Super Duper Ponyville Holiday

A uniformed doorpony stood at the lavish entrance to Ponyville’s premiere hotel, the Ponyville Hotel. The day wasn’t particularly busy, but the temperature was reasonably cool for the summer, leaving nothing for the concierge to complain about. At that very moment two large duffel bags flew in from out of nowhere and struck him in the face and abdomen, knocking him to the floor.

Walking up to the entrance doors each holding another duffel bag and a rolling suitcase were two human males, each dressed in a polo and shorts. One man was a tad muscular and had a broad face and short blonde hair. The other was a bit more slender and had short reddish-brown hair. Both of their eyes were concealed by expensive sunglasses.

“Hello!” the broad-faced man squawked to you.

“How are you?” guffawed the slender man towards you as well.

“I’m Bob Figglehorn!”

“And I’m Stacy Keebler! And we’re here to teach you…”

“…the essential principles for enjoying a vacation in the land of Equestria!”

Stacy hiked his duffel bag further up on his shoulder, loosening the zipper and causing an uzi, an M-16 assault rifle, and several handguns to slip out the bag and clatter to the floor as they continued to present their wide smiles to you. The doorpony weakly tried to stand up, reaching out for a helping hoof.

“I think my ribs are–”

His words were eternally silenced as Bob caved the doorpony's forehead in with a ball peen hammer that he grabbed out of nowhere. Bob and Stacy continued smiling, leaning their beaming faces into each other in mutual friendship, only for the two of them to push into their cheeks and jaws as hard as they could, smushing them until the other would yield.