Robin Hoof

Greetings, dear reader. I am Friar Tack, the royal archivist. By order of Princess Celestia, I am to account the story of a pony named Robin, the Earl of Hoofington. He was a valiant soldier and a good man. As archivist, I am to make sure history remembers him thusly. And so, I present to thee, dear reader, the story of Robin, the Earl of Hoofington, the Lord of Marewood Forest, and the Savior of Trottingham. Allow me to set the scene: Trottingham, several years after the defeat of King Discord. King Discord had been in charge not just of Equestria but the whole world. Now liberated from his bonds, the Griffon Kingdom was free to exercise its infamous aggressiveness. Its leader, General Death-talon, seized the holy land of Ponystine. Our noble leader, Princess Celestia, was leading Equestria’s military force against the griffons, leaving her younger sister Princess Luna in charge of the country in her absence. The war was nearly won now, and several soldiers were finally returning home, among them the young archer Robin, whose invaluable service in the Crusade had earned him the title of Earl of Hoofington. Now, he and the stallion who had been his first officer in the war, the hilariously misnamed Little John, actually a quite large fellow, were making the long trek back to their hometown of Trottingham. On the way, they come across a curious scene indeed.

“Please, please! Have mercy, I beg of you!” yelled the red-coated stallion.

“Those who think themselves above the law of the land deserve no mercy,” replied one of the three navy-clad royal guards.

“You misunderstand me, noble guards!” said the stallion, now groveling at their hooves, “I do not think myself above the law of glorious Equestria!”

“Then why have you broken it?”

“Because I may not be above it, but I believe the fundamental laws of survival are! My family is starving, we must eat!”

“Then you ought to have purchased food on market day.”

“I can’t afford to! Sheriff Bushel Britches’s taxes have rendered us broke!” The guard looked taken aback.

“Surely, you don’t blame the honorable sheriff for your strife?” The red stallion’s eyes widened.

“Of course not! Of COURSE not, noble Galloway of Gisbuck!” Galloway smirked.

“Tell you what, Mr. Scarlet. If you give that bread to me, we shall let you off easy. Rather than the death penalty, I’ll simply break your right arm. The pain shall remind you  that stealing is wrong.” The red pony ceased his groveling, but stood up. Now was no longer the time for fear. These ponies were not royal guards, they were monsters.

“No,” said Scarlet.

“No?”

“No. My family needs this bread, and I’ll not give it to you.” The guard smirked again.

“Well then,” he said, drawing his sword, “I do hope they need that bread more than they need you...” Suddenly, there was a sharp, unbearable pain in Galloway’s hoof. He screamed and dropped his sword, prompting Scarlet to run for cover. The other two guards drew their swords, and Galloway looked at his hurt hoof to see an arrow lodged in it. Furious, he yanked the arrow out and exclaimed “WHO HAS DONE THIS? WHO DARES ASSAULT A ROYAL GUARD?”

“Oh dear,” responded a voice. The guards looked every which way, frantically attempting to determine the source of the response. “It seems you’ve hurt your hoof. Perhaps you and your men should return home before your little walk in the woods results in further injury.”

“WHO SAID THAT?” demanded Galloway, “WHO’S OUT THERE?”

“Someone who cares dearly for your health, and knows that the forest is a very dangerous place.” With that, the speaker chose to reveal himself. A green-coated, golden-maned pony leaped down from the treetops and trotted over to Scarlet. “I mean, this poor fellow nearly got killed just now and it seems someone’s shot you with an arrow! I’d hate for something to happen to you.” The guards pointed their swords at him, until Galloway said,

“Stand down.” He had noticed, as would the other guards a moment later, the large, beefy pony aiming an arrow straight at his head. He proceeded to trot over to the green stranger, the bow still aimed at his head. “Who are you? What is your name?”

“Why, I am General Robin of the Royal Army, good Galloway,” the stranger said, “And this musclebound fellow is my friend and first lieutenant, Little John.” Little John waved at Galloway, his arrow still aimed to kill. “Lower that weapon, would you, friend? This man is on our team, aren’t you, Galloway?” Little John reluctantly lowered his bow and ceased to pull back the arrow.

“A thousand apologies for shooting you, Galloway. I was aiming for this filthy criminal,” lied Little John.

“That’s quite alright, Sir. Any of us would have wanted to shoot him.” Galloway turned to Robin. “It’s good to see you back from the Crusade unharmed, Sir.”

“Thank-you, Galloway.” Robin reached into his saddlebag and drew from it a scroll. “I have here a little something from Princess Celestia,” he said. “By her order, I am now the Earl of Hoofington, a small sub-city of Trottingham.”

“And now you’re headed there to claim your prize?” inferred Galloway.

“Precisely!”

“Well then, by all means, allow my men to provide you with an escort! We can bring you up to speed on all that’s changed since you’ve been gone, Sir!”

“That is most kind of you, Galloway! Little John and I graciously accept!”

“Splendid! We’ll drop you off on our way to bringing this criminal to the dungeon.”

“Wonderful!” Robin turned to Little John. “John, I’d thank you to give me my bow lest you once again feel compelled to fire on the prisoner.” Little John obliged.

“Say,” said Galloway, “would you like to do the honors?” he held out a pair of hoofcuffs.

“I’d be delighted to, Galloway!” replied Robin, taking them. He trotted over to Scarlet and put the hoofcuffs on him. “Don’t you worry, Scarlet,” he whispered, “I’ll get you out of this. I don’t yet know how, but I’ll get you out of this.”

“You always were a snake, Robin,” he whispered back, “your talent for deception remains intact. You damn near had me fooled.” They’d have shared a chuckle were Galloway not within earshot. “Unfortunately,” continued Scarlet, “not much else is intact. Everything has changed, Robin.”

“I will see these changes for myself, Scarlet. And then I’ll get you out of this. That’s a promise.”

“Finished with those cuffs yet, Sir?” asked Galloway.

“Yes, Galloway, let us away! Onward to Trottingham!” With that, the party began walking to Trottingham, with Robin and Little John anxious to see the changes Scarlet had so solemnly spoken of.