Robin Hoof

And so, a procession of 6 ponies marched toward Hoofington: General Robin, his first lieutenant, Little John, Galloway of Gisbuck and his two fellow guards, and Scarlet the prisoner. For his invaluable service in the war, Robin was to be made the new earl of Hoofington, a sub-city of Trottingham, where the prisoner was being taken to his date with justice.

“So,” asked Robin of Galloway as they were walking, “how does the justice system work nowadays?”

“Oh, far differently than how it did when you left, Sir,” replied Galloway, “You see, with all Celestia’s guards and soldiers gone, noble Princess Luna has put together her own little task force, called the Sheriffs. One for each town, you see. And their job is to gather as much money for the Princess as possible through tax collection and fines.”

“Fines?” interrupted Little John, “for what?”

“Don’t be rude, Little John,” said Robin, “the good Galloway here and I are trying to converse.” Little John groaned.

“Sorry, Robin,” he said.

“Please continue, good Galloway.”

“Well, as I was saying, Sir, the sheriffs are in charge of getting as much money for Princess Luna as possible, by collecting the taxes, which are heightened as needed, and by claiming fines for crimes. You see, in war time, Princess Luna can place fines as high as she wants on just about any crime so as to fund the war effort.”

“Yes, to fund the war effort, not for her own personal gain as well as that of her little inner circle!” interjected Scarlet.

“SILENCE, PRISONER,” yelled one of the guards. Scarlet obeyed.

“One more outburst out of you, Prisoner, and I’ll have my men do away with you. Then we’ll take your net worth and it just might pay off your tax debt. Now, as I was saying, General, Princess Luna uses the money she collects to fund the war effort.”

“So I see, so I see. And how much does this prisoner owe in fines for theft of bread?”

“Well, he owes twice the cost of the bread, so about 200 bits.”

“Bread costs 100 bits now? How on Earth did that happen?”

“War rations, Sir. Food is more expensive than ever. We’re experiencing something of a shortage what with the bulk of the food going to the soldiers.”

“Well, that’s a bit perplexing. I don’t remember receiving much bread from home.” He turned to Little John. “Do you, Little John?”

“Negative, Sir. We barely saw a scrap.”

“Perhaps,” suggested Galloway, “that tyrant Princess Celestia took it for herself.” Robin was taken aback.

“Princess Celestia a tyrant?”

“Well, yes. Have you not seen Princess Luna’s brilliant posters? Why, here’s one now!” The possé stopped to examine the poster in question. It depicted Princess Celestia, drawn in a significantly exaggerated size, stepping on an Equestrian soldier, while a Griffon Kingdom soldier and a second Equestrian soldier both watched in horror from afar.

“It is Princess Luna’s view,” said Galloway, “that our enemy is the tyranny of Princess Celestia, not the Griffon Kingdom.”

“A most fascinating opinion...” observed Robin. “Perhaps Little John and I should continue onto Trottingham after all. Hoofington can wait, I’d like to hear more about this tyranny.” Galloway’s eyes widened. One could nearly see a lightbulb above his head.

“Yes! Perhaps the Sheriff himself could tell you all about the plan!”

“Plan?”

“Your skill is legendary, General, you’d make a fine part of it!”

“Part of what? What plan is this?”

“You shall know, Sir! You shall know! Yes! We shall go to Trottingham, meet with Bushel Britches, the honorable Sheriff of Trottingham, and he shall tell all!” Robin feigned excitement.

“Yes, let us move!” he said, “my curiosity is peaked!” With that, the possé moved on. And, after a little while longer of walking, they finally reached Trottingham.

“Say, I don’t remember that gate being there,” remarked Robin.

“Oh, that’s just the border guard,” said Galloway, “there’s one on every border of every Equestrian city nowadays. That way, nobody comes and goes without the Princess’s learning of it. Allow me to handle this, Sir.” They approached the border guard.

“Name and purpose,” said the border guard, somewhat apathetically.

“Captain Galloway of Gisbuck, my men, General Robin, and Lieutenant Little John. Here to bring a prisoner to Sheriff Bushel Britches.”

“You may pass.” And so they did.

“Now, Sir,” said Galloway, “we shall take the prisoner to Trottingham’s city hall. There you will meet the Sheriff.”

“Splendid.”

“A little word of caution, General, the Sheriff is a good and noble man but he’s a tad short-tempered. I would advise trying to avoid upsetting him”

“I certainly value your advice, Galloway. Thank-you.” Robin waited for Galloway to not be looking and trotted over to Scarlet.

“Anything else I should know?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Scarlet whispered back, “‘short-tempered’ is the understatement of the year. This guy’s freakin’ crazy. If you so much as fail to do your mane properly, he will kill you.”

“Thanks, friend. Yours is the advice I truly value.” With that, Robin returned to Galloway’s side. And not a moment too soon, for they had arrived at the City Hall, and Sheriff Bushel Britches was there and waiting. From the warnings of both Scarlet and Captain Galloway, Robin inferred that this stallion would not approve of consorting with the prisoner. And, ghee whiz, did this pony seem like the kind of pony one didn’t wish to vex. Though he was no alicorn, he was unusually tall and his elegant, Klingon-esque beard only added to the deeply unnerving glare of his deep, dark, unblinking eyes.

“Welcome back, Captain Galloway,” he said, in the deepest, most booming voice one could possibly imagine, “who are these men you’ve brought with you?” Galloway bowed, and gestured for Robin and Little John to follow suit. Scarlet refused.

“Sheriff Bushel Britches,” said Captain Galloway, “I bring with me General Robin and his first lieutenant, Little John. I believe, Sheriff, they could be useful in the Plan.” The sheriff grinned his terrifying grin.

“Rise,” he commanded. They obliged. “Please,” he said, “do come in, General. We have much to discuss.” He turned to Galloway. “As for the prisoner, Captain, escort him to the dungeon. We shall determine his sentence later.” With that, the sheriff walked inside, assuming that Robin was in tow, and Captain Galloway’s possé dragged Scarlet to the dungeon.

“Better come in with me, John,” said Robin. Little John nodded, and they entered the City Hall, wondering if they’d be the same when they came out.