Okie dokes, so the thing about the princesses is that they have this weird schedule which comes along with controlling celestial bodies like the sun and the moon. You might think ‘Oh hey, why can’t a pony whose talents including ruling over a monarchy rule instead of these two?’ No. And come morning, guess who’s going to be raising the sun? You know what, stop guessing, you’re wrong. It’s Princess Celestia. Even if you guessed Princess Celestia you’re still wrong.

So Princess Celestia got up just before morning when she was to raise the sun. With one hoof and another she wiped the sleep sand from her eyes, and just sat up too tired to walk. She did not wake up this morning to feel tired. Still, a job’s a job and if she didn’t do it then everypony was going to start criticizing her for being slothful, which means she’ll have to lay off the cakes to do away with that image. And it’ll be a snowball’s chance in the fire plains if she’ll let that happen. So she turned on the lights, lifted her head from under the sheets, and started freaking out because she saw a blue horse’s head with a spike going up through the skull right next to her.

She was about to yell out but this kinda thing happens more than you’d think. But what would you expect when you tangle with the Italians? Anyways, she surveyed the situation. The horse’s head was not bleeding so all she really needed to do was just lift it out of the sheets and toss it out a window no problem. I mean, it’ll still exist but it won’t be her problem. So she lifted up the covers of the bed, but when she did she threw that plan away because the horse’s head belonged to a horse’s body. A body with wings. And upon examination it wasn’t a spike going through the horse’s head, it was just a horn.

Well that’s a relief, it was just Princess Luna. So Celestia began to calm down, but then she got a bit miffed when it finally hit her that her sister was sleeping in her bed, and that was totally not cool.

“Luna, wake up.”

Her sister just kicked her legs a little while she still slept like she was dreaming she was dreaming. But that was the problem, she was still sleeping.

“Wake up!”

Luna groaned but kept her eyes closed. There was no way she was going to get up from the comfiest mattress in the world, even if she was lying in a puddle of her own drool.

Celestia began to shove at Luna with her snout, being only loosely careful not to impale her sister with her horn, but she found this to be radically difficult. This was only exacerbated when she felt a sudden lightness to her form which was backed up when she looked at herself and saw that she was enveloped in a dark blue magic and being levitated off of the bed and dropped onto the floor nearby.

Now free of that, she went over to the other side of the bed and yanked off the covers.

“Luna, get up. This isn’t a sleepover, get to your own bed.”

Luna rolled onto her belly and let her hooves splay across the bed so much that she was pretty much taking up all the prime real estate on the sheets.

“No sister, your bed is too comfy. And now it is mine.”

“You can’t have my bed, you have your own!”

“Too late. I have already conquered this in the name of my kingdom.” Said Luna, before gloating by burying her face into the super soft, billowy pillow. “And there’s nothing you can do about it!”

Celestia just shook her head. It was way too early for this. “Luna, I’m going to go get breakfast. If you’re not out of my bed and in the dining room by the time I get there then I will tell the chefs you will only be getting oats for this week.” And with this threat, which was by no means empty, Celestia left the room.

Now, Luna didn’t care. After all it is known that ponies, even the mighty Alicorn Princess that she is, eat oats all the time so it was really no big deal. It’s not like she’d be only allowed to eat granola. But come to think of it, what is granola anyways? Luna was up in five seconds when she also realized this, because clearly when Celestia meant ‘oats’ she meant ‘granola,’ and granola is absolute evil. Luna knew she could not let this turn out like that time Celestia stuffed her bedpillows full of granola, so Luna ran right out of the room with the greatest urgency of anything.

Just down the hallway, Luna could see the stairs in sight. She shivered at the mere thought of them as awful memories flashed through her mind. Luckily, this time she wouldn’t have to put up with a whole great ordeal because she could just fly down the stairs instead of spending a whole day trying to descend them normally. And in this absent-mindedness, she ended up tripping over some big clunky metal contraption left so carelessly in the the middle of the hall. You ever see an alicorn princess trip and fall? Well if not then I’m sorry because it’s the most funny thing I have ever seen.

So Luna ended up in, like, a pretzel formation with one leg going one way and another leg going the other way and she had absolutely no clue where her spleen thought it was going. But while she lied on the floor as a big mess she turned her head and out of the corner of her eye she spied what had caused all this: It was a big metal hunk of junk that didn’t look like anything she could put a hoof on. She figured it must’ve been something brought in by one of the cleaning staff, something that has been outlawed ever since the Great Peanut Butter Incident. So after she got herself untangled she went over and took a look at it just for the hay of it.

Now, thinking back on it, I have no idea what really happened so I’m going to make up a bunch of stuff. Luna picked up the thingamajig with her magic and then looked around.

“Hello, does anypony know what this is?”

Worst case scenario: This device was probably going to end up ruining the monarchy, probably through some means involving pudding. Best case scenario, this thing dispenses ribbon candy.

So Luna, being the astute observer with a thousand years of wisdom at her disposal, wisely looked down one end of the machine and stared down a hollow tube. Now, considering there is only one thing with hollow metal tubes she could think of, it’s pretty obvious at this point that this was a part to one of the castle’s water closets. Which probably meant that Celestia ruined yet another bathtub by eating cake in the shower again.

Anyways, before she did in fact return it to the bathroom, it’s probably best she do what the many workers in her castle didn’t do and ensure that the mechanism still operated efficiently. So, careful not to get sprayed in the face with heavens knows what, she pointed the tube away from her and examined the device. From what she could ascertain was the underside of it, she saw that connected as a plastic belt containing a number of brass objects, which were all probably scent-inducers that served to eliminate the need for soap. Moving downwards a little more, she finally saw a ring and inside the ring was a curved lever. So with this lever now found, she pressed it.

What ensued has been cataloged in a number of official reports, magazines, and newspapers across Equestria and has been a moment in Equestrian’ history of great terror and fear happened upon the populace that has never been experienced since the days of Nightmare Moon’s rising. And if you don’t believe me then ask Trey Hamburger, he’ll back me up. He's an earnest guy.

A plume of fire erupted from the tube and havoc was wrecked upon wherever it was pointed. Bullets were flying all over the place, shattering columns and windows wherever they so passed. The force produced kicked the weapon back with such great power that it chipped the marble flooring and the entire machine ran wildly and out of control. And, of course, Luna was startled and dropped the gun onto the floor.

Now, she would’ve wiped the loudest sweatdrops of all off of her forehead, but she couldn’t because the trigger was stuck so the gun was still firing wildly and totally tearing up an entire wall at the end of a wing of the castle. Fun Fact: Castles have wings but yet they often are incapable of flying, and if they are it’s not because of the wings. Anyways, by now she knew that magic alone could not restrain this thing so she made the wise decision to just pick it up with her hooves. And so with the machine gun rattling and rolling and just overall going nutsz on the floor, Luna picked it right up and held it aloft in her hooves. She cradled it against her sternum as it kept knocking her backwards, throwing her totally off balance and making all her efforts seem useless.

Now you might be thinking about what happened to all the staff in the castle? Surely they would respond to such an amazing uproar, especially the guards who’s sole duty it is to protect the princesses. Everyone was on vacation. Or they were on strike. I dunno, it was a wild time in the 80’s. Although this story does not take place in the 80’s. The point is, nopony was around inside the castle except for Celestia and probably a handful of staff who have only one job and they are doing it well. So the whole situation was under control.

So the next course of action Luna took made sure that this entire problem got out of castle grounds.

So Luna was just stumbling and bumbling around like a dork while the gun kept on firing. It seemed like there was nothing she could do at all. But then she remembered how she defeated the most vile foe of all: The stairs. And with this in mind she turned the gun away from the stairs, she got on her belly, and she started sliding like a penguin down the stairs and towards the door. Now, her plan was foalproof, don’t get me wrong, but it had one fatal flaw: This was Equestria.

Anyways, Luna started spinning around, like a penguin, and she was trying oh so desperately to keep the gun remaining at her side and pointed away from her face-head. Now, this only compounded the problem because at first she remembers heading face first towards the bottom floor of the castle and towards the front doors. Now she seems to be sliding away from some destroyed architecture that shone light through. Oh wait, that was the top of the stairs, oops. Anyways, the gun was firing behind her so that when she finally reached the first floor she ended up blowing away the giant two heavy wooden doors built specifically to resist a siege. Turns out they went down like it was nothing.

Yeah, this morning is turning out to be pretty lumping awesome.

Author's Note

If you don't know who Trey Hamburger is he's the author of Ghosts/Aliens, and I've never met him before in my life but I'm pretty sure he'd back me up on this.