Author's Note

For our create-a-wrestler today, please prepare yourself for his ring entrance music by finding probably any remix of the original Pac-Man theme. It really doesn't matter which one.

Chapter 13: Create-a-Wrestler: Pac-Man

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Friday Night Smackdown, I’m your host Jim Ross.”

“And I’m Jerry ‘the King’ Lawler.”

“And we got ourselves another new contender ready to challenge the rising star Twilight Sparkle. What’s can you tell us, Jerry?”

“Well our new guy is a bit of a young fellow, having been around since 1980, but he says he’s been chewing ghosts since he was born so he’s got himself some experience.”

“What a load of bullcorn! If there were true I would’ve seen him beating on Macho Man Randy Savage or Hulk Hogan back in those days.”

“Well in all fairness his existence was probably quelled on account of his crippling drug addiction. They say that thanks to these power pellets he could take on four guys who could normally kill him with one touch.”

“Really? Well did we get ourselves an interview with him?”

“Yes and no. All he did during it was eat an entire serving bowl full of cherries and speak some strange incomprehensible dead language. I think it was Russian.”

“Eating large bowls of food and not speaking English? This guy trying to follow up on Yokozuna?”

“Well maybe, I mean Pac-Man certainly is a rather round character. But we couldn’t get him on the scale.”

“Oh, a shy fellow we got here?”

“No, I mean it was literally impossible to get him on the scale. Look, you can see why right now!”

Approaching the ring was a large near perfect geometrical shape which was only marred by two pure ebon eyes and a gaping maw that it opened as it moved. Inside was revealed the innards of this feared creature, a void of which seemed to suck in the very existence before it into nothing. And the frightening noise that came from his ever large mouth was the dreadfully guttural and electronic “Wacka wacka wacka wacka.”

Twilight, meanwhile, was in the ring just looking at this langolier abomination and was already backing into the ropes away from it. She has seen dragons, manticores, hydras, and Sweetie Belle’s cooking, but it was this strange Pac-Man that she feared.

Pac-Man hovered his way into the ring, and even the referee was starting to wig out, but nevertheless he ushered Twilight to come closer for a proper square off. She was wary, but under obligation to treat even this monster as another wrestler she trotted forth until the they were a decent distance from one another.

The bell rang, and it was official, the match was on!

Immediately Pac-Man got a head start and pounced on Twilight Sparkle and engulfed her head within his epic abyss.

“Such dirty fighting! I’ve never seen any other wrestler eat their opponent’s head! I’m sorry, folks, for the tragic end you’re all about to see.”

“Not so fast JR! Look at that!”

Twilight began prying apart the jaw with her hooves, managing to keep her head from being chomped off. She couldn’t manage to spread it too far, but with a bit of squeezing she popped her head out of the mouth and swiftly changed her grip to the top and bottom half of the Pac-Man and slammed him shut! Had he teeth they would’ve been broken. And then with a toss, she hurled the ball-like creature into one of the turnbuckles!

“The tables have turned, and you can just feel the impact of that Irish Whip!”

“It looks like Twilight is going to follow up! Look at that wrestler go!”

Indeed, Twilight already ran right up to the Pac-Man in the corner and slammed him with a good one-two kick from her rear hooves, dazing the destructive demon. And to finish up the match, she grappled as best she could the spherical form and slammed it behind her. However the referee, who could clearly see one wrestler was in the prime position, wasn’t even starting with the three count. It was only then that she realized that there was virtually no way she could win.

“Oh no! What the hay is this, he has no shoulders! I can’t pin him! This is not right!”

While Twilight was royally wigging out, Pac-Man used the disturbed thoughts to his advantage and started to hover off of the ground. Twilight, being a horse, was much too heavy to be lifted off though, and so this attempted escape only earned her attention.

“Oh no you don’t, there’s more than one way to win!”

And so with another Irish Whip, she hurled the living ball out of the ring right onto the padded ground outside.

“Now I reckon that was a hard landing! Good thing he don’t look the least bit stunned from that!” Howled out JR

“Yeah, and it’s pretty obvious Twilight noticed that too. Watch out!”

Twilight hopped over the ropes and slammed her entire body out belly-first onto the Pac-Man, essentially crushing him.

“You see that JR? That there is a body splash, and there’s no way Twilight’s opponent is getting up any time soon after that.”

And that was the case. A count out began, and both Twilight and the enigmatic Pac-Man remained outside the ring with Twilight holding him down.

“Look at that, he’s trying to get a count out like a jerk!”

“Hey, settle down there JR, a win’s a win, and considering the referee is blind in the ring I wouldn’t put this sort of strategy outta the way.”

“Good people paid good money to see a real fine show, so excuse me if I think they might feel a little ripped off.”

When the referee got to eight, Twilight hurried off Pac-Man and ran back into the ring, this didn’t reset the count and that was exactly what Twilight intended.

Pac-Man wasn’t far behind though, and he was soon up on his. . . Well he didn’t have any legs but he was off of the floor and hurried his way back to the ring.

“Lookit that folks, despite that devastating strike the contender is up and trying to get back in the ring!” JR pointed out.

Pac-Man was at the ropes, and once he gets back in the ring he could try and turn the tables. No, not try, do. He conquered ghosts, he has a family, and he teamed up with Billy Mitchell to face a nigh endless onslaught. He could take on a stupid horse.

And then Twilight ran right at him from inside the ring, went into a slide and kicked him right over the barricade and into the audience! All of course before he could get inside the ring proper. And it was not long after that when the referee finally hit ten and the bell rang.

“And there you have it, the winner is Twilight Sparkle by disqualification. But what a disqualification that was!”

“You got that right King, it’s not often you see such a huge blow like that. And when it happens, even the folks at home can feel it!”

Pac-Man was defeated, like many times before. And like the many times he has been beaten, he knows he will get back up and better, but that will be for another time. For now, he couldn’t go on for any longer. But he would leave this world with at least a modicum of a goodbye, and in his native tongue. So with a final opening of his mouth, he let escape one final sentence.

“Whoob whoob whoob wub.”

His top and bottom half split backwards as the gaping nothingness formerly within gave way to the natural world and it continued like this until he was little more than a simple two dimensional line existing in space. And then with a blink, there was nothing.

Pac-Man is one creepy jerk.