A Sunny Day: Peacekeeping is Magic

I couldn't believe it, Rick convinced Lieutenant Bridger that the APC bringing the sciencey types to into Ponyville to study pony civilization needed 'Extra security in case of minotaurs I couldn't believe he managed to pull it off. So there we were sitting atop the beat up Bradley APC (still desert painted because no one can get through the paperwork) as it beat its way down the narrow dirt road kicking dust up and leaving a cloud behind behind us. I can't say the trip was silent due to the noise of the Bradley's engine, but there wasn't much conversation the first half of our trip. I was enjoying it, I finally had time to think on my own. The white noise of the open road gave aid to my mental seclusion, but like anything I love in this world Rick had to put his dick in it.

"You know, I'm not actually into women anymore?" I didn't  want to be the one to deal with him, and from Carl's countenance he didn't either. luckily for both of us, our silence allowed for Rick to handle himself, "I mean, I'm not gay, it's just the porn I've been keeping stashed has just gotten boring. Then like a month ago one of my buddies on the transport team sneaks in this magazine. Well me and this guy know each other from that football game they got together a while ago, ya know, the one Bridger broke up? well this guy he brings it to me, tells me 'check this shit out, funny right?'  So I look at the thing and it's got  'PLAYPONY' big black letters. Now I laughed at first, but later that day I got some alone time with it and I start to-"

"Rick, do you ever- oh I don't know, think before you say something?" I had to interject, if you don't stop Rick he'll keep going until you lose your breakfast. Carl didn't quite agree,

"Tom, ya ever consider maybe ya should just laugh at what Rick's got ta say? I mean true ahr friend here is kinda confessin' he's a horse fucker but it's kinda funny,"

"It's alright Carl, he's just on edge because he hasn't smoked in a while... that and I'm not sharing the magazine" again they laughed. At that point my only option was to just let Rick go on.

"Alright, alright, go ahead Rick, finish your story"  Rick went on to describe 'wing-boners' as well as the meaning of plot, and unfortunately 'winking'. By that point, I honestly didn't want to see any ponies, not with Rick anyways. It was too late, my fate was sealed within the fates of two morons.

...

My mind raced as it attempted to come to terms with the wonderfully colorful horses. I couldn't believe I was so close to all of them, finally now I could fulfill what I actually wanted when I first volunteered to come to Equestria: I was about to try to fit in amongst talking equines. By that point I was panicking inside. I've never been good with people and now that I had gotten a good look at an actual pony town I realized they're almost exactly like humans. The APC arrived at its destination sooner than I could regain my composure. Our destination was a large tree which seemed to have been turned into a library, or presumably a library taking into account the large sign outside bearing the image of an over sized and opened book which seemed to leap out from the sign. It was curious to see a sign bearing no words and instead an image to designate the buildings purpose. Especially at a library, one would assume if anyone was looking for a library they would know how to read. From the door came a cheerful lavender unicorn pony. She approached the vehicle without  hesitation  and greeted the science crew as I attempted to appear as if I wasn't school-girling out inside to be so close to her.

"Oh, I don't think I've met you before. I'm Twilight Sparkle, I run the library; annd you are?" she asked maintaining her smile. I cleared my mind of wing-boners and winking for just enough time to say

"Uhhh.... I'm Tom- Tom Collins, and this is-"

"Nuh uh! Ah rode past that place like thirteh minutes ago, n' it wasn't no farm," Of course, of course tom found the one pony here who owned a farm, and managed to screw up my first time meeting a pony. I turned to see him and an orange mare arguing back and forth.

"Sweet Apple Acres has been in mah family for four generations, and ahm tellin' you its a farm"

"Naw, see ya got animals there, that means its a ranch not a farm"

"Well course we got animals, what good farm doesn't? And we grow apples not just herd cattle and such" Hearing them go back and forth was like hearing Carl argue with Carl.

"Well then it still aint no farm, that means its an orchard," I could see the orange mare about to provide a rebuttal but Carl started again, "how 'bout this, we arm wrestle ta' decide who's right?" The mare quickly replied,

"Sugarcube, ya do know ah don't have arms, right?" The question stumbled Carl. He knitted his brows and licked at the back of his bottom teeth in contemplation, and then he snapped back to the usual grin and replied.

"Whell then ah guess ah win by default" Applejack giggled and looked at Carl.

"ya know, yer kinda cute. Mah name is Applejack"

"I'm Carl, friends call me Carl"

" Well Carl, how about next time yer in town we hang out er' somethin'?" Fuck. My. Life.