Another new day for my existence has already greet me with its shiny sun, like every other day I had been here started with the same thing, I wake up, quick shower, I dress up with casual clothes, breakfast, wash the dishes aftermath, go to my small library and kill the time by reading until lunch where I go outside and eat in a restaurant that serves food which can be considered food by human standards, return to my house and read once more until dinner, enjoy Zecora’s tea with some biscuits as dinner and finally read until my eyes get tired telling me to go to bed. Though I forgot to add the part about my job schedule; it matters little to me anyways, I go to work whenever I want and as long as is done I get paid so there isn’t much to think about it and less about my daily basics in Equestria; they are just so repetitive unless I’m called or I got enough of it, and some minor change was demanded to spice the things up.

However since the unexpected and totally UNWANTED visit for the miss ‘I’m totally a bitch’ there was nothing of interest then so it had been like three boring days, and yes I am totally aware about Fluttershy’s request; but I was feeling surprisingly lazy these last days…
In other words sorry Fluttershy but I will go to Ponyville when I please, not because you asked me to.

Now is just me enjoying the features of my house in Canterlot from my small library sitting on my personal sofa, is not to brag around but this sofa is really expensive, how many times I have already say it?

This time was turn for the adventure genre, the last of Daring Doo’s book or better said the Indiana Jones of Equestria, was the one for today. Reading is a good habit of mine but honestly I only acquired such habit out of necessity or I would have failed the first year at the university because before I pretty much disliked the idea of sitting and pass a lot of time in front of tiny words, but now as I pass eyes over; inside my head the scene which I’m currently plays like a movie like I’m actually there watching everything developing.

And as always, unexpected, I was interrupted from my peace by the sounds of something hitting one of the windows near me; I tried to ignore it, but my focus was being slowly shattered by the constant hitting sounds threatening to broke the window if I don’t stop it on time, a broken window mean another one to replace the broken one, in other words a waste of money.

I felt upset, and the way I threw the book away showed it with pure clarity; but that might be something I will regret later because I didn’t marked the page of where I left, pondering it better actually is not a big loss, furthermore it has a good outcome; I will lose time searching for the page where I left and I always like to find ways to kill the time right now that there is no supplies to keep my job running.

The incessant sound was beyond annoying, like when you are happily sleeping in your house and somebody began to throw small rocks to your window to wake you and that somebody will not give up until you get up and open the damn window. I know for a fact that whoever is the responsible of this; is not any of the girls.

And when I arrived at the place I saw the responsible…

A bird.

A fucking bird.

What happened next was inevitable from my part, and I paid the price for that.

I was upset; but the moment I saw the featherbrain my head had no thoughts of sparing the life of some stupid animal, I already planned what I was going to do it starting with breakings its wings by throwing it repeatedly against the walls, then pierce carefully his body with a stick avoiding any vital organ and finally place it on fire waiting it to cook so I could taste the victory, and victory would have tasted like roasted chicken.

If that bird wouldn’t have been fast enough to dodge my hand I would have already been done with the step 1; so the bird was attacking me like a hungry woodpecker would do with wood in search of food, the pain that it caused to me wasn’t to be concerned though, it was really annoying; I felt several pinches on my head as arms and sometimes how it pulled my hair as it would do with a worm.

“GODDAMMIT!”

I have endured worse things but man, this hurt!
The bird kept its assault all over my upper body specially the parts which were exposed, just to let you know I didn’t stay doormat and allowed it to attack me without any kind of repercussion; I tried several times to hit it or grab it but the bird was faster and agile, dodging every attempt and as a response it pecked the hand to the point that it actually removed a bit of skin; there was no blood yet but moments later a faint trail began to fell from the tiny injury.

This couldn’t be more embarrassing.

“Umm?”

For some reason I don’t feel it attacking me anymore, and that was good.

Allowing myself a well deserved rest my arms descended and my vision was obstructed no more; however there was something that obstructed my vision and its mere presence was intolerable; the bird was a combination of white, blue and a bit of black and it was flapping its wings in a perfect rhythm prevent it from falling or ascending; it was neutral.

And I didn’t waste an opportunity for some payback, as fast my arm could; it went directly at the bird with the intentions to get a hold of it so my planned session could start.

“FUCK!”

What a pity…

Now I have two injuries that actually bleed.

I didn’t know what to feel while I was staring at my hand; it was there bleeding slightly and the responsible was a stupid bird that just attacked me for no reason. So I was pissed, really pissed off but also a bit embarrassed by the fact that an animal defeated me though I shouldn’t, because happens a lot back home some idiot pisses off an animal and it get him or her back; still it hurt my pride.
My palms caressed all over my face as I felt how my tensed muscles were slowly softening and relaxing with every time I inhaled the air around me, though lashing out kinda helps me as stress relief and I sometime I don’t know what I’m just saying; I just say things.
And I understand.

This fucker is one of Fluttershy’s birds, meaning that Fluttershy send it to remind me about her request that was three days ago and maybe there us a reason why it assaulted was that Devil asked it to do in exchange of something; seeds?
“Tell Fluttershy that I’m going tomorrow” I said dismissively

“DAMMIT!” And there it goes, the third wound.

“Alright geez, I’m going; calm your tits…That didn’t sound right like at all.”

Look at me, talking to a fucking animal like it is a normal person who you can interact.
Anyways I needed to visit Ponyville and I cannot leave my house with an open window so by closing it I will be able to get dressed and fetch my scarf to keep my secret …you know, a secret.

Ponyville was as always a rural town; the perfect place for anybody who wants to forget everything for a while about the big city life. I guess this was my place to live but you heard that right; WAS. I already explained myself; besides I don’t like the ponies to be that friendly with me Canterlot is more like a New York, the people will not give a shit about you unless they know about you, an let’s not forget why I clearly dislike to stay long periods of time in Ponyville.

She will tackle me the moment I set a foot out of this train, I am sure of that because it was like that every single time I came to Ponyville.

EVERY.

SINGLE

FUCKING

TIME.

No sooner said than done, I was tackled by some-PONY in specific. I will give you two hints of who was, is a SHE and is pink.
Pinkie Pie.

PINKIE PIE!.

Ponies aren’t that heavy, even if they are in dead weight; lifting them is like lifting a big dog so if it weren’t Pinkie Pie the one who is currently on me while I’m lying on the floor, I would like it because it could be considered somehow snuggling with a dog. But feeling how her forelegs were around my torso and the amount of pressure that they were applying on me remembered the reason of why I need to get out and tell her to fuck off; gently.

“OMYGOSHELIJAH! I’msohappythatyouarehere. Nowwecandostuffthatfriendsdotogether….

And here we go, why do I always deep inside me I have that little hope which tells me Pinkie will not be there to greet me?

Hope is only a lie.

And yet I don’t want to accept it.

As I always used to do when this situations occurs I toss Pinkie Pie aside in the gentlest way possible so it could be assumed as only moving her rather than throwing her, she still didn’t shut her mouth and words over words over words were still coming from there annoying me without stopping and they (as always) brought me a headache.

And how the routine was already established, I needed to follow it.

So the next step was lifting Pinkie from the floor and gold her like a baby, and she kept talking ignoring everything around her. Right now she is talking about the twins and how they love her shows.

Everybody around us stared at us with raised eyebrows and whispering between each other; seriously people that you don’t have something better to do than stare at the big guy holding a pony?

“Fuck off!”

And several gasps were heard.

“Mom, what does fuck off mean?”

‘…Goddammit…’

That question was my cue to run as fast as my feet could while holding Pinkie Pie… that last moment defiantly wasn’t established.
Now days everything that I have been planning or expecting are failing constantly, so it seems that I am still a human being.
That’s a good thing.

Ponyville didn’t change.

Same houses, same statue, same Sugarcube Corner, same grass, same Town hall and finally…

Same library.

Don’t bother, Pinkie didn’t shut her mouth at all.

And just to let you know Pinkie was in both of my shoulders talking directly at my ear where I couldn’t ignore everything her unstoppable mouth has to say to me.

This psychological torture is far worse than physical torture, my head kills me as I hear a voice inside me yelling also pleading for mercy; every step I give I get exhausted more than before but the voice from outside near my ear reminds me that I cannot give up and I must keep forward, for me and for my future goals I cannot give up.

*Knock*

*Knock*

“Oh Elijah! Ummmm… why Pinkie is on your shoulders?”

Now I can give up.

My savior was now in front of me, her lavender color is like the light of hope at the end of a tunnel of pure despair.

“Twilight please take Pinkie with you.”

Twilight was a bit confused at first, and who wouldn’t? I mean if somebody comes at my house with a dude on his shoulders and ask me to take him in I would gently said that I’m busy, that would me before but now I would close the door in their faces.

“I will give you a belly rub after I’m done.”

“Okay!”

Should I think of her like some kind of slut or whore?

I mean as long as I give her belly rubs she will be doing things for me, but maybe I can take that as an advantage. I can ask her to insult Celestia in one of her letters; nah she wouldn’t reach to that extreme.

But I wonder if she actually remembers what I did before; or is she a pervert?

Probably…

Anyways it doesn’t help her fact that her face was flushed when she eagerly accepted my offer.

So I will assume that she is a secret pervert, unless it is proved wrong.

I felt how the pink menace was going away thanks to Twilight’s magic; watching her leave was so nice; though it didn’t surprise me that she was still talking.

Having no Pinkie Pie pestering me feels like real freedom!

Now it is time to do what I really came to do here.

To Fluttershy’s house!

“I will be waiting Elis!” I heard Twilight say before closing the door with a talking Pinkie inside.
From that point there wasn’t much to say or to describe.

So finally I was in front of the cottage mixed with natural environment, no description because such thing has no relevance as the surroundings; saying that there are trees around me is enough. (For me at least)

Following the small road my feet was just inches away of her door, the same was with my body, but before this I gave a quick glance to her backyard hoping she would be there because setting a foot near Fluttershy’s house is trespassing enemy territory, he is just an enemy not a nemesis and he is a whole new kind of annoyance in comparison to Pinkie Pie; he actally search ways to harm physically, in other words he wants to see me bleed.

Reasons?

Unknown till now.

It would be impossible to get him for a talk and ask why do you hate me?

So I raise my hand clenched into a fist ready to knock the door in front of me, there wasn’t much thinking into the action except for one thing.

“Fuck!”

There he goes he made himself present with throwing at the back of my head something; anybody would be surprised that he has strength of a 4 years old kid. With the hand that was supposed to knock the door I rubbed furiously the spot where the hard object hit me as I turned in hope that my assailant was there glaring at me.

“Devil…”

Is Angel by your information but that bunny has nothing of an angel in him, Devils is much better name for him.

Devil bunny was there near the bushes, making me realize that he had been hiding there the whole time for execute a surprise attack against me and he succeeded in doing so. He had his eyes on me, a glare that only criminals give to their victims but I was accustomed to receiving constant glares of that type so it didn’t have effect on me. Still as much I dislike it, I came for a reason and I needed to keep my word despite it was forced upon me by another animal; now speaking of it the possibility that Devil sent the bird to my house resurfaced in my mind.

I don’t have a clue of what is passing through his stupid brain but I couldn’t stop looking at him so somehow I could feel safe near him.

*Knock*

*Knock*

Now I can keep my focus on him, hoping that he doesn’t plot anything more.

To my relief he didn’t have any than responding me with his own stare; watching him gave me the need to grab him and repeatedly kick him until all his little bones are broken and keep kicking so the shattered bones will pierces his organs securing a painful death, grinning wickedly gave me a huge advantage against him now that he backed away as diverted his gaze anywhere but mine, he is good in annoying I recognize it but he is also a coward.

“Oh, Elijah…”

And the owner of the weak voice finally arrived to receive the best human in Equestria.

“Fluttershy is good to see you!” My cheery and friendly tone was the only two which will come in front of her.

“Ummmm…is good to you too and that you were able to come…though you took three day to do so…But is fine!... I guess,,,” Fluttershy replied.

‘Your shy nature pisses me off, just change dammit!’

Faking an apologetic look I gave my false excuse “Sorry about that, I had a lot of work these days in Canterlot”

“I understand don’t worry, please come in.” And as always Fluttershy accept every single excuse you give to her, that’s just plain sad.

Sorry Fluttershy for not obeying you because I need to do something right now, and it is going to feel so sweet that I can taste in my mouth!

*Stomp*

And I hear how the little fucker squeaked in pain, at that moment everything around me was in slow motion, my gaze went downwards and it met the form of Devil grabbing his fluffy tail trying to ease the pain that I inflicted upon him by stomping with all my force. If he believes that he can insult me and get away with it, he is deadly wrong…so so wrong.

“Angel!” And Fluttershy finally noticed, time to use my silver tongue with my innocent look.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry Fluttershy I never meant to do it, I wanted to come in but without my knowledge Angel must have tried to enter first! Please forgive me!”

“Don’t worry Elijah; Angel always has that tendency…” I almost laughed when I noticed that she gave him a glare to him saying that he is in trouble “Besides I thought that we already talked about manners, right Angel?”

At that instant Devil stared at me with hate as his paw made the gesture ‘You are dead man’ however holding my laugher became really difficult for what happened next.

Because Fluttershy gasped “Angel! That’s mean!”

And Fluttershy went upstairs using her wings mind you, as she had Devil on her hooves. Watching him go to be punished was an incredible satisfying moment for me, but I shouldn’t because he is an enemy I actually don’t really care much.

Without cleaning my shoes I entered Fluttershy’s house and made myself comfortable on the sofa, which is Devil’s favorite just to let you know. People say that when you get revenge is an empty feeling but they are wrong, totally wrong…REVENGE FEELS INCREDIBLE!

How I was currently the only one present I laughed with closed eyes, enjoying the feeling as long as it last not caring that Fluttershy could come from the stairs any moment, just the face of the stupid bunny accepting defeat was priceless.

However for Fluttershy, he is just some pet that need to be disciplined; obviously she is not hitting him instead she is lecturing him and using the stare on him, but I don’t care.

Enjoy the comfort of Devil’s sofa was enough for me until Fluttershy come back from lecturing him and finally tell me the why she wanted me to come, though I have a vague idea of what it might be.

“What the hell?”

A table is bumping my leg; literally the table is hitting my leg.

And it has two cups of tea on it.

What is the meaning of this? Like seriously this doesn’t make sense…oh.

“Oh, I see that you already found Discord’s gift.”

With hesitation I grabbed the cup of tea with my right, so did Fluttershy before sitting in her own couch. And it just walked away, the way he moved his legs was exactly like a dog would do, I could only blink.

I saw it disappear from my sight, only after that did I take a sip from the tea offered by Fluttershy, and it is good but is acceptable for my conditions at least, even if I wouldn’t have liked it at all I would have lied.

You know that the time is precious to me and wasting it is throwing away ingots of gold “So Fluttershy, why did you need me?”

“Oh well ummmm…my friend Harry had been having trouble in finding fishes and came to me to ask for help but...” I saw with mild interest how she took a sip of her cup without spill the cup contents with her shaking hooves. “I’m not comfortable with helping him…”

“So you want me to get it for you.” I said.

She nods and takes another sip but this time her hooves were not trembling.

“Yes please.”

‘Uggh, stupid animal lover.’

“I will do it” I saw how her face was enveloped with life for an instant “But first get me a net, big size if you have.”

And she was gone.

I sighed in exasperation, she is just too difficult to read; she is shy really shy to the point that it will harm herself, but when something really stupid happens like a fucking insect or animal get injured she goes all berserker (if that term is used correctly) and confront everybody but when that flame is gone she returns to be that lame pony, she doesn’t scare me but her presence piss me off in a way.

“Here it is.” Fluttershy came back with the net which I requested and it was big size, she was with a warm smile as she handed it to me, there wasn’t much to say afterwards.

Though she gave me a peck on my forehead.

Then she gently pushed me outside her house and closed the door, saying that Harry was already outside waiting for me.

That was completely unexpected and uncalled for, but I quickly rubbed off the spot where she gave me her thanks; it disgusted me.

However I stopped dead in tracks when I hear a growl behind me, too close for my comfort if I might add.

“Keep your distance Puffle.”

I turned around and saw Harry the bear standing in two legs as the other were crossed, it was worrisome that he is bigger than me like two heads taller but he need workout to impress gals, where did that though come from?

Anyways Harry stopped glaring at me and went to all fours, giving another growl he moved his head signaling where to go. But watching him I that position gave me a very risky idea, but thinking it better there is no risk at all because he is Fluttershy’s friend after all.

Time to make Putin proud.

“Onwards Puffle, to the river!”

His turned facing me and gave me a glare but there was hesitation but also a bit annoyance but in my opinion he didn’t care at the moment he rolled his eyes and ran between the woods of the Everfree, with me on his back.

Being insane sometimes is great.

Author's Note

Hi there!
Here we go with some comedy but that's not the focus on the story so don't get attached.
So finally a chapter over 3k it had been a while since of those but anyways, ummmm..
oh right!
Contructive crittiscims is always well recieved, as also comments, favs and likes.

Lufer out!