Did I mention Princess Luna’s a racist?

Anyways, Luna continued to slide past the entrance to the castle and was still spinning wildly out of control. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem, except for that she was totally wrecking up the castle grounds. Walls were being torn down like they were made of construction paper. I mean, they were, but now everypony will know that the perimeter walls to the royal castle are made of construction paper. And if that weren’t bad enough, all the various statues across the decorative measures, even the cute little water fountains, just got totally decimated and left into a pile of rubble. Luckily this isn’t so bad, because that same rubble could probably be used to replace the now totally destroyed cobblestone path.

Eventually she managed to get control of the situation, and by that I mean she just flipped onto her back and clutched the continually firing machine to her soft belly with the barrel pointed behind her so that she was being propelled forward. This would’ve been so awesome had the gun have enough power to lift her off the ground, but all it did was bust up the steps to the castle and shoot her towards Canterlot. So really, this entire problem resolved itself. Well, except for Canterlot, that city is going down.

Alright, so at first everything was totally hunky-dory in the middle of Canterlot, everypony was attending to their own business and enjoying the day as mandated by Equestrian code 7-16, when Luna shows up with a machinegun and totally destroys a nearby fruit stand! And really, everybody was way too shocked by this to even run away because of two things: One, it’s Princess Luna so you’d have to expect she’d do something pretty loony, on account that she hasn’t the knowledge of how modern things work nowadays. And the second thing is that when you see a princess sliding on her back while holding an M249 Squad Assault Weapon who ends up blasting apart a fruit stand you want to stay and watch what happens.

But then the barrel of the gun where the bullets were firing out of tilted to the side a bit and Luna started spinning around like some wicked hip-hop star. Good for if you wanted to open up a music video, bad if you were in the middle of the Canterlot city square where you could get shot. So everypony panicked and started running this way and that and ducking behind streetlights and into stores as bullets went all over the place.

One of the loyal citizens ducked beneath the ruined fruit cart which was stationed in front of a storefront with a large glass window. And only one emotion plagued this one pony: Absolute terror. It’s like you can’t go out these days without that one lousy storefront window just bursting apart and showering all the nearby ponies with glass, and this day was little different. Well, except for that the entire store was also being totally blown away because of the ratatat from Luna’s machinegun. And what’s worse was that he was the only pony left out in the open, and Luna saw this.

So Luna got up on her hind legs, wrapped her forelegs cautiously around the weapon, as careful as one would be when holding in their hooves a constantly firing automatic rifle, and she started walking over to this poor guy. This could either end super well or super awful. So Luna just stood right in front of him while he was cowering beneath the ruins of the storefront, taking careful wild aim at the sky whilst shell casings rained upon the pony. She knew he was frightened and thus leaned down and spoke in the royal canterlot way, which was at the top of her lungs.

“Hello there dear citizen of Equestria. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, I’m having quite a difficult time you see. As such, I would like to make a formal request for your assistance.”

She said over the sound of the gun while it continued to produce the explosive sounds that resulted in a ferocious roar from its metallic form.

“Could you be of the most help and do me such a huge favor? Could you have a nice day?”

Now, he probably answered, but there was no chance that she was going to hear it over the sound of gunfire. This was starting to become a bit of a huge problem, so it’s probably best she finds some consulting on the matter. So using magic to assist herself as she held the gun with one of her hooves, she started running three-legged and took off with her wings and just flew right out of the city. Well, what’s left of the city. Anyways, where she was going was to find the biggest nerdicorn ever to exist in the history of ever. She should know what to do!

Author's Note

There's a bunch of facts about Luna I wanted to include in this story. Like, I once saw Luna eat her family alive. That's why everypony was afraid she'd gobble them up when she came back at Nightmare Night.

. . . They got better.

I might be lying, I dunno, I forget huge portions of life when I'm not on coffee.