Here within the Dark

The Pain of Another

I often wonder if there are others living in solitude like me. Going through life alone and rejected by others. What if I were to meet such a lonely pony? Would I welcome them with open wings into the comfort that I so desperately desire? Or would I reject them as so many others reject me? I think that is the real fear that we who are alone face. We desire the warmth of companionship but after being alone for so long we fear being rejected. How terrifying it would be to find some pony who knows the suffering you go through every day only to be rejected by them. Truly, that would be the breaking point. I would know, I’ve nearly crossed mine.

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Each day the streets of Ponyville become more lonesome for the pegasus bat. No matter how bright the day or what visitors arrive, each day only brings more suffering as yet another day passes in solitude. Blackwing watches as a little filly enjoys the company of her parents. They each smile and laugh at the antics of the young one who dances across the way, singing a simple song. Further on are two local members of the extensive Apple family selling their signature treats. Family is one attachment that Blackwing does know, though it was short lived.

As Blackwing grew up, he only knew the love from his parents. With each parent being a different kind of pony, they were rejected by their own for the love they showed each other. As for the hybrid son, only his parents put aside the physical appearance for what was important. After growing up and moving out, he lost contact with the only two ponies who ever showed him love. Never again did he see those loving faces.

Blackwing puts aside his thoughts of the past to maintain his façade of false contempt. He passes by the school and watches as three fillies are taunted by two others. Despite the rejecting the three face each day even they can find love in each other. The pegasus bat knows the torture they go through, the social stigma of being different. But why should he be left alone when even these children can find happiness? The mere thought of the situation arouses his rage once more. Why should he be left in the dark when all others stand in the light?

The façade of false contempt becomes harder to bear as the lonely journey through town continues. The smiling faces that mock and the eyes of despise that berate. Each step is another step towards the void of solitude. Everywhere he looks, the sight of happy ponies with friends or family provides a sharp jab while the looks of disapproval burn like fire. With each blow his anger is aroused.

The pegasus bat struggles to control his wrath as he trudges down the lonely road. After a short time he happens upon a covered cart sitting empty and abandoned, telling a story he knows all too well. The wooden object sits on the side of the road, as lonely as the pony who passes.

A soft crying stops Blackwing in his tracks. The muffled sound is familiar, not the voice but the emotions behind such sadness. He had long forgotten the tones of crying out of loneliness but here is a pony crying in a way only he could understand. It is the sound of another who sits alone in the darkness of solitude. A small light, a glimmer of hope shines within the cold darkness.

Blackwing peers around behind the cart to find a pegasus mare huddled against its wooden frame. Her face is buried under her hooves as she sobs. Her yellow body and orange mane and tail are darkened by the shadow of the cart she hides behind. She stops for a moment and turns to look at the visitor through her tear filled eyes as a strand of her straight hair falls into her face. Blackwing is stunned for a moment as he stares into the mare’s soft blue eyes. Expression fails him and words abandon him.

The mare stares at her visitor with a kind of wonder, having never expected to be found. She can say nothing as she watches the confused pony before her. Blackwing is lost in his emotions. The strange feeling he has as he looks upon the sorrowful mare is a mix of pity and care along with other feelings he never believed he possessed. He steps further around the cart still staring into those tear filled blue eyes only to watch the fear overtake the mare as she sees his black bat wing.

Anger and rage are aroused in the pegasus bat once again at the sting from the look of fear. He grits his teeth and turns away from the fearful eyes. Just when he had found one who could understand his pain, just when he found a light within the endless darkness, it is stripped away from him. The light quickly fades before his eyes, taunting him.

“Wait!” the mare cries, but too late. Her visitor has left her alone once again.

Blackwing charges through the town, fleeing from the rejecting eyes. Tears build in his eyes, eyes that have been dry for far too long. But these are not the tears of sorrow he seeks. These are tears of rage and wrath, the tears of hatred. He bursts through the door of his home, slamming it behind him before crying out in his rage. He pounds the wooden floor repeatedly until his leg is sore and the wooden plank is cracked. The raging pegasus bat continues to cry out as the tears of wrath stream down his angry face. Finally, he drops to the floor, covering his head wishing that the wrathful tears were tears of sorrow.

“It’s not fair! Why must I be alone in this world? Why must I be given hope only to watch it be torn away from me? It’s not fair. It’s not fair…”

He lies on the floor in his rage until sleep overtakes him. His dream tonight is filled with the darkness that he sees every day. There is nothing. Not even the watcher of dreams is there. He is alone as he always is. Should he have any companion, the darkness is it. Should he feel any emotion, rage and hatred fill his being. It seems that no matter what, he will always be alone in the dark.