A vastly illogical and flat out mad story

Good evening I am the narrator, I have completely different voices to each of the people reading this. For example you are reading this in a manly voice resembling Adam Jensen's and you are reading this in a voice more like spikes, What's that? Oh! The author says to read this in Morgan Freeman's voice. But anyway, this is the story of how Sheogorath and the lich king almost took over Equestria. This story is long as shit and most of the weaklings reading won't finish it, seriously though why the hell not? I mean what could possibly be more important than reading a fanfiction narrated by Morgan Freeman about small ponies? But anyways twas bryllg! and the slithy toads, wait a minute.... well fuck this is the wrong absolutely insane fanfiction! Hold on a second.... (We're experiencing technical difficulties, so go masturbate while we use science to fix shit) Alright I found it. Twas a bright and sunny day in Ponyville and Spike walking warily down the street with his brim pulled way down low. He said to himself "Today's the day! Today will be the day I finally convince Rarity to go out with me!" He walked to the Carousel Boutique and walked smack into Applejack who was helping get something out of Rarity's ass with her tongue. "Oh hey AJ whatcha doing?" the orange mare's face turned a shade of lightish red (Not pink) and she turned around and started babbling like a walrus. "Well- uh I mean I'm um mm gotta go fast!" Then she turned into a ball and spun out of the boutique. Spike shrugged and proceded to pull out a pipe Gandalf had given to him after killing his brother in some dwarven city and began to smoke dat herb "So Rarity what are you doing?" "Well me and Applejack were just enjoying some hot sweaty coitus." "Oh I see" said spike "The only problem is that now I want hot sweaty coitus with someone scaly, some might say....dragonlike?) she said seductively like the slut she was, Spike however was too busy just blazing to notice she totes wanted teh D. "Maybe like..." he mused as his eyes reddened and clouded "Maybe like... you can.. like.. totally...screw like my mom Grackle?" But he didn't get to finish what might have been the greatest shipfic idea ever because right about then in a fiery explosion of fire and cheese, SHEOGORATH DROPPED OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SKY!!!!!! "HAHA!" he said! "I AM HERE TO PLUNDER YOUR WORLDS!!!" "Who are you brah?" Spike asked still completely blitzed from the mary janes he stole from Ray Narvaez Jr. "YOU CAN CALL ME! AUNTIE MARIE! THAT IS ONLY IF YER PARTIAL TO BEING FLAYED ALIVE! AND HAVING AN ANGRY IMMORTAL SKIP ROPE WITH YER ENTRAILS!!! If not, then you can call me... Sheogorath, Daedric prince of madness. And you know what? I'm STARVING!!!! THIS CALLS FOR A SNACK!!!! CHEESE!!!!!!!!! FOR EVERYONE!!!!!" Then he turned rarity into gouda cheese and ate her. "NOOOOOOOO!!!" Spike screamed as he watched the love of his life get slowly eaten by a mad god obsessed with cheese. "God damn you!!!! Now I'm gonna have to find a new girl to fuck!!!!" "OK did you just say god damn me?! HA!!! You don't quite get it do you!?!? I am a god!!!! And I'm taking over this pitiful planet! With my faithful sidekick! Arthas Menethil!!!! Speaking of which, where is he?" Meanwhile in Northrend Arthas was just waking up from a long deep sleep. He looked at his clock made out of ice and saw it was 10:23 AM. "OH SHIT!!!!!!" he jumped out of bed and ran to his computer "Why didn't you guys wake me up!!!!! The big raid is today! Me and Cheesegod96 are rallying the guild to invade Equestria!" He turned on his computer and activated World of Friendship when a small thing appeared on his screen saying, "would you like to download the latest patch. He thought about it for a second and clicked yes, soon he would realize that was the worst mistake of his life.