The man awoke cough and spluttering water out of his lungs, his eyes wide as he gasped for breath. He didn't know how long he was out, or if he was unconscious in the first place. He shook his head, getting his bearings. 'Wonder where that annoying midget bat horse went...God, I really hope I don't find it...' he dug his elbow into the earth, propping himself up. Shakily, he stood, wiping off his hands on his pants and dusting off his old Metallica T shirt. He grimaced.

'Damn, that might as well have been a antique.' He was soaked. The man checked his pockets, pulling out his wallet and his phone. Oddly, his phone seemed to actually work, as it's screen was perfectly fine, albeit a small crack on the left corner. He looked at the battery, which seemed to be on full charge. Even weirder. "Welp, might as well play some tunes..." He muttered, searching for his playlist of songs. Little did he know, right behind him was a thirsty threstral, who felt liking fucking his shit.

"Ah ha! Gotcha!" A feminine voice called out to the man as he turned around, only to be wrestled to the ground by the heavy pony.

"AH! GET OFF!" He fended off the pony, using one hand to slip himself from out under it and the other to hold it back. Eventually, he gained enough room to kick the pony of of him, giving him the opportunity to scramble to his feet. "God damn freak!" He shouted, steadying himself.

"Who are you calling a freak, hairless monkey?!" She glared daggers at him, her nostrils flared. 'Shit.' The bat pony charged, jumping at the last second. It slammed into his chest, causing him to fall on his ass once more. She rained down a flurry of punches, hitting him hard in the face and the chest area. It was even worse since she had on horse shoes. The man punched her as hard as he could muster, eliciting a trickle of blood to come out of her muzzle. She was knocked back, allowing him to weakly get up.

With a groan he got up, his knees shivering. The two were locked in a glaring contest, well, the human not so much. His cheek was bruised and he was pretty sure he was boned. The pony was the first one to snap out of the stare off, interrupting it with a question.

"Do we have to fight?" She asked.

"You attacked me!" The human scowled.

"Well, yeah, but... you're a monster. Of course I'm going to attack you, it's my job, but since you can talk..." The man groaned at her response.

"Oh, so after I give you the fisting of a life time you suddenly want to negotiate? You just wanted to fucking play hero!" He yelled angrily.

"Uh...Yes?" she nervously smiled. He sighed.

"How come everyone I fucking meet is a retard? Seriously..." He turned around and walked the other way. He reached down to grab his phone and slid it into his jean's pocket, letting out a grunt as he got up. The pony rushed to catch up.

"Where are you going?" She pestered, trailing behind him. He stood there for a second, then turned around.

"None of your business." He said, crossing his arms in an attempt to look threatening. It was hard to do, considering the fact his face looked like a rotten melon. It was a miracle he could even talk, considering how bruised his cheek was.

"It IS my business since I'm part of the Royal Guard." She said, crossing her arms. He sighed.

"God, do they let pathetic fucks like you join it? Jesus, the Royal Guard...If they let you join, I bet you they'd let any shit head join it too." He said with malice, scowling at her. She glared at him.

"Hah, kitty got claws bitch." The man said, waving her off as he walked away down the beach of the lake. The pony still followed though, despite his protests he couldn't keep her away.

"That was mean..." She said after a minute of walking. The man looked down at the pony, which was around four feet tall. He was tempted to spit on her, kick her, anything to get the damned pony away.

"Of course it was supposed to be mean, I want you to go away." She frowned. The man shook his head, and looked down at his shirt. There was a small stain of blood, although he couldn't tell who's blood it was. He let out another sigh.

"Well.. uhm... I have to protect you! Yeah, that's it. It's ordered by the guard's contract that every mare and stallion in the Royal Guard must defend it's citizens." She smugly said, smiling up at him. He gave up. There was no point in arguing with her - she was just going to follow him either way. The man decided, she could be useful. Suddenly, the man stopped.

"Where are we going exactly?" he said, scratching his head.

"Well, not into the Everfree forest. Trust me on that one - it's going to get dark soon and we'll need to set up camp somewhere if we don't make it to a town somewhere. I'd say Ponyville since it's close, but we'd have to cut through that damned forest. We'll just have to venture around it." She said, as if it explained everything. The man decided to question.

"But why are we going AWAY from the capital? You're in the military right? So why are you acting like your squad isn't going to look for you?" The human questioned, he knew he had her. The bat pony hastily came up with a cover.

"Well... uhmm.. I'm a loner! Yes, I check out the area for the troops." She gave him a flashy smile.

"Bullsh-" An explosion rang out through the air, causing both of them to look up with shock. He saw those bugs falling like stones as a pink force field went over them, causing him to panic as the field approached them. "Fuck this!" He shouted, running like an Ethiopian. The threstral raced to catch up to him. He turned his head, seeing the pony quickly catching up. He didn't want to die today by some over sized pink bubble gum balloon. By this time, the pony was neck and neck.

That's when he heard something that he scared him more than the giant pink field, more than the fact he was stuck in magical horsey land, more than the fact that he had an erection lasting longer than four hours. A roar reverberated around the landscape, only serving the two of them to haul their asses faster. 'The fuck was that?! Don't look, don't look, don't lo-' He looked behind him.

A giant lion with a fucking scorpion tail burst out the forest beside them, almost crushing the pair. The beast was quick to get up however, soon giving chase to the man and the pony. The giant bubble had consumed the creature, but it was fine. Had the man turned and looked, he probably would've figured out the bubble was harmless, but still would've been screwed either way. He heard several splashes, the bugs landing with thumps as they hit the lake at near brick breaking speeds. Luckily, most of the bugs themselves had fallen in or at least around the city, so they didn't prove too much of an obstacle in the man's running.

'Maybe I should trip her...' He actually lingered on the thought as he sprinted, his situation getting more drastic as his legs began to get sore. It was a miracle he hadn't been caught yet, he wasn't exactly 'fit'. He had a slight build, around sixty nine inches tall, but it wasn't anything special. Then he saw it - a perfect distraction. A camp was lying beside the beach, a couple of bird lion thingies doing chores and of the like.

"Quick, run through the camp!" He said, ushering the pony to follow him. He changed his course, running straight through the center of the camp. They looked confused for a minute, he even heard a couple of comments.

"What the buck?"

He paid no mind however, his mind set to getting away as fast as he could from the creature. He heard a few screams and yells, but it didn't matter. 'Well...They're fucked.

***********************************************************

Prince Talon was sent to visit Equestria by his father to discuss something about the trade of narcotics and weapons through their borders. His father was too ill to do it himself, so he sent his son instead. To say his son was excited was an understatement - he was excited to actually do something regal by himself for once! Not just watching the meetings - don't get him wrong, he really enjoyed the aspect of it - but actually being apart of them. He loved politics, after all he takes after his father. It was a good thing, as his brother couldn't stand it. He was offered a room by the equestrians, but he didn't think the ponies would condone hunting. There was some big game out here.

"Finished plucking the feathers of that cockatrice, Wring?" said the prince, looking down at the guard. His armor had the regular Griffonian shine and emblem, a outstretched talon, the rest of the armor painted a selection of dark yellow, red, and black.

"Yes, Prince Talon. It's ready to be skinned. Should be more than enough for the four of us." Wring said to the prince, plucking off one last feather with his talon. "What shall I do with it, sir?" he asked.

"Give it to Beren and tell him to skin it." the prince told the guard, eager to eat.

"Yes sir." He watched the soldier talk to Baren, their armor glimmering in the orange sun. He looked over the camp, smiling at nothing in particular. It was a good day.

That was, until he saw the strangest thing. A hairless ape with clothes running with a vampony towards their temporary establishment. All the griffons looked at the pair, the four of them looking on in confusion. They ran straight through the middle of the camp, knocking over a few things in their wake.

"Damn blood sucking bastard!" A nameless griffon (who will remain nameless) shouted at the pair. They ran straight past the prince as he couldn't help but say the words that fit the mood.

"What the buck?" He averted his attention from the pair. He shrugged. "Well, that was quite strange am I ri-"

"OH GODS IT JUST TORE OFF MY WINGS!"

*****************************************************************

The man hadn't known how long he had been running, but eventually he gave out and tripped, falling on his already bruised face. He accepted his fate, death by giant bubble gum balloons. The bat pony followed suit. The man closed his eyes as he let the bubble sweep over him, expecting it to kill him only to find that it was harmless. His eyes widened in surprise, a smile laid on his face. He laid there for several minutes as he tried to regain his breath. He felt winded, but he was happy. So fucking happy.

"YES!" He shouted at nothing in particular, startling the threstral laying beside him. "We did it... We fucking escaped that...THING!"

"It was... a manticore. A big one at that. I feel bad for those griffons though..." The man looked at her, turning his head as they rested in the sand.

"Who gives a damn? They're birds. I couldn't give less shits about the things, survival of the fucking fittest." he shakily got up to his feet. His whole body shook and he had chills down his spine. He felt very cold, but it was a subtle cold. He looked around, and saw that the sun was setting. They'd need to find civilization soon.

"They're a sapient species, if it was some bunny or something I wouldn't be feeling as bad, but griffons think and feel, like anypony." He would had picked up on the pun, but he didn't catch it.

"Whatever, be glad I didn't fucking trip you instead." He said with anger. The man was tired and hungry, emphasis on hungry. He wanted a bed to sleep in, maybe some warm, juicy steak, and some hot cocoa.

"Look, we're cold, tired, and hungry. Let's just focus on the task at hand, not get mad at each other. Okay?" The man was angry, but he wasn't angry enough not to be able to make sense of how serious the situation was. Even though he didn't want to admit it, she was right.

"Alright...Sooner I get a bed to sleep in, the better." They began to walk in the direction they were previously heading, the man limping along as he followed the threstral. It would be dark soon, and they needed shelter.

Author's Note

Well, I had a bit of fun writing this chapter. As always, leave criticism below.