Casting Call/The Guests Arrive
Equestrian Films Presents
An ARM-Y Production
Clue
Cast (in order of appearance):
Arm Maggedon as.....................Wadsworth
Fluttershy as......................................Yvette
Applejack as....................................Mrs. Ho
Shining Armor as................Colonel Mustard
Twilight Sparkle as.......................Mrs. White
Discord as............................Professor Plum
Rarity as.....................................Ms. Scarlet
Mayor Mare as.........................Mrs. Peacock
Spike as........................................Mr. Green
Myself as.......................................Mr. Boddy
Part 1 – The Guests Arrive
It was like any other dark and stormy night on top of a hill. Lightning crashed, rain was pouring down, and guard dogs were barking at the covered night sky.
Wadsworth got out of his car and threw a slab of meat at the dogs to satisfy them. He went inside and took off his raincoat to reveal an elegant butler suit. He walked to the library to meet Yvette, the maid, who was cleaning a champagne glass.
"Is everything ready?" Wadsworth asked.
"Oui, monsieur," Yvette answered in her French accent.
"You have your instructions?"
Yvette nodded. Wadsworth walked out of the library and into the kitchen, where the cook, Mrs. Ho, was sharpening knives.
"Is everything alright, Mrs. Ho?" Wadsworth asked.
She suddenly turn towards him, a knife in her hoof pointed at him.
"Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty," she said.
Then the doorbell rang. Wadsworth walked towards the front door and opened it to meet a stallion standing in the doorway.
"Good evening," Wadsworth said.
"Good evening," the large stallion said. He walked in and Arm removed his coat. "I don't know if-"
"Yes, sir," Wadsworth said. "You are indeed expected, Colonel Mustard."
"Uh, that's not my name," the stallion said. "My name is-"
"Colonel Mustard," Wadsworth interrupted again. "Your invitation said that all guests will be referred to by their pseudonym name. You will be referred to as Colonel Mustard."
"Oh," the Colonel said, still confused. "And you are?"
"Wadsworth, sir. I'm the butler. Now, please follow me to the library."
Colonel Mustard did so, and Yvette greeted him with a glass of champagne.
"Yvette, please attend to the Colonel and give him anything he desires......within reason."
The bell rang again and Wadsworth left the Colonel and Yvette. He opened the front door to meet a mare dressed in black.
"Hello, madam," he said. "You must be Mrs. White."
"Yes," Mrs. White confirmed. "It said I would be referred to that in the invitation, but why-"
Wadsworth quickly brought her to the library where Colonel Mustard and Yvette where conversing. When Yvette and Mrs. White's eyes met, they gave a disgusted look at one another.
"I see you two know each other," the Colonel said.
Mrs. White just turned to the Colonel and greeted him. He greeted her in kind.
A mare in a scarlet dress was standing by a roadside. Cursing at how her car had broken down. The only thing she had to protect her from the rain was a newspaper.
Then, another car came up, and a creature inside yelled, "Want a lift?"
"Yes! Please!" she cried.
The mare stepped into the car and dries whatever wet hair she had.
"Thank you so much!" she said. "I'm late for a dinner party!"
"Where is it?" the male creature said.
The mare gave the address and the creature got a surprised look on his face.
"That's exactly where I'm going," he said.
Wadsworth walked into the library with a middle-aged mare.
"This is Mrs. Peacock," he said to the other guests, who greeted the latest guest.
Mrs. Peacock gave a disgusted look at how vulgar Yvette's dress was.
The bell rang again, and Wadsworth opened the door to find a dragon trying to stay away from the growling dogs.
"Ah, you must be Mr. Green," Wadsworth said.
"Yes," the dragon said, rushing inside and taking off his coat. Wadsworth yelled at the dogs to sit and closed the door. He then showed Mr. Green to the library and greeted him to the other guests.
By that time, the mare and creature from before arrived at the mansion.
"What a Celestia-forsaken place!" the creature yelled before sneaking a grab at one of the mare's buttocks. She yelped and smacked his hand away.
Wadsworth opened the door to see the two of them. "Ah, Ms. Scarlet and Professor Plum! I didn't know you were acquainted."
"We weren't," Ms. Scarlet growled, giving a nasty look towards Professor Plum.
Wadsworth brought them in and the other guests greeted them, knowing the drill.
"As you have probably figured out," Wadsworth said, "no one tonight will be referred to by their real name."
GONG!!
Mrs. Ho rang a gong, causing Mr. Green to jump and spill his champagne on Mrs. Peacock.
"Ah!" Wadsworth said. "Dinner!"
Part 2 – Dinner
The guests crossed the hall to the dinning room, which was, like the rest of the house, elegant.
"You will all find your names where you will be seated," Wadsworth said.
Everyone found their seats and sat down. Wadsworth poured another glass of champagne for Ms. Scarlet, to her pleasure.
The others noticed that the seat at the head of the table was empty.
"Is this seat for you?" Colonel Mustard asked Wadsworth.
"No, sir," the butler said. "That seat is reserved for our seventh guest, Mr. Boddy."
"Guest?" Mrs. Peacock asked. "I thought Mr. Boddy was our host."
"No madam."
"Then who is?"
Wadsworth only chuckled with a closed smile. The guests looked at one another with concern.
"Wh-what's this all about, butler?" the dragon asked. "This dinner party, I mean."
Wadsworth was silent for a moment. ".....'Ours is not to reason why.....ours is but to do and die.'"
"Die?!" Professor Plum said.
"No, sir, I was only quoting Alfred, Lord Tennyson."
"I'm more of a Kipling guy myself," Colonel Mustard said. "'The female of the species is more deadly than the male.' Do you like Kipling, Ms. Scarlet?"
"Sure, I'll eat anything," Ms. Scarlet said, unmoved.
Yvette came in from the kitchen carrying bowls of shark's fin soup. All the guests looked around again, not sure whether to star eating without the seventh guest.
"Well," Mrs. Peacock said, taking a slurp of her soup, "if anyone's going to break the ice it might as well be me. I'm actually used to hosting parties myself. It's part of what my husband does for a living. Oh, I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we are, but I don't know why. I also don't know why I'm here or why anyone's here, but I'm determined to enjoy myself and - oh my - this soup is delicious!"
The guests looked at her in bewilderment.
"What is it that your husband does?" Mrs. White asks.
"I probably shouldn't say," Mrs. Peacock said.
"I know who your husband is," said Mr. Green.
"What?!" Mrs. Peacock almost yelled. "How?"
"I work in Canterlot, too."
"Oh," Professor Plum said, "so you're a politician's wife."
"Y-yes, I am," Mrs. Peacock confirmed.
"So who is your husband?" Colonel Mustard asked.
Trying to move the conversation, Mrs. Peacock turned to Mrs. White.
"So what does your husband do?" she asked.
"Nothing," said Mrs. White, almost cutting Mrs. Peacock off.
"Nothing?"
"He just.....sits around on his flank all day."
"Sounds like hard work to me," Ms. Scarlet said.
Yvette brought in another dish and the guests ate.
"Mmm! One of my favorite recipes!" Mrs. Peacock said. She turned to Mr. Green. "So what do you do in Canterlot?"
Mr. Green was silent.
"Oh come now! How are we going to all get acquainted if we don't know anything about each other?"
"Maybe he doesn't want to get acquainted," Ms. Scarlet said.
"Well," Mrs. Peacock said, bothered by that previous statement, "if I didn't keep the conversation going, we would be sitting in an embarrassing silence!"
"Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?" Professor Plum asked.
"Well, a little? Why?"
"Ah, I see. You're suffering from what we call 'pressure of speech.'"
"'We?'" Mrs. Peacock asked. "Who's 'we?' Are you a shrink?"
"I know a little bit of psychology, yes."
"So you're a doctor!" Mrs. White said.
"Yes," Professor Plum confirmed, "but I don't practice."
"So what do you do?" Ms. Scarlet asked.
"I work for the UNO, United Health Organization."
"Another politician?!" Colonel Mustard explained.
"No, I work for a branch of the UNO, the WHO - World Health Organization."
"What's your area of expertise?" Mrs. Peacock asked.
"Family planning." Plum turned to the Colonel. "What about you? Are you really a colonel?"
"I am, sir!" Colonel Mustard said proudly.
"Are you going to tell them that you also live in Canterlot?" Mrs. Scarlet asked.
"How did you know that?!" the Colonel said, bewildered.
"I've definitely seen you before. But you may not have seen me."
"Does this mean you live in Canterlot too?" Mr. Green asked Ms. Scarlet.
"Sure do," she confirmed.
"Is there anyone here that doesn't live in Canterlot?" Mrs. Peacock asked.
"I don't," Professor Plum said.
"But you work for the UNO!" Mr. Green pointed out. "That's a government job! Is there anyone here that hasn't made their living off the government?"
Fed up, Colonel Mustard stood angrily and faced Wadsworth.
"That's it!" he yelled. "Butler, you better tell us who our host is and why we were brought here!"
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
Part 3 – Mr. Boddy
Wadsworth went to the door and opened it up to meet a human standing outside.
"Ah! Good evening!" the butler said. "You are eagerly awaited!"
"You locking me in?" the human asked. "I'll take the key."
"Over my dead body, sir," Wadsworth said. "May I take your bag?"
"No." The human put the bag by the door. "I'll leave it here until I need it."
"It contains evidence, I presume?"
"Surprises, Wadsworth! It contains surprises!"
Wadsworth walked into the dinning room with the human. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. Boddy."
"What are they all doing here?" Mr. Boddy asked.
"Eating dinner, sir. Do sit down."
Mr. Boddy sat down at the head of the table. When Yvette came to serve him, her waved his hand. "No thanks, honey. I just ate."
"Look," Mrs. Peacock said angrily, "I demand to know what is going on!"
"Well," Wadsworth said, "from my knowledge, we all received a letter inviting us to this place to a dinner party. And they all said something about 'ending a long-lasting liability.'"
The guests all agreed.
"Out of curiosity, Mr. Boddy," Mrs. White said, "did your letter say the same thing?"
"No."
There was an awkward silence.
"Can I interest anyone i fruit or dessert?" Wadsworth asked.
Still silence.
"In that case, let us go to the story for coffee and brandy, where our unknown host will reveal his intentions."
The guests and the butler all went to the study, which was, by far, the most comfy room in the house. Wadsworth went to a desk and opened an envelope labeled "Open After Dinner." He went through its contents, then looked at the guests, who all had either coffee or brandy in hand (or hoof).
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "I'm instructed to inform you about what you have in common with each other. Mr. Boddy, why don't you start?"
"Why?" Mr. Boddy asked. "They know who I am."
"I don't think so, sir. You've never introduced yourself."
Mr. Boddy angrily got up. "This is all a hoax! I suggest we leave."
"Sir, you can't leave this house. All the window and doors are barred or locked."
All the guests looked at each other in confusion.
"This is insanity!" Mr. Boddy yelled. "You can't hold us prisoner!"
"Please, if everyone can calm down, I will explain everything."
Everyone became silent. Mr. Boddy sat down, resentful. Wadsworth held up the envelope.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "all have one thing in common. You are all being blackmailed. For a long time, you've all been paying what you could afford in order to pay off someone who has threatened to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you."
"Oh please!" Mrs. Peacock said. "I've never heard of anything more ridiculous! I mean, nobody could blackmail me; I've done nothing wrong!"
"Would anyone else care to object?" Wadsworth asked.
The rest of the guests stayed silent.
"In that case," he continued, "there's no harm in me revealing some details. Thank you, Yvette."
With that, the maid trotted out of the room. Wadsworth turned to Professor Plum.
"Professor Plum," he said, "you were once a professor of psychiatry, treating homicidal and paranoid patients who were suffering from pleasurable hallucinations."
"Yes," the professor confirmed, "but now I work at the UNO."
"So nothing has changed. But you no longer practice psychiatry. Your license was lifted."
"Why?" Ms. Scarlet asked. "What did he do?"
"You know that thing you're not allowed to do with lady patients?" Wadsworth asked.
"Yes."
"He did it."
"Hah!" cried Ms. Scarlet. Professor Plum's blank look turned to one of anger.
"And you, Mrs. Peacock," Wadsworth said, turning to the elderly mare, "how do you justify the bribes you have been taking in order to deliver your senator husband's vote?"
"My husband is a paid consultant!" Mrs. Peacock argued. "There's nothing wrong with that!"
"Yes, if it were public. But you've spent the last couple of months slipping hundreds of bits in an envelope and slipping them under the doors of a mens' room. How do you describe that?"
"I'd say it stinks," joked Ms. Scarlet.
"Very well," the elderly mare said. "Let's say I've been paying this blackmailer for something I didn't do. I never took bribes for my husband!"
"And I'm being blackmailed for something I didn't do too!" Mrs. White chimed in. The other guest, all except Mr. Boddy and Ms. Scarlet, chimed in with her.
"Not me," said Ms. Scarlet. "I did what I'm being blackmailed for."
"What is it?" Mr. Green asked.
"I run a specialized hotel where I allow men to have the company of a young mare for a short time."
"Really?" Professor Plum took out a notepad. "What's the number of this hotel?"
Ms. Scarlet only rolled her eyes.
"So how did you know that the Colonel works in Washington?" Mr. Green asked. "Was he one of your clients?"
"No, I'm not!" the colonel angrily yelled.
"I was asking Ms. Scarlet."
"Tell him it's not true!" Colonel Mustard said to Ms. Scarlet.
"It's not true," Ms. Scarlet said to Mr. Green.
"Is that true?" Mr. Green asked.
"No, THAT was not true."
"AH-HA! So it is true!"
"A double negative!" Wadsworth chimed in.
"Double negative?" the colonel asked. "Do you mean- PHOTOGRAPHS?!"
"I'm afraid you've given yourself away, Colonel," Wadsworth said.
"Are you all just trying to embarrass me?!" the colonel yelled.
"You don't need my help with that, Colonel."
"That's right!"
The Colonel realized what he just said.
"To be honest," Professor Plum said, "I don't see what's so bad about the Colonel visiting a house of prostitutes." He put a hand on Ms. Scarlet's backside. "Don't most soldiers?"
"Oh, please," Ms. Scarlet said, standing up.
"But Colonel holds a sensitive security post at the Pentagon. And you drive an expensive car, Colonel, for someone who lives on a colonel's pay."
"I came into money during the war," the Colonel said, "when I lost my mommy and daddy."
Wadsworth was confused for a moment, then snapped out of it. "Mrs. White, you've been paying bribes for the death of your late husband."
"Hah!" Ms. Scarlet laughed again.
"What's so funny about that?!" Mrs. White yelled.
"Now I get it! He's lying on his flank all day! In his coffin!"
"I didn't kill him!"
"Then why are you paying bribes?" Professor Plum asked.
"I don't want a scandal, do I? We had an embarrassing public confrontation where he threatened to kill me. He was a lunatic, that stallion."
"What did he do for a living?" Colonel Mustard asked.
"He was a scientist....nuclear physics, I believe. When I found him dead at home, his head was cut off and so was his....well....you know what."
All the men in the room crossed their legs or but their hind ones together. Mr. Green suddenly stood up.
"There's no point in hiding it," he said, "so I might as well say it. I work for the state department, and I am a homosexual."
Mrs. Peacock groaned in disgust.
"It's sensitive information, and if anyone found out I could lose my job.....Thank you."
Mr. Green then sat down.
"Well," Professor Plum said, "that leaves Mr. Boddy. What are you being blackmailed for?"
Mr. Boddy said nothing.
"Haven't you all guessed?" Wadsworth said. "He's the one blackmailing you, of course!"
All the guests became wide eyed and looked to Mr. Boddy, who had a very satisfied look on his face.
"YOU BASTARD!!" Colonel Mustard yelled.
The guests advanced on Mr. Boddy. Colonel Mustard threw a hoof at him, but Mr. Boddy blocked it and elbowed the colonel in the face.
"Hah!" Mr. Boddy laughed. "Calls me a bastard!"
Mrs. White went up and bucked Mr. Boddy in the crotch, to his pain.
"Calm down, everyone!" Wadsworth yelled. "The police are on their way!"
"NO!!" the guests all yelled.
"Blackmail depends on secrecy!" he said. "All you have to do is tell the police how Mr. Boddy has been able to blackmail you, and your troubles will be over!"
"It won't be that easy," Mr. Boddy said, shaking off the pain. "You'll never tell the police."
"Then I shall!" Wadsworth stood defiantly. "I have evidence of it! And this conversation is being tape recorded!"
Yvette was in the billiard room, listening to the recorded conversation.
"All you have to do is tell the truth and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars! The police will arrive in forty-five minutes!"
Mr. Boddy chuckled. "I think I have something that'll change their minds." He then went out into the hall.
"Where are you going?" Wadsworth asked.
"Can I just get my bag?" Mr. Boddy asked. He did so and returned to the study. Then, he passed out packages to the guests, each of a different shape and size.
"Can anyone guess what's in them?" Mr. Boddy asked.
"Evidence against us, no doubt," Mrs. White said.
Mr. Boddy merely chuckled. "Open them."
"Why not?" Ms. Scarlet said. "I like getting presents from strange men."
She opened her package to reveal......a candlestick.
"A candlestick? What's this for?"
Mrs. White opened her gift to reveal a rope tied in a noose.
Mr. Green opened his to reveal a bent lead pipe.
Colonel Mustard opened his to reveal a wrench.
Professor Plum opened his to reveal a revolver, fully loaded.
Finally, Mrs. Peacock opened hers to reveal a sharp knife.
"You see," Mr. Boddy began, "I knew we would be here tonight. My letter told me so. I also knew that I would be exposed as your blackmailer, so I came up with a second option for you all.
"In each of your hands (and hooves) is a lethal weapon. If you report me to the police, I'll see to it that you too will be exposed. But if one of you, right now, kills Wadsworth...."
Wadsworth's eyes became wide and he got a scared look on his face.
".......no one but the seven of us will ever know. Only he has the key to the front door, and I suggest we take him up on his offer."
Mr. Boddy then went to the door and closed it. He then put his hand on the light switch.
"The only way you will stay of the front page of tomorrow's newspaper is if you kill Wadsworth. Now."
Mr. Boddy then switched off the lights.
Panic and chaos ensued in the next few seconds. Someone was hyperventilating. Then there was a gunshot and a ceramic object smashed. Someone screamed.
Mrs. Peacock quickly turned on the lights. She dropped her knife on the floor in shock.
Mr. Boddy was lying prone on the floor.
