“Alright, so this time let’s try not to summon Woolie, alright?” Proclaimed the only glasses wearing person among them.

“Agreed. But, does anyone wonder how a botched Satanic ritual ends up summoning some black guy from Canada all the time? Like, when it’s consistent I start to think there’s a problem.” This man said to his nerd companions, who were genuinely dumbfounded by this question.

“I don’t really give a rat’s behind!” Shouted one of these four guys. “I still say these dark rituals are racist. I mean, how come it doesn’t work for Indians, huh?”

“It doesn’t work for white people either.”

The outraged gentleman then scowled and turned to his friend. “Great, now I can’t play the race card.”

“Oh please, as though the lord of darkness would fall for that.”

“Well, I wish I could say that was the most racist thing I’ve heard you say. But it’s going to be kinda hard to top comparing yourself to a slave when you didn’t want to join me and Penny on a double date.”

“Can we just focus here?” And with no further discussion, everyone assumed their position around the painted circle filled with symbols on the floor. “Alright, is everybody ready for the chant?”

They all nodded and then clasped their hands together and in unison they all began their chant. At first it began as the usual undecipherable foreign language, but unbeknown to them it was truly a voodoo ritual spell. But soon their melange of words grew to English.

“Give us the power we beg of you! GIVE US THE POWER WE BEG OF YOU!”

The room illuminated itself with red light and a cloud of ink erupted from the center of the room. When the smoke dissipated all that was left was but a large plastic doll the size of a toddler dressed in an ugly striped shirt and blue overalls. This was met with universal disappointment.

“Great, this was exactly what we needed.” Said the bespeckled one. “A dolly.”

“Sheldon,” Began the Indian friend. “What book did you get?”

“Why, it was the Voodoo Magician’s primer, fifth edition.”

“You moron! We’re trying a Satanic ritual!”
Then their glasses-wearing friend just smacked his face in absolute failure. “Well that’s just great, at this pace we’ll never get Halo 5.

“Well don’t blame me, blame the forces at work. After all, how was I supposed to know what’s the difference between Satanism and Voodoo? I’m a physicist, not an occultist!”

And so yet another racist remark was met with further derision which was then followed by a flying doll thrown out an apartment window. . . Followed by takeout.

On the streets below, Vince McMahon was walking about when he came across the figure lying face down on the ground.
“Charles?” He said and lifted up the toy. “Hey, Charles! Shoot, I haven’t seen you since ‘98!” He then placed it on the ground in a sitting position. “How the heck have you been?”

It was not long before Vince picked up the doll and began to speak to it that the streets cleared off, as should be expected when a grown man starts talking to a children’s toy.

“Alrighty then, if you don’t wanna talk then I’m just going to have to make you talk!”

And so Vince McMahon picked the doll up again, laid it’s face on his shoulder and let the rest of it’s body dangle behind his back. “McMahon Stunner!” He then jumped up, kicked out his legs, and prepared to essentially let gravity give him enough force to smash the doll’s head open.

But before he could land, the doll moved of its own deliberate will and climbed its way forward, kicked off Vince McMahon’s chest, and drove his old man face into the pavement. “Chucky DDT!”

The doll then walked a few steps away and turned to face Vince who got back up and was rubbing his damaged money maker.

“Well Vince, long time no see. But that still don’t mean you had to expect that to work! Remember: No one messes with the Chuck.”

“Ha ha! Darn right! So how the hell’ve you been, Charles?”

“Eh, same old same old. I got a kid now, but the old lady won’t let me see him. And I don’t give a damn what she says, Glen’s a damn boy!”

“Well that’s great to hear!”

“You bet, kid’s already got a streak of his dad in him. Heck, he killed me! Well, tried. I’m thinking of paying him back with a little scare. Mind helping me out?”

Vince McMahon belted out in jolly laughter. “Mind? Heck, I’d be glad to help you out. A boy needs discipline, even after trying to dethrone the king of the house.”

Before Vince could delve too deep into fond memories of running the business with his own flesh and blood, Chucky snapped him out of it. “Fantastic! So what you need in return, another promo? I’m not doing one for Scott again, the guy freaks me the hell out.”

Vince began to rub his chin as he developed a plot. “Matter of fact, there is something you can do for me. How’d you like to star in a match?”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome! I’m your host Jim Ross.”

“I’m Jerry ‘the King’ Lawler. And tonight we have yet another special match featuring a popular and familiar face trying his hand against the rising superstar.”

“That’s right. Sure, he’s been on the big screen to a warm welcome since the 80’s, but his home life has been in the dumps, big time.”

“But that might all change. This is his big chance to make a comeback, and to enter the realm of WWE! And to top it off, he will face our rising superstar in a no DQ match!
“So Introducing for the first time on the squared circle, we bring you Charles ‘Chucky’ Lee Ray!”

The spotlights shone over the entrance to the ramp leading to the ring, yet not a figure stirred behind them, much to the befuddlement of the crowd.

“I said: Introducing Chucky!” JR repeated, to a still silent response. “Oh great, can we get someone backstage?”

“No where is the new guy? Does anyone see him?” Everybody, even the fans in the crowd, looked around but to no avail. Even Twilight, with her gigantic eyes that were three-quarters the size of her face, could not find her foe anywhere, and so kept her gaze facing towards the ramp.

“Uh oh!” JR exclaimed and pointed forward to behind Twilight Sparkle. Behind her was what seemed to be a toddler with the worst facial reconstruction surgeon in the world. And even worse than his looks, is the fact that he was heaving around a sledgehammer. “Looks like the new guy’s going to get a sneak attack!”

“Twilight Sparkle, look out!” Shouted King, followed by similar warnings throughout the crowd. Twilight did take notice of this, but it was too late.

The hammer drew from the side and crashed into Twilight’s right hind leg, knocking her onto the floor. The beholder then rested it against his shoulder and in his other hand he held a mic up to his face. “No harsh feelings horsey, but I’ve gotta date with a 26 year old man, and you’re the only one keeping me away from him.”

The crowd boo’d the doll on stage and he just waved the hammer around as he defended himself from this verbal assault. “No, I don’t mean it like that!”

While Chucky was distracted, Twilight Sparkle struggled to get up and turned to face her new assailant. She couldn’t buck him out of the ring, that’s for sure. But while his back is turned, there is one major thing she could do.

She clutched the distracted doll around the belly and began to lift it up. “What the-” He exclaimed, only to be cut off as Twilight slammed him down on his neck right on the mat. He could’ve gotten up, no problem, but the referee came next to him and smacked the mat once. Now why would this idiot be doing that? He thought, only to realize both his shoulders were placed on the mat. He was technically pinned.

The referee slapped the mat again, so Chucky knew he had to think fast. He acted even faster, and swung the hammer far away from him and hit Twilight right in the belly. This knocked her to the ground, lifted Chucky up briefly, and knocked the wind out of Twilight. Taking the advantage, he then placed himself on top of her and the referee started spanking the mat again!

Now it was Twilight’s turn to escape! Which was no problem at all, given the doll only weighed about five pounds, so all she did was sit up. She then pulled the sledgehammer away from him using her magic and tossed it outside the ring. She then tossed Chucky away from her to give some space between her and him. “There, now it’s a fair fight.”

And so the 500 or so pound horse jumped and smashed the toddler sized doll and used her immense weight to pin him and win the match.

“One, two, three! Twilight Sparkle wins again!”

With yet another win, something was far different this time. Something disturbing that provoked Twilight and brought her to pick up the discarded mic Chucky brought in and began to speak.

“You know, when I heard this was going to be a no disqualification match, I thought it wouldn’t be all that bad. I mean, the ways to get disqualified are trivial, time outs and touching the ropes.” She then stumbled over to the ropes and supported herself.

“But he nearly broke my leg!” She soon escalated into a yell. “I can’t stand for that, literally! I heard about how these matches can go, with chairs and tables getting involved. But a sledgehammer is just too far! And I know exactly who to blame.” She then pointed a hoof to the air.

“Triple H, you have a problem! It is important that you finally come out and accept responsibility. Simply put, you are the one who put the sledgehammer under the ring!”

The crowd erupted in mixed reactions. A famous hero of the WWE getting called out by a newbie? One of the most influential and powerful persons in wrestling sabotaging people over the years? Another celebrity with a debilitating addiction? What will happen next? Find out next time! Same Rasslin’ story, new Rasslin’ chapter!

Author's Note

So apparently there is precedence for this chapter. This legit happened in the WWE.