A Sunny Day: Peacekeeping is Magic

"What?"  Carl's amused facial expression could only mean one of two things. One: he had been spending too much time with Rick, Two: He had no idea what he had just done. Carl's face soon turned slightly worrisome as he slowly (very slowly) realized I knew more about his own situation than he did. " Ah said what" still faceless I stood. Rick was the first to respond.

"Well its about damn time"

"Whuddya mean 'bout damn time, time fer what?" I gathered my wits enough to reply.

"He means its about time someone... well you know--"

"Till someone got some ass Carl. A damn shame that its you and not me, but it'll do." A horrified expression struck across Carl's face as Rick laughed. In the distance Applejack stood talking with some prospective customers. She glanced over to Carl and smiled widely.  He raised his hand weakly and tried to reciprocate her smile, failing horribly.

"Wait! Ah bet she doesn't even think that she's gonna see it as a date!" I had to cut in and remind him off to remind him of his mistake and to make up for the terrible ride to Ponyville.

"You ever seen a girl smile like that at anyone shes not interested in?"

"Well ah-" Rick interjected with a friendly

"Just think about your sister, or Mrs. Butterworth. You just know they want it.

"Rick, Carl is having a hard time, lets be serious."

"Oh its damn serious. Do you know what would happen if Mr. Butterworth would do if he knew what me and his wife did? I don't want the 'Brawny' guy's axe lodged in my woo--" I shot daggers at Rick with the fear he may see it as a come on. "I'm gonna go sit down." I sat beside Carl, who was now in the dirt cradling his head.

"Ahm goin' tah hell Tom, it aint natural whats hapenin here." From a distance Rick could be heard,

"Bullshit! If every time you fuck a horse you go to hell i'd be burning five years ago!"

"Aw god, ahm Rick!"

"No, Rick is more... well hes just... "'

"Hes jus' Rick, Right? I'm gonna go find somewhere tah clean up."

"Alright man, just don't hit on any ponies while you're out" Carl left on foot, and on the knowledge that he was going on a date with a horse. And with that, I was left alone. I stood for an hour- or maybe two- alone by the metal behemoth that had brought me to Ponyville. I was sitting at the tire, rifle across my lap, eating 180 calories of  overly dry, prepackaged cracker. The biting and munching was broken only by a drink of water, which tasted like plastic (as is the product of a hot day and a 32 ounce canteen) to wet my mouth. It was a thoughtless process to a mind dulled by hours of doing nothing. In my trance I failed to see Twilight approach me.

"Hey! Tom was it?" startled by her appearance I stutteringly responded,

"Y-yeah, I'm Tom."

"Alright, you're friends with carl right? And that other guy, Rex, or was it Rickman?"

"Actually its just Rick, and yeah I am."

"Soo.. My friend applejack is sort of interested in Carl" at this point I was a little offended that she came to me only to talk about Carl. Atop this I had the worry that were I to tell her how Carl felt it would distance us further. So I did what any other logical human would do: I lied.

"Yeah! He really likes her too. Just earlier he was telling me how he wanted to see her soon."

"Wow! AJ was worried that she was too direct, this is great news! You three should come back for Pinkie Pies party tomorrow at Sugar Cube Corner, its going to be a lot of fun!"

"To be honest with you (this time) It was kind of a fluke that we ended up here today. I'm not sure we'd be allowed to come back for a party."

"Don't worry about it, I'll write the princess right away. I'm sure she'd love to meet you tomorrow!" There was a silence between us for a  moment, Twilight was smart enough to pick up on my distress "Its okay if you're too uncomfortable with it." The situation required finesse, finesse that I would supply in the form of another lie.

"N-no, no, I'm perfectly comfortable with it, I just don't uhh... know what to wear." Smoothe.

"Wear your work clothes, they make you look all serious. Its a little bit cool." With that I was set, I was ready to take anything, I was 10' 4" and bullet proo- "Oh god, wheres Rick?"