Epilogue

“And then…?” The green stallion looked at Colgate with a patronizing smile which made Colgate’s color rise.

“And then Commander Hurricane and Princess Platinum’s forces crushed the army attacking us and then went to help Chancellor Puddinghead’s earth ponies who had attacked the army that had been left to defend the castle.” Colgate took a swig from her mug. “I mean, that was pretty much it.”

“And what about that whole thing where Hurricane- Sorry, the Commander Hurricane and the Princess Platinum-” the stallion made little sarcastic gestures with his hoofs as he said the names, “-had some sort of blood feud going on? Or did you forget that part?”

“No,” Colgate snorted, frowning at the purple-maned unicorn. “I was going to get to that! Commander Hurricane was really happy when she saw that Princess Platinum had risked her life to save her friend, Private Pansy, and what with the whole siege thing she basically just said that the Princess had been paid back.”

“And then you came right back here?” The stallion gave a look to the bartender as she brought out Colgate’s fourth drink of the night.

“Well, no.” Colgate shook her head. “I mean, first they offered to make me queen of Equestria, since I sort of saved the world and brought the three tribe’s together and everything. And I knew Berry Sledge wanted me to stay, but…” She finished her drink and pulled the fresh mug to herself, a bit of the liquid inside sloshing out over the rim as she did so. “My place is here.”

“Right,” the stallion agreed, looking utterly unconvinced. “So, if I remember right from the last time you told this story, you… drank a magic potion that Clover the Clever gave you, said the magic words and then fell asleep and woke up near the cabin back in the present time?”

“Well, pretty much.” Colgate nodded. “Though, I mean, I didn’t exactly say every single world exactly or anything, but I mean broad strokes, yeah! That’s what happened.”

The stallion shook his head and looked at the bartender. “Berry, I have no idea how to listen to this crap every week.”

The purple earth pony mare just shrugged, giving the intoxicated Colgate an indulgent smile. “Oh I don’t know. I like it. It’s cute.”

The stallion laughed as he slid off of the bar stool. “Right, and that whole bit about the magical black smith with the familiar name has nothing to do with that, I am sure.”

Berry Punch waved the stallion off as she turned back to Colgate. “I got to say, of all the drunken slobs who come in here spinning tall tales, yours has got to be the longest and most bizarrely consistent one I have ever heard repeated week after week.” She brushed a stray strand of mane from out of Colgate’s face. “Why don’t you write that all down or something? It’s a heck of a story.”

Colgate shook her head. “Nopony would ever believe me. Besides, Derpy and Carrot Top and Lyra and Bonbon deserve better than to have their deaths get laughed off as the ramblings of a madmare.”

Berry sighed and patted Colgate on the shoulder as she went to pour another order. The guards had taken Colgate in for questioning of course. A teacher at Celestia’s school, along with a group of local mares, had gone missing out in the woods one day. Then all of them turned up dead save for Colgate who had come stumbling into town a week later, wrapped in bandages, covered in old scars, missing half her teeth and with one leg replaced with a rusted hunk of metal.

Berry sighed and patted Colgate on the shoulder as she went to pour another order. She remembered what had happened; a group of local mares had gone missing out in the woods one day, and then it was discovered that a teacher from Celestia’s school was missing as well. They’d all turned up dead after awhile, found in what was left of the teacher’s cabin, except for Colgate. The unicorn mare had come stumbling into town a week later, her body wrapped in bandages and covered in old scars, half of her teeth missing and one of her legs replaced with a hunk of rusted metal. She’d been taken in for questioning, of course, but hadn’t been found guilty.

She had been the talk of the town and the center of rumors for weeks after it had all happened. But as her bad story had circulated, dark conspiracies had turned to sad speculations on just how crazy the poor mare had been driven by her experiences.

Berry, for her own part, liked Colgate, eccentric as she was. The other mare had taken to frequenting Berry’s bar almost daily not long after she had been released from custody and it was at the bar, every week, that she told her story.

Passing out the latest order, Berry made her way back to her favorite patron and gave her a warm smile. “You know, he was right about something.”

“What?” Colgate asked, nursing her drink gloomily, something she often resorted to after somepony directly called her out on her story.

“That I find it pretty cute that you put me in it,” Berry said, booping Colgate on the nose. “You know, if you ever want to hang out together without having to drink yourself into an early grave, I do other things besides tend bar.”

Colgate’s cheeks turned bright red as she smiled up at Berry. “Uh, hey! Thank… um thank you a lot Berry, I-”

Colgate was suddenly cut off as the bar’s door slammed open, the figure of a unicorn silhouetted against the afternoon light pouring in from outside. “Lyra?” Somepony gasped as the horrifically decayed mare shuffled into the bar, holding the skull of another unicorn in one hoof.

“Colgate!” the skull hissed. “Do you have any idea how boring spending over a thousand years at the bottomed of a bog is?” Colgate reached down under her seat as Berry backed away from the horrific apparition. “Spoilers for your very immediate future, but the answer is VERY!”

Colgate lifted a box from under her seat, the same box she had carried with her into the bar every day since she had been let go from questioning. From the box she pulled an ancient metal board with a brand new metal chain. “Lyra.” She nodded, fitting the device onto her socket. “Head.” She revved the device and watched as the chain began to spin, scraping rust from the board in a shower of flakes. “I was starting to wonder if you would ever show up.”

“Lyra, kill her!” the skull screeched as the ghoulish remains of Colgate’s friend rushed forward, knocking patrons and tables flying as it hurled itself at its target. Colgate swung back the chain board, ready to meet Lyra’s charge, but was surprised as the deadite suddenly kicked a bar stool at her with deadly precision. The stool hit Colgate hard enough to send her reeling as the deadite pressed its advantage, taking Colgate to the floor.

Colgate felt herself pinned as the rotten thing on top of her purred, “Isn’t this what you always wanted, hmm?” It lowered its head down till its face was mere inches from Colgate’s. “No Bonbon, just me and you, together forever?” The thing that wore Lyra’s face cackled as its mouth opened impossibly wide till it seemed ready to bite off Colgate’s entire head in one bite.

“Hey, new policy!” Berry shouted from somewhere above. There was a crash as fragments of glass and splashes of wine poured down from the suddenly-dazed monster’s head. “No pulse, no service.”

As the deadite shook its head, trying to recover from the shock of the unexpected blow, Colgate wrenched her weaponized leg free and slammed the chain board home into the monster’s side. Berry ducked behind her bar as the entire establishment was suddenly filled with the howling of the monster and the spray of its dark blood.

In less than a minute it was over. The bar and most of its patrons, those who had not had the good sense to flee when the fight began, were now coated in blood, along with the skull which was apoplectic and sputtering incorrect threats. Without ceremony, the gore-drenched Colgate picked up the skull and dumped it in a trashcan, slamming the lid down on it with a bang that drowned out the head’s protests.

“Sure-” Colgate turned back to the bar, where Berry had poked her head out and was surveying the damage with an almost excited smile spreading across her face. “-I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been queen.” She wiped her mouth clean of the blood and downed the only shot left on the bar counter that had not been contaminated. “But in my own way… I am queen.”

Berry suddenly grabbed Colgate and pulled her over the bar counter. “Hail to the queen, baby.” She grinned and kissed Colgate.

The End

Author's Note

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs-UfgNa5EU

Writer: Duhad

Editor: Nonnavlis

Title Art: Creativ Pony

Pre Reader/Back up Editors:
Soundspeed
Tenma
Da Fraug
Razz
Sage

Cast:
Colgate Minuette
Princess Platinum Rarity
Clover the Clever Twilight Sparkle
Privet Pansy Fluttershy
Berry Sledge/Punch Berryshine
Young Squire Berry Pinch
Commander Hurricane Rainbow Dash
Smart Cookie Apple Jack
Lyra Hart Strings
Councilor Pudding Head Pinkie Pie
Sir Macintosh Big Macintosh
Bar Fly Duhad*

Special Thanks:
Sam Raimi
Bruce Campbell
Robert Tapert
and
You

*The random employ who dose not believe Ash in the theatrical ending was played by Sam Raimi, so that was just my little call back.