Stuff

I walked around the castle ground, my guard sticking to my side. "Hey...so, which way was it?" I asked, pointing down the hall. "Like...left...right?"

The guard shrugged, "You were the one with the letter."

I kicked her flank with the side of my foot, "Well it said the lunar hall! Which one's the lunar fucking hall!"

A purple maned mare walked over, "Excuse me...are you--"

The pony looked sick, her wings leathery and bare. "What the fuck!" I yelped, jumping away, "What the hell are you!? Are you--"

The mare let out a defeated sigh, "Bat pony...I'm a bat pony...."

I stayed back but eased my posture. "Oh...so...wow. That was racist, wasn't it?" I asked, putting my hands behind my back, "I'm uh...really sorry 'bout that."

The mare just nodded, "It's fine...you look like a hairless diamond dog. I just decided not to say anything." her tone was snarky, and rather rude.

"Well!" I got into a defensive pose, "La dee fuckin' da! I said sorry!"

"I know!" the tiny mare walked over and stared me eye to eye, "Now what do you want!?"

"My stuff!" I yelled, stomping the stone floor, "I got a letter that I could pick up my stuff!"

"Yes, we have it waiting for you!" she shouted back, "Just this way!"

Neither one of us willing to back down, we held a pleasant conversation at rather high volume, "Thank you!"

The mare took a hard right, "It's fine!"

"It's not! I really appreciate this, it's been too long since I had my backpack!" we ducked into a short doorway, "Is this it!?"

The mare nodded and pointed to a counter on the other side of the room, "Yep, just go talk with him!"

I lingered around the mare, "I'ma' hug ya bitch!"

"No you're--" I cut her off, picking her up and giving her a quick, heavy hug, "...Alright then." she seemed a bit flustered.

I nodded, "There, we leave on good terms."

The mare just rolled her eyes, "Sure, but I have work to do...so...bye." she slowly walked out the door.

"Later." I turned to the counter, my guard staring at the door as I went. I walked up to a bored looking stallion standing behind it, He just looked up at me and nodded, "You got--"

He nodded his head to a pile of cloth off to the side, "It's heavy...you can just take it."

I scoffed and went behind the counter, spotting more torn up backpack and hoisting it over my shoulder, "Lazy ass." I grumbled, walking towards my guard and the door outside. Something felt off, like there was an extra few pounds stuffed inside it.

I let it go until we reached the door back into the wider hall, but once I had some room I set my bag down it was time to figure things out. I flipped up the half broken buttons of my backpack, revealing the culprit. My beat up old Russian was stuffed sideways into the bag, still loaded, still with a large piece of shrapnel embedded in the receiver.

"Whoa...man...this this really did save my ass." I sat down on the side of the hall, running my hand over the snapped wood grip and the punctured metal. "That would have been...." I held my rifle at chest height, "Right into my lung...that's fuckin' lucky!" I set the useless gun aside, it would now be serving as an expensive paperweight for a while.

I looked through the rest of my bag. A book of photos, dog tags from different men and women I've both saved and killed. A canteen with a hole in it, and of course, "Oh fuck yes!" I tore out my flask and shook it, "It's full!" I cheered, uncorking it and taking a hearty gulp. The horrible liquid burned my throat like acid but I felt slightly hammered almost the instant it hit my gut.

My guard, Violet, trotted over as I made a number of horrible noises. "Dear Celestia, are you okay!?"

I joked back a near vomitous burp, "Oh...yeah, fuckin' Jamie's moonshine will fucking--" I covered my mouth, a bit of bile climbing into my mouth for a moment before being forced back. "It's got like...a ninety percent blackout ra-...." I didn't finish my sentence. Too afraid to open my mouth for fear of spewing bile across the floor.

A royal voice cut my gagging off, "Human, do you require aid?" I recognized the voice.

"Uh...no Luna I--" I nearly hurled as I realized what I just said, "It was yo--" I felt the bile churn in my stomach, threatening to rise if I moved too quickly. I took a moment to rub my gullet, "You...why do I know you!?"

The royal navy mare smiled, "We have been discussing a great many things. Of life, of struggles, of Equestria, of...grammar."

I cocked my head, "That...when!?"

Luna levitated me to my feet, "During your sleep. Where--"

"Wait wha-uurgh--" I curled up, the pure ethanol poison finally forcing its way back up. I fell to my knees as a slurry of oatmeal ran from my mouth. I didn't have to suffer long, and my extreme drunkenness was starting to overtake the burning. I got to my feet with a heavy wobble, "You...night?"

Luna stared down at the puddle of dull grey vomit, "Yes.... Oh look...there's a chunk of apple...." she seemed slightly off put while I just grew warm and fuzzy as the shine overtook my body.

I rubbed my head, "I don't...how do we talk when we don't...each other...?" My brain was already starting to fail me, the warm fuzzies much better than the hassle of intelligence.

Luna sidestepped the puddle, "Your dreams...do you not remember?"

I just glared at the three of her, "You don't...fuck...no, you don't fuck!" I grumbled, stepping towards her and nearly wiping out on the vomit puddle, "Fuckin- fucker!" I slid towards her, holding onto her neck, "I don't fucking...fuck...."

I closed my eyes and held on to the large horse, "Man...I've got such a boner for that fucking white horse...why the fuck...do I want...cum in the pony...." I felt my stomach churn, "Fuck me...I regret...everything." I just held onto Luna, letting my legs slowly slip around the vomit. "Smells like shit in here...."

Luna helped prop me up with her foreleg, "Able, doth thou re--" her voice faded out as I lost consciousness. My fleeting moments of consciousness were of Jamie, his wonderful moonshine, and his hot daughter. Her as was perfect, his tonic, amazing, and his beard thick as hell.

Yet more homesickness washed over me, along with the fear that I might have actually poisoned myself, and that I had not have in fact drank moonshine, but medical grade sterilizing alcohol. Either way, it felt good to be so stupid, it was a nice harken back to a simpler time where getting drunk and shooting at someone was completely acceptable.