The Worst Bakers in Equestria

Luna had been scared for a moment, but the chart indicated she hadn’t missed her group. She was in group seven, the last group. Missing her spot in the preliminaries would have meant failing. She couldn’t leave yet. She had to figure out what this inability to bake was. Derpy, her new sidekick, had already finished her test earlier this morning. Luna didn’t know what to think about having a sidekick. It definitely couldn’t be something permanent. Still, it seemed to make the pegasus happy.

Luna could sense the presence of the bad baking magic now that she was surrounded by so many ponies with the inability. The source of it was still doing its best to elude her, though. The bad luck magic was like an aura that seemed to be covering everypony. It felt—Luna really wished she could think of a different word to describe it—sticky. It reminded her of walking through sludge. Something that she knew all too well what it felt like thanks to one of her adventures a few months ago. It didn’t feel unclean, just... sticky.

Each pony had a slightly different aura surrounding them. Most auras seemed to be small. A few were quite large. All the auras had something in common; they stuck to one another. Pieces of one aura would get torn off and mixed in with another pony’s aura. Some pieces just hovered in place until another pony got close enough for their aura to stick to it and draw it in.

Luna couldn’t sense her own aura and that worried her. She was beginning to think that she didn’t have this inability after all. Perhaps she was just somehow able to grab onto and use these stray pieces of aura floating around? Or worse, maybe she was grabbing onto and using another pony’s aura. Was she some sort of bad baking parasite? She had to find out. If she was, she’d drop out. She wouldn’t dare to compete if it meant she was stealing from another pony.

Luna turned towards her sideki—No!—Derpy. She wouldn’t start thinking of her as a sidekick. This was just a game they were playing. Derpy’s aura wasn’t sticky. If anything, it was slippery. Other auras brushed against Derpy’s and just slid off without taking anything from it. However, Derpy’s aura also didn’t pick up any stray pieces floating around. Whatever Derpy’s aura was, it was all hers.

With an effort, Luna closed off her senses to the bad luck magic and its stickiness. She needed someone knowledgeable to talk to. There had been studies done into this ‘bad baking phenomenon’ before, but they had all ended in failure. The only ones that might have known anything were the bad bakers themselves, and most of their statements had just boiled down to, ‘It’s really weird. This bad luck only happens when I bake.’ Luna had never found any mentions of ponies sensing an aura before. It seems that being an alicorn was a requirement for that, or maybe a unicorn gifted at magic. Luna suddenly wished she had spent more time trying to be friendly with her sister’s most faithful student.

“Well, aren’t you looking depressed,” a voice said.

Luna pulled her attention back to the world around her and looked at the unicorn in a red dress standing in front of her. The unicorn was smiling. She still had the fiery determination of youth in her eyes despite her body starting to show its age.

“I’m... just deep in thought,” Luna said.

“She does that a lot,” Derpy said, nodding. “Sometimes she thinks with her mouth open!”

The unicorn chuckled. “Well, try not to go so deep in thought that you get stuck. My name is Madam Sweet Soufflé, but that’s too stuffy, so you can just call me Sweet.”

“I’m Morning Dew,” Luna said. Sweet Soufflé? That name sounded familiar.

“Derpy!” Derpy said.

“Nice to meet the both of you,” Sweet said. “You’re both first-timers I take it?”

Both Luna and Derpy nodded.

“How would you like some advice from an old-timer who talks too much?”

Luna and Derpy nodded again much more enthusiastically.

“Wonderful. It’s so nice meeting ponies that respect their elders.” Sweet looked Luna up and down. “Hmm, how odd. You didn’t sneak in by chance, did you?”

Luna gaped. “Wha—no. No, of course not.”

“Then that is strange. You have no aura of your own.” Sweet giggled. “Your friend’s right. You do think with your mouth open a lot.”

Luna shut her mouth.

“No aura,” Sweet continued, “means you’re a normal pony that bakes normally. However, if you really are able to bake bad... Ah... I see. My advice for you is to stop worrying. I think this competition will be good for you. Just be happy and stop trying so hard.”

Luna started to say something, but Sweet held up a hoof. “Save all questions until the end please. I still have to take a look at your friend.”

Sweet stared at Derpy. “Well now,” she said, “you certainly are untalented!”

“Thanks,” Derpy said, but then a worried look came over her face.

“I mean that as a compliment.”

Derpy went back to smiling.

“Your aura is amazing,” Sweet said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one so pure. Do you know about boosting? Your confused look says ‘no.’ My advice for you is to stay exactly as you are. You are already operating at maximum capacity. If you were to try boosting... well, I’m not exactly sure what would happen, and I hope I never find out.”

Sweet turned back to Luna. “Now you may ask your questions.”

“You can sense auras too?”

“Of course. Baking badly is my special talent, after all.”

“This is great! If we work together, we could figure everything out.”

“Where the aura comes from, why it affects only baking, how some ponies can manipulate it?”

“Yes!”

“I already know the answers.”

Luna’s heart quickened. This was it. The answers she had been searching for.

Sweet smirked. “And it’s a secret.”

Luna’s heart sank. This wasn’t fair. All the answers were right in front of her, and this unicorn wasn’t talking. Luna wasn’t sure why, but Sweet must have had her reasons not to tell.

“I know my answer must be frustrating for you, but I have faith that you’ll figure it out on your own in time. Just stop trying so hard, and above all else, be happy. Now if you’ll excu—”

“Sweet!” a raspy voice yelled.

The ponies turned and saw a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane fly across the room and land in front of Sweet.

“Sweet,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Well, hello to you too, Rainbow,” Sweet said with a smile.

“What? Oh! Hi. Anyways, I wanted to ask. Are they going to be using the null-stone again this year?”

Null-stone? Luna had never heard of such a thing.

Sweet sighed. “Of course they are. Those idiots won’t listen to my warnings not to use it. They keep voting me down.”

“Why shouldn’t we use it? It always makes the finish amazing!”

“Yes, but it’s too unpredictable. This competition is supposed to be about a pony’s own inability to bake. We shouldn’t have to use outside forces just because they’re flashy.”

“Aren’t you the one that’s always telling me how I should focus less on the winning and more on putting on a show that the crowd will remember?”

“Yes, but at what cost, Rainbow? Mark my words. One of these days that null-stone will cause nothing but trouble, and I’ll truly be sorry when I have to say, ‘I told you so.’ Now, I really do need to get to the chair-holder’s meeting and make sure they haven’t done anything too stupid before I got there.”

The three ponies watched Sweet leave. Luna was feeling a bit nervous. The null-stone sounded ominous, but she was more worried about being so close to Rainbow Dash, bearer of the Element of Loyalty, one of the six Elements of Harmony. It was thanks to her and her friends that Luna had been freed and reunited with her sister. What could Luna say to her? How could she thank her enough? Why hadn’t she thanked her yet? Luna wanted to say something, yet couldn’t. The longer she waited, the harder it would be.

“Hello, Miss Dash!” Derpy said.

Luna snapped out of her thoughts for what she felt must have been the hundredth time today. She hoped she didn’t have her mouth open this time.

Rainbow Dash turned and seemed to the two of them for the first time. “Oh,” she said. “Hello. Hey! I know you. You’re the mailmare of Ponyville, uh... starts with a ‘D’... um. Dizzy? Dotty? Ditzy? Am I even getting close?”

“Derpy!” Derpy said happily.

“Right, Derpy! Knew I’d get it eventually. Thanks for always delivering my mail on time.”

Derpy beamed happily. Rainbow Dash looked at Luna. This was it. Luna was going to have to speak to Rainbow Dash. She would use this to get over her fear of talking to the Elements. She would reveal herself to Rainbow Dash, thank her from the bottom of her heart, and invite her and the other Elements to Canterlot. There, they would converse and grow closer. Then Luna would feel as if she had some real friends outside of her sister. Well, more friends. Derpy was kind of a friend in a weird super hero and sidekick way—No! Stop thinking like that or you’ll start to believe it. Derpy could be a normal friend and come to Canterlot too.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” Rainbow Dash said. “Name’s Rainbow Dash.”

“I’m Morning Dew,” Luna lied.

“Nice to meet you, Morning Dew. Good luck in the preliminaries. I’m going to see who else is competing this year. See ya!”

Rainbow Dash started walking away. Nice going, Luna. The first time in nearly a year you come face to face with one of the Elements of Harmony and what to you do? You give her a fake name. Luna sighed. These things always went better in her head.

“Now there’s a familiar face,” Rainbow Dash said. A unicorn stallion with dark-blue mane on a slightly less dark coat was approaching.

“Rainbow Dash,” the unicorn greeted with a smile. “I hope you’ve been practicing. I think you’ll find me much stiffer competition this year.”

“You know it, Royal! It’s going to be you and me again in the finals for sure. I can’t wait to show you—” Something suddenly caught Rainbow Dash’s attention. “You!” she yelled.

Luna, along with every other pony in the room who wasn’t deaf, which was all of them, turned to look at Rainbow Dash. The pegasus was staring angrily at the unicorn with the star hat and cape Luna had nearly killed—that is to say, met earlier.

“Well, well, well,” Trixie said. “If it isn’t Rainbow Dash. Such a small world, isn’t it?”

“Small world nothing. You’re stalking me!”

“You have such an ego. Trixie is far too busy to have time to ‘stalk’ anypony.”

“Then why else would you be here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The same reason you and all the other ponies are here. I wish to compete.”

“You just want to show me up again! I mean… today. Yeah. You just want to show me up today!”

“Oh my! Is that fear I detect in your voice? Surely, the mighty Rainbow Dash, two-time champion of the WBEs, isn’t afraid of little ole Trixie.”

“What? N-no, of course not! I’m not afraid of anypony.”

“Well then you shouldn’t have any objections to me entering, should you?”

“I... argh, fine! Just stay out of my way and try not to annoy me!”

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and flew to the other end of the room. The rest of the ponies went back to the wait for their turn to come or relaxing.

“Wow,” Luna said. “Those two must have a history.”

“Trixie came to Ponyville a while ago and put on a magic show,” Derpy said. “Some ponies didn’t like it because they thought Trixie was showing off. I thought it was fun. I liked the spinning fireworks.”

“And I take it Rainbow Dash was one of the ponies that didn’t like the show?”

“Yep! She went up on stage and did some neat flying tricks to show off. Then Trixie wrapped Miss Dash up in a rainbow and made her spin until she was dizzy. It wasn’t as good as the spinning fireworks, but I still liked it.”

“She tried to stop Trixie from showing off by showing off herself? I can see why those two get on each other’s nerves then. They’re very much alike.”

The lights went out. A pony screamed. Luna rolled her eyes. Why was it that whenever there was a large group of ponies and the lights went out, one pony had to scream? A second pony screamed. Okay, sometimes it was two ponies that screamed. A third and fourth pony screamed. Somepony laughed. An annoying laugh that sounded more like it was coming out of a nose than a mouth. Luna instantly hated it.

“Yes! Scream little ponies!” a noisily voice yelled. “Scream knowing that today you shall witness the end of Equestria!”

That was definitely not a normal thing to happen when the lights went out. Luna knew she had to act fast. The first thing she had to do was get the lights back on before everypony started to panic and trample each other in the dark. She reached out with her magic and felt for the lights. The bulbs when intact. Was the wire cut? No. No breaks anywhere along it. A blown or missing fuse then? No, the fuse was there and fine. What had caused the lights to go out? It couldn’t just have been... No, that would be stupid. Luna used her magic to flip the light switch. The room illuminated. Luna sighed and looked for the source of the laugh.

There was a unicorn standing near the double doors. He had an inky-black mane and a dark-blue coat. He wore a black mask over his eyes and had on an equally black cape. Several ponies were being levitated helplessly in the air around him. He seemed momentarily confused that somepony had already figured out how to undo his darkness. That was all Luna needed to close most of the distance. The unicorn at last took notice of her.

The masked unicorn scowled at Luna, used his magic to pull his cape across his face, shouted ‘Curses!’ and then galloped through the doors.

Luna couldn’t believe that had just happened. Had he learned to be evil from reading a book of villain cliches? Magic surrounded the double doors. Luna dove through them as they slammed shut behind her. She could hear somepony pounding on the other side and muffled yelling.

Luna moved as fast as she could and was gaining on the unicorn. It was then that a section of the ceiling slammed down in front of her. Luna crashed into the new wall and then woozily got back to her hooves.

“Ow, what just happened?” Luna asked herself.

“It looks like he pushed a secret button to drop a false wall from the ceiling.”

Luna cried out in surprise and spun to see where the answer had come from. She was greeted by a gray pegasus.

“Derpy?”

“Sidekick Derpy reporting for duty!” Derpy said with a salute.

“I’m glad you’re here. Help me find a way through this wall.”

Derpy tapped her chin with her hoof, a look of deep concentration on her face. She moved her hoof across the false wall, looking at it from different angles. She took a few steps back and looked at the real walls. Then her face lit up. “I got it!” she announced as she walked to the wall on her right. “In my opinion, the best place to put a counterweight release mechanism is... here!” Derpy said as she jammed her hoof at the wall.

The floor opened up into a trap door. Luna took to the air but Derpy yelped in surprise and fell. Luna stared at the falling pegasus in disbelief for a second before diving after her. The trap door slammed shut as Luna passed through it, plunging her into darkness.