Revenge Is A Wurm

I stood outside the gates of Canterlot Castle, watching our lieutenant trot about our group. "Ladies and gentlecolt, ponies and man...oh, and whatever you are," he bopped me on my knee, "we have a simple mission, evict the Tatzlwurm in the southern barrens!"

Our squad perked up, "Yes sir!" in perfect unison.

The lieutenant walked around us, "Bolt, Junebug, Jay, you're on containment!" he wandered over to me, "Tempo...why don't you sit this one out."

I slumped forward, "Um...sir...is this because I'm a sat--"

"Not at all! You're young, you're inexperienced, and I just don't think you're ready." the lieutenant stated, stomping his hoof, "And...in all honesty...you're just a bit dainty...."

I felt my eye twitch as I crossed my arms, "Sir...I graduated the guard academy with top marks...if you don't think I can do anything a pony can, anything a human can, well...I think you're underestimating me to say the least!"

The lieutenant let out a defeated sigh, "...Fine...go with Torque and Dire...bring a dart gun...."

I gave a quick salute and headed off. I ran over to a pegasus and a unicorn chatting as they adjusted their armor. The pair of mares spotted me and let out a collective sigh, "...Tempo...hey...."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh don't start, I already said I was sorry!"

The unicorn, Dire, coughed, "You stole my panties...."

I froze mid step, "...I did do that...but I also gave them back!"

Torque stepped up to me, flaring out her wings, "You know, everyone saw that picture of you in her underwear."

I looked down to my hooves, shooting bolt stiff and pointing my finger at her, "I- yes...I know, I was also very drunk...."

"And that's my fault?" Torque asked, glaring at me, "You know...it's one thing to raid the mares' dorms, but it's another to get caught."

I held my hands out, "I said I was sorry! Now can we just get to work?" Just as I finished up talking a man with a crate wandered over to the small area we cordoned off outside the castle. A small bit of road with chariots lining it and a few groups getting ready to clear out the beast.

The man with the crate sauntered over, holding a dull grey rifle with a feather carved into the wooden stock. "Point away from face, shoot worm, got it?" he asked, forcing it into my hands.

I made sure not to send a dart into my ear and took hold of the rifle, "Yes sir, thank you."

The man shook his head, walking off to the other groups as the lieutenant wandered over. He stopped before our little group, "Okay, you three are gonna do the heavy lifting. Tranquilize it, tie it down and notify the group with a flare. Stay calm, stay collected, and try not to die!"

Myself and the two mares jumped to attention, "Yes sir!" We waited until the lieutenant walked away before piling into the chariot, Torque taking up the reins and getting ready.

Dire glared at me from her seat right beside me, "...You know...I used to think you were cute...."

I grumbled as we took off, starting off to the badlands to the south, "Look, I'm really sorry. But there's not much I can do about it now!" I crossed my arms, watching the vast green of Equestria fly past. "...For what it's worth...I'm still really sorry."

"It's not worth much...." Dire stated, turning her head away, snubbing me. The trip went by quietly, even painfully so. Eventually though my prayers were answered and we approached the Tatzlwurm's burrow, setting down a few meters away.

Despite being stuck with two ponies that hated my guts, it would seem everything was going to go as planned.

Torque wandered over, nearly tripping as something cause the ground to shake. "Whoa- tremor...that's not...great."

I lowered my rifle, looking over at the burrow, "Why do you have to say that? First job alone, first time working together, why must you tempt fate?"

Torque threw her head back and marched over to the chariot. "Shut up Tempo...just get read--" she stopped herself as another loud rumble filled the air, "...Get ready...."

I checked my rifle, "I am ready."

The rumbling grew louder, and louder, my companions working to get the bindings ready. They got into position, waiting for the wurm to show itself, for me to shoot it, and for their time to strike. We gathered around the entrance to the burrow from a safe distance. Things grew more and more tense as the rumbling grew more violent and loud.

But the wurm never came, mocking us with its absence. I looked around at my apprehensive friends, "So...is it--" I was cut off as the ground split beneath me, launching me into the air and throwing me apart from my rifle. I let out a horrid scream as I tried to sort myself out midair. "Oooooh, my god!" I yelled, flailing like mad and spotting the wurm under me.

My fellow guards did what they could, but without the powerful sedatives loaded into the rifle it wasn't much. The oversized net we flung into the air, tangling up the wurm for only a moment before it dove back into the ground, shredding the net. Torque was flying after our only hope, the rifle, leaving me to fall to the ground with a heavy thud.

I landed on a slope, rolling down the rough, dry grass and laying flat with my legs splayed out and my hands over my head. My hooves clattered against each other as I writhed on the ground. I let out a long groan as things grew quiet, "Torque...why did you not--"

Before I could squeak out my betrayal I heard a terrible crack from behind me, the wurm jutting forth and looking at me. I turned to the other guards, staring at them as they adopted a set of deer-like expressions. "Guys!? Help!?" I yelped, quickly feeling something slimy wrap around my leg, "Guys, help!"

The duo of mares turned away from me, looking at each other for a moment before bolting over to the chariot and leaving me to get dragged along the ground towards the wurm, "Oh fuck you!" I shouted, clawing at the ground, my cotton gloves staining tan from the dust kicking up as I was pulled along the dry grass.

I felt myself get wrapped up by even more tentacles, spreading out my weight and making my ascent far less painful than being held by a single leg. Before long I was face to face with a gaping wet maw and pissed off set of eyes. The creature let out a terrible shriek, ringing in my ears as I tried to pull free.

It became painfully apparent I wasn't going to get out of this, and the approaching mouth was testament to me being absolutely screwed. The wurm let out a long shriek, hurting my ears. "Aaaaaaah, fuck you too!" I screamed, suddenly stopped mid pull, my doom staved off for a few moments.

I felt the creatures hot breath rush past as another scream filled the air, my own voice pushing back, "Aaaaah!" I yelled, matching the creature blow for blow. I was given yet more room, now face to face with a single set of the creatures eyes. It started to let out a scream, but I cut it short, yelling over it. "Shuuuuut uuuuuup!"

The wurm looked stunned, "Eiiii--"

"Shut up!"

"Eeeeeiiiiiii--"

"Fuck you, shut up!"

The wurm's eyes started to grow angry, "Eeeeiii--"

"Aaaah!"

"Eeeei--"

"No!"

"Ee--"

"Screw you!" I snapped, getting into a groove of shutting down the wurm every time it tried to scream. Eventually, after wurm droll had soaked my grey coat and bright white uniform, turning them both into a sticky mess, I found my way back to the ground, the wurm making a sound like a scolded dog.

I landed ass first, the copious amounts of spittle on my body causing me to stick to the grass. Dried grass and dust sticking to my lower body, sparing my collar up. I rubbed my face, smearing viscous goo across my forehead. "...Damn...."

The wurm slammed down beside me, whimpering softly as it's head laid limply beside me. I glared at the beast, "...You tried to eat me...you're not getting sympathy from me!" The creature moved its eyes to me, staring at me needily, "...Stop it!" The creature blinked hard, letting its eyes sink to the side. "...Damn it...." I got to my hooves and walked over to the wurm, "Stupid thing...."

I kicked the creature, causing it to let out a long groan. It stared at me, rolling to the side and switching eyes, yet another row staring at me. I watched the creature roll around before me, staring at me the whole while. "What's wrong with you!? Is this cause I yelled at you!?" I threw my hands up, "Tatzlwurm, defeated by an angry shou--" I stopped and spotted the reason for the creatures turning. "Oh...yeah, that makes sense."

I walked over to the wurm, running my hand over the creatures scales. Eventually my hand reached the creature's problem, a solid green gem spire jutting from between to scales. I wrapped my hands around it, tugging at it. It was wedged deep, causing the scales to start to split. I adjusted my grip, yanking on the gem until pulling it free with a dry, shoorp, almost like a sword leaving a scabbard. "Dear Celestia!" I exclaimed, fumbling back with the hefty spire.

The wurm let out a sharp shriek, jutting forward and sending me stumbling back. I watched as the creature swung its head around, screaming its head off. It continued to throw its upper half around, spotting me and swinging itself towards me.

I found myself staring into the abyss once again, the creature opening its maw and sending three tentacles out around my legs and waist. "I thought we were--" I was cut off, the spire slipping from my hands as I was dragged back into the wurm's mouth. The creature was practically purring as it dragged me into its mouth, stopping at my waist and closing its jaws.

I grumbled a little, "Oh man- ooooh, this is gross!" But soon enough I found myself held snugly between the Tatzlwurm's three sloppy jaws. I let my arms fall limp as felt reassured I wasn't about to be swallowed.  "So...can you understand--" I was cut off as the wurm jerked forward. "Whoa there!" I held onto the wurm's jaws, feeling the creatures saliva soak through my gloves and watching the terrain zoom past as the wurm pushed on towards the north.

I held on tight, utterly speechless as I felt the wind rushing past. "By Luna's spotted ass, slow down!"

But the creature had some plan of its own, pulling my through the wastelands and towards the Canterlot Mountain far in the distance. And as terrifying as it was, moving eighty kilometers per hour while in the jaws of an apparently pleased monstrosity was exhilarating. "Woo, screw music lessons, this is awesome!"

All I could think, with my apparently intelligent friend rocketing me towards home, was the impending revenge for my fellow guards abandoning me. They could have done something, but no, they chose to leave me to the potentially murderous wurm. No, they would get theirs, in the form of a pissed off satyr and a slimy Tatzlwurm.