Friendship for a Killer

--->>>Twilight<<<---

Nervously (and uselessly) digging at the marble floor with a hoof doesn't really accomplish anything, but it keeps me from worrying too much over why Princess Celestia summoned me and my friends back to the castle on such short notice.

Surely it couldn’t be another ancient evil or imminent apocalyptic disaster, right? It’s almost Hearth’s Warming, for buck’s sake! The Maker isn’t that cruel, is he?

Or perhaps this has something to do with that recent disturbance in the Aether? Oh, there’s really no point in worrying. I’m confident that Princess Celestia will brief us on the situation when she arrives. Hay, maybe the princesses have some presents for us, and they just wanted to make sure we received them before we made it back to Ponyville!

With that in mind, I glanced over at my friends, each of which was relaxing in their own different ways.

Rarity and Fluttershy were daintily resting on Rarity's fainting couch, quietly exchanging small talk and gossip. Someday I'm gonna have to find out how Rarity managed to create and anchor to herself a pocket dimension large enough to store a couch.

Not that I'm saying she's an unskilled magic user, no. Her telekinesis is well above average for a unicorn of her age, and her control rivals mine, but beyond that, she's slightly above just about any other unicorn when it comes to raw power.

Next up was Pinkie… being Pinkie. Enough said, heheh.

Of course, Rainbow Dash was trying to get a reaction from one of the Solar guards stationed by the doors, and failing horribly, much to my amusement. You'd think Rainbow would've learned her lesson the last time she tried!

Applejack simply flopped to the ground on her belly, pulled her stetson over her eyes, and started relaxing. Or napping, I don't know.

As for myself? Well, I would be relaxing as well, but I'm too bucking anxious to- no, there's nothing to worry about! Besides, this is nothing that a good book can't solve! I'm not much for horror, but I just cannot read enough of H.P. Lovecolt’s works! Something about the Great Old Ones and the world he's created around them is horrifyingly fascinating!

Or, as Pinkie would say, 'horrornating'! Believe it or not, Pinkie is actually the pony who got me started on Lovecolt! If you can look past her love of partying and her Pinkie-ness, you'll find that Pinkie is probably just as intelligent as I am! Ever seen her party cannon? Her gyrocopter? Her 'Welcome to Ponyville' wagon?

Somepony had to come up with, design and build those things, and although Pinkie won't openly admit to it, I'd be willing to bet my horn that she did! She takes a bit of getting used to, but once you get to know her, it's as plain as Celestia's sun that she's a savant when it comes to baking, parties, and generally making ponies feel good!

But that's enough about my friends! I've got a book to re-

The doors swung open behind us, and in marched Princess Celestia and Luna, followed by a squad of soldiers escorting a… clothed, hairless ape? No, this creature was far too tall, and stood much too straight to be an ape or any sort of primate, but it definitely has some sort of connection to said animals.

The creature wore a white hooded sweatshirt with six small holes punched into the chest, it also appeared to be stained in what seems to be dried blood, a pair of denim pants, and a pair of brown boots on his feet, crafted from what looked like... leather? Ew! That's all kinds of gross, not to mention creepy! Hopefully those boots were made in the Griffin Aeries, and not from an Equestrian cow!

“Excuse my curiosity, Your Highness, but... what is that thing?” Leave it to good ol’ Applejack to ask what’s on everypony’s mind!

“Funny, I was just thinking the same about you.”

Well, it can talk, as I expected, but judging by it’s facial expression and body language, it would appear to easily irritable, and rude to boot! It also appears to be a male, if the deep voice and short facial hair is anything to go by.

Of course, that’s never stopped Pinkie.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name? Are you coming back to Ponyville with us? Are you gonna be our new friend? Oh, I can’t wait to throw you a ‘welcometoponyvilleihopeyouenjoyyourstayand-”

In true Pinkie fashion, she got right up in the creatures face, heedless of any possible danger, and started to belt the poor creature with question after question. The questions were almost unintelligible due to the excited, rapid-fire rate of speech Pinkie employs when she meets a new pony. The look on it- or rather, his, face mirrored that of almost everypony on their first encounter of the Pink kind.

”What the buck indeed!”

--->>>Jake<<<---

Honestly, all these guards are unnecessary. Do they really think I could harm Celestia or Luna, even if I wanted to? I mean, sure, I could probably cut Celestia’s or Luna’s throat before the other got to me, but I don’t even have a knife! They claim to be powerful, ageless alicorns that raise the fucking sun and moon, so even if I did manage to strike one down, well, it’d be suicide.

But that doesn’t seem to matter to these golden-clad fucktards. And that’s another thing! Who the fuck makes armour out of motherfucking GOLD! It’s heavy as fuck, and certainly won’t stop a sword or arrow! I mean, seriously! Who-

Aw, hell. I’ve done come to the realization that most of these ponies are either mentally deficient, or just plain motherfuckin’ stupid!

Personally, I believe Celestia thinks the same, but just deals with it. After all, the “benevolent and kind” Celestia couldn’t possibly think such things about her little ponies, right?

Yeah, that’s a good one. Besides, benevolence doesn’t always translate to good intentions and kindness can be worse than hate!

Ever heard of “Kill’ em with Kindness”?

Yep, I’m just a cynical motherfucker, aren’t I?

I probably should be paying more attention, but, well, fuck it. For all I know, this little gathering will be for fuck all, and it’ll be one million years dungeon for me!

Celestia will share my past, these little pussy ponies will be horrified, terrified and disgusted at me, and send me to the gallows!

Hell, reformation is a pretty word. But, like all good things, it’s easier said than done.

So, I was just standing around and looking pretty when suddenly, this eldritch abomination of hyperactivity and eye-blistering pink suddenly rushed up and started jabbering at me like a fuckin’ chipmunk on meth!

My first thought was to snap the mare's neck. Hell, I’ve done it dozens of times before, and could probably do it in my sleep! But, I managed to reign in that murderous little impulse, and simply shoved the pink one off me.

Of course, the purple one started giggling at me. Why? Well, the other four are arguing, apparently leaving her with nothing else to do but watch me, and the stupid, surprised look I probably had on my face. She looked away, of course, as soon as I sent a withering glare her way.

Honestly, though, I’d find it amusing myself if our positions were switched.

But I don’t think I’d make a good pony.

Or mare, for that matter.

--->>>Celestia<<<---

Celestia wore a proud smile as she watched her little ponies reactions to Jake. Of course, before they even got close to the throne room, she had cast a one-way telepathic link upon him. While she usually considered such magic to be a horrible invasion of privacy, she was taking no chances, especially not with the six Bearers of Harmony.

So, she read his every thought, as soon as they entered his mind. His thoughts regarding her overprotective and somewhat naive ponies were particularly amusing and flattering, really.

It does a mare wonders when a young colt realises that the mare doesn’t need any protection! Now, if only her little ponies would realize that...

Her smile took on a bit of relief and amusement when Jake restrained his initial violent response to Pinkie Pie’s over enthusiastic introduction, opting instead to simply push the mare away.

Also, he had the most amusing expression on his face.

“Good evening, my little ponies!” Celestia said with a smile, “I’d like to introduce to you our guest Jake.”

Jake grunted in acknowledgement, but otherwise remained silent, and judging by his thoughts was making his own, rather cynical observations. His cynical views of benevolence and kindness especially disturbed Celestia, not because of the cynicism, per se, but because he’s correct.

Those who shine brightest cast the darkest shadows.

Even Celestia, Herald of the Sun and “Goddess” of Light and Purity.

Oh, especially Celestia. If only her little ponies knew what sort of escapades she got into when she was naught but a century old!

Celestia idly wondered if those colts from way back in the day ever recovered from her first heat cycle? While alicorns have stamina in spades, normal ponies… not so much.

But by The Maker did she rock their worlds! As a matter of fa-

”Now is not the time for that, Tia. You may reminisce about past conquests after we have given Jake to his handlers.”

”Lulu? What are you- Nevermind.”

Of course. The mind is Luna’s domain, after all. Celestia should have expected Luna to “butt in”, as it were, on her telepathic link.

”Please tell me that the link is still one-way, between ourselves and Jake?”

”Doth thou doubt our abilities, dear sister? Perhaps Jake would enjoy the memories of your past conquests?”

”Lulu, I love you, but if you do that, you will be joining Discord in the gardens.

A light giggle was all the response she received, and all the response she was likely to get from Luna. But she could deal with her Maker-damned adorable sister later.

“I apologize for Jake’s apparent rudeness, he’s very new to ponies. And I suspect, naturally defensive and suspicious of everypony.” Celestia added softly.

She and Luna observed their little ponies as they observed Jake. Applejack and Rainbow Dash glared at him with suspicion, while Jake merely stared back blankly. His thoughts, however, gave him away. Thoughts of cruel, sadistic violence immediately formed in his head, but were quickly suppressed, something that made Celestia both proud and worried.

Proud of Jake for how quickly and easily he suppressed those thoughts, a sure sign that he truly did want to change.

And worry, because of how prone Jake was to those thoughts.

“I’ve called all of you to this meeting to ask a favor.” Celestia started, “Jake was… grievously mistreated at the hands of those that were meant to care for him, starting at a very young age. This mistreatment twisted him into a monster comparable to the Nightmare. He has just recently regained control over his actions, but will need help to continue doing so.”

Celestia carefully watched her little ponies as they reacted to the news of his abuse, and of what he was.

Fluttershy, ever the caregiver, saw only a young colt that has been horribly mistreated and twisted into a thing that shouldn’t have been. The only thing to be found in her eyes was sorrow and concern for Jake, much as Celestia expected.

Pinkie, who always strived to see the good in everypony, ran a gamut of different feelings. Concern, shock, and pity, all aimed towards Jake as well as her friends. Her mane and tail sagged a bit, and her colours seemed to grow a bit dimmer.

As Pinkie Pie is wont to do when she is in distress.

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity, however, had the same expressions. Shock, disgust and concern, as expected, but Applejack and Rainbow Dash had a bit more hostility and mistrust in their eyes than Rarity.

Hostility that, in all honesty, wasn’t entirely unfounded.

Hostility that Jake had no trouble returning, his eyes instantly turning cold and hard. Celestia had seen that look just a few times, most recently on the cruel visage of the rebel King Sombra, just before he cursed the Crystal Empire twelve-hundred years ago.

But it was her dear student’s expression gladdened her heart. Her face held disgust, concern, and pity for the things this young colt had both endured and done without truly realizing it. There was no doubt in her mind that Twilight immediately realized that “mistreated” was a rather severe understatement.

Celestia didn’t like withholding information from the rest of the girls, but it was a necessary evil. The vast majority of her little ponies are fickle, easily frightened things, largely unfamiliar with the darker side of themselves. The six ponies standing before her were no exception, and at best, would suffer from terrible nightmares should they find out just how badly he was abused, let alone what atrocities he committed in his fits of psychotic rage.

“Not to question your reasonin’ princess, but uh… how’re we supposed ta help this critter?” Applejack cautiously asked, having recovered from her brief ‘meeting’ with the Sandman that dwelt within Jake’s subconscious.

“By helping him, fair Applejack. Show him that not everypony is needlessly cruel, and not everypony is going to heap unnecessary hate onto him. By teaching him kindness, generosity, how to laugh again, and how to live, he will be able to heal.” Celestia paused, then continued with just as much passion, “Should the six of you be willing to take on this responsibility, I will be sending him to Ponyville with you, so that you may help him heal, and recover his humanity.”

As expected, Twilight spoke up with the questions the rest of her friends still had. “What would those duties entail, princess? Where would he live?”

Also as expected, Twilight didn't give her request a second thought. Celestia smiled gently at her protege before she continued. “Twilight, if you will, I would appreciate it if you would give him room and board at the Golden Oaks. As for your other question, your 'duties' would simply be to help him heal and integrate into pony society, as I said. Please, treat him like you would anypony else in need of guidance.”

Twilight smiled back at her mentor, but Luna cut her off before she could respond. Not out of rudeness, per se, but because Luna knew what Twilight was about to say.

“Do this not for me or my sister, but for Jake.”

Everypony, even Jake, looked at the Lunar Diarch with respect. Or cautious optimism, in Jake’s case. Jake's thoughts indicated that he simply couldn’t understand why either princess had such confidence in his reformation. Why indeed?

Easy. Both Celestia and Luna knew that deep within him, there was a fierce light, just waiting for its chance to shine. And shine it would, if Jake was allowed to heal.

--->>>Jake<<<---

This is going a lot better than I thought it would, for now at least. Just give the information time to sink in though, then they’ll be fucking terrified, and it'll be the gallows for me! I'm more a fan of the guillotine, but hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

Still though, that confidence Celestia has about these mares helping me find my ‘humanity’ or whatever is rather… pleasing? Flattering maybe? I dunno, it’s something, I’ll say that much!

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the impassioned little speech Celestia gave about teaching me “generosity” and “kindness”. It’s rather nice to know that some don’t just see a heartless monster.

Even if it’s a white wingycorn that supposedly controls the fuckin’ sun!

Skittles and the normal one seem they might be able to give me some trouble, but if worst comes to worst, I think I could handle them. I don’t wanna kill ’em though, because Celestia looks like she can be pretty fuckin’ terrifying when she wants.

Hell, if I killed any of her subjects, she’d probably send me to the surface of the fucking sun!

Talk about a sunburn! Eeey! No? No.

It is odd though, watching as the six mares practically beamed at Celestia’s words. Is her praise really that special to them? Or is it because she’s trusting them with my reformation? Either way, it’ll be interesting to see how this all plays out.

--->>>Twilight<<<---

After Celestia’s rather passionate speech, she and Luna left with the guards, sans a brooding, watchful Shining Armor, promising to return in half an hour, and that Jake wouldn’t be leaving with us until after Hearth’s Warming eve, should we take him on. The girls huddled together to discuss our new ‘charge’, while Jake slumped down in a corner with his hood up, dug a set of earbuds out of his pocket, and started fiddling with a device akin to a very thin Trot-pone.

I watched Jake for a moment, his head obscured by his hood, bobbing to the music only he could hear.

“I don’t trust him!” Rainbow’s rough voice pulled my attention away from Jake.

“Of course you don’t trust him! Did you listen to the princess? He wasn’t born a monster! How can we not help him?” Wait, she-

Nevermind, that's just Pinkie being Pinkie! After the lesson we all learned from the “Zecora incident”, I expected her to be on my side, though.

The girls were split into three factions, regarding Jake. Obviously, Pinkie and Fluttershy wanted to help Jake, Rainbow and AJ didn’t trust him and didn’t want to bother, and Rarity was split between the two, “straddling the fence” as it were. She clearly agreed with both sides, but couldn’t bring herself to commit to either.

“Looks like I’m going to be the tie breaker. Again.”

Shaking my head I approached our relaxing charge, I decided to let them talk it out on their own. When the situation demands it, I’m usually the “leader” of our little group, but they are capable of coming to an agreement without my intervention. Besides, I wanted to learn more about Jake.

“Can I help you?” Jake’s voice jerked me out of my musing with a surprised yelp.

His voice is rough, almost like he wasn’t use to talking much, and deep, like Big Macintosh deep. I can easily understand how intimidating Jake can be from his voice alone!

He cleared his throat, and I realized I had zoned out as I was staring right at him.

“S-sorry!” I squeaked out, blushing at being caught, lost in my thoughts, as I quickly gathered my wits. I didn’t dare wonder what Jake was thinking, for fear of finding something that no amount of books or spiked cider could erase! Sure, I could if I wanted, telepathy is something I learned long ago, but I prefer not to employ it. Why?

Well, for one, I find it a horrible breach in privacy, and sometimes, you just don’t WANT to know what others think!

For example, I didn’t need to know that Rainbow Dash fantasizes about being put through her paces via a savage and passionate gang-rutting!

Nor did I care to know that she fantasizes about myself dominating her with a faux-stallionhood!

Yes, there are “futa” spells crafted by especially pervy unicorns from the East, but I don’t know any of them!

Honest!

“Uh, w-well yes.” I stammered, “I-I was just wondering if I could get to know you better. I’ve never met anypo- er, um, anyone such as yourself.”

Jake kept a wary eye on me as he put his strange looking Trot-pone away. His eyes were a little intimidating, despite being pink curiously though, of course, but that didn’t stop me from getting a good look at him!

His face was pretty flat in comparison to a ponies, with a small nose. His skin was pale, almost white, possibly from little exposure to the sun. I also couldn’t help but catch the lingering smell of blood, old and new, along with the masculine smell of musk.

While the scent of blood bothered me immensely, I couldn’t help but think it fitting.

It didn’t hurt that he was wearing a bloodstained hoodie...

“So… questions??” Jake asked, almost... teasingly?

“Oh, I uh…” I stumbled about blushing, “W-what are those little holes in your sweatshirt?”

Jake looked down at the holes and chuckled darkly. While it was a bit intimidating, like this eyes, I couldn’t help but to find it... enjoyable. I liked the way he chuckled, it almost had a... feral edge to it? I'll have to study that further!

“These were my… going away presents from a clever, brave little boy.” Jake said in a shockingly soft tone, “He saved himself and his sisters from me- from a fucking monster, and set me free in the process.”

My ears fell against my head at that admission. It’s one thing to hear it from Princess Celestia, but to hear it come from the creature’s mouth really just pushed it home. He really was a monster.

But.. what does he mean “freed me in the process”? I wanted to ask, I really did, but I had a feeling that it was too soon, that those memories would be far too raw and fresh to dig into.

Believe it or not, I DO, in fact, possess tact.

“I don’t even know why I’m talking anyways.” Jake suddenly said, “I’m not a very sociable guy. I guess... maybe I trust you? You're going to ‘reform’ me, right? Help me get better? Hell, I'm in motherfucking Candyland, for fucks sake! That's a good enough reason to give you the benefit of the doubt, I guess. I don’t fucking know...” Jake shrugged.

I tilted my head, finally getting a read on Jake’s personality, if only a bit. Extremely cynical, possibly even depressed in some fashion, and with a deep seated sense of mistrust and paranoia towards strangers. He sure does swear a lot, though!

But... was his life really that harsh, that he cannot bring himself to trust anyone? Then again, even judging from what little Celestia talked about, yes, of course he’d have trust issues and paranoia!

“So, what do you think?” Jake suddenly asked, gesturing towards the bickering girls, “You think this whole ‘reformation’ thing is going to fly? I mean… Skittles and... the normal-ish looking one, looks like they really don’t like me.”

“Skittles”? For some reason, that word just screams “Rainbow Dash”! And if “Skittles” is Rainbow, then I guess the “normal-ish looking one” is AJ, probably couldn’t think of anything else to call her. I wonder why he chose to call her “normal” looking, though? Is it because she has no wings or a horn?

“I hope that those aren't tribalist slurs, Jake.” I frowned, and fixed him with my patented stern librarian glare.

“What the fuck are you talking about? 'Tribalist'? I ain't no fucking racist, if that's what you're asking! Now, you got any real questions, or are you gonna sit here and accuse me of stupid shit? 'Cuz if you are, then I suggest you fuck off before I get angry!”

Very irritable, and downright rude! But, then again, I did just accuse him of being a racist... “Oh, uh, n-no! Sorry! I just assumed-”

Jake glared and fixed me with an unsettling smirk as he dug his Trot-pone out of his pants pocket. “You ever heard what they say about assumptions? They make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. Don't do it again.”

I stamped my hoof to get Jake's attention, then gave him a nervous, apologetic smile as he directed his irritated glare at me again. “Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was wrong to make an assumption on so little information, and I truly am sorry. Can you forgive me?” His angry facial expression wavered, hardened, then completely fell apart, replaced with a cautiously amused look.

“Yeah, I guess.” I smiled and let out a relieved breath I didn't even know I was holding! “Thank you! Can we start over, Jake?” He hesitated for a second, then nodded. “Don't see why not.”

Excellent! I held out my hoof to him as I properly introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Would you like to be my friend?” He cracked a half-smile, and shook my hoof.

“Hello Twilight Sparkle, my name is Jake, and I'd like to be your friend.”

We sat in a companionable silence for about a minute, before Jake decided to break the ice. “So... about Skittles and... the other one?”

There he goes with the nicknames again! Although, I have to admit, “Skittles” does sound pretty cute. “Uh, what does 'Skittles' mean, Jake?”

Jake smirked as he pulled his Trot-pone out of his pocket, unwrapped his ear-buds and started fiddling with it again. Somehow, by tapping and swiping his fingers on the smooth surface of the device, he was making the images on the... display, I suppose, change! It was amazing! Finally, he tapped the device one final time and tilted it horizontally, to show me what appeared to be a picture of a small bowl, filled with colourful candies. “Skittles. Brightly coloured, chewy, fruity gifts from the gods. Reminded me of your friend.”

Oh, okay! I bet Bon Bon would love the recipe for those! Or just the idea, really! But that can wait for later. Right now, I have science to do!

“Wowwhatisthatthinghowdidyoumakethosepicturesappearwhatkindofmagicisitisitevenmagicthatsjustsoamazingohmygoshcaniseeitplease?”

And by “science”, I mean “babble like a fan-girl at a meet-and-greet with Sapphire Shores”, of course. Ugh. Jake snorted and chuckled at me as I panted from my sudden outburst. Hey, at least I got to hear him chuckle again!

What did I say? Science.

“Care to run that by me again? Y'know, at normal speed? And please stop giving my iPod bedroom eyes, it's really starting to creep me out.”

I blushed as I tore my eyes off of his “iPod”, and blushed even harder when I saw his amused smirk. “Um, w-well, I- I wasn't giving your 'iPod' bedroom eyes! It's just- ohmygoshitssointeresting!”

Jake rolled his eyes as he tucked his iPod into the stomach pouch of his sweatshirt, leaning his head against the wall behind him. “So, as I was saying, what do you think about Skittles and the normal one?”

Looks like he doesn't feel like sharing anything about his iPod. That's fine, I know I tend to go just the tiniest bit overboard at times. “Well, in the end I think they will agree to help you. But, Dash and AJ will probably be pretty suspicious of you for a while.” I'll let you slide for now, buster, but I will learn all I can about your iPod, just you wait!

Jake just gave a shrug that I equated to a “buck them then” and started to look me over, his head tilted up and to the side slightly. I couldn't help but to blush as Jake looked me over. I knew he wasn’t checking me out, but it... it kinda felt nice to think that he was. Okay, that seriously sounded creepy...

Still, though... I know I’m a “nerdy, bookish filly”, but I’m still a mare, damn it! I just wish I’d get treated like one more often!

“You wouldn’t happen to be related to that captain whatshisface would you? Y'know, kinda tall white unicorn, bossy as fuck, comes off as a REALLY butch mare?” Jake asked suddenly.

I tilted my head as I thought. The only one I know that could be mistaken for a “butch” mare has the rank of Captain is-

“Shining Armor? Yeah, he’s my brother! Why?” I wasn't really offended by the “butch mare” remark. Hay, it's happened before!

Besides, even Cadence jokes with Shiny, that he looks more like a mare then she does, with how he maintains his coat and mane!

“Well then, I’ve got a story for you.” Jake said with a playful, Pinkie-ified grin.

I knew that I was about to be either very amused or very annoyed.

--->>>Shining Armor<<<---

With a neutral expression on his face, Shining Armor watched as the beast, ‘Jake’, regaled his little sister with what he did the previous day in the dungeons. Honestly, Shining Armor didn’t believe ‘Jake’ could be reformed, but he didn’t wish to point it out to her majesty.

Now just yet, anyway.

However, it seemed that his worry was unfounded, for the time being at least, as ‘Jake’ and Twily were getting along rather well, their rocky start aside! Perhaps because they’re both introverts at heart? Maybe. It was a sound idea, anyways.

Of course, that didn’t mean that Shining Armor approved of the psychopath staying with his little sister.

After watching the two for a while, Shining Armor decided that having an overprotective big brother around would probably hinder Jake and Twily's new friendship, and quietly left the room.

The last thing Shining Armor heard was Twilight’s scandalized laughter at the story.

“You harm a hair on her head, and I will bucking kill you myself!”

--->>>Jake<<<---

Honestly, I expected Twilight to be upset by what I did to Butchy!

Well, okay, she is, but she's far more amused than angry. Do ponies have stereotypes too? If they do, that'd be something worth studying, if only to see just how close to humans they are.

Twilight eventually pulled herself together to scold me, but she started giggling madly as soon as she tried to give me a proper scolding. Not that it’d really phase me. I do what I want, when I want!

Well, unless Celestia tells me not to. Hammer of Dawn, y'know? Wish I had magic like hers. Wouldn't have to feel so fucking whipped then!

Fucking goddamn ponies, man!

As Twilight tried her damnedest to stop laughing and give me a proper scolding, I noticed the five other mares had stopped arguing, and were watching Twilight with mixed expressions.

The painfully pink one and yellow one looked happy at our interaction, whereas Skittles and the normal one looked on suspiciously. But the white one that just screamed “prim and proper” looked like she was torn between the two sides. Like she wanted to be happy for Twilight, and suspicious of me and my intentions. Smart cookie!

Bah! Forget them! I’d rather interact with this interesting unicorn anyways! I wonder why I feel so... comfortable around her?

Fuck it, I’ll figure it out later! Besides, Twilight’s pulled herself together! Let’s hear it then!

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I have never been so… so… argh! I just don’t know!

Jake made my brother look like a fool! I should be upset at the very least but I can’t! It’s just sooo bucking funny! “Yew got a purrty mouth!” bucking hilarious!

Oh my ribs! My tummy! Everything’s so bucking sore!

I honestly didn’t care if I looked like a cackling madmare! “Butchy”? “Purrty mouth”?! Just- It's- AHH! Too bucking funny! Shiny's always been slightly homophobic, so- ohmygosh, I would have given my magic just to see the look on his face!

As I came down from my latest bout of giggles, I noticed the girls were watching Jake and I with mixed expressions, but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to care!

Not that I thought it would be too difficult, but maybe housing and reforming this guy won’t be as bad as I first thought?

“Y-you should r-really tell S-Shining that y-you’re s-sorry!” I spluttered between my giggles, struggling not to collapse into full-blown laughter again.

Jake just gave me a smug half-smile. “I regret nothing!” He retorted, with no shame whatsoever!

--->>>Rainbow Dash<<<---

Watching Twi and that monkey-thing Jake really set my teeth on edge.

I don't like or trust him, not one bit. Princess Celestia wants us to reform this guy!? Who's next, Discord?

But even I have to admit, right now he just doesn’t seem as much a monster as the Princess hinted at, if you ignore the bloodstained hoodie. Just a young monkey-thing that got the shortest end of the stick. Heck, if I read what she was saying right, the Princess implied that what Jake went through was exponentially worse than what Scoots experienced!

Knowing he’s suffered so much makes it kinda hard to be suspicious, but I am anyway.

‘Sides, somepony in this group has to be suspicious, and it might as well be me! Hay, if Jake starts something, I’m know I can handle him!

I’m the toughest mare in Ponyville, after all!

…

Did the room get colder or am I just imagining things??

--->>>Luna<<<---

Under the guise of a cleverly woven illusion, Luna watched as Jake and Twilight interacted with each other, and the other five Bearers debated whether or not they should take Jake on.

The memories she had seen during her brief trip into Jake's mind painted him in the worst possible light. Back in the Old Days, she would’ve had Jake beheaded in short order upon discovering what an absolute monster he was in his past life.

But, Tia was right in telling her that things do not work that way anymore, nor should they have in the first place. Equestria was founded on the values of harmony and friendship, after all.

More the pity, really. If beheadings were still allowed, Tia wouldn’t have to suffer the ignorance and greed of the “noble” ponies.

Well, it would be reduced to a fraction of what it was nowadays, at the very least.

However, Luna was glad that Tia decided Jake to be deserving of reformation. He seemed to be very well taken with Twilight, something she could relate to.

He did, however, seem to be tolerant at best, and dismissive at worst, of the others.

What with Pinkie’s… pinkieness, Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s suspiciousness, Fluttershy’s timid nature, and Rarity’s fussiness, it was understandable. In truth, Luna was much closer to Twilight then the other Bearers, Pinkie especially.

Luna knew that Pinkie was just playing during her first Nightmare night, but it still hurt, to see everypony flee from her like that.

Tia told her not to begrudge Pinkie, but Luna would always hold slight, but mostly unintentional disdain for the party pony.

Jake then gestured Twilight to sit beside him, offering her one of the earbuds to his music device. Luna scowled slightly, wishing she'd taken the time to learn modern eavesdropping spells!

--->>>Twilight<<<---

Jake patted the floor next to him, offering on of his earbuds to me. “What?” I asked as I took the earbud in my magic.

“What kinda music do you like?”

Oh, music from another world! I wanted so badly to start jumping around in excitement, but I somehow managed to contain myself. “Eeeeeeeeee! Musicfromanotherworld! MUSICFROMANOTHERWORLD!!!”

I never said I was able to keep myself from squealing like a fan-girl at- well, y'know. Jake let out a heavy sigh, propping his chin on his hand. “Done yet?”

I blushed, once again, as I gathered myself. “S-sorry! I- um, I uh like all sorts of music! Um, could you choose one for me? Ohmygosh, this is so exciting!”

Jake scratched at the thin goatee on his chin, staring up at the ceiling as he thought about it. After a few moments, Jake started swiping at the screen of his iPod. I don't know for sure, but I think that's how he finds the song he wants to listen to, kind of like a fast-forward, but for whole songs! Eventually, he found a song, judging by his smirk.

“This one’s called ‘Monster’ by 'Skillet'.” Jake answered my unasked question, “You don’t mind rock, do you?”

“No, not if it isn't too... heavy.” At first I didn’t care much for it, but after going to a few concerts with Rainbow and, shockingly enough, Fluttershy, I developed a liking towards the music genre.

My personal favorite, of course, was Metallicolt.

“Put this in your ear then. I've got one for ya...”

As soon as I stuck the tiny earbud in my ear, Jake started blasting me with a painfully loud song! Although, after yelling at asking him to lower the volume, and listening for a few moments, I couldn’t help but feel that Jake picked this particular song to tell me something about himself.

--->>>Jake<<<---

I love “Monster”! Fuck, it's almost like it was written just for me! I'll admit, I did pick the song to give her a bit of a scare, but she took it pretty damn well!

After the song finished, I found myself returning an excited hug and talking to Twilight about what sort of books she enjoys, which led to a discussion about the curious parallels between this world and my world.

In all honesty, Twilight surprised me. I figured she was smart but the goddamn mare is a genius, especially compared to a lot of folk back home! Honestly, this mare should be the head of some research division, not a fucking librarian in a rural town!

Seriously, Celestia! What the fuck is wrong with you!? I'm pretty goddamn sure that you've got some sort of mind-reading mumbo-jumbo bullshit going on!

When I heard someone scream "What!" in my head, it really didn't surprise me.

Whatever. Me and Twilight eventually wrapped up our conversation with a promise to compare cultures later, so I decided to do test out an idea I had within minutes of noticing how ponies use their ears similarly to dogs and cats.

I reached over to Twilight and scratched behind one of her ears.

While I expected some sort of reaction, I wasn't expecting her to fucking purr at me, and bonelessly flop on the ground with a dopey little smile on her face! Not after a few light scratches!

I stopped scratching to help her up, but her pitiful whining stopped me. It only made me start scratching her ear again!

Fucking goddamn PONIES! Why are they so godamn adorable! WHY?! Damn it! Damn it all to Hell!

Silver lining; those other mares were looking rather jealous of Twilight!

--->>>Luna/Applejack/Rainbow Dash/Fluttershy/Rarity/Pinkie<<<---

“LUCKY BUCKING MARE!”

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I sighed in helpless, shameless pleasure as Jake scratched away behind my ears. I never imagined having somepony- or rather someone, scratching my ears would feel so bucking good! It felt a little… wrong, and just a tad arousing, because the only way for a pony to effectively replicate what he was doing with his fingertips, would be to chew on my ear, usually something that only lovers (and really frisky ponies) do with each other.

Jake didn't seem to have any romantic interest in me, nor did I have any in him, so I simply laid there, allowing him to scratch me into a higher state of being! Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but still. I had a feeling that Jake and I had just stumbled onto the start of something beautiful.

But, like all good things, Jake and his wonderful ear-scratching had to come to an end. The princesses returned to the throne room, wanting to know what we decided. Rarity was won over by Pinkie and Fluttershy, and I, of course, was more than happy to help Jake! Applejack and Rainbow hadn't budged much from their position, but their compassion won out over their mistrust and dislike of Jake, so we came to a grudgingly unanimous vote to help Jake! The princesses gave us each a suite for the next few nights, then left us to our own devices again.

With that out of the way, the girls and I said our goodbyes to Jake, and left for our suites. Not after getting one last ear scratch in, though!

“Good night, Jake.” I mumbled as Jake scratched my ear, “I’ll see you tomorrow to talk some more, and in a couple days, you’ll be moving in with me in Ponyville! Oh, this is so exciting!” I would have been more animated, but Jake’s ear-scratching just wouldn’t allow it!

“Night.” Was Jake's simple reply.

Jake gave my ears one last scratch, patted me on the head, and helped me up. Like a true gentlecolt, as Rarity would say, but after talking with Jake, I don’t think gentlecolt is a word that could be used in the same sentence with him.

Not with a straight face, at any rate.

Jake gave me that same half-smile he'd been giving me as I trotted over to my friends. “See ya tomorrow Twi.”

“T-Twi?” I stuttered, slowly starting to blush. Why, I don't know, but it was starting to get annoying.

“Yeah.” Jake said, scratching his cheek, “Twilight Sparkle is too fucking saccharine for my tastes, so I shortened it. What, you don’t like it?”

“N-no, it’s not that. I'm just surprised, is all.” I responded. We just became friends, and he's already giving me a pet name? I must've made one heck of an impression!

Jake chuckled, no doubt understanding what I meant, and slowly stood up. I knew that Jake was tall, but standing right next to him? Big Mac probably only comes up to his chest!

Most ponies find large creatures to be intimidating on a primal level, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. Even if the creature in question is twice as tall as I am, and did some really, really bad things...

No, Jake is my friend! He wouldn't hurt me! Besides, if what the princesses said is correct, he wasn't fully in control of himself when he did those things!

I shook my head to clear it of those unnecessary thoughts, and turned to the girls with a smile.

“I don't know about you, but I'm beat! I'm gonna go get some sleep. Goodnight, girls!”

Everypony made varying sounds of agreement, except for Pinkie, of course. She looked like she wanted to ask Jake for some ear scratches too, or maybe some tummy rubs!

What is with that mare and tummy rubs anyway? I mean sure they’re nice but she acts like a Moon Sugar junkie when it comes to her tummy rubs!

Well, if those are anything like ear-scratches, then I can see where she's coming from!

--->>>Jake<<<---

I watched as the mares silently (and sleepily) left, not bothering to turn around when I heard the clip-clop of hooves behind me.

I figured there was someone left behind to watch me.

I found myself face to face with Celestia’s sister, what’s her name again? Luna I think? Yeah. Luna.

“Heh, Luna. Lunar, Lunatics. Heheh.”

Did I said that out loud! I sheepishly scratched my cheek as I cleared my throat, an “I didn’t do anything” grin on my face.

The face failed. Epically.

“So, uh, what can I do for you Luna?”

Luna gave me a deadpan glare at my Luna-related puns, to which I smiled.

“I honestly didn’t mean to say that out loud!”

“Well…” Luna started, seemingly ignoring what I said, “At least things won’t be boring with you around!”

With that, Luna turned around and walked off, leaving me dumbfounded and mildly irritated.

What the fuck just happened!?

“Follow me if you don’t want to return to your cell!” Luna called over her shoulder.

Yeah, I kinda booked it to follow the lunar wingycorn.

Hey, just because I knew they’re called alicorns didn’t mean I had any intention to start calling them that!

--->>>Luna<<<---

The walk to Jake’s new temporary home, a fairly luxurious suite in the wing opposite of the Bearers, was a short one that was done in complete silence.

Jake was silent because he just wasn’t very talkative, Twilight aside, whereas Luna really didn’t know how to even approach the human.

Did he truly wish to repent for his sins? Or was it just a clever trick only a sociopath such as he could pull off?

The only kind of evil Luna had dealt with was evil that knows it’s being evil, never with an evil that never knew what it was doing. Time would only tell.

Surprisingly, Jake took the initiative to break the ice as the two neared his suite.

“So, when or where is dinner?” He asked simply.

“In just an hour. I take it you wish to dine with us?” Luna asked, curiously.

“Yeah, I figure it’d be best to make friendly with the pe- ponies, that could send me to the fucking sun, or whatever.” Jake responded.

Luna giggled lightly at that, she understood what Jake was getting at. Between the two sisters, Celestia actually has the fiercest temper! Oh yes, under that regal mask lies all the fury of the sun, just waiting to be unleashed.

An example of that is the Plain Rock incident. During the early years of the Griffin civil war a force of two hundred rogue griffins pillaged a pony settlement, raping the fillies and mares, and torturing all of them before eating them alive, and finally burning the settlement to the ground.

When Celestia heard the news, she teleported right out of her Solar court, tracked down the griffins responsible for the massacre, and instantly reduced them to ash.

Granted, she was remorseful that she had to do it, but it proves that Celestia isn’t just a political mare! She has the fire to do what’s needed to be done!

“And what would you prefer to dine on?” Luna asked.

“Uh, some macaroni and cheese, peas, and some meat, if I can get any. Like a, uh, a steak, and some bacon, and maybe even some chicken?” Jake asked, somewhat nervously.

Luna stifled a smirk at his nerves. He already knew that ponies are herbivorous by nature, so it was only logical to think that his hosts not only didn't serve meat, but would also ostracize him for his carnivorous needs.

“Do not fret, dear Jake. My sister and I have have hosted carnivores before.” Luna assured, “You’ll have some meat for dinner. But know that when you leave for Ponyville, meat will be very scarce, unless you venture into the Everfree and hunt some for yourself.”

Jake shrugged and nodded in response. He'd expected something like that.

“So, why don’t you tell me something about yourself? So far I only know about Celestia, what’s your story?” Jake asked curiously.

Luna blushed ever so slightly at the interest Jake was showing, something Jake immediately caught onto and chuckled over. It was flattering really, as even in these modern times, aside from academics, there were not many ponies interested in her opinions and such.

“Well, since you are interested...”

Jake would learn a great deal of things during his new life in Equestria, one of the most important being that Luna is the biggest chatterbox in all of Equestria!

They passed the remainder of their walk in amicable chatter, with Jake offering his own thoughts and opinions on current events to Luna.

--->>>Jake<<<---

Twenty minutes ago, Luna dropped me off in my new room and told me she’d fetch me for dinner in an hour.

In that time, I took great advantage of the giant fucking bathroom, taking a sinfully wonderful shower, and found two sets of clean clothes, a black hoodie and grey jeans with undergarments, and a set of pajamas.

That, of course, left me wondering when the fuck they got my measurements! Then again, I was in a coma for a little while, I suppose.

At the moment, though, I stood out on the balcony watching the city below as I pondered the many things I learned from and about the Lunar Diarch.

Luna, I found, was a mare out of the times. She was apparently possessed by an evil spirit called the “Nightmare”, and Celestia had to seal her away in the moon for a thousand fuckin’ years or something like that.

Talk about a harsh fuckin’ time-out!

But, about six months back she returned to Equestria, and was going to bring about an eternal night. Which, I’m pretty sure, would’ve eventually destroyed all life. Good plan? Great plan!

Yeah, no. She was stopped by those six mares from earlier, including Twilight. How'd they do it? They used some fucking magical artifacts called “The Elements of Harmony” to free Luna from the Nightmare.

And ever since then she’s been playing catch up!

Fuck all that studying! I had enough of that shit in middle school, cramming for tests! Just thinking about it makes my head hurt!

I also learned that we shared some kind of “kinship”, or some shit like that. You know, me with the whole “Sandman” alter-ego, and Luna with her *snort* “Nightmare Moon” alter ego!

Ooh, Nightmare Moon, such a terrifying and devious name!

Yeah, fuck that, I’d probably be too busy laughing my ass off to be intimidated!

I shook my head as I walked back into my room, deciding to relax and wait for dinner. Hell, maybe I'll read one of those books Luna said Celestia suggested I read to familiarize myself with pony culture.

I covered my eyes and blindly grabbed a book off the table, committing myself to read it, start to finish before I even knew what it was about. When I did look at the title, it was with a deadpan expression on my face.

The Idiot's Guide to Equestrian Social Norms and Culture

“Really, Celestia? Fucking really!?”