Moving and Settling In

--->>>Fluttershy<<<---

Hearth's Warming was close, only about a week away, but to Fluttershy, it still felt like the day was upon her, Jake, and her friends much too soon. As such, the princesses, girls, and Jake had all congregated in a private sitting room, spending some quality time with one another.

Fluttershy especially loved this time of year, when ponies of all tribes and all walks of life drew together in harmony. Well, almost all ponies. Most of the snooty Canterlot nobles chose to associate solely with other snooty nobles, but that’s on them then! Hay, she was just happy that she had a wonderful group of friends willing to spend their Hearth's Warming Day with her.

Why? Well, Fluttershy never knew her parents. Her mother passed away shortly after Fluttershy was born, due to childbirth complications. Her father was a member of Delta Company, 2nd Battalion, of the 7th Royal Guard Regiment that was sent to deal with a renegade dragon just after she turned three. He'd said his goodbyes, made arrangements for her to stay with her aunt Posey, and told Fluttershy that he might not be coming back, but it still hurt when she received the letter informing her he had perished in the battle against the dragon. She wasn't alone, however, as barely a quarter of Delta Company survived, but that was no consolation to the young filly. After his ashes were scattered below Cloudsdale, Fluttershy moved in with Posey, rather than being shuffled about between her various relatives. Posey loved and cared for Fluttershy like a daughter, so it wasn't all bad.

She turned her thoughts towards Rainbow Dash as the speedster hung around the snack table with Applejack, softly smiling at the sight of the two having yet another eating contest. Silly Dashie, when was she going to learn? Applejack always packs more food away!

Along with Ditzy and Blossomforth, Rainbow Dash was one of the few friends she had in Cloudsdale, and the only one really willing to stand up to the trio of bullies that preyed on the weaker and clumsy fliers at Flight Camp. Of course, it took the timid pegasus filly almost a year to work up the courage to speak to the brash, tomcolt filly, but the resulting friendship was well worth it.

Said friendship was currently driving Fluttershy up a wall at the moment, though. She simply couldn’t understand why Rainbow didn't see that Jake wanted to make up for all the wrongs he’d committed!

Was it paranoia? Xenophobia? Both? Or even worse, did she see it, and was willfully ignoring that fact over silly paranoia or bigotry? No, Fluttershy just didn't understand why, or how Rainbow could be so cold to the human. Sure, he'd done some horrible, terrible things that even the princesses didn't want to speak of, but... no, he was just a scared, lost, lonely little boy at heart. A boy that had done some bad things, but she had a feeling that those things had hurt him on the inside, just as much as it hurt everyone else affected.

Hay, even AJ warmed up to the human! Granted, that might’ve been because Jake commented that he spent about two years with an old couple that ran a farm. That piqued her interest, but what truly won her over was him describing it as “the best two goddamn years of my life”, and that he misses living on a farm. The sentiment was genuine, as he had no shortage of things to say about his life on the farm.

That was another thing that Fluttershy liked about Jake, that he rarely mentioned the bad, preferring to talk about the good times and individuals he'd experienced in his short life. Well, what little good he knew, that is. But when he mentioned them, Jake would get a far-away look in his eyes, and a small smile would touch his lips.

A small shudder ran down her spine at the thought of what he could have done to require reformation, but if his life really was as bad as he said it was... Well, sometimes, no matter how good the good times are, they just aren't enough to outweigh the bad, and if you're not careful, you get caught up, lost in and finally consumed by the negative. Psychosis, depression, even insanity follows, and twists you, turning you into something that should not be.

Fluttershy knew, though, deep down in her heart, that Jake truly had a good heart, even if he used to be a monster. She had a hard time believing that as well, as nice (in his own way) he was to her and the rest of the girls. But, he had admitted to it, so...

It seemed that he was simply a product of his environment. It’s a sad fact but when one knows only violence, they are much likelier to resort to violence when confronted or hurting.

And that is why Fluttershy wanted to help Jake, not for the Celestia or Luna, but for Jake’s sake. Before she moved to Ponyville, she'd lived in Los Pegasus for a year with her cousin Sunny Smiles, working in a soup kitchen. She had seen ponies broken by a harsh life and habits, and learned that those ponies never truly recover. Without a helping hoof, most tend to waste away, and although it was almost unheard of nowadays, some ponies were so crushed by their life, that the only option they could see was suicide.

“Can I help you, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy jumped and let out a tiny, embarrassed squeak as she realized she had zoned out while staring at Jake. Blinking owlishly, Fluttershy looked up at Jake, clad in a pair of simple cotton shorts and a shirt, his customary hoodie and jeans nowhere in sight.

“Y-you just seemed so lonely, nopony should be alone during the holidays.” Fluttershy softly replied.

Jake grimaced as his face cycled through a range of expressions; acknowledgement, pain, realization, amusement, before finally settling on acceptance. Jake didn’t say a word but simply shrugged and adjusted his position to allow Fluttershy to join him on the couch. She gave him a tiny, yet warm smile as they sat in silence, observing the happenings between the girls and the princesses.

“I used to spend time like this on the farm with my foster family years ago.” Jake silently commented, “Looking back, I wonder why couldn’t I have simply stayed with them? If I had, things would’ve been different. I wouldn’t have became a monster.”

Fluttershy didn’t say a word, knowing that Jake needed to get these feelings out in the open if he was ever going to heal. The process wouldn’t be easy or clean, nor would it be quick. It would be a long, messy, and painful affair for everypony involved, but it needed to happen, and Fluttershy knew that the princesses knew that as well.

Hay, that’s probably why she and her friends were chosen to reform Jake in the first place!

“Reminds me of what I used to have,” Jake continued, “wonder what that couple thinks of me now? What do they think of the boy who snapped and became an urban legend, a cruel, sadistic motherfucking monster?”

“I don’t know about that, Jake.” Fluttershy softly replied, gentling laying a comforting hoof on his hand, “But what I do know is that you have a second chance. You may never make peace with what you did, but what’s important is the time you’re given.”

Jake grunted in response with a thoughtful look on his face, something Fluttershy took as a good sign. The two spent the rest of their evening in silence watching and observing the others.

--->>>Jake<<<---

Watching the girls and the princesses interact made me long for the simpler days. More specifically, the days back on the farm owned by the Keaths. That was five years before my first murder, y'know, the thing that sent me down the very dark path to becoming the most infamous serial killer in American history.

I also couldn’t help but think over what Fluttershy said, about making the most of the time I've been given. I guess I can't be too surprised that she's an intellectual, though. From the first conversation I had with her, she struck me as the wise, caring type, kinda like a “town mom”, y'know? Nah, too young to be a town mom, heh. Town-sister? I dunno.

Never had a biological sister, nor did I ever really hold any female close enough to be considered a sister. All my foster-sisters were utter bitches, anyways. Hell, some even tried to use me as a form of relief after a stressful day! Always got the blame pinned on me, though, whenever I fought back or refused their advances, but I didn't care. No way in hell was I gonna let some cunt beat on me, and I'd rather stick my dick in a fucking meat grinder than some of the nasty, loose bitches that came on to me.

Needless to say, I tended to avoid the opposite sex as much as humanly possible (and then some!), until I was pushed over the edge. Then I started giving them a taste of their own medicine...

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I turned my attention to the girls with a silent sigh. It took a couple days, but I eventually warmed up to them. Well, as much as I could manage in six days.

Applejack? I knew I was either gonna like her, or hate her when I heard her southern accent. Hell, her accent, freckles, and the goddamned stetson sitting on her head was so outrageously stereo, I had to bite my tongue to keep from bursting into laughter! And then, of course, there's the fact that she wears her hair- mane, and her tail, in a goddamn ponytail!

Get it, ponytail? Get it, get it? Y'know, because- ah, fuck you.

But her stereo appearance aside, we got along pretty well after I mentioned how much I loved living with the Keaths. Hell, she gave me the juiciest, most delicious fucking apple I've ever had the honor of sinking my teeth into.

Pinkie? Let's ignore, for a second, the fact that she's so pink, it almost hurts to look at her. She's got a high-pitched, somewhat annoying voice, and seems to break the laws of physics (or what passes for them in this weird Candyland realm) on a regular basis. And let's not forget her hyperactiveness! It's... trying, to put it lightly.

That aside, she's got a heart of gold, and an innocent demeanor that I would love to break-

Yeah, let's not go down that road, kay? Anyways, she's a wicked cool little gal, and very perceptive and intelligent to boot. Well, when she isn't driving you up the wall with her constant cheeriness, rock-hard party-boner or blatant disregard for the laws of physics, that is. Damn fine baker, too.

So yeah, awesome, adorable little gal, but she's the type of perso- pony, that you can only take in small, but slowly increasing doses. She grows on ya, that's for sure.

Rarity? Miss Ficklefussy? Took her the longest, out of all my new acquain- friends, to get used to me, but she still made me a small wardrobe's worth of clothing when Twilight forced me to ask the question came to mind. For free, too! A bit too... girly, and fussy, for my tastes. Well, most of the time, anyways, but she's still pretty cool.

And last but not least, there's Twilight. She took a liking to me almost instantly, and aside from our initial misunderstanding, we haven't had a single problem. It's no wonder that she's the de facto “leader” of her little coterie, she's very... understanding, and open-minded, not to mention caring and pretty goddamn tenderhearted. Add to the mix that she's probably fucking smarter than ten of me put together, and her “alpha-mare” demeanor?

Yeah, total leader-material.

But that aside, she's rather “adorkable” (thanks, Pinkie!), excitable, and endlessly curious about... well, everything! So fucking adorable! I'll tell you one thing for sure, we really... connected, on a more basic level from the moment we really started talking. I know more about her, and vice verse, than I did about anybody before, save for the Keaths. It's... I dunno. All I can say, is that I know I can tell her anything, and she won't judge or ostracized me for it. Like I said, awesome little gal.

And starting tomorrow, I get to go live with her! I don't know why I'm so excited about that, but hey, I'll take it! It's not exactly a foster home, but it's nice to finally be excited about a new home! Especially since I'm gonna have a kick-ass, adorable little pony as a roommate!

Rounding up the rest of the six meant to “reform” me, there's Rainbow “Skittles” Dash. Not to be mean, but-

Yeah, fuck that. She's been nothing short of a cunt every time I've seen her. Seriously, what is her fucking problem!? I mean, yeah, I can understand if she was just being all paranoid and shit, worrying about her friends. I'd commend her for that, matter of fact! Y'know what they say, a healthy dose of paranoia is good! But fuck me if it doesn’t seem like she has a... personal vendetta, or something against me!

But you know what? Fuck her, that’s what! If she isn’t willing to give me a chance, then why the fuck should I bother giving her one?

Heh, speaking of which, maybe she just needs a good, hard fucking! Maybe that’ll take the proverbial stick out of her ass!

Twi glanced back at me, looking a little surprised to see Fluttershy cuddled up against me, but smiled regardless. Hell, she was probably happy that I was opening up to someone other than her. I gave her my usual half-smile and a small nod, as I absentmindedly started petting Fluttershy.

Judging by her soft cooing, the timid pegasus obviously didn’t object my actions. Why the fuck do these ponies have to be so goddamn adorable??

I closed my eyes with a silent chuckle and started to relax, something I've always found to be difficult, given how goddamn paranoid I am. Hell, I never could relax around anyone before, but just a few days with these ponies I have no problem relaxing.

Then I realized they're getting to me!

“ITSTIMEFORPRESENTS!” Pinkie screamed out and jumped into the air, hovering there for a few seconds, in her usual blatant Pinkie-like blatant disregard for... well, reality.

I almost shed a tear as I realized that I didn’t so much as flinch.

Yeah, they're definitely getting to me. If I was a religious fellow, I'd be sending up a prayer or twenty, pleading for the mercy of a swift death!

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I really don’t want for this day to end! What with me living in Ponyville, I rarely get to spend time with Princess Celestia anymore. Hay, sometimes I wish that whole “Mare in the Moon” prophecy was just a bunch of horseapples, so I could stay in Canterlot and continue my studies with Princess Celestia. But then again, if it wasn’t for that prophecy I would’ve never ended up making such great friends, or ever have so much fun in my life!

I’d probably be a reclusive, anti-social mare that never ventured out of her room, save for visits to the kitchens, the princess or the royal archives.

I used to think that wouldn’t have been a bad fate, but ever since Princess Celestia forced me out into the world, I honestly can’t imagine living such a life.

Besides, if I kept going down that path, I probably would've ended up grossly overweight with seventy-nine cats. Eww.

And then, of course, there’s Jake! For all his faults I can’t help but to like Jake, he’s so... different from anypony else, in a good way, that is. I find his direct mannerisms rather refreshing!

Oh. My. Gosh! I just sounded like Princess Celestia!

All joking aside, the only reason I was chatting with Princesses Celestia and Luna instead of cuddling up beside Jake and talking with him is because I rarely ever see the princesses. I felt bad for… neglecting Jake like that, but Fluttershy took it upon herself to keep Jake company.

But that’s enough of that, it’s time for presents! Oh, I hope everypony likes what I got for them! I would have gotten something for Jake but his appearance was just so sudden, I didn’t have the time or bits to get him anything!

Well, there’s always next year! I wonder what he’d like?

Pinkie, of course, dove into the presents and started swimming through them- yes, swimming through them, much like a fish. How she did it I haven’t the faintest clue, but I’ve learned to just accept it and move on. Just Pinkie being Pinkie I guess. After swimming around for a couple seconds, she popped out and quickly started passing out the presents, and without further ado we tore into them. I’m not ashamed to say that I felt like a little filly again, tearing the wrapping paper all to pieces in my excitement with my friends.

I got Fluttershy the three latest books on veterinarian techniques, fauna and flora of the Everfree, and medicinal remedies, as well as some romance novels by the author Light Heart. I know how she loves Light Heart! Oddly enough, though, she gave the technical books a strange look, before smiling to herself and thanking me.

I got Rarity a half-dozen books on Prench designs and some rather... steamy love novels by Sunny Smiles. Judging by her embarrassed, yet pleased grin, I think she likes her present.

For Pinkie, I got an assortment of international cookbooks, as well as a big bag of hard candies. I honestly didn’t have to look to see if she loved them.

Applejack was the hardest one to find a gift for, in all honesty. I almost drove myself crazy trying to find something for her, but in the end, Spike suggested alcohol. So, I got her a couple of kegs of that special spicy cider her cousin in Appleoosa makes, and two bottles of vodka, imported from Stalliongrad, one Pepper, and the other Apple.

Rainbow? She was easy to buy for. A ticket to the Wonderbolts tour next summer, as well as an autographed, framed picture of the Wonderbolts in uniform had Rainbow squealing like the fangirl she is and tackling me with a hug. Of course, she immediately jumped off, trying to act nonchalant about it, but the damage was done.

I think she likes her presents.

Per her request, I didn’t get anything really big for Luna, just a comprehensive guide I wrote to help her with the language and cultural norms of today. She was too busy fawning over Pinkie’s “Legit-as-BUCK Moonpies” to thank me, but that’s okay. I know she’ll get some good use out of it!

And last but not least, I bought a gift voucher to the Cake Factory, a really popular cake store in Manehatten, for Celestia. She quietly and politely thanked me for the voucher, but I knew that she would make the mighty transformation into the Tyrant Cake-lestia.

Okay, not really, but I always found her addiction affinity for cakes of all sorts both amusing, and slightly worrying. I don’t know how many times I’d go to the kitchens as a filly, just to see Princess Celestia cramming cake down her throat.

But, like all good things, our little Hearth’s Warming celebration came to an end, and I found myself, the rest of the girls, and Jake being escorted to the train station by some Solar Guards, with Shiny leading the way. I couldn’t help but notice the one-sided distain between Shiny and Jake, probably over what happened in the dungeons.

I’d be pretty mad if I was Shiny, but I’m not. C’mon, “purty mouth”? If laughing at that is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

Before we all boarded the train, I pounced on Shiny and gave him a big hug, which he returned with equal fervor. He thought he could sneak a glare past me at Jake as he hugged me. A bop to the head quickly told him it didn’t work.

“I love you Shiny! Take care of yourself!” I chirped.

As we separated and boarded the train, Jake plopped down next to me and gave me his usual half-smile, which caused me to blush, for some odd reason. I don’t know why, it just happened, alright?! Maybe because he jumped to my defense so quickly, I don’t know. All I know is that it was bucking hilarious to see Blueblood running for his momma with his tail tucked between his legs!

“I think your brother doesn’t like me.” Jake said, in the dryest tone imaginable.

“I wonder why?” I responded sarcastically, my tone just as dry as his.

That elicited another one of his strange chuckles, something I plan on researching as soon as we get home!

--->>>Rarity<<<---

Despite her initial reservations regarding Jake, Rarity found the human, while far from the epitome of a gentlecolt, was not without his own virtues.

She found his uncouth “Zero bucks to Give” attitude to be rather charming, in a roguish manner.

Especially when “Prince” Blueballs Blueblood decided to… ahem, “grace” them with his presence.

At first Jake was absolutely passive, ignoring the ponce of a prince as he pointlessly berated the servants, until Twilight told him to leave them alone. Of course, the prick started to lambast Twilight over she and her friends “ruined” the Gala, to the point where she had tears in her eyes.

Jake reacted in a rather predictable manner, all things considered.

He swiftly walked up behind the prince and knelt down beside him, draping his arm over Blueblood’s shoulder (it looked more like Jake was putting Blueblood into a loose headlock from her perspective, but she’d never tell), grabbed a flattened ear with his other hand, and whispered something into it. How the lummox of a prince never noticed the giant (from her perspective, anyway) human walking up behind him in the first place, Rarity honestly couldn’t understand. Hay, just watching him stalk up behind the prince, let alone the murderous glare he directed at the jerk was enough to make Rarity want to hide behind one of the pillars lining the hallway!

But, seeing as it was all aimed at the ignoramus Blueblood, it wasn’t too bad.

Blueblood froze, fearful eyes staring straight ahead as Jake nodded his head for him, and roughly patted him on the back.

“That’s a good little horsey, eh? Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind!” Needless to say, Blueblood fled the scene like the three Furies were after him! It was bucking hilarious, and Rarity couldn’t quite bring herself to care about being uncouth!

It was how quickly he jumped to Twilight’s defense, though, that told Rarity that Jake wasn’t a heartless beast. No, he was naught but a young colt that had undergone a horrible ordeal. That realization kind of brought out the nurturer in herself, whether it be maternal or sisterly, she honestly couldn’t tell.

After everypony settled in on the train, Rarity glanced over at the silent human as he sat beside Twilight, and pondered on how to broach the subject of his rather… drab choice of clothing. Even though she made it for him, it was simply a quick fix for his clothing situation. He deserved something with a little more… pizzazz to it than what he was wearing!

As usual, an organized mess of ideas and plans bounced around inside Rarity’s mind, something she could compare to Pinkie on a sugar rush.

However she wouldn’t be able to put them on paper until she got back to Ponyville, so she turned to another thought that she’d been mulling over since lunch.

“Jake, darling, what exactly did you say to Blueblood to make him flee so?”

Jake’s response was a grin that looked positively draconic- no... predatory? Yes, predatory. Rarity couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine as he momentarily focused that predatory, hungry grin on her.

--->>>Jake<<<---

What exactly did I say? Nothing much, just asked him to fuck off. Politely.

”Hey, pretty boy. I don’t like the fact that you’re talking shit about my… my friends, especially Twilight, so here’s what’s gonna happen. You are gonna shut your cock-sucker and leave, or I’m going to break that horn off your head and shove it up your ass, Broken. End. First. Understand?”

Well, as politely as I could manage for that sad sack of shit.

It worked, though! My words pierced right through his aura of arrogance and ignorance, like an ice pick through the temple!

Goddamn, if only I had my kit! I could teach him so many things about pain!

I’m not sure if Celestia would hold it against me or not, though. I wouldn’t kill him, honest! Even I have standards and I don’t kill the “Special Needs” people. Ponies. Whatever.

When I’m sane, that is. Get it? Cause I wasn’t sane be- oh fuck you all!

Besides, I think he’s her niece nephew, and I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t take it too well. Hammer of Dawn, y’know?

“I told him if he didn’t fuck off I would do some unpleasant things to him.” I replied, wide grin still adorning my face, “Involving my breaking off his horn and possibly dry fucking him with it.” I tilted my head, “Broken. End. First.”

Everyone, even Skittles, fell over laughing. Obviously Prince Blue… something doesn’t play well with others? But the loudest happened to be that mare Rarity. Hell, she was literally rolling on the floor, laughing out loud!

Even the kindly Flutters was amused!!

I flicked my gaze over to Twilight where she sat beside me, holding her belly as she laughed. Her eyes met mine, and she gave me a sweet, grateful little smile as she hugged my arm tightly.

Argh, the feels, man! The feels!

They’re trying to make me soft, but… I think I might be okay with that.

Yeah right. Can’t believe I thought that with a straight face!

Shaking my head slightly, I relaxed and closed my eyes, might as well get a nap in. Hell, who who knows what kind of madness lays beyond the castle?

--->>>Twilight<<<---

Seeing Jake close his eyes and go to sleep, I decided to ponder over how things were going to work. First things first, I would have to get him situated at the Golden Oaks, something that shouldn’t be too much trouble, given how amicable Jake has been so far. Then I’ll have to go to the mayor and get the paperwork filed to list Jake as a resident of Ponyville, and turn in his work permit.

But really, the hard part would be the citizens themselves. Given how close the town is to the Everfree, the ponies of Ponyville are a fairly skittish and over-reactive lot. I mean, sure, a lot of the ponies learned their lesson from the Zecora incident but… well, the more things change the more they stay the same.

”Well, nothing worth doing is ever easy.”

Finding him a job won’t be too hard, though. Judging from the fact that I’ve frequently walked in on him exercising, I figure he’d be best suited for manual labor, but he’s also cerebral enough to be a teacher at times. I seriously doubt he has the patience to deal with hyperactive fillies and colts, though. He’s definitely in a good enough shape to keep up with them, though!

“I wonder… are humans normally so flexible? Or is it something unique to him?”

The first time I walked in on him exercising, I freaked out and almost started crying. I thought he broke his back, alright? Y’know, what with him bending over backwards and touching the floor with his feet flat on the ground. He calmed me down, though, and explained that he was just doing yoga, and that it helps with his flexibility, amongst other things.

I admit my mind briefly went to a dirty place before I snapped out of it. He did waggle his eyebrows at me suggestively when he said that...

Apparently, there’s also a bit of a spiritual aspect to it where he’s from, but Jake never gave it much thought, claiming himself to be an ‘atheist’, whatever that is.

That aside, I’m pretty sure Jake’s got a possible job already at Sweet Apple Acres, what with him already being familiar with farm life. But I don’t really think that’ll be enough, Jake seems the sort to cause all sorts of mischief when bored.

Y’know, “Idle hooves are Discord’s workshop” and all that.

But, I can’t hold his hoo- hand the whole way. If Jake is ever going to integrate into pony society, he’ll have to do a lot of the legwork himself! Besides, it builds character!

Plans finalized, I gave myself a satisfied nod and turned back to the girls, only to be pulled into the latest gossip.

I’m convinced that Rarity has a secret side-job as an information broker, or something like that. Seriously, how else would Rarity keep up with all of her gossip?

--->>>Jake<<<---

I slept pretty hard for the next couple hours, the dull ‘clickety-clack’ of the rails ensuring that I stayed that way. When the train woke me up (by motherfucking screeching to a stop!) we were at the Ponyville train station. I yawned as I stretched and gave the conductor and the roof of the train a one finger salute, and stood up. After a moment thought, I grabbed Twi’s bags before she could. Y’know, letting me live with her and all that.

Also, I kinda wanted to see that cute little smile of hers again.

I’m guessing Twi enchanted her saddlebags to be bigger on the inside or something, cause that was all she had with her, and I know she had to pack her gifts away somewhere!

Twi gave me another grateful little smile (aww yeah!) as we exited the train station, and I watched as she hugged each of the others, before they split up and headed to their homes. Well, most of them. Before Rainbow Dash well dashed off she gave me a suspicious, almost hateful glare, which I unwaveringly mirrored.

Bitch please! It’ll take more than a fucking… rainbow pony glaring at me to rile me up!

She blinked first, though, and flew off to her home in the sky. Did I know pegasi lived in the clouds? No, not really. Did it surprise me? Again, no not really. Honestly, I think I’m starting to become jaded with all this fucking candyland magic shit happening around me on a regular basis!

I looked over at Twi, who seemed rather annoyed at something, and shrugged. Twi simply sighed and motioned for me to follow. And follow I did, to a rather… large… tree... house… thing?

“What the fuck?” I muttered as I stared at the something that any young child would sell his or her soul for.

A tree-house. Literally. A tree. House. It’s like a Disney character’s wettest dream!

“Welcome to the Golden Oaks library!” Twi chirped, missing my befuddled cursing, “The bottom floor is where the majority of the books are, and I live up top with my assistant Spike! He’s a baby dragon! Oh, I hope he doesn’t get jealous or anything!”

I bit back a chuckle and merely shrugged. If the little fucker gets jealous, well that’s tough shit!

Wait… did she say baby dragon? Like a treasure-hoarding, maiden stealing, burninating the countryside kind of dragon? Well… this might be interesting!

Besides, if he starts anything, I might get to find out if dragon scales are as tough as legend says they are...

--->>>Twilight<<<---

Why is he staring at my home? Hasn’t he ever seen a tree house before? Must be a human thing.

“Well, come on in!” I exclaimed, “I sent Spike a letter as soon as the princesses assigned you to us, so a room should be ready for you!”

Jake nodded and followed me into my tree-brary, where he was dumbstruck yet again! What? Didn’t I mention to him that I lived in a library? Oh, I hope he doesn’t think I’m a weirdo for living in a library!

“Nice place you got here.” Jake commented, “I won’t have to go far to find something to read!”

I already had an apology on the tip of my tongue for living in a library, but it died just as quickly as I thought of it. Did Jake just... complement me? On my living arrangements? That… well that’s a first! Even in Ponyville, I sometimes catch snide remarks because I live in a library, and not an actual house.

Never from my friends of course, though Rainbow does love teasing me for my bookworm ways.

“W-well, uh, thank you, Jake.” I responded with a smile, “Ummm, follow me, if you would. I’ll show you your room so you can settle in! Maybe we’ll see Spike as well! I think you’ll like him!”

I trotted off with a little skip in my step, Jake following with an amused smirk on his face.

--->>>Jake<<<---

Why? Why do these fucking ponies have to be so goddamn adorable!? Seriously, watching Twi perk up when I complimented her living situation made me want to do nothing more than pick her up and cuddle her! Honestly, bookish little Twilight living in a library? Too fucking adorkable, not to mention fitting!

But, I didn’t. I’m a fucking psychopath! Psychopath’s do not cuddle! No matter how strong the urge is! So cute!

I shrugged and followed Twi up the stairs, ideally wondering how the fuck does one turn a tree into a house, without killing the fucking tree?

Of course, the answer is probably magic. Fucking magic.

Anyways, Twi tried to be a good tour guide and all (even though there was only a basement, the foyer, two bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom), but honestly I was just too fucking tired to care about her enthusiastic, excited tour. Yeah, yeah, I know I slept all the way from Canterlot to Ponyville, but I still feel exhausted. Maybe it’s something in the air? Hell, that’d be something. Get a second chance at life, make some actual friends, only to die from a foreign parasite, virus or bacteria in the air.

Whatever. If I’m still alive when I wake up (how does that even make sense? I’m tired!), I’ll think about it then.

“Twi, I’m sorry, but can you show me my room? I’m fucking exhausted. Don’t ask me why, because I have no goddamn clue.” I said between yawns.

“O-oh, okay! Well, um, just follow me, and I’ll get you settled in.” She replied, looking more than a little concerned over my strange exhaustion.

She jabbered at me as we made our way to my new room, but truth be told, it mostly went in one ear, and out the other. Something about a dresser, and needing my help to move something? I dunno.

I seriously don’t know what’s up with me.

When we reached my room I just walked in, didn’t take off any clothes, and fell face first into the mattress. I fell asleep in short order.

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I watched as Jake stumbled over to his bed and collapsed in it, feeling very worried for his wellbeing. I don’t know much about human physiology, as I wasn’t able to interrogate learn more about him yet, but I’m pretty sure that it isn’t normal for someone to sleep so much.

Wait, Princess Celestia should know about this! Besides, I really, really don’t want Jake to get sick or anything!

Trotting off to locate Spike, I racked my brain as to what exactly could cause such a reaction in Jake. Malnutrition? No, he’s been eating plenty, and getting enough meat as well. The feather flu? No, that’s silly, the feather flu is a pegasus-exclusive disease. Oh, I- no, Princess Celestia or Luna will know, I’m sure.

Sure enough, as soon as I entered my room, I found Spike sleeping in his little bed. I hate waking him like this, but I’m worried over Jake.

“Spike, wake up.” Spike didn’t twitch, “Spike, wake up!” Spike rolled over and started snoring.

As he does.

If I was a petty pony, I’d probably do something like scream in his ear at the top of my lungs.

“SPIKEOHMGOSHYOUHAVETOWAKEUPBECAUSEIREALLYREALLYNEEDYOUTOHELPSOPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEWAKEUPBECAUSEIFYOUDONTILLBESOSADANDNEVERWANTTOTALKTOYOUAGAIN!”

Did I ever mention that I am such a pony?

“GAH! What the buck, Twilight?!” Well he’s awake now, and going to get ten minutes in the time-out corner when I’m done with him!

“Spike, I need you to take a letter!” Spike looked at me confusedly, “Now, please! It’s about Jake!”

“Oh, that hoomon you wrote about a couple days ago?” I simply nodded, suppressing the urge to grimace at the way he mangled a two letter word, “Oh, okay. Why didn’t you just say so?” Spike replied, pulling out a piece of parchment and quill. I face-hoofed as I decided to give him twenty minutes in the corner instead.

“Ready Spike?” Spike nodded, parchment and quill at the ready. I nodded and assumed my usual diction stance.

“Ahem. Dear Princess Celestia, I think you’ll be pleased to know that we arrived back in Ponyville with no complications. However, Jake suddenly came down with a case of extreme fatigue about five minutes ago, and I am worried that he is sick. I would like your advice on this matter, as I am stumped as to why Jake is sick. I really hope it’s nothing too severe. As always, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

The scritch-scratch of a quill on parchment echoed through the library as Spike finished composing my letter. “Done and...” Spike blew a small gout of emerald flame, turning it to ash, and sending it straight to Celestia.

“Thanks, Spike! You’re the best!”I smiled at my assistant, before I realized that he swore at me when the woke up! “Oh, and before I forget, go put a bit in the swear-jar, and take a seat in the corner for the next ten minutes.” I know I said twenty minutes, but I’m not a sadist!

“Damn it!” Spike whined, presumably under his breath. I’ve been enforcing my swear-jar ever since I moved to Ponyville, though, so I still heard him. After all, I do strive to keep my swear-jar as full as possible!

The bits go towards new books for the library, not for me! Honest!

“Make that two bits and twenty minutes!”

Hey, he asked for it!

--->>>Celestia<<<---

Celestia let out a sigh of relief as she finally closed Day Court for the day. It was Hearth’s Warming Day, so why was she sitting in judgment of a petition?

Nobles. Of course, a hoof-ful of her more… ugh. Long story short, one of her “noble” ponies dragged a commoner and his family into her Day Court, demanding an emergency session. What for? The less said about that, the better, but it really came down to a miserable stallion trying to ruin another pony’s day for daring to enjoy theirs. Needless to say, she fined the bitter ba- stallion, and sent him on his merry way.

Perhaps she should drag the guillotines out of the storage caverns? They certainly wou- No, that is no way to be thinking, especially on Hearth’s Warming.

Truly, she loves all her little ponies, but is it so much to ask they not be so… arrogant, or foolish, or petty? Honestly, she has days where she feels that her government would be better run by foals!

Just as she was about to leave to and go make sweet, sticky love with devour a cake with her name on it (no, seriously, it had her name on it), a familiar wisp of smoke winked into existence in front of her and snapped into the form of a rolled up letter.

“What could Twilight be writing about already? Didn’t she just get back to Ponyville?” Taking the letter in her magic, she quickly read the surprisingly short letter. She then reread it, and promptly face-hoofed. “Of course… By the Maker, I’m getting old…” Ever since Jake and the Bearers left for Ponyville, Celestia had been feeling as if she was forgetting something!

Upon learning of Jake’s origin from a magicless world, she and Luna had placed a charm around him to prevent him from getting sick from sudden exposure to the ambient magic of the world. It wasn’t much of a problem in the dungeons, as the crystals embedded between the walls absorbed the ambient magic, making it nigh impossible for a prisoner to channel.

Of course, the charm was designed to only last for five days, so now Jake was suffering the full brunt of magical sickness, or MS.

One might ask how Celestia even knew that MS was a condition. One would be reminded that Celestia is older than the country she rules over, and as such, has seen many things.

That aside, MS has never proven to be lethal, just… extremely annoying and inconvenient to whoever is suffering from it. Extreme exhaustion, lethargy and grumpiness aside, MS is harmless.

And knowing Jake, he’ll be rather… trying, to get along with while he is recovering.

“I should probably inform Twilight that Jake will be extremely crabby and moody, shouldn’t I, Luna?”

Luna materialized with a muffled “Darn!” and trotted over to her sister. “How did you detect us, sister?”

Celestia gave her sister a gentle smile, and summoned a sheet of parchment and a quill. “I’m a good five centuries older than you, Luna, and Illusion magic always was one of my strongest suits. Now, don’t you agree, dear sister?”

Luna rolled her eyes and nodded as Celestia quickly jotted down a reply and sent it. “Come, let us be on our way, Tia. Knowing you, there is a cake in the kitchens with your name on it, yes?”

Celestia flushed red, but nodded and made a beeline to the kitchen. She had a cake with her name on it, and not even Tartarus breaking loose would stop her from eating it!

--->>>Twilight<<<---

“Spike, you can get up now. Please don’t swear again, okay?” Spike cheered, hopped off his stool, and headed right for the kitchen, not even bothering to glance at the clock. Yeah, I know, he was only sitting for about thirteen minutes, but- *BELCH*

I trotted into the kitchen, intent on giving Spike a firm glare. “Spike! What have I said about- oh, a letter!” Taking the letter from Spike’s extended hand, I quickly read it, and let out a relieved sigh.

“Huh, that’s interesting. I’m just glad he’s not seriously ill!”

Magical Sickness, eh? I wonder if Jake would let me run some tests on him?

I know one thing for sure, I’ll need some help taking care of him! “Spike! Stay here with Jake! I need to go round up Pinkie and Fluttershy!”