No, Maybe

Adjusted my coat, freshly patched thanks to one of the lovely castle servants. The fresh winter slowly coating the land in snow was wondrous. Just light enough to remind me of my hometown, but not heavy enough to freeze me entirely. I shifted my bare feet, wedged between my guard's ass and the floor.

She just looked back at me, left eye staring at me, "Hey...we had a deal."

I grumbled softly and put my hands against her mane. "You're so weird...." I pet the mare's mane, causing her let out a long pleased coo.

She shifted her flank, putting yet more warmth into my toes. "You know, I don't believe you hurt somepony. You just, you don't seem like you could."

I shrugged, "Eh, I punched two, like I said. It's not like a stabbed em or, shot em." I went back to running my hand through the guard's mane, bringing back pleasant memories of home, of horses, and of warmth. I wiggled my toes under the mare's flank, causing her to shift and continually pin them to the floor, bleeding a warm, fuzzy heat into them despite the sudden cold snap.

The guard mumbled softly, "Do you like me?" she asked with a strange amount of sincerity, "Like...do you.... If you stay, do you wanna--"

"Are you trying to pick me up?" I asked with a shaky laugh, "I'm technically a prisoner, and you're hitting on me?"

She grew flustered and turned away from me, "You didn't answer the question."

I just started laughing, growing more and more somber as I tried to think of something to say, "I uh- you're nice and all. I mean you listened, and all the guards I've actually talked to seem nice. But I don't...I uh, you're a horse."

The mare spun around, looking me in the eyes and frowning extremely hard. "Excuse me, I'm a pony!"

I shook my head, "That doesn't really make it all that better--"

"Oh, great. You're one of those weirdos that worries about somepony's race," she huffed bitterly, "We've been talking like a week, you seriously can't see past it?"

"Hey I--"

"If I was one of you, if you were a pony...would you?"

Things grew tense between us. "I...don't even know your name. I've just been calling you, the guard."

She flicked her tail angrily, "You could have asked. It's Violet by the way."

"That's nice. I'm not gonna remember it in an hour, but it's nice." I stated, tapping my feet against the floor. "Look, I just--"

The guard walked up to me, putting her hooves atop my bare feet. "It's because we're different, I know. But I want you to answer the question. Would you date me if we weren't different?"

I rubbed my knees, "Look, I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know what a date is, I don't even want to entertain your whimsical idea--" I stopped myself, "What the fuck did I just say!?" I grabbed at my throat, "What just came out of my mouth!?"

Violet just started laughing, "I thought you said you didn't read?"

I just froze, "I- I don't! What does that even mean!? Why did I just say, whimsical!? Am I gonna die!?"

Violet turned around, planting her flank back onto my feet, "Maybe. So before you do, can you answer the question?"

I rubbed my mouth, the words I'd spoken still burning my lips, "I don't know. Where I'm from, you find a girl you like, you take em, and you...you uh, start a family." I scratched my head as I thought back to my mother, "It's not exactly the most romantic or-- Fuck I did it again!" I stopped myself and adjusted in my seat, "These words keep coming out that I don't know."

The mare pressed her flank hard against the floor, squeezing warmth into my feet, "Well, I wouldn't mind that. It sounds kinda sexy, a big...thing, picking me up, forcing themselves--"

"Stop it!" I crossed my arms over my lap, "Just stop...."

The mare pressed her back against my legs, "What's wrong? Getting excited?" She rubbed herself up and down my legs, practically purring as she wiggled herself around me knees. "See...your body doesn't care...why should--"

"Koby." I stated, pushing her back and kicking my legs free, "Koby is why I'm not interested."

Violet just scratched her head, "Who's Koby--" A loud knocking came from my door. She snapped upright and walked over, pulling it open and showing Fleur inside. She sniffed the air, growing a strange expression as she walked over to me.

"Able...why does it smell like...this, in here?" She stood before me and looked down at my bare feet, "Is that you?"

I sniffed the air, finding it clear and crisp. "Uh...no? I don't-- Look, I was about to tell a story." The guard walked over, "You wanna stick around?"

Fleur looked around, "Well...I was here to check on you, so I suppose." She tentatively took a seat on on a chair across from me, "This...this isn't going to be disgusting, is it?"

I shrugged, "Is sticking you arm elbow deep inside a horse disgusting?"

Fleur's neutered expression went completely upside down. "You know...they sent me to make sure you, weren't, crazy. Right?"

I shook my head as the guard took her place on my feet, "I didn't do it. I'm trying to explain to this one why we're not gonna...." I threw my hands up, "Anyways, I knew this guy named Koby. He was an absolute maniac, and about this tall-" I held my hand about four feet off the ground, "- But that nutcase, I've seen him literally work a horse like a puppet. He uh, mortar went off, blew up one of the horses and he just took the head and started working the jaw like a weird doll thing."

"Good--" Fleur stopped herself, making a strange gurgling noise, "Stop...stop...stop."

I ignored her and carried on, "But everyone knew Koby for one reason. He was a rapist--"

Fleur turned away with a twirl, "Stop it!"

"He used to hide in the hay at night, sneak into the stable where we kept our animals, and he uh...." I started laughing like an idiot, "He used to be so short...he would have to stand on a ladder to--"

"Able!" Fleur snapped, "Stop."

I put my hand onto the guard head, "See! That's my point. Koby was a maniac, and he fucked horses. Now, I don't know if it was because he fucked horses, but I really don't want to take that risk."

Fleur was utterly disgusted, "Wait...you two--"

"No!" I snapped, "She's trying to get me into bed and I'm not having it!" I crossed my arms and leaned back, "Ridiculous."

Fleur just shook her head, "I don't think I can write this into my report."

I shrugged, "How's this, Fleur De Lis is a beautiful kind mare, and I appreciate her candor and--" I slowed my speech to a stop, "...Candor?"

Fleur apparently shared my surprise, "I- aren't you illiterate?"

I scratched my head, "I am...but it...I like, knew it would fit." I leaned back in my chair, getting a surprised look from the noblemare, "What?"

"Nothing. So how do you feel about the weather?" Fleur asked, her horn letting out a few sparks.

I looked out the window, "It's a little bitter, reminds me of home. It's calming, serene, quite relaxing to just sit around and enjoy the soothing warmth of this pony flank." I stopped, petting the guard's mane slowly, "What the fuck just came out of my mouth?"

Fleur just nodded, "I don't know, but I also don't care. I see this as progress, and will happily report to the other nobles that you are indeed adjusting to, and will soon be of use to, Equestria." She smiled warmly, "Able, you're a disgusting pig, a horrible pony, and an utter animal. But, foal steps." She stood from her seat and looked me over, "Hmm, I could see why she likes you. Rogue."

I scratched my head as she walked out, "Wait...what?"

Fleur nodded, "You're a rogue. Not for me, but I know someponies are attracted to that disheveled look." She paused at the door, "Goodbye, you disgusting gentlecolt."

"Oxymoron--" I felt my brain snap, I clapped my hands and cocked my head, "How?"

Fleur just laughed, "I'll be sure to tell Celestia your vocabulary is increasing." she walked out and started mumbling, "How, I have no idea...."

I was left alone with my living foot warmer, pondering the creeping sense of dread that crawled through my body. "Hey...." The guard stood, turned around, and reclaimed her spot but facing me, "Can we have sex now?"

I stared at her with an exorbitant amount of rage, "No."

She shifted around, "You do realize why my flank's so hot, right?" She grew a lewd smile, "You were talking about putting your arm into a pony...now I'm all excited."

I kicked her off my feet, tucking my legs against my chest and keeping my feet from her reach, "How about no, and go fuck yourself." I crossed my arms and turned to the window. "I really hope I get to go home."

Violet walked over from where I tossed her, "Because of me?"

I looked back at her for a moment, quickly turning back to the window, "A little." I scratched my stubbly face, "That and the prison sentence."

Violet joined me looking out the window. "Just one night, just to try it?"

I looked her dead in the eyes, shaking my head in disgust. "...Why?"

Violet leaned against my arm, "Because I like you." She rubbed herself against my arm, "You're different, you've got smooth skin, and you're big."

I shifted uncomfortably, "So this is a fetish thing?"

"I don't know yet. That's why I'm saying we should find out."

I turned around, resting against the chair normally until Violet laid across my lap, "You're a terrible guard." I put my hand against her head, gently petting her mane as I closed my eyes, trying to imagine I was back home, tending to the horses, "Maybe."

The guard snuggled against my stomach, "Celestia thought so too...just to let you know."

I nodded, "I know. But it's just...weird. And she's a full sized horse. With you...I guess it might feel...less weird."

"So you'll--"

"I'll think about it." I shifted my ass around the chair, "Been a while for me too...."

Violet played with the arm of the chair, "Well, just let me know. I'd appreciate it."

I continued to mindlessly stroke her head and neck, "And I'd appreciate not being blue balled. But I'm not promising anything."

"Sure...just...don't stop." She reached her hooves up, holding onto my hand as I pet her, "It feels good."