Twilight Sparkle Against Smackdown Versus Raw 2008

Twilight found herself back in the locker room and resting up after that last match. It was certainly shorter than she expected, but to her luck she had a natural ability to cheat. Just like Eddie Guerrero. Still, she wasn’t without her marks and she made a mental note to apologize for any that she may have left on Helms. Sure, he was a muscular guy but a few stamps with hooves should’ve left at least a couple prints.

She was going to catch some rest to try and rehabilitate, but the speakers throughout the building barked out the outcomes of various matches kept her awake. However it was through these obtrusive constructions that she was able to hear about how Benoit had just crushed some other wrestler named MVP, which was comforting as it was good to hear how one of her new friends here was at least doing well.

And it was not long after the announcement of Benoit’s victory that he knocked on the door and entered the room.

“Twilight, I think something is seriously wrong with either me or this world.”

Twilight hopped up excitedly due to the sudden intrusion of Chris Benoit who was seemingly unscathed from his recent bout in the ring.

“Well it’s nice to see you too. Congratulations on the match.”

“No, please don’t congratulate me. I mean it, I’m not being humble either, I feel like I cheated.”

“What happened? Did you use a weapon or something?”

“Not this time. Today’s match was really weird. So I get in the ring and square off against MVP, right?”

Twilight nodded, signifying that she was indeed following the story.

“Alright, so the bell rings and he just stands there like a dunce, starring in the air at my general direction without exactly looking at me. It was freaky, like he was a robot or something. No wrestler acts that way, they do that and they’re just asking for a bashed brain.”

“Actually, Benoit, that happened to me also. Gregory Helms just looked dead inside.”

“Yeah, but it gets a bit weirder. So I Irish Whipped him out of the ring, and he took a full eight seconds to get up. At the start of the match! Then, he just walks up all casually and ends up getting timed out. I swear, first thing in the match and I end up winning almost right away because he’s acting like some kinda pod person!”

“Now, I don’t know much about your world, but are you sure MVP isn’t in fact a pod person?”

“Twilight, I’m pretty sure the pod people, if they existed, wouldn’t bother with a guy like MVP. I don’t even think he’ll live past his contract. He’s like the omega jobber. When he showed up, the crowd hated him so much they just started chanting the Power Ranger’s theme song.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?”

“I’d like to think I’m being generous and even he acknowledges his full jabroni-ness.”

“Well in that case shouldn’t it be expected that he’d be totally inactive?”

“You’d think that, but I know Montel Vontavious Porter, and he may be a jobber but he’s at least capable of moving and doing slams. He isn’t wearing that goofy looking athlete's gear for nothing after all.”

“Well I guess this is a little strange. But then again, a lot’s pretty strange, right?”

Chris Benoit looked again that he was indeed having a rather intelligent conversation about the highs and lows of his fellow professional wrestlers with a horse. He could only nod in agreement with Twilight’s statement.

“I’ll have to see if this was just an isolated incident to force me to build heat, or if this is rampant throughout the WWE. You keep an eye out too Twilight, it’s going to be kind of hard to win without cheating now.”

“That I’ll try.”

He was about to leave before turning back to her with another peculiarity of the night. “By the way, I swore I saw Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross at the announcer’s table, but they weren’t saying their names. You opened this gig tonight, so do you remember them saying their names?”

“Sorry, I don’t think they did.”

“Alright. Well thanks for the help, have a good night Twilight.”

Chris Benoit then silently apologized for his abrupt appearance with a nod of shame and left the room, leaving Twilight to try and get some sleep over the sound of the slowest wrestlers ever being announced.