Who's It From Twilight, What's It Say?

Back at the barn again twenty centuries ago today in at Thirty Sicks Oh-Clock at low noon. The author decided that we should keep it real this time and so the letter is from---

SLAP!

OKAY! SPOILERS, YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.

"Who's it from Twilight, What's it say?"

"It's from Applejack..." Twilight said in a saddening tone. Her face and tone changed suddenly. "Ah sh*t she found out we had a surprise party."

Then everyone gasped.

"Well Twilight, read it!" Big mac said from out of nowhere.

"Alright alright!" Twilight said. "It reads:

"Dear Twilight and you other ponies

"I decided to leave. Don't ask why, because I'm fixing to tell you. I saw your surprise part five seconds ago and it was horrible so that's why I left. Haha, just kidding. I would never say such a thing like that, that would be lying! Of course that's not why I left! But still the party is offensive. You put hay everywhere, hay and apples. It's like I'm a horse or something. Anyway, I left because nobody likes me, and I know what you would say, that that's wrong, but I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the best pone. I am never best pone, because only gay people say I'm best pone."

WHOA WHOA WHOA NOW, That's offensive.

That's the point of this story.

Really?

I could have gotten worse.

How?

"Because only gay fat kids with glasses and braces that have unfitting shirts and no pa---"

OKAY OKAY, Just go on with the story.

Alright, alright.

"So that's why I left, I apologize to all of you. Just kidding, but still you should go ahead and finish the party, because I won't be eating the cake."

"That's all there is." Twilight said.

"More cake though!" Applebloom said.

"Yeah!" Twilight said. And so she threw down the letter and gave everypony cake.

The end.

Of this chapter.

...

Yeah.