Where's Faust When I'm S-Scared?

Long, long ago, in a far-away land, there lived a young mare named Wise Pie. When Wise Pie was a filly, she was taken from her home in Luna to live in a city called Saddlelon, where she went to school in the palace of the Saddlelonian queen. Wise Pie missed her home very much. And everyday she prayed that Faust would take care of her family, and her friends, and look after her, to. Faust heard her prayers, and helped Wise Pie become wise as she grew older, until everyone in the palace knew of her wisdom. Then one night, while Saddlelon was sleeping, the queen had a dream.

   Three diamond dogs came running into the throne room of Chrysalis and waited. Then Chrysalis busts through the door and sings:

Chrysalis

I am Queen chrysalis.

I've had a dream...

And now I'm feeling rather frightened and I wish someone would tell me what it means!

Wise dog #1

We are your wise dogs.

Yes, that is true.

And though we're using all our wisdom, we're afraid we can't explain your dream to you.

Chrysalis

WHAT!

Wise dog #3

But there is one who is wiser still,

and Wise Pie is her name.

So before you take another sleeping pill,

perhaps she can explain.

   All eyes turn to a door on the other side of the room. Then a pink mare runs out and looses balance, and then she falls face first on the camera. After regaining balance she sings:

Wise Pie

My name is Wise Pie.

That much is true.

But it is Faust who gives me wisdom and through me she will explain your dreams to you.

Maid

Her name is Wise Pie.

That's what she said.

But when she talks about this "Faust" of hers I think she's kinda loony in the head. "I do."

Well, Wise Pie was able to explain the queen's dream, and this made the queen very happy.

Chrysalis

Wise Pie, you have enlightened me!

Your job, I will expand.

From now on, I want you to sit right beside me as the second in commaaaaaand!

This was very good news for Wise Pie, but very bad news for the wise dogs. You see, each one of them wanted to be second-in-command. Now that Wise Pie got the job, the wise dogs would have to do whatever she said. This made the wise dogs very unhappy, and they immediately started thinking of ways to get rid of Wise Pie.

The Wise Dogs form a dancing circle in the middle of the room and start to sing:

Oh, no! What we gonna do?

The queen like's Wise Pie more than me and you.

Oh, no! What we gonna do?

We've got to get her out of here.

Oh, no! What we gonna do?

The queen like's Wise Pie more than me and you.

Oh, no! What we gonna do?

We've got to get her out of here.

Wise dogs #2 and #3

We could throw her in the dungeon,

we could let her rot in jail.

We could drag her to the ocean,

have her eaten by a whale.

Wise dog #1

We could throw her in the TARDIS,

let her fly awhile then we'll all sit back and watch her meet a blood thirsty Dalek.

We could put her on a camel's back and send her off to Ur,

with a cowboy hat without a brim, a boot without a spur.

We could give her jelly doughnuts, take them all away.

Or we could fill her ears with cheese balls and her nostrils with sorbet.

We could use her as a hoofstool or a table to play scrabble on,

then tie her up and beat her up and throw her out of Saddlelon!

WD#2

"Or..."

(whispering)

WD#1

"I like it!"

WD#3

"It's sneaky!"

WD#1

"And it just..."

WD#3

"Might..."

WD#2

"Work!"

We could use her as a hoofstool or a table to play scrabble on,

then tie her up and beat her up and throw her out of Saddlelon!

The very next morning, the Wise Dogs appeared before Queen Chrysalis to try to trap Wise Pie with their scheme.

Chrysalis

"You requested my presence?"

WD#1

*ahem*

We've got some news, good Queen Chrysalis.

We fear your position is precarious.

There are some ponies here in Saddlelon who won't give you your due.

They'd rather bow to other mares...

Chrysalis

"Can this be so?!"

WD#2

"Tis true."

Chrysalis

"Oh dear."

WD#1

We've brought a solution of our own design...

If you'll just sign this paper on the dotted line.

It's an edict stating most concisely what we're all to do.

We must bow our heads or bend our knees before no one but you.

Chrysalis

"I see" *ahem*

Just one more time, now, let's see if I've got this straight.

A law to prove once and for all that I am great.

If I'm the queen no one must doubt my full supremacy.

So from this day forth my little ponies will pray to only... me!

"Yes!" "But what if they don't?"

WD#1

If they don't obey, any citizen...

will be thrown into the dragon's den.

Chrysalis

"Oh! Yes. Well, I guess that would do it!

Alright, then... good work, dogs! Ta-Ta!"

Ominous singing voice

So the law was passed... the deed was done.

Wise Pie's troubles had just begun.

Everypony in Saddlelon heard about the new law, including Wise Pie. But Wise Pie also knew Faust's law. And Faust's law told her that she should only pray to Faust. So the next day, just like any other day, Wise Pie prayed and thanked Faust for Celestia's light and for all her friends. She also thanked Faust for giving her the courage to do what was right, even when she knew it could get her in trouble.

   "Did you say "trouble?" asked Wise Pie breaking the fourth wall.

   "AHA!" *crash* "AHA!"

   [TR]

   "So you guys are wise dogs. Well, that's pretty cool. I mean, like, have you always been wise? Or do you have to go to school for that? We're you guys serious about that cheese ball thing? Hey I can see my house from here!"

   (Grumble)

   "Wise Pie, because you violated Section 4219-2R9-4000-6.1-7...B, of the code of Saddlelon, forbidding prayer to anyone but Queen Chrysalis, you are here by sentenced to be burned by the dragons. Good bye."

   "Hey, don't I get a phone... ...CAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL?" yelled Wise Pie as she fell into the den.

   "Hey Wise Pie! You're sure going to have fun down there! We're not dragging on!" said WD#2.

   "A-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha"

  "Uh, yeah! You better be dragging on... um... cause those dragons are gonna... um... "drag... on" you! Ha Ha!" yelled the third.

  "Huh? What? Mine was funny. Yours was... goofy. "Dragons are gonna "drag on" you?" There gonna burn her! They're not gonna "drag on" her!"

   "Well, maybe they're gonna drag on her, then burn her. Or one will drag on her, while another one... maybe burns her. Or while maybe one will sit on her."

   "What, Like, dragons are gonna cooperate? Like one's gonna drag on her and say, "Hey, you burn her, I'll drag on her!" C'mon, we're the ones that are dragging, not the dragons.

   The wise dogs then sealed the den with a rock and left Wise Pie alone in the dark to get burned.

   "It's not so scary down here. Little musty, but not so scary.

   (GRRRR) (GRRRR)

   "Oh no... what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna... end up as dragon's stew.

Ominous singing voice

Don't cry, Wise Pie...

Fear not, Wise Pie...

Don't you know you're not alone?

There is one who is watching you.

She listens when you pray.

And though it seems this time you won't get through,

Faust has made a way.

Even though she still didn't know what to expect, Wise Pie felt better when she remembered that Faust was taking care of her... even in the dragon's den. Elsewhere in the kingdom, the wise dogs were busy congratulating themselves for being so clever. While the queen, believing that she lost a good friend, decided the only thing she could do was to pray that Wise Pie's Faust, would protect her. The next morning everyone ran down to the dragon's den to see what was left of Wise Pie.

   "It's hopeless." said Chrysalis. "No one can survive a night with those dragons."

   Just then, a miracle happened.

   "Hello?" yelled a familiar voice.

   "Did you hear something?" asked Chrysalis.

   "Hello?" yelled the voice again.

   "Wise Pie? Is that you?"

   "Oh, yeah, I'll be right up. I just have to say goodbye to my new friends!"

   "It's... it's impossible!"

   "Yes... it is!" said WD#1.

  "Well, hello everypony!" said Wise Pie climbing out of the den. "See you guys later! Thanks for the cupcakes!"

   "They had cupcakes?" wondered WD#1.

   "It's a miracle!" shouted Chrysalis.

Chrysalis

Surely your Faust is above all ken.

Now I see the proof!

For even at the bottom of the dragon's den,

you were in her hooooooooof!

   "I've got a new law!" proclaimed Chrysalis. "From this day forth, everyone will pray only to Wise Pie's Faust! No more of this silly praying to me business. Now, whose idea was that anyway? *gasp* Oh, yes! I remember!"

   "I hear they're looking for wise creatures down in Gipsy." whispered WD#1 to WD#2. "Been fun! Gotta go now!"

   "Yeah, see ya!" said WD#2 as the rest ran away.

   "Now where do you think you're going?! Come back here, you scoundrels! You scallywags! Not so fast! Stop, I'm the queen! You must stop now! Get back here!"

The End