Doing Hurtful Things To Your Waifu: Fanfic Edition

"Ahh, you're back." Tirek grinned when Charlie appeared in front of him in an instant. He continued to glare at the environment and, more so, toward the centaur in question.

"Cut to the chase. I need to be subtle. Take a look at this." Charlie turned on his phone and presented him the charts that he saved on his phone. Although Tirek was dumbfounded at the technology showing him the charts, he was, nonetheless, glad at the sight of the charts. "I plan on doing this to each of those six ponies. To...date...each of them, get close to them, and subtly break away from them before revealing my true intentions."

Tirek looked at him dumbfounded. In all honesty, it was the most idiotic plan in existence. But maybe the human was attempting at a subterfuge. Charging headfirst would be a dumb move, in itself. Nodding at the plan, he agreed with it. "So, what do you need of me? Remember that I am limited in mana to cast any magic."

"Damn, this place is really keeping you down like this? Well, when I'm done hurting them, I was hoping you can cast a forget spell. No one except the pony I hurt knows that I've done wrong to that one. So when, oh I don't know, Rainbow Dash, gets hurt, everyone forgets and when she tries to tell everyone, they won't believe her. If pressed too much, the ponies might make her an outcast."

Tirek really couldn't believe what he was hearing. It sounded better and better as he started to hear more on it. He rubbed his hands and started cackling. "Ahh, I wish I would be able to see it. 'Tis a shame. But I have enough mana to do that spell."

"Good. Speaking of Rainbow Dash, I think she'll be first. That brash bitch needs to be taught a lesson. Fuckin' hate her." Charlie chuckled a little bit. He felt a little awake and smiled. "Well, I'll see ya later. Chow."

"Farewell."

Waking up, Charlie grumbled a little as he woke up. He was sure that the centaur wasn't a homosexual, but didn't realize the implications of his request. He got up and saw Lyra curled in the corner, tears and blood staining her cheeks and fore-hooves. He shrugged and looked out the window. He was sure he saw the sun up in the sky when he was sleeping, but the sun was rising up in the distance at the moment. He looked down at his iPhone and saw that a tiny insignificant chunk of battery power was lost.

His lips pursed and he shut the device off. It would be useless to him if his iPhone didn't have any power left. He wanted to make sure to take pictures of his adventures, the ponies, and his victims. He looked back at Lyra, who was waking up shakily. Their eyes met and, for a moment, she was lost in them. Those calm, blue eyes in that tall muscular body, but with a mind on the path of devastation towards her fellow ponies.

"Y-You never gave me a name..." she rasped weakly. "Can I...at least...know your name?" She was afraid that her little request would make him outraged. But he just stared back and opened the door.

"I'm Charlie." He answered as he walked out. "Don't you try anything funny. I'll know when I see or hear about it." He shut the door and decided to take a gander around the town.

It was too girly and colorful for his tastes. He shielded his eyes from the abnormal rising of the sun. The brightness and the contrast was too much for his eyes. He bumped into a tree and cursed a little under his breath, but he continued onward. His eyes slowly let him see, finally. Opening his eyes, he saw that he was at an official looking building. Out of all the houses, which looked so much like the ones he saw when he visited a renaissance fair, this one looked like a carousel that he could ride.

He was willing to bet that if he were to hop on a pony right now, he would ask it to go around the building a few times. It was that redundant. He saw some ponies walk out and go about their day. Reminiscing on his dream, he realized that he would have to put on a social mask to hide his animosity toward these equines. He grumbled a little before putting on a smile to the nearest one, a white marshmallow pony with a purple mane that looks as if she spent hours using hair cement to style her mane in a giant curl.

"What in the hot mess of fresh fuck am I looking at? Oh wait, it's that stuck up bitch. Maybe I should ask her where the rainbow fuck is..." His thoughts spoke in his mind. He stood up and forced a smile as he walked up to her.

"Hi, darling! Aren't you the one that saved Lyra from a manticore? Some ponies said you comforted her after fending off the beast." That voice. Sweet baby Jesus, it was much worse than he expected it to hear. He could hear the snobbish tone of voice she used. He hated himself for a moment for browsing /mlp/.

"Yeah, it was me. Poor girl was all scratched up. What was I supposed to do?" He said, looking a bit forlorn. God, this acting was going to be tougher than expected. He was no actor, but a DJ. His way of entertainment was through his musicality.

"What's wrong? You look horrible."

"Well..." He had to think of something. He let the mask drop and now he's questioned on the spot. Thinking of something quick, he stammered. "I-I miss...I miss home...yeah, my home."

"You aren't from the Everfree Forest? Some ponies thought you came from that dastardly wasteland." He wanted to facepalm. A forest being a wasteland? It was a simple forest. Nothing looked abnormal about it.

As he was about to answer, a rainbow trail, along with a fast whoosh, was seen above her head. He followed the rainbow trail and watched as it landed a bit away from them. It was then that Charlie found his first target. He knew this mare anywhere. The dyke-looking haircut that matched her tail, all in a rainbow color. Her cyan fur that was blasted back from all the air that blew through her.

"Hey! Aren't you the one that saved Lyra?" Fucking hell, he couldn't fathom the amount of restraint he had to keep himself in check. He nodded and she smiled. "That was awesome, from what I heard. How'd you take them down? They must've been really hard to beat."

"It was a tad difficult. But I managed to do it." He mumbled a bit. He didn't even know what it looked like. He assumed that with the ponies being smaller than him, the hostile creatures like the manticore could be at about his height. Rainbow's eyes widened and threw a hoof in the air.

"That is so awesome! They usually get angry when I hit them." Gee, I wonder why?, thought Charlie. "But anyway, I'm Rainbow Dash. Nice to meet ya!"

"I'm...Charlie..." He forced a gritted smile.

"You should meet some of my friends. I'm sure Pinkie Pie would love to throw you a su-"

"SURPRISE!"

A loud booming noise, followed by confetti flew all over him. He ducked, thinking he was going to die. He felt arms wrap around him tightly and he was picked up. He was lucky to have an arm out of its grasp. He wiped the confetti that stuck to his face and stared into eyes that mirrored the sky. The owner of those eyes was none other than Pinkie Pie, much to his chagrin.

"Great, fucking great. I was hoping to avoid this bitch..." Charlie thought. He groaned a little bit, feeling a little sick from the songs and moving around that Pinkie Pie did.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie and I heard you saved my friend from a mean ol' manticore and I wanted to give you a surprise hero's party for saving her by making you a special cupcake of my secret recipe which has-" He was slowly feeling his stomach protest at the crushing hug and swinging around.

"Pinkie Pie, he doesn't look too good. You might want to stop that before-" Rarity's warning was too late. Charlie upchucked, almost hitting the party pony in front of him. She almost dropped him in the pile of vomit, but Rainbow Dash had the decency to pull him away from it. Charlie was struggling more than ever to keep himself from attacking Pinkie Pie. All the inhumane thoughts passed through his head, strangling her neck to smothering her in cake batter. He pushed himself to get behind Rainbow Dash and glared at her once he was safe.

"Hey, Charlie, don't be afraid. I know she-"

"I ALMOST DIED!" He shrilled. Pinkie Pie's face contorted in a sad expression. "HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST, I HAVE NEVER FEARED FOR MY LIFE UNTIL TODAY!" Her hair made the noise of a balloon popping and went straight down.

"I understand that was unwanted for, but she didn't mean no harm! Calm yourself!" Rarity tried to soothe him. But he wouldn't hear any of it. Just as he was about to lash out with a great string of insults, he felt a hoof on his back, rubbing a little softly on his spine. He perked up and looked behind him, seeing the buttery pink pegasus.

"Shh, it's okay. Pinkie Pie didn't mean to do that." Her voice was more soothing and calm to him, almost motherly. He calmed down slightly. His breathing became more softer.

"Whoa, Fluttershy, I didn't know you could calm something like that!" That inquisitive tone of voice could only belong to Twilight Sparkle, he surmised. Looking up, he saw the regal crown that she wore. He remembered the bronies on /mlp/ talking about her being an alicorn, or whatever he read.

He felt like things were moving a bit too fast for him. He met almost all of them. That left just one pony left. As he was about to ask, he felt his stomach grumble a little bit. He sat down and rubbed his stomach, wishing he'd at least ate something. An apple was thrown on his lap. He looked up as he held it in his hand, seeing the farmer pony, Applejack. It seemed too coincidental that they were coming together like this.

He saw how they interacted. They managed to calm down the pink annoying pony, telling her that she shouldn't have done that, but also soothing her down, saying it wasn't her fault nor his. They didn't know that he would react to such rapid movements that they were used to. Her hair poofed back up and she started beaming back to her regular self. She walked up to him and gave him a chocolate frosted cupcake. Looking up, he forced his fake smile once again and looked down at the meager meal that he had.

"Thanks...I felt hungry." He spoke before he munched down on the food he was given. The crunch of the apple resulted in the tasty meat of the fruit. The skin would get stuck in his throat, so eating the muffin would make it go down easier. The cupcake, to him, was heavenly.

"Where are ya from, stranger?"  Applejack asked, sitting next to him.

"Charlie came from the Everfree, from what I've heard." Rarity spoke. He grunted a little bit, not wanting the prissy pony to speak for him.

"I came from another universe, I suppose." This fact caused the ponies to gasp and wonder in amazement. "I don't know exactly how I got here, though." He spoke the truth, too. Tirek himself just pulled him in to his universe through unknown means and he has no way of getting back. He's convinced that this is all an elaborate dream that his mind made up from all the time he's trolled other people. As if this was a way of redemption for himself, in which he thought was bullshit. He was fine with doing what he was doing, just as long as he can wake up or Tirek sends him back.

"Probably some strong magic?" Twilight inquired. Charlie shrugged and finished his lunch.

"Well, to be blunt, I have no fuckin' idea." He received glares from the ponies around. He guessed that they didn't take to kindly to profanity. Oh lord, I ain't havin' none of that noise. "I'm sorry, but it's true! I was doin' some important stuff 'til I got sucked in here. What do you expect from me: 'oh, don't worry, you'll fit in just fine!'" he pantomimed Twilight Sparkle, almost sounding like her, which made her flinch a bit.

"You really seem off yer rocker, but ah could understand. Don't know where ya from, but ah really do hope that you can fit in as best as you could." Applejack responded quite well to his outburst.

"Yeah...and...I'm...so...s..." Charlie couldn't manage to say sorry to the pink pony. But she smiled and nodded.

"None taken." Charlie raised an eyebrow at that. "I'll be sure not to do that kind of thing again."

"Ooh, heavens, look at the time. Fluttershy and I must be going. We must be off to the spa!" Rarity looked back as she trotted with Fluttershy. "Keep in contact with us, Charlie. We'll try our best to help you fit in!" Fluttershy smiled bashfully and waved goodbye as she and Rarity cantered away.

"Ah gotta get to sellin' some apples. Ah'll see ya 'round, Charlie." She tipped her hat and pulled her cart along toward the market district of the village.

Each of them said their goodbyes to him, until he was alone with Rainbow Dash. She could see that he got nothing to do and, truth be told, she seemed to be in a competitive mood. "Hey, Char, ya mind for some action? I'm off work for the week so we could...you know..."

"No, I don't know." He grunted a little. "You mean like..." His mind started to wander far off into nsfw category.

"Ooh! I wanna see how fast you are!"

Charlie slapped himself in order to get the lewd thought of his head. This was REALLY going to be harder than he thought.