"Oh, shit! I'm late for... whateva the fuck Pinkie Pie wanted me to so. I think she said something about makin' me into a cupcake? Ah, fuck it!" I exclaim as I fly to Sugarcube Corner. My name's Rainbow Dash for all of you... um.... ummmmm..... C'mon Dash you know an insult... cause you're Dash! Uh, you fucktard! Yeah... fucktard! Cause I'm smart... and you're dumb. Yeah.

I got there in ten hours flat! Because I'm the fastest pegasus in Equestria, soon to be in the Wonderballs be an extreme molester. Because I'm the shit! So anyways, I went to the giant diabetes building and yelled.

"Yo, Pinkie! You in here!? Ya better be because I didn't stop my incredibly important sleeping on the job time to have you abandonin' me and shit! I swear, if I'm talking to myself..."

"Oh hey Dash. Here's a cupcake! Eat it so you can go back to sleeping on the job, buddy!" Said a voice from a fluffy pink retard.

So I ate the cupcake and I swear it seemed like I was passing out. Like... what seemed like five seconds later or something, I woke up in Pinkie's basement. Hmm... what sleep does to a pony. Anyways, I knew it was her basement because it smells like dead bodies and the smell always drifts into the whole building... I still wonder how nopony else smells that horrid stench. Ah well, I don't give a fuck.

"Hey Dash, it's about time you woke up! You mind if I kill you?" Pinkie pie asked me as she turned on a light and revealed herself.

"Eh... It depends... how exactly will I die?" I ask her.

"Well, first I cut off your cutiemark, chop off your wings-"

"Nah, I want my wings. Because I'm gonna need em. I wanna fly when I die. Heh, it rhymes. But yeah, how can I look cool without 'em?"

"Well, too fucking bad!" Pinkie yells and as soon as my wing is gonna get chopped up, until a two white balls came out and bounced around. I cocked an eyebrow at the balls... get it? No? Fuck you too. The balls started to glow brighter and bounced around way faster than necessary. Like really. it looks weird. And it totally wasn't arousing me. I'm not gay any more.

"Ah, what the fuck is that gay shit!" Pinkie yelled.

"What? I thought you knew what it was since you're a perve!" I yelled.

"That's only for vaginas! I don't deal with balls and cocks!"

"Pinkie Pie! Stop this lesbian shit NOOOOW!" Boomed an irritated voice. A familiar irritated voice.

"Gilda? Dafuq? Listen, if you're here to molest me like you did when we were kids..." I warned.

"No... I'm gay now. I got big balls and go to suck bigger balls, but I'm here to stop you from doing this weird lesbian shit." She said and scoffed.

"Wait... since when is killing your friend being a lesbian..?" Pinkie Pie said, but nopony gave a fuck about what she said.

"It's not weird lesbian shit... it's just lesbian shit." I said.

"You guys need to stop fighting... and what does this have to do with being a lesbian?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, right, you guys are just weird ponies doing lesbian shit!" Gilda yelled.

"I'm not weird, you're weird."

"Seriously... this isn't weird. And how is this situation related to being a lesbian in any way?" Pinkie asked with a raised eyebrow as me and Gilda ignored her dumb ass.

"No... I'd be weird if my life were normal." Gilda said.

"True... true." I agreed

"Okay..." Pinkie said awkwardly.

Our head turned towards her and we looked at her in concern.

"Oh.. and uh... how does any relate to the subject of being a lesbian?" She asked.

"She hesitated!" Gilda yelled and threw a Nintendo 69 at her. When she tried to get up, she threw a princest picture at her. On the final attempt to get up, she threw Lil Wayne at her. Lil Wayne sat up and looked around. He appeared to be in the middle of jacking off to cartoon horse porn. Fucking weirdo. Am I right clopper bronies? Yeah? Oh right, you're perverted weirdos too.

"Aaye where da fuck am I doe?" He looked around and saw me tied to the table. He then smirked evily and walked his black ass towards me.

"Hey dere hoe. Time fo' me ta' get my thang on. Ya feel me?" He asked as he lit up a joint and filled the whole room with smoke, making us all high.

"Heh... yea." I said, really high right now.

He tried to slip that big ugly ass cock in me when he found a ginormous furry blue one blocking his way.

"What da hell mann?" He whined.

"Yeah, no molesting for you." I said and blew a raspberry at him, accidentally spitting liquid rainbow and skittles at him. It got in his mouth and he TASTED THE MUTHAFUCKIN RAINBOW! BIATCH!

"You do know there's a 'nother hole dere too yah?" He said raising an eyebrow. I gulped.

So that night I got raped by Gilda and Lil Wayne and Pinkie masturbated to the whole thin. Then Twilight came in and raped Pinkie Pie, making her her bitch for the rest of eternity because of magic. And I just mind fucked you with words and a sandwich...

However that retarded gay lesbian shit works.

I hope you all fucking die from toxins and my big rainbow cock. Fuck you all.

Author's Note

Well, this is my first crackfic. I might not make any more. But I was just so bored and I really wanted to write random shit. Comment below please! Also, I'm not sure if crackfics need it but... constructive criticism.... please?