Rarity watched as her victim plummeted to the ground and clutched his neck, sputtering and choking as a shining pool rapidly formed around him. His eyes reflected a horrified desperation as his body convulsed on the ground. The wet rasps he repeatedly made reminded Rarity of a fish out of water, which brought a slight smile to her lips.

When he finally stopped twitching and lay still at last, Rarity enveloped him with magic and slowly lifted him into the air. She watched the blood run off his body and drip onto the ground, wishing she had more time to enjoy the moment. Now she had a corpse that needed disposing of. So, she gently levitated him over to the dumpster and set him inside, making sure to close the lid afterward. Her coat wasn't marred by blood as far as she could tell, thus, she decided it was safe to head back inside.

Each pony was finished with their dinner by the time she sat back down to the table. They laughed and welcomed her back, unaware of her outside escapade.

“I'm afraid I must be going now,” Rarity informed her friends. “My stomach is acting up and I think I'd like to lie down for a bit at home.”

“Aww, do you have to go?” Pinkie asked with a quivering lip.

Applejack belched. “That's Rarity for ya. Dainty as a butterfly. She's always squeamish over one thing or another. Oh well. It was good seein' ya again, Rares.”

Rarity spat her tongue out playfully. “It was nice seeing you too. I'm surprised you took a day off from wallowing in mud to come all the way up here.”

The friends laughed and waved her goodbye. As Rarity placed bits on the table and turned to leave, Twilight called after her. She stopped and looked back to the princess.

“Thank you for coming, really,” said Twilight. “It means a lot to me. You know how crazy things have been lately. Anyway, we'll have to do this again sometime soon.”

Rarity smiled wide, feeling her eye twitch just slightly. “Oh, we will. We definitely will.”