Big Macintosh's Big Fat Wedding

Big Macintosh's Big Fat Wedding

by neorenamon

Once the orgy was over, it seemed they could get back to the business at hand.

"So tell meh more about this Auric Gold Talon," said Big Macintosh.

"He's a griffon bigwig," said Spike, "spreading his influence with his money all over the place.  We're not quite sure about why he's come here."

"Well he did say something about a supply of cheap and submissive bitches," he replied as he scratched his chin.

"I would think he would need more reason than that."

"And he did say something about the untapped resources of the dog's mine."

"So... how 'chummy' are the two of you?"

"Well, he all said he wanted me ta help him out, an he would make me lots of gold in the process."

"Then he might be willing to trust you with his plans," replied Spike as he twirled his mustache.

"Ah'm supposed ta meet him in a room above this one tomorrow," he said evenly.

"Perhaps if you brought something of... Dash?!  Could you stop licking Gilda's face like that?!  It's distracting!"  He had turned his head to see how Dash was lapping at Gilda's face even as the Pegasus-dog had crawled into the griffon's lap.  Of course, having his own naked giraffe cow in his lap, Big Macintosh wasn't so inclined to make any comments about it.

"Oh... I don't mind," cooed Gilda, "It's just her way of... showing affection..."  But Dash slipped some tongue into the griffon's mouth as she said, "Ew, you got some tongue in my beak."

"What were you saying, Mister Spike?"

"Please call me Agent S-D," he replied, "but I was saying he might take you more seriously if you brought some... collateral with you."

"Have something in mind?"

"I have a couple of Equestrian Gold Bars stashed with me," he replied as he stroked his beard, "Tell him you can get more."

"But he's going to pay me..."

"I'm sure he knows that it takes gold... OTHER ponies' gold... to make gold."

"Ah see."

"The gold bars should be under the bed in your room before tomorrow morning."

"That sounds good," he replied, "as long as they don't wake us up."

"You won't even know when the delivery has been made."

"Well, snookums and I should be on our way back to our room," he said, "Soon as we all git dressed again."

"Okay," he said, "Gilda and Rainbow Dash can slip out the back window along the fire escape.  The room faces the back alley.  Then Miss Bakabaka and I can slip out in our hotel cleaning staff uniforms."

"Sounds like a plan."

...

A short while later, the newly cleaned and dressed Big Macintosh and Jifar stood before their own room door as he messed about looking for the room keys.  But a noise within the room came to his ears, so he glanced at her as he said fairly quietly, "Wait outside a moment, sweetums."

She nodded as he unlocked the door and slowly began to open it.  Slowly, he stepped inside and closed the door behind, but didn't bother to lock it.  He turned up the lights from the control beside the door, and then looked about for where he might have heard the noises from.  He decided to creep about the bed and see if anypony was hiding in the closet.  But as he walked slowly around the bed, he was grabbed by the ankle and tripped from somepony underneath.  The closet door did open as someone scrambled on top of him from under the bed.

His attacker turned out to be a griffoniness in skin tight black, and when she raised her taloned hand to slash him, rolled her over and pinned her hands to the floor by her wrists.

"Wait," said the keythong from the closet, "We aren't here to fight!"  He was also dressed in skin tight black.

"Y'all got a funny way a showin it," he muttered as she hissed in his face.

"Gold Talon flunkie!!" she growled as she struggled.

"There's no proof that he's working with him," he replied more reasonably.

"So what did this Gold Talon do?" he asked as he kept her pinned.

"My sister was killed by his flunkie!!" she spat in his face, "I know he ordered her killed!!"

"We can't prove it," replied the other griffon.

"All we need is one witness who isn't scared of him!!"

"Even if that all is true," he replied, "He didn't say nothin ta meh about it.  But tell me who you really work for."

"We work for the secretive Kingdom of Griffons Bureau," he replied.

"The KGB, you say?" he asked as if that really meant anything to him.

"Just give her a moment to calm down," he replied, "I'm sure that..."

"You can stop talking about me like I'm not here!!" she snapped.

"Ah can surely understand why ya's so upset, sugar cube," he replied, "but randomly attacking strangers ain't gonna fix nuthin."

"**YOU'RE!...* You're..." she stammered, "You're right.  I'm sorry.*"

"So what all did yer sister do fer him?"

"She worked for him as a secretary," she replied, "but her main function was to help him earn money by spying on other players through a telescope while they bet on games of 'Go Fish'.  But one day, this rogue stallion seduced her from her station, threatened him through his magical earpiece to turn him over to the police if he didn't start losing, and then the two screwed like rabbits while Gold Talon lost a few thousand gold coin.  The last time we met, she spend a fair amount to time telling me about the whole deal because she was so ashamed she was forced to help him swindle other keythongs out of their gold."

"Ah see how that might upset him."

"Enough to have his flunky kill her!" she cried, "When they found her naked, covered in thick gold paint, and dead after missing work for a few days, they just assumed it was something kinky that went bad!  But I knew it was HIM!!**"

"I keep telling you that your blind quest for revenge is going to get you killed just as dead as your sister," replied the keythong.

"As long as he goes down," she hissed, "I don't care what happens to me anymore!"

He slapped her across the face as he replied, "Ah don't know nothin about yer sister, but I'll bet ya she'd want ya to honor her memory by NOT DYING!"

She looked into his eyes in shock even as the keythong nodded behind her.

"He's right," agreed the keythong, "I met your sister a few times, and I think he's absolutely right about how she would feel."

She looked away from them, not willing to admit that either of them could be right about her sister.

"Now are yah calm 'nough fer me ta let ya up?" he asked as he looked down on her fine form.

He got up off her as she regained her feet.

"Now afore ya hear it elsewhere," he said, "Ah'm supposed ta be pretendin ta work with Mister Gold Talon so ah can spy on him fer the Queen of Ponyville."

"So you have your own suspicions about him?" asked the keythong.

He nodded.

"Then perhaps it's best that we at the KGB helped you investigate his activities here in Equestria."

"Jus stop hidin under mah bed."

"Very well," he said, "My name is Felix Lightfeather, and my associate here..."  He pointed at the griffoniness. "is Tilly Masterclaw."

"Pleased to meet ya," he replied, "The name's Macintosh.  Sir Big Macintosh."

"Dame Jifar Macintosh is my name," said Jifar who crept into the room while no one noticed, "We are married so our name's almost the same."

"Uh... hi sweetums," he replied, "Been around here long?"

"Around long enough to see," she said, "that wrestling might be new for me."

"We weren't flirting," said Tilly, "I was trying to beat the stuffing out of him."

"Ah don't normally fight with mares... or females of any species."

"Can she be trusted to keep secrets?" asked Felix.

"Ah'm her warrior and husband," he replied, "She would most like die afore she spilled any of mah secrets.  Not that I'd ever let that happen."

"Such dedication must be nice."

"What are you babbling about, moron?!" snapped Tilly.

"Nothing!" he snapped defensively.