Doing Hurtful Things To Your Waifu: Fanfic Edition

"Ahh! Finally off from work." A man walked into his small house. He had a giant smile on his face while he took off his shoes and socks. He stretched his arms out, yawning slightly from the aching in his bones. Unplugging his Beats from his iPhone, he reconnected the headphones into the speakers on his computer. "Charlie, my man, that little prom was fucking gay, but you made big bucks!" He chuckled to himself as he turned on his computer. He clicked on Chrome because, in his words, 'he ain't a fucking scrub to use Internet Explorer' and went on YouTube to play some dubstep.

He clicked on his favorite's list and the first video to play was Sexism by Excision & Skism. He popped out a sliding shelf to reveal his keyboard, then popped another out to jam out a little with his turntable. As he was jamming out, he clicked on another tab to go to 4chan. It was a wondrous place to be for him to troll his fellow 'b-tards' and 'd-generates'. But his favorite place to troll was on the /mlp/ boards.

He went on the board to inspect the threads that took place. It was a shame that they banned the Tulpa threads. They were his most favorite threads to troll. People who, if they believe hard enough, will bring their favorite pony to life with their mind. At best, they were creating an imaginary friend. One of the threads he despised was the Flutterrape threads. A fuckin' piss yellow pony that attempts to rape the anon.

And isn't successful. He thought, "Why the fuck not. These stories show that these autists won't get any.."

Just as he was about to start his rampage of harsh words and memes, he started to fade into unconsciousness. Not wanting to get his babies, his keyboard and turntable, any drool, he hopped from his seat to the couch nearby. He was confused why he was feeling this way. He tried to fight it, but eventually fell into slumber.

A glimmer of hope filled his heart. Despite being thrown back into the pits of Tartarus, he might get his chance at revenge. With the half of his magic left, he tore open the fabric of space-time and pulled out a mythical creature that even Tartarus wouldn't allow to keep. Many of the myths foretold that these creatures brought death and woe into any world they inhabit. They were created in the image of a psychopathic, yet omniscient being. As the creature lay in front of him, Tirek, himself, couldn't help but quake in fear of this creature. Sure, it was smaller than him, but who knows what he could do.

It looked like a primate version of a griffon. The creature's arms pushed weakly against the floor. Its voice signaled distress as it got up. It was clear that the creature was a male, having no mammary glands of the sort. The clothing he wore looked bulky, having a red sweater that wrapped around its waist, neck and its wrists. His legs had white leather leggings, ending with his shoeless feet that supported him as he stood.

"H-Hello there, human." Tirek greeted him. "We don't have much time. I have a proposition for you." The human groaned in response, feeling the grogginess of his transition from Earth to Tartarus. "I understand you are tired, but please concentrate."

"Ugh...where am...what in the..." The human rubbed his eyes and stared at Tirek. He saw the centaur that stood at least two feet taller than him. "Oh god..." He stared at the beast and his surroundings. He saw this scene before. The way everything looked. It couldn't be true. "I'm in that fucking cartoon!"

"Calm down, human. I don't know what you're babbling about, but I-"

"Hey, buddy. Fuck you! Why am I in a world full of fucking ponies?! I'm not stupid. I read these fucking fanfics of 'ANUN IN EGAYSTIA' bullshit while I was trolling these autists. Why am I here?!" The tantrum on the human made Tirek fearful. He shook, wishing he had the alicorn magic to at least subdue him.

"I bring you here for a proposition! To hurt these ponies!" That made the human stop in his barrage of furious insults. Tirek smiled when the human chuckled.

"Great...what, unlimited wealth beyond my wildest dreams? That sort of cliche faggotry?"

"That...was exactly what I was going to propose. But if that-"

"Sounds good to me. I'm in."

Tirek stayed silent. Had the most feared creature of myth in all of Equestria accepted his proposal? It sounded imaginary, but he was glad. "Excellent. Now, here's the plan..."

"I'm listening."

"There are six ponies. Six that hold the Elements of Harmony. You make them lose faith in love, life, friendship, I don't care...just make them miserable."

"Will I really get this unlimited wealth?"

"Yes. You will get it. If you do a better job, I might be willing to give more, if I have the magic enough to do it."

Tirek saw the human smirk devilishly. The way he pocketed his hands within his sweater and take a small rectangular device out of it. It looked alien to him until he heard a loud noise emit from it. "Just want to document this whole adventure. Thank God I have my iPhone. Wanna show this to my friends. They ain't gonna believe this shit." A loud rumbling noise emitted deep within the sepulchral caverns. The human looked up confused. I shushed him hurriedly.

"Darn it, you have to speak that name here in this hell-hole?! Our time is up because you said that damn name!" Tirek shouted.

"What? God? The fuck are we in: Hell?" The ground shook harder. A giant hand came over the edge of the platform and grabbed the human.

"Charlie, human of Earth. You have no quarrel in this realm of the dead!" A loud, ominous voice boomed before it pelted him through the portal to Equestria.

"Dream of me in order for us to converse!" Tirek managed to shout before the portal closed.

Charlie twisted down a small hill before hitting into the back of a park bench. He groaned in pain. A centaur, a giant hand that threw him out, and now...a park bench. What was the thing that the centaur said: dream of him? Never in a million years, would he have heard a centaur say something like that. He suspected that the beast was a homosexual. But it didn't matter to him, he had to make these ponies miserable. Just make these six ponies' life a living hell and get a lot of money. From the amount of time he browsed /mlp/, he knew who which one was which.

Getting up, he saw a mint colored pony grab his hands. He saw how amazed she was when she inspected him a little more fully. He realized who this pony was. Lyre...no, Lyra. Charlie started to hate himself as he realized that he knew the name of the pony. The species he despised so much. He wasn't going to accept that at all. He got up and snapped his hand back.

"Get away from me, you bitch!" he barked before his hand hurriedly made contact against her face. The blunt force of his knuckles scraped against her cheek and his nails cut her lower eyelids. She gasped and stared at him with a look of terror on her face. "Shut up and listen. I fucking hate you and the rest of you little ponies. But I have no place to go. So I want you to take me to your house, where I'll crash until I'm done being in this place, okay?"

The word 'hate' stung at Lyra's heart. Tears streamed down her face, realizing the first human she ever met was only going to be using her for his own personal gain. Her fantasies of falling in love with these bipedal creatures slipped far out of her reach. She went up to him and held his hands.

"I-I didn't do anything wrong...please, give me a chance. I at least want to be friends!" She pleaded. The glare that he held to her got her to shut up. But the tears wouldn't stop coming.

"I know you. You're a pony that loves humans, right?" Lyra nodded, smiling at the fact that the human she's holding knows her. "Well, you love humans, but I hate ponies. I will never love you. I'm not some fucking autistic brony that will marry you on the spot." She gasped and continued to hold his hand. She desperately hoped that this was some sort of cruel prank. He slapped her hooves repeatedly, each hit stinging her until she let go of his hand.

"What did I do to make you hate me...?" She sobbed, looking up at him. Ugh, the look was sickening to him. He wanted to pummel that face of hers. He knelt down to her and smirked.

"You aren't real to me, back where I'm from. I could care less about the consequences here. Not like anything will happen to me." He looked up to see some ponies coming into the park. Looking around, he saw that there was the park bench that he hit. Behind that was a fountain that sprayed fresh water. He picked her up and shushed her when she whimpered.

"P-P-Please...don't hu-"

"Shhh, the manticore is gone now." He spoke to her. Some of the ponies gasped and ran over to them. "It's gone now. I'll take you home and get you back up on your feet." The ponies nearby who came in and saw the scene swooned at how attentive he was to their friend. Both stallion and mare stared at him with dreamy looks.

Lyra wanted to scream. To expose the lies the human was spewing. But she was afraid of the consequences. Anything could happen to her. She accepted her fate and told him where the go. The village was spacious. Noting the rural landscape of the village, Charlie sulked. He was more used to the urban landscape, where everything was near.

Kicking open the door to her house, he placed her on the couch and closed the door, making sure it was locked. He pushed her off the couch and reclined on the soft seat. "Alright...let's see what's on the...oh no..." He checked his iPhone and saw that he didn't have any connection to the internet. He had no way of browsing through the internet to see what ideas he could get to hurt these six ponies. Shrugging, he remembered the thing he said about documentation and took a picture of the forlorn Lyra that sobbed on the floor.

He stopped. He had an epiphany. He scrolled through his photos, seeing the amount of memes, reaction pictures, and porn that he saved over the months of having his cellular device. He stopped when he saw several charts that were labeled 'doing hurtful things to your waifu'. He inspected them, seeing the look of sorrow and desperation on their faces. Charlie won't be proud. He wouldn't even dream of dating a pony. But it would so be worth it to see these faces actually happen.