("Here goes everything...")

Craft could feel sweat starting to form on her brow from the combination of warmth she was receiving from the fireplace, Luna's proximity, and her own nervousness. Ignoring it as best as she could she began.

"Luna, what I'm about to say will sound like I don't trust you...and I honestly can't say that I do, but I am asking because I WANT to trust you, if that makes sense."

Not speaking Luna nodded solemnly, not wanting to over react again despite her re-rising fears.

"Alright, here it is. I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. After my surgery I could understand not wanting to bombard me with information too quickly, but it didn't look like anybody was in a hurry to tell me anything period."

"Why hasn't anyone talked to me about getting home? Or about changing me back? I know it would hurt like before if I went under that surgery again, but I still want the choice to be human. Yet I don't know anything! It scares me that it took me so long to to even think about it, it wasn't even until just the other day I even thought about this HUMONGOUS detail of my intimidate future! That no ones said anything and I almost didn't think about it myself..."

Craft didn't want to look Luna in the eyes as she said this, but she forced herself to.

"What am I not being told Luna?"

Craft went silent as she waited for Luna to respond. It seemed the princess was giving Craft her reprieve has she appeared incapable of eye contact herself anymore.

"I suppose it was irresponsible of me to keep this from you. I let my fear control me and in doing so made a poor choice."

Craft could feel her fur stand on end, an ill feeling in her stomach.

"I can understand your fears of conspiracy, but I assure you that this was not the root of my deception."

"W-what deception?" Craft said as she could feel herself tensing further.

Luna kept glancing at her from the corner of her eyes, head turned towards the fire.

"On the day I brought you here I had of course started doing research on "humans". What I found was...less than ideal."

She looked at Craft eye to eye at last, face filled with sadness.

"I had personally asked that this information be kept from you until you had adjusted, but it would seem I had waited too long. I'm sorry for this and for keeping it from you."

Feeling her muscles tense Craft tried desperately to remain calm, but she felt as though her breath was being stolen right from her mouth.

"Just tell me already, what's going on?" She spat out desperately, words almost catching in her throat from lack of air.

With years of practice to help her Luna steeled her gaze and nerves as she prepared to hurt her friend.

"To begin with I believe it was a remarkable trait of your own that you had taken so long to investigate these glaring issues, you had instead instinctively began to try adapting to your surroundings first. You unconsciously sought to understand the foundation of the world you found yourself in before you questioned it. I have seen others, while not haven been ripped from world to another admittedly, be thrown into unfamiliar environments and instead of at first trying to understand it they would questions every little detail that they happened to notice, often sending themselves into culture shock."

Luna gave Craft a small smile before she went on.

"I have already explained that I feared your reaction should I tell you too early, but at this point I am only delaying the inevitable."

Luna paused, trying to think on how to best phrase this, but Craft couldn't wait any longer.

"What did you find in your research?

Luna sighed.

"While in theory if we could find some donors to help replace the mass you lost, you could return to being human. The problem is that no doctor in all of Equestria knows anything about human anatomy. For the spell to work properly it's performers need to have a good understanding of the species they intend to change the target into. So while we could find donors we would not be able to turn you back to human without risk of deformity."

Silence.

Luna watched Craft, Craft watched the fire, and they were silent. Neither moved. Just as she could no longer take it and went to, at the very least, say she was sorry Luna was beat to the punch by Craft.

"So I don't even get to have the choice huh?" Craft said, not looking away from the fire, carefully watching it crackle.

The statement was cold, unfeeling. It scared Luna to hear such a tone come from her friend.

"Ryan-"

"Oh noooo, I told you remember? It's Art Craft now!" She spat out sarcastically.

She stood, grimace meeting Luna's view.

"Because I'm stuck HERE!"

Luna flinched as Craft rose her voice and swung her hoof in a grand sweeping motion.

"Please listen R-"

"In grand ol' Equestria! Land of magical talking ponies and other assorted creatures!"

She made a sharp one-eighty turn and began to pace around the room.

"A land that barely a week ago I had any idea existed! I of course had no choice as to rather or not I wanted to come here, that was YOUR choice. The magical night pony princess that apparently was a MONSTER for a thousand years!"

Now Luna was starting to get upset herself.

"Your going too far Ryan, you need to calm down before you do something you regret."

"TOO FUCKING LATE!"

Craft had stopped pacing to glare at Luna, tears streaming her face.

"Everything I could possibly regret I can't change now because it's all back HOME, the place I can't go back to if you'll remember!"

"I never said that returning wouldn't be possible."

"Oh right, because I can just go straight up to my mom and tell her "Hey mom, sorry I kinda fucking DIED, but it's okay now! A magical pony princess from another world brought me back to live, the only catch is that I had to become a pony too, and a fucking GIRL. That's FINE right?"

Craft had advanced on Luna some, the two glaring at one another the entire time.

"This is getting out of hoof, you know as well as I do that's not what I meant."

Craft didn't have a quip ready, choosing instead to battle Luna's angered stare with her own. After a few tense quiet moments Luna relented, shacking her head in disapproval.

"I had not envisioned this meeting to turn quite so tart."

Looking the other way Craft just gave a grunt for a reply. Again they were quiet, before Craft began walking towards the door. Luna looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Where are you going?"

Craft paused at the door, looking at Luna from over her shoulder.

"To my room. I got what I wanted to know so I'm leaving."

Luna was about to argue, but let it go and just nodded at her. Craft after briefly staring at Luna some more she made her exit. When the door closed Luna turned to her head to her charge hanging in the sky.

"We still ponder rather or not it would have been less taxing to simply have built a new home upon you old friend from time to time."

Looking out the window a moment Luna raised from her seat and cleaned up the ruffled pillows.

"Though we suppose we are the one that chose to save and call this one friend. All related troubles in said friendship is rightfully placed upon me. Including dealing with her irrational anger."

A pause and a sigh.

"Though I suppose I should not be one talk of irrational anger.

Ryan kept looking back at his computer screen, trying to remember what he was doing before he got to YouTube.

"It was something important I know that, which makes me wonder about my ability to set priorities."

He tried to think on just what he was doing, running a hand through his hair, when he heard a knock at his door.

"Sweetie, dinner's ready."

In the kitchen Ryan took a seat, nodding at Andy in greeting as he sat down, and dug into his waffles. His mom came over and sat across from him at the table with her own plate.

"So I was thinking I could take you over to the unemployment office today. I know you hate it there, but it could only ever help."

Ryan groaned, dropping his spoon to his plate.

"Do I have to? It always ends up sucking."

"Well it's not like your getting anything done just sitting around in your room all day."

"That's why I don't just sit around all day. I'm looking around for applications and filling 'em out."

"And just where has that gotten you?"

"The exact same place going to the unemployment office has."

"Well at least it's a change of view."

Ryan rolled his eyes.

"You stay cooped up in that man-cave of yours all day. I'm worried that your avoiding going out and doing anything different for ounce."

"Different? Like what? I've got no money to go anywhere fun like the arcade, I don't have any obligations-" -He made air quotes with his fists- ", leaving me with either heading over to Boa's place or to the park for the ja-billionth time."

Ryan narrowed his eyes at his mom.

"Besides, wasn't this about getting a job just a second ago?"

"If you can use it as an excuse to stay in your room then I can use it to get you out of it."

"So what? You think I'm afraid of anything different, is that what I'm getting here?"

"Well considering you have quite a few more options than just your friends house or a park I think it's a fair assumption."

"Really now, then do please list them."

"You could pick up gardening, writing, maybe get some exercise, or even-"

"All things I don't have time to do because I'm looking for a job. It's not exactly like I can just cherry pick the one I want. Hell by this point I would just take you up on going to the unemployment office."

His mom stayed quiet, to the point Ryan started to get worried when she spoke again.

"Your still scared of change, aren't you?"

Ryan felt like he was just pushed backwards.

"What?! Mom I just told you-"

"An excuse. Finding a job is important, but it can't possibly take up so much time that you can't do anything else. You're scared that if you did something different that everything will get ruined again."

Ryan sputtered a bit to try and talk.

"I-is this something we should really be talking about in front of Andy."

"Andy isn't here dear."

"What?"

Looking over at where Andy had been sitting Ryan found that not him or any signs of his breakfast were there.

"I didn't notice him leave..."

He was startled back into looking at his mom when she spoke again.

"You can't just keep trying to avoid this forever Ryan."

Rolling his eyes Ryan stood from the table and started to walk away.

"We've already had this talk and I'm not having it again, I'm going to my room."

Before he made it two steps she called out to him.

"And we hardly said a word to each other. This is something that you need to talk about sooner or later."

Groaning Ryan found himself reluctantly seated on the couch across from his mom.

"All right, you wanted to do this so you start."

"What we're doing is getting you to open up about how you really feel about all the changes you've been through lately."

"Changes? What are you talking about?"

"I'm sure you can't have really come to such a quick acceptance already, but then again you were always very good about hiding how you feel."

Ryan was getting nervous now.

"Mom, WHAT are you talking about? If this is about dad having left that was like seven years ago, I've-"

"Well that might be part of why you were acting so strangely, but it can't be the whole reason."

Ryan stood up, a shade of anger mixing with his nervousness.

"MOM, what in the name of Jesus are you talking about."

"About how your a mare now of course, haven't you been paying attention?"

"Wha-?"

Before he could even finish his sentence he felt his mind explode, memories spilling around his mind in a huge mess with nearly no coherency. As if they were a key to some lock he had not been aware of before Ryan suddenly had full clarity of his surroundings. Black, black as far as he could see. The only thing that existed in this void was him and the the half of the couch he had been sitting on, but even the halved furniture disappeared.

He just stood there, his mind putting all the pieces together. When at last everything seemed to make sense again he looked around himself, checking to make sure he hadn't missed anything. The only thing he could really take note of was that he was human again, exactly the same as before he had left the park.

"I...guess I'm dreaming again?"

"Yes and no."

Ryan clamped a hand over his mouth. His mouth had moved on it's own, that voice was HIS.

"MMPH."

Not sure of what else to do he removed his hand and spoke.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"You."

"...Care to explain, because an explanation for anything right now would be nice."

"Would it really, or are you just gonna ignore it and move on?"

For a brief moment his mouth upturned into a smug smile before immediately flipping downward to become a frown.

"Either tell me what's going on or piss off, stop hijacking my mouth."

"It's my mouth, because I am you. You know how they always talk about that dark little voice in the back of your mind, or your case forward and present, and how in a bunch of media they always have the protagonist face this voice when their having a dramatic moral dilemma as if it was a seperate person? Well that's kinda what's going on."

With some irritation Ryan began to walk in the direction he was facing, needing something to do as he had his less than normal talk.

"Well if this is that then shouldn't you like...be a shadowy copy of me or something?"

"Damn did you read too much fan fiction, no dipstick because I'm not someone else. I'm you, an spectacularly unsuccessfully suppressed part of you maybe, but still."

Ryan abruptly stopped, throwing up his arms up in the air and groaned.

"I'm not doing this marry-go-round talk bullshit with you-me-FUCK IT, I' not doing this is the point!"

"Sounds right, that's the same attitude you have any time something new and hard comes your way."

"..."

"Fine, but you're still the one actually talking remember. So let's get some facts straight. First you are in fact asleep, but we're in your subconscious, just like when Luna pulled us through to her world."

Ryan just huffed and sat down.

"Someones pouty huh? Anyways you were spared this little talk before because nearly dying, being pulled into another world and being told by a blue pony princess with wings and a horn that to live you had to become a completely different species of a world you hadn't even seen yet can push a lot of things to the back of your mind."

His mouth remained closed in a frown before the other voice spoke again.

"You just really love putting off the hard stuff, I mean are you honestly telling me that you just DID NOT think about getting back home? That it just slipped your mind? Or are you really trying to hold on to the idea Luna told you about being adaptable? Because that's pretty funny if that's the excuse your using. You adaptable, HA!"

"Just get to the point so I can hurry up and wake up, find a psychiatrist, and work on getting rid of you once and for all."

"What, scared to look down that well of problems you got going there? Can't really say I would blame ya, it's pretty deep down here."

"If you're the little voice of doubt then I should be able to reasoning to get rid of you..."

"Oh~, just straight up talking to yourself now. Not that you weren't before, but now your not beating around the bush with the whole "negative voices" crap."

Trying to ignore the jab Ryan tried to think of a line of logic that worked.

"There has to be a specific reason you're trying to talk to me now, or more precisely why I'm having these thoughts now. Does this have to do with my talk with Luna?"

"Some "Talk". Just what did you expect to accomplish by screaming at A. Your first friend you made here and B. Your most powerful friend here?"

"Yes, I get that I shouldn't have exploded like that, but-"

" "-how else was I suppose to act?" Right?" How about a normal person and calmly explain things to her so she could help, or at least not have yelled at the pony that saved your life for no other reason than because it was the right thing to do?"

"Is it why this is happening now or not?"

"Nope, this is something that should have happened a long time ago, but until now you always had a way to escape, something to distract yourself with. Now it's just you with yourself."

"Ugh."

"Not my fault you can't handle anything serious, well it is because I am you but you get the point."

"Then what is this about then, even though by your logic I should already know."

"You do know, you've just repressed it so much that you actually don't remember. Impressive if I do say so, But if I really have to spell it out then let me reiterate what your mom was saying before-"

"Wait, hold up a second. Just what the hell was up with that dream before if you know so much?"

Ryan made the mental note that he could stop the other voice if he began to talk.

"First off yeah you can stop me, am I going to have to hammer the fact that I am just your self doubt talking to death before you get that? Second, yeah I know. That was your mind trying, not all that greatly honestly, to be more subtle about getting you to talk about this. Now will you shut up or do you want to just sit in nothing until you wake up?"

Reluctantly Ryan stayed quiet until his mouth moved again.

"Good. Now about change, different stuff than from your little bubble that you made for yourself. You HATE it and you know you hate it. You hated the idea of getting a job, you hated the idea of going to college, and you LOATH all this pony shit that's happened. Your "adaptability" was just you being too shell shocked to even be angry about it. But oh boy did that change tonight didn't it?"

Nothing from Ryan.

"Yup, hearing that it was impossible for you to ever be human again really put the last nail in the coffin. Suddenly not only was there this big change you had no choice but to go through but you also now could never go back on it! All that anger you so graciously managed to avoid to begin with? Came pouring down on you like a tidal wave."

"I came to terms with that just this morning..."

"You figured out that you were still the same asshole just attached to a different body! You think you made any real peace with suddenly being a fucking horse in a week?! Not even the most deranged nut cases that have locked in padded cells for the last fifteen years could have been okay with that in a week!"

He cringed at his own words, lifting his legs up to his chest.

"You were hoping that since you were still the same pile of trash on the inside that you could go back to being human without a hitch, but then came the wrench in that little plan. Face it, ever since dad was killed you couldn't bring yourself to even so much as choose a fucking different topping on your pizza. I'm here because at first I was your voice of reason trying to help you move on, but the more you clam up the more I became that voice that reminded you that you were becoming more and more of a piece of shit every day you couldn't even get off your fucking lazy ass to at least get a job and start making something of your broken mess you called a life! I'm not here just because, I'm here because of YOU. You hate yourself and you can't get away from it now."

Ryan was curled into a ball, trying to stop the voice to speak in his own defense. But it wouldn't relent now.

"It's funny really. By trying to stay in your comfort zone you isolated yourself with all these thoughts. You wouldn't reach out to anyone for help, just keeping inside your own head and never trying unload some of this. And so there was me. The part of you that knows what you suppose to due but can't convince you to do it. Now here are by yourself, thinking to yourself. God I'm surprised I didn't just break into a sobbing mess the second I saw Luna for the first time."

The words just went on, losing all pretense of being seperate people as he spoke to himself.

"Appetizer effect...what a load of shit. That's some of the most third grade story telling bull I could have come up with. What other lies did I come up with? Oh that whole piece about being scared to go to college was a fucking riot."

And so he sat in his own mind, his own misery talking about all the things he hated about himself.

"I should have just died, would have been easier."

"Enough of this."

Ryan jerked at the sudden new voice, but before he could stand he found him self held in a double layered grip made of dark blue fur and feathers. Looking up he saw Luna's frowning face looking back down at him, her fore legs and wings engulfing him in a strong embrace.

"Luna?"

"Yes, me."

Ryan couldn't find the words to respond at first, taking a small moment to allow himself to enjoy the feeling of having Luna hold him before he spoke.

"What are...WHEN did you get here?"

"When I needed to. I heard enough."

"You were here from the beginning?"

"Almost, I came just as your dream of your home ended."

"Oh."

They were quiet. Ryan wanted to break away from the hug, to try and distance himself, but his recent little trip down near madness made him stay in it's small comfort.

"I'm sorry, for how I acted before."

"I forgive you, especially after what I just learned."

Ryan again fought the urge to get away again.

"Look, I'm-"

"Halt."

It was that practiced voice that spoke gently but held power behind it, and so Ryan did indeed halt.

"Much has been said this night, and even more felt. There is a great deal that I would like to know, to try and help, but you have gone through enough and deserve a true rest. Of mind and body. So all I will say for now is that when you are ready, TRULY ready to speak of the things that ill you, I will be waiting. Now though I will let you sleep dreamless, but I still will be here watching over you."

So many thoughts roared in Ryan's mind, questions he wanted answered, but above all he was tired of talking. As Luna's horn glowed and he felt himself begin to drift off he brought himself to say one last thing.

"We're gonna talk about your spyin' on me through my dreams ya hear..?"

And then everything faded.

As the tendril of magic that connected her mind to Craft's disappeared Luna opened her eyes. She stood over Craft as her whimpering dyed out. A smile played at the edges of her mouth as she thought of the last thing she had said before being put completely under. Glancing around the room what little of a smile Luna had quickly turned into a frown. It had been quite a sight to walk into, bits of broken wood and glass gathered into piles here and there. A few quick spell had fixed it all up, but their implications still lingered heavily. Looking back down at Craft Luna shook her head before walking around the bed to sit on it's other side and look out through windows of the balcony doors.

With a pulse from her horn Luna began proper her nightly work of guarding and guiding her little ponies through their nightmares, making sure to keep an eye on her friend. She waited right there in Craft's room going about her duties, just as she had promised.

"Just please don't wait too long my friend, like I had."

Author's Note

Please read this blog if your so inclined, I can't fit what I have to say here.