Twilight Sparkle Against Smackdown Versus Raw 2008

So the weekend came and went without a problem, and Twilight remained in her soiled room for the entirety of it, bored out of her mind. She may not have gone to many closets in her life aside from her own, and so maybe it was foolish to assume that this paltry supply room might’ve had at least one collection of ancient tomes like her closet at home. And what’s worse is that she has to still endure the fact that she has no idea how many more fights she’ll have to get in so she can finally break out of this stupid world.

But then came Monday and a knock followed by a familiar Canadian voice came to the door. “Hey Twilight, mind if I come in?”

“Sure, I’m in the middle of making a creme brûlée right now, so give me a minute.” She jested.

Chris Benoit joined Twilight in the room with that same big grin on his face as she so rarely saw. “Heh, seems like you’re learning sarcasm here. I’m not sure how the other wingicorns will feel about that.”

“We had sarcasm in Equestria, Benoit. So did you find out anything else?”

“No dice, kid. Sorry. But chin up, you know, you’ll find a way.”

“Yeah, I guess. Well how much longer until I get to the top?”

“Ah, you still got a ways to go. The way I figure it is that if you make it to Wrestlemania and win your match, something’s gotta happen probably.”

“You think so?”

Chris Benoit gave her a look of sincerity. “Twilight, you exist. I stopped thinking a while ago about this kinda thing.” He then juttered his head a little as a new thought popped into his head. “Wait a minute, you’re a woman, right? I mean like a female horse.”

“You mean a mare, and yes. Why?”

“Then you should be in the diva league! That should make things a bit on the easier side on account that there doesn’t look like there’s a whole bunch of competition. I mean, I checked the roster recently and it’s been cut pretty bad.”

“Really? Can I take a look at it?”

“Yeah, no problem. Here, I’ll show you on your laptop here.” Chris Benoit said. He got on his knees next to the folded out steel chair that had the laptop on it and quickly got it booted up. “Sorry if I take a while, I can only do so much with a computer. All I really know is how to go to the WWE website and email. Trust me, you’ll need to get used to email.”

“I’ll take your word on that.” Twilight’s eyebrow raised as she watched Benoit watch the almost mystical device.

“Alright, here you go. Also you can view the Power 25, see your popularity, and I saw recently that they somehow managed to put on stats for all wrestlers on here. It’s probably more for the fans than anyone else, but seems fair enough.”

“Wait, what stats?”

“Strength, speed, mic skills. That sort of thing.” A few keystrokes and Chris Benoit managed to pop up Twilight’s own measurements. “And apparently, they think a lot less of you.”

Twilight looked on the screen and saw that her skills were very low, well rounded but still 30 out of 100. “Wait, but this can’t even be right! I mean, didn’t they see last match?”

“I guess it’s not based on that. Just wait for a few more matches and they’ll probably have it up to speed. Although that’s not nearly as surprising as this.” Chris Benoit pointed to the right corner of the screen which showed what was clearly labeled as ‘Weekly Pay.’

“Huh, Two Thousand? That actually doesn’t sound that bad. Although they said that they were going to give me my final salary at the end of HEAT.”

“Twilight, two thousand is actually really low for us. You’re getting ripped off.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So we should talk to Vince about fixing this and maybe getting you in the Diva league.”

“Alright, no problem!”

So Twilight the purple unicorn and the Chris Benoit the Canadian Crippler both took to the halls of the great coliseum which for all intents and purposes was that same as last time, yet had different posters strewn about the halls. And, given that it’d be best to pass the time with chat, Twilight thought to remark on this.

“Wow, seems like you guys changed the decor a bit.”

“Yeah, every stadium has their own little things to it. I don’t mind the touches put in by these guys though, they’re not that bad.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“What do you mean what do I mean? We’re in New Orleans, so its no wonder they got all this stuff up.”

“But we were in Virginia Beach just last week?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Chris Benoit then mustered up his best Northern accent for his next sentence. “Well I must say, were you perchance disturbed by all the excelling hippodromatic races occuring?”

Twilight couldn’t really understand why but smiled politely at this attempt at humor. “Not at all. But I’m saying I don’t remember traveling from Virginia Beach to New Orleans. Then again, they could be right next to each other for all I know.”

Benoit skipped a step like a dunce but got back his footing before adopting a quizzical look. “The hell? Twilight, those two places are miles away. Are you telling me you just teleported or whatever to here?”

“I mean, the room is literally exactly the same as I left it when I was asleep yesterday. So I can’t say.”

“Jeez.” Benoit scratched the back of his neck and tried to think this through. “So first you appear, then everybody starts acting like robots, and now teleporting?” Chris chuckled and attempted to liven the situation. “Jinkies, looks like we got a mystery on our hands.”

“Jinkies?”

“Yeah, you know, like” He would’ve continued but he saw the horn bobbing next to him and heard the hooves tapping on concrete and thought better than to explain it. “Forget it, we’re here anyways.”

“Great, let’s go in!”

“Wait, you hear that?”

They both shut their traps and pointed their ears at the door. It was more than what was necessary, considering the yelling from inside was loud and clear.

“Yeah, well you can suck it, dillweed!” Shouted a voice that slammed the door right into the wall next to it. And attached to this voice was the face of a man with a filthy blonde mustache and beard combo that was the only follicle accompaniment to his otherwise bald head. “Get the hell outta my way, jerkass!” He turned to Twilight and shoved her with both hands a good yard away.

“Hey Austin!” The ire of the bald giant was earned by none other than the proclaimer of this message: Chris Benoit. Austin turned to face this “Lighten up buddy, we aren’t trying to start anything.”

“Oh, oh really?” Austin whipped out his signature finger right at Benoit’s face. The middle one, raised to the sky. “Lighten up this, I’m sta- AH! GAWD DAMNIT!”

Austin’s sudden break in speech was prompted by Benoit grabbing his finger and bending it in a way that it was not supposed to go. “Just settle down, Steve!”

Austin punched Benoit in the nose and knocked him away and the two men began to grapple at one another. Although this confrontation was shortened as Benoit threw Austin to the side and raised his Canadian dukes. “Go to hell, Benoit!”

“You’re finger is fine, just get out of here!” Benoit shouted as Twilight got back up and took a stand next to him. Austin may be madder than anything else, but he sure isn’t stupid enough to tangle with Benoit and another professional wrestler. And so without another sentence Austin just stomped his way down the hall and away from the duo.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked and turned to Benoit whose face was showing the early signs of a bruise.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that, Austin’s not even supposed to be here. He used to be a great guy, good performer, but now he’s a prick. And I guess now, as always, he’s drunk.”

“Actually, our mutual friend down there has just signed back on.” Another voice from the door, this one a lot more comforting in southern twang and stern manner. They both turned to see a well middle aged man with a body of chiseled muscle stuffed in a tweed suit.

“Really? I mean, I see that’s a great idea, Vince, but shouldn’t he go to counseling or something?”

Vince McMahon smiled at this concept and stepped aside. “Please, step into my office.” He ushered the two into his makeshift estate complete with a fine mahogany desk with his name on a placard serving as the sole decoration. “And besides, Austin is like a kid from the ghetto. I let him near a counselor and he’ll throw a punch at them. I just gotta keep him off the streets and away from literally anything. Heck, I’d keep him in a cage if it meant he’d stop raising hell wherever he goes.”
Chris and Vince took a seat while Twilight stood beside Benoit. “So tell me, what brings you two into my office?”
“Vince.” Chris started. “We got a bit of a problem here. In fact, a bunch, but that’s for another time. Basically, Twilight here is a woman so she should be with the divas.”

Vince first sucked in his lips before opening his mouth as wide as possible with an erupting laughter that soon turned into a wheezing gasp for air between chuckles. “Haha! Chris, why you gotta say that? I swear, between Austin pissing me off and your grade A joke, I think even my strong heart almost gave out!” Wiping tears of joy from his eyes, he looked up to see an unflinching couple of wrestlers. “Oh. Wait, you’re telling me we had some kind of Juwanna Mann situation? Chris, if you need glasses you can just tell me, I won’t penalize you for it or anything.”

“Actually Chris is right.” Twilight pointed out. “I’m a mare, I really shouldn’t be doing this if I’m supposed to be with the other lady wrestlers.”

“Really?” An eyebrow was raised on the hardened face of McMahon. “I like it. But, listen here, save that angle for when you get popular. And by that, I mean legend worthy. Honestly, the world isn’t ready for a wrestler with your views and lifestyle, yet. But if you make it to legend-status, that might help. Until then, I don’t want to hear any more of this “you want to be a diva” talk anymore. Understood?”

“But Mister McMahon” Twilight tried to protest but was soon interrupted.

“I’m not in the habit of repeating myself.” Stated Vince in a clearly darker tone.

Twilight decided it was best to bite her lip. This man,was one who exuded respect. “Yes sir. I understand.”

“Good. Now, I hope you can make it to the end of HEAT so we can decide if you’re ready for the big leagues. Now unless there’s anything else, goodbye.”

Both Twilight and Benoit left the room and so the meeting among these brilliant minds was cut short.