Discord's Day out

Derpy Hooves was a rather friendly pony. She loved her friends even more than muffins. But most ponies simply wrote her off as a mentally-handicapped klutz with Strabismus. But that wasn't true. She wasn't the fastest pony in Ponyville, true, but she truly did try. It really hurt her every time she hurt somepony else, but try as she might, she kept on doing it. The trouble with having two eyes that don't face the same direction is that it tends to lower your co-ordination significantly.

But she was more than all that. She was a loving mother, a talented baker, and a fantastic mailmare, to name only three things about her. It was a shame, really that nopony seemed to look past her handicaps to see the pony inside. Ditzy Doo they called her.

Poor, helpless Ditzy.

Annoying, frustrating Ditzy.

But even her own parents were no different. Derpy they called her.

But she didn't mind. She took all this in her stride like she did all the other hurdles life threw in her way. Her husband is away gallivanting with other girls most of the time leaving her to raise Dinky? She took that without a word. The entire town either treats her as an inconvenience or a foal? She simply let them be. Raving lunatics demanding she be disowned from Ponyville because of her disorder? She simply ignored them. Other ponies can think what they want to think, she thought, and she'd jsut have to take it in her stride.

But the fact of the matter was that beneath all of that, Derpy was a friendly pony. And she was lonely. She tried to tell herself that Dinky was all she needed in life, but the truth was that no words spoken to herself could convince her mind to ignore her base needs.

And so, when she received a knock on her door after three months of nopony visiting her, she hurried downstairs to see who it was. She thought it was probably the Jopony's Witnesses like last time, but she still intended to invite them in for some tea and a muffin or two.

But it wasn't the Jopony's Witnesses. Or the Filly Scouts.

It was Discord the Draconequus.

At first she was frightened, after all the last time she'd seen him Discord had turned her little dinky into a talking muffin and her into a mailbox, but after the surge of panic had died down it was replaced by curiosity. What was Discord doing at her home? She didn't know him, she'd certainly remember if she did. She thought she'd eloquently inquire as to why he was there.

"Hallo! Whatchu doin'?"

Discord had heard things about this "Derpy". And, of course, knowing what he did he decided to try sensitivity, not something he was good at. But it was supposed to work with fillies and colts, and apparently this pony was like a filly, just a bit older.

He reached out his paw and patted the mare on the head, ruffling her pale gold mane as he asked "Are you Derpy Hooves?"

Derpy grinned from ear to ear and replied "Sure am! You is Discord, right?"

Discord pasted on his most convincing fake smile and replied "Yes. I am. So..."

He was cut off by Derpy clappong her hooves. "Yay! I got it right!" she applauded to herself.

As Discord made to attempt to speak, Derpy looked up and continued "Umm... Would you like to come in for some tea? And muffins?"

Discord wanted to leave his message and go before he did something politically incorrect, but this pony seemed so excited at the thought of making him tea that he found he couldn't refuse. Nodding his head, he thought to himself "Well, free baked goods, I guess... Look on the bright side and all that."

Derpy was in the kitchen, patiently waiting for her home-made muffins to be finished. Her guest had fallen asleep almost half an hour ago, and her muffins were almost done. But she couldn't help but feel she was forgetting something. However, before she could try to remember precisely what she was interrupted by her guest stirring, mumbling something like "Stop... Lestia... No..."

Derpy quickly trotted into the room, but arrived just in time to be startled by Discord bursting upwards, screaming.

Derpy leapt back, catching herself just before she hit her head on the ceiling. She asked "You okay?"

Discord gulped, then nodded and said "Yeah, just a nightmare."

Derpy quickly sat down next to him and started petting his mane. This generally helped Dinky calm down when she'd had a nightmare. Unfortunately, instead of grabbing Discord's mane, she poked him in the eye.

Derpy said something she had an awful lot of experience saying.

"Oops, sorry. My bad."

Discord waved her apology away with one paw, and applied a comically oversized band-aid to his sore eye with the other talon. He was going to say something, but one sharp ding and a shuffle later Derpy had procured a huge tray of banana-blueberry muffins. They both took one and started munching.

Discord was pleasantly surprised. He had expected the muffin to be somewhat dry or raw, or something else that showed it had been created by an amateur. Instead, he tasted something that had clearly had many years of love and care poured into it's recipe, and much practice thrown into it's current form. It was far better than anything he could poof up. His muffins always came out rather bland. All his food did.

Derpy, however, had a look of disappointment and thoughtfulness upon her face. She slowly savored her mouthful of muffin, and a look of understanding crossed her face. Grabbing the tray of muffins, she through them all in the bin and muttered the word "Biscuits!"

She looked at Discord and, seeing the look of curiosity on his face, she stated "I forgot to put in the Kuso Spice! My bad! No wonder these muffins were so terrible!"

She trotted into her kitchen, but after one minute of furious scuffling Discord heard a cry of despair.

Upon further investigation, he discovered Derpy sitting in the middle of her kitchen, clasping an empty jar labelled "Kuso Leaves" in her forehooves, looking like she was about to cry.

Looking up she saw Discord, and a look of hope entered her mismatched yellow eyes. "Excuse me," she asked.

"Yes?" Discord replied.

"Could you pleeease run down to the marketplace to grab some Kuso while I whip up some more batter?" Derpy asked, placing some bits in Discord's talon, "Bon-Bon sells it at her market stall. Big pink and purple thing, you can't miss it," Derpy continued.

Discord was so flabbergasted at the sudden and surprisingly well-worded outburst that all he could say was "Yeah, sure," before Derpy escorted him to the door in case he'd forgotten the way out.

As she watched him go, Derpy heard footsteps on her stairs. Lookign around, she saw Dinky in her dressing gown with one eye, and part of her ceiling with the other.

"Which spice are we missing, mum?" Dinky asked, her eyes big and energetic.

"Kuso," Derpy replied, "But our guest offered to help."

Dinky was getting ready to take a trip to the market, and maybe say Hi to Button Mash and maybe Berry Pinch, but she stopped straight in her tracks at the last part.

"Hold on, you had another pony over? That's great!" Dinky enthused, her face expressing the utmost love and pride.

"Actually... He wasn't a pony little muffin..."