The Royal Snackdown

Literally Investigating

After witnessing another cleaner pass by and become distracted by his own Princess’s hindquarters, which caused him to slip onto his back and do the flop, the Royal Sisters finally reach the dreaded library, one that Celestia still has nightmares about. Celestia, at this very moment, is sweating bullets*, the sweat coming from her not-so-lucky charm of a mane now creating waterfalls in front of her very eyes. Those magenta orbs peer over at Luna for a brief moment, observing the very reason she is in front of this doorway to another literary dimension.

Luna, her only sister, sits on her haunches, staring at the doorway in front of her with content. Unlike Celestia, books were an enjoying thing to her. The stories these books could tell made her imagination run wild**. It didn’t matter what type of text it was as long as it had a convincing storyline, creatively built characters, a world that dodged the cliche standards, and a defined principle that would draw her in. This, however, would be a daunting task. Luna knows that her sister and her were looking for something tasty, desirable, and premium. That alone is hard to find in a place where everything is common, least desirable, and bitter depending on if you’re reading a cliche romance with tremendous amounts of whoopeethings that cannot be mentioned in public unless you’re around friends, or if you’re reading a copious amount of intoxicated antics by ponies who couldn’t add up the amount of drinks they had. Luna did not want something common.

Staring at the door with intrigue, Luna also knows that the library hours are going very strict. In order for them to have access to the insurmountable amounts of books, one must wait either after the Royal breakfast has been concluded, or when the Royal dinner has just begun. These were the normal hours.

However, the Princesses knew it was a Sunday, and no one opens the Library until the Royal brunch has concluded.

In this case, the two told their servants that they would enjoy their brunch after all the rest of their ponies enjoyed the Royal brunch, which was being served at the dining hall. For Celestia, this was an unfortunate turn of events. Her stomach was begging for substance, a viable source of energy, some sort of food snack, yet she did not want to give in. Celestia knows that she must have the snacks in order to gain blessings from their ancestors.

Her stomach will have to perish the thought of delectable snacking for now, that is, until she is able to locate these deviants of art.

While the two sit patiently in front of the library doors, a certain somepony from down the hall is clippity-clopping towards the knowledgeable centre, their mind filled with unadulterated breakfast foods.

“Wiggle fraggle, destiny waggled,” the voice barked out, her feminine tones reaching the stars above. All she needed was a punchline.

As the two hear the random combinations of words coming out of the annoyed pony’s mouth, they sit like statues; unable to create chaos in their prisons.

“I wish I could have something interesting happen to me today,” the pony mutters under her breath, passing by the not-so-statue-like being who are waiting for this pony to open up the doors to knowledge.

The pony who is currently unlocking the door is the keeper of all things headache worthy: Raven. This grumbly excuse of a pony is having a horrible time managing her keys, the numerous amount of keys on her keyring tangling with many other keys.

Celestia internally groaned. She would have to train Raven on how to stick metal objects in holes later, right now, she must wait for her turn to rise to the almighty snackhood.

It all revolves around this pony getting her key inside the hole.

This orange eyed, light chocolate brown maned, and slightly desaturated coated mare is having trouble fitting one object into another. It was as annoying as watching a toddler trying to put a circle peg into a square hole.

After several seconds, the door finally opens allowing those who shall pass into the gateways of heavenly knowledge have that access.

As Raven walks in, the two royal sisters follow suit, sneaking behind Raven without her noticing.

The mare sighs and takes her seat behind her desk, her eyes set forward. She barely gets any interesting customers who will share her knowledge in passion and snackery.

“If only…” she mutters underneath her breath. “I can find somepony who needs help wit—”

If only she didn’t speak so soon.

“WE NEED THY HELP O LOVEABLE PONY OF THE LIBRARY!”

Too soon?

The poor mare of the moment falls out of her chair, her sudden ascension to the skies evident of this. She literally lifted several feet off the ground before crashing in a harmonious crash to the floor. Luckily, the two Princesses saw her plight and managed to conjure a soft pillow of justice at her impact zone, the mare landing in a heap of comfy goodness.

Raven sighed as she landed on the pillow. She definitely spoke way too soon.

As she flipped over and looked at the two intruders from behind her, she realizes who has spoken to her.

It was Luna and Celestia.

The Princesses.

In her library.

…

Cue the horrifying tones of every future youngin who doesn’t want to be caught by the coppers.

“Yah!” Raven yelps, staggering to her hooves. She looks up, practically horrified by the two ponies in front of her. “I’m sorry! When did my majesties get here?”

Celestia and Luna look at each other, wondering how long they have sat in front of those golden gate doors.

“Proximately one hour three minutes and twenty-five seconds,” Celestia rambles off, her mind concocting odd amounts of numbers.

In seconds, Raven’s eyes became the size of flying saucers, her eye sockets threatening to disengage.

“I…” she mouths off, stunned.

Luna sighs and nuzzles the poor librarian. Raven panics over the most trivial things, and Luna does not like her subjects doing this. It isn’t healthy for anypony.

“Tis’ alright, Raven, we’re sorry we scared thou like that,” Luna says as she stops her short nuzzle to turn her attention to the huge corridors and hallways of bookcases behind her. She points her foreleg out to these large monuments of established texts and continues her statement, “We just need some help in finding our snacks…”

In seconds, Raven went from understanding and sadness, to mere happiness and utter excitement. In other words, the switch was engaged.

“You share the love for snacks, Princess?!” she says in sheer shock, her expression equivalent to the only draw bridge in Equestria that is up not down.

Luna nods, while her white and shining sun sister comes beside her, rest her wing upon Luna’s back. “We both do and we need your help,” Celestia says softly, looking at Raven with a gentle smile.

Raven smiles back at the two, blushing slightly as she shifts her away around them and towards the corridors in front of the trio. “Well, the snack food index is located in the s’s,” she states, looking at the labels on the bookcases. “So it should be...ah ha!” Raven exclaims, pointing down one of the corridors in the library. “It should be down this corridor!”

With that, the two Princess nod and follow the ecstatic librarian in search of the one true snack index.

Apres After watching Raven swing herself around the aisle, rapidly searching for the index of which the Royal highnesses desired, the two Princesses sat on their haunches in front of each other, staring into each other’s eyes. The two were extremely bored and not wanting to bother their little pony, so, they resorted to an old school game they used to play as fillies: the staring game.

Unfortunately, both ponies did not realize that neither have won this game successfully, the two usually agreeing in giving up at the same time, resulting in the draw of all draws. As they stared into each other’s endless oblivions, Raven squeals as she finally finds the snack index, her hooves hugging it tightly to her chest. She smiles and giggles, seeing the Princesses stare at each other. She puts the book in-between their faces, causing both of their eyes to widen. Luna is the first to react, pulling the book out of Raven’s grasp with her magic, her bloo-like*** magical aura encasing it tightly. It gently slides out of Raven’s hooves and into the possession of Luna, her eyes glimmering at the sight of the book. On the cover lies the word “Snacks” and a picture of a box labeled “Snack” peering up at the reader who holds it****. She giggles at the happy expression the snack box has.

“Celly,” Luna says, drawing Celestia’s attention to her. “Look at this cover!” She flips the cover to her sister and sees Celestia’s reaction happen in present time. Her sister’s lips curl, forming a wide “u”. Her magenta orbs shimmered in the light, moisture collecting on the edges of her lids. Her muzzle scrunches up, clearly unable to take the symbolic understanding of the picture on the cover. Celestia attempts to sigh, but fails at doing so, instead, laughing her head off.

‘Lulu!” she gasps, laughing loudly. “We’re so using this for our quest.” She continues her laughing fit, while Luna flips the book back and over and begins reading. She views the table of contents, the terms and labeling confusing her as she reads aloud.

“Page One: The Dignified Table of Ultimate Snack Foods…” Celestia stops her fit abruptly, sits upright in a blink of an eye, and slides over to her sister, peering over her shoulder at the page she is on.

“Page Two: Deliberately Snacking: What ponies shall and shall not have.” The two look at each and sigh. Specificity in snacking, an utter chaotic mess to endure.

“Page Four: Catalysts Are In Your Foods!...”

*Une heure plus tard…* AGAIN!?

“Page Twenty-One Hundred and Seventy-Two: The Ritual of the Snackrifice!” Luna reads out, the excitement of finding what they’re looking for finally appearing. Celestia’s eyes open up, the sheer boredom had rocked her to sleep. That is, until the words of the prophets of StarSwirl the Bearded answered their outcries for food scrumptious snacks. “You found it, my sister?” Celestia replies softly, her tired strained voice showing.

Luna looks over at her sister’s condition and smiles. “Of course, sleepyhead.” The Royal Moon decides to flip to the page number indicated with her magic, the careful precision of the task at hoof necessary. She gasps as she lands on the page first try. Luna hoof pumps the air, yelling “Huzzah!” before returning to her book.

She hears out of the bloo***** a sudden “Shhh!” noise, followed by several grumbles and mumbles of different tones.

Luna shrinks back and smiles, whimpering a quiet apology before returning to her novel index of epic eating. “Look, Celly.”

Celestia looks over her sister’s shoulder to see the wondrous text below. She begins to read aloud, taking place of reader to let Luna rest her young and highly volatile voice.

“In the beginning, the ancestors of the Royal Sisters would go once every decade year millenium to find the true snack of the land. Farmers far and wide would present their snacks to the rulers, but none shall be accepted. This is the quest that only alicorns can read and obtain, their magic being able to see the text below this paragraph. I hope you, the reader, will be able to see the actual text, otherwise this whole spiel is completely pointless and you should move on with your non-alicorn life,” Celestia reads, her voice raising just slightly every sentence announced. She turns to Luna and says, “Wow, this author isn’t very nice to our ponies.”

Luna sighs and nods. “Tis’ not a reputable author it looks like.”

Celestia groans and continues reading, using her magic to light up the text. She gasps, the text glowing in a gold glow on the worn white sheet of paper. “You, the next in line, shall be reading this and wondering several things. Who am I? I, my pony, am your father******. Your father of all fathers of the alicorn line. I am Deoxys, a very power hungry white and light bloo******* colored alicorn. According to most, I created the rulers who will perform the ritual to give Equestria the power it needs to contain its harmonic status.”

Luna raises an eyebrow. “Deoxys?”

Celestia joins her in confusion. “I know, I’ve never heard of our father talk about him.”

“Me neither…” Luna replies, her voice trailing off.

The two shrug, the name simply not connecting in either of their minds. They turn their attention back to the text, the glow it is giving off is like that one lightbulb that is strangely more lightbulby than the others. Like, it’s much brighter and makes the other lightbulbs question their lives. “You two are rulers of a well-known country, one with prosperity or utter despair—depending on the weather or if Discord is having a bad hair day.”

“How old is Discord, sister?” Luna asks. “If this text is as old as our ancestors, then he must be older than us.”

Celestia rolls her eyes. “Luna, he is not older than us.”

Luna glares at her sister, trying to find the hidden chamber of lies her sister possesses. Unfortunately, she finds none, causing her to gasp loudly. Celestia flinches, the sound of her sister gasping equivalent to a rock falling into a blender, the blender in question erupting into flames while many ponies mourn for the loss of their shake maker.

“So he’s younger?” Luna asks, causing Celestia to groan. Luna tilts her head, not getting the reason for her sister’s despair. “What?”

“Lulu, I love you like a sister, but you know that had to be one of the dumbest questions I have heard in a few hundred years,” she explains, her younger sister’s eyes widening at the mentioning of her unique stupidity.

“That was not a stupid question! It was honest,” Luna complained, her muzzle scrunching up and her hooves criss-crossing. As Luna pouts, Celestia looks at her and laughs softly.

“And it was an honestly stupid question my dear sister,” Celestia shot back, giving her sister a raspberry.

Luna just stares at her sister with a glare that, if possible, could shoot laser beams from the eyes that could disintegrate even the sturdiest steel.  “Well, is he younger?”

Celestia lets out another sigh and looks her sister in the eyes. “Let me level with you,” she begins, her fierce gaze causing her sister to fall on her rump. “If something is not older than you, chances are that something is either the same age or younger, so your question answered itself pretty easily.”

Luna’s eyes widen and she nods slowly. “Oh. So you’re one of those mares then.”

If anyone that reads this is wondering what kind of face she made to this, imagine a mother figuring out that her child was failing all of their classes. With negative twenties. “WHAT!?”

“You like him don’t you?” Luna says, a smirk adorning her purple face. “So when you’re older and he’s younger that makes you a—”

“One, that does not make me what you think it makes me. Two, I’ve never liked the guy. Sure he can be nice once in a blue moon, but every other time he either hangs the guards on the flagpoles by their underwear or he dyes my mane pink, and not on “Dress Up Like Celestia and Not Get Thrown in the Dungeon Day” might I remind you!”

Luna sighs, accepting defeat as her lovely older sister huffs and looks away from her. As Celestia turns away, she notices the rest of the new library occupants that have entered the facility were looking down their corridor, staring at the princesses in surprise. “Um, Luna…”

“But I know you so like him!” She says, pointing her hooves at her sister.

“Luna…”

“I remember one night, you were just sitting there wondering about him!”

“Luna!”

“You just love him so much that yo—”

“LUNA!” Celestia bellows, her canterlot voice drowning out the rest of Luna’s sentence. Luna looks at Celestia, seeing her sister’s hoof travel all the way over to their spectators, the event they’re witnessing is as entertaining as gladiatorial combat between two clowns armed to the teeth with fizzy water and pies, all the while being circled by carnivorous hippies. Luna blushes, the gazes from her subjects bringing her to a whole new level of embarrassment, one that you cannot achieve by paragliding through the seven seas with a band of gnarly pirates, only forgetting you forgot your passport in order to let you and them into another country’s Disney World while the pirates look at you with unfathomable disappointment.

Closer the mob encroaches on the two princesses, about to be swallowed into the abyss like the last dry spot of a pan being overthrown by water. One of them had to say something to dissipate them...

“We’ll be more quiet!” Luna shouts, but then dropping to a whisper to not sound like a liar. “Really, we’re fine. Just having a sister talk. Please go back to your ancient tomes and leave us be.”

The resulting answer the princesses got was a unanimous chorus of disappointed sighs and “Aw man!”s, the crowd leaving the royalty alone, now forgetting why they were even in this boring place to begin with.

With the two finally getting their well deserved solitude, Celestia and Luna continue to look into the Snackronomicon for the steps they needed to go through to start the ritual.

“Whether or not your kingdom is alive and well is not important, what is is this sacrifice. Our ancestors have passed on this ritual from every alicorn ruler to the next, their minds set on the same thing: snacks. The most delicious treats the kingdom has ever seen, snacks have been around for those willing to eat them. Nopony who is not an alicorn can obtain such delicious delicacies from any old establishment. No, these delectable food items can only be obtained through the Spell of Snacking. This spell is cast by an alicorn by thinking about snacks related to your cutie mark or celestial body. Most alicorns have chosen their celestial bodies due to the fact that most did not come back if they chose their cutie marks’ snack,” Celestia says, her voice calm and collective.

“So, we must choose our celestial bodies then, sister?” Luna asks, her face contorting in all sorts of ways due to the spell’s description simply confusing her to no end.

Celestia nods. “I don’t think dying over snack foods is an appealing thing, Lulu.”

Luna sighs and looks down. “Celly?”

“Hmm?”

“What snack foods does the moon have?” Luna questions.

Celestia sighs, her sister does have a very curious mind just like that monkeythat invaded her throneroom yesterday when it came up to her and started feeling her mane, gently lifting its paw through her lucky charm mane. She didn’t know what it was doing to her at that moment, but it did feel quite remarkable. However, she had to call the guards, the monkey was starting to eat her mane`. She did not like it when subjects or pets fiddled with her luxurious mane of colors.

“Luna, the moon has one extremely rare delicacy,” she begins, looking her sister in the eyes with a solemn gaze. “That delicious treat is a moon pie.”

Luna raises an eyebrow. “Moon pie?”

Celestia nods. “Just picture two large crackers with some marshmallow puffy goodness in the middle.”

Luna’s eyes widen, her grin coming full circle. “Really!?”

Celestia nods again, giving her sister a gentle smile. “Yes, now let’s continue with our book, shall we?”

Luna nods quickly, the giddiness showing to all who witness it. With a small squeal of happiness, she looks at the book, her eyes focusing on it as if her look would pierce through the pages.

Celestia silently giggles to herself before gazing upon it as well and reads aloud,

“Once you two rulers make your mind up, you must research your celestial bodies. For some reason, most rulers can’t even figure out why they can control it. If you already know that and know that the moon and the sun have a relationship that cannot be broken, then you can skip that step.

After this, you are ready to start your journey, unfortunately, the last alicorn who knew the location of the snackrificial altar perished because he forgot that no alicorn can play Journey to Mars and Back without a spacesuit of any kind. He’s a silly goose like that.”

The two sisters look at each other in shock. Who could’ve thought that some of their royal ancestors didn’t have brains?

“So, the Spell of Snacking shall tell you where your snacks lie. Once you both think of either your cutie marks or celestial bodies, the two of you must think together by putting your horns together and wishing for the items to appear. This will allow you to see the location in which the snacks lie. Be careful, however, sometimes the spell may trick you…”

“Trick us into what?” Luna asks.

“I don’t know, Luna…” Celestia replies, her astonished countenance saying all that Luna needs to know.

“Well,” Luna continues, her eyes gazing upon her sister. “We must try this.”

Celestia looks back at her sister and nods, the two knowing that it is their job to complete this snackrifice, it holds Equestria’s fate and state of harmony. “Let’s go to a more formidable place to perform the act,” Celestia quickly suggests. “Ponies may think we’re doing something else…”

Luna giggles. “As you wish, Celly.”

Celestia groans. “Oh for the love of R—”

“Raven!” Luna shouts, cutting off Celestia’s phrase of disgust. “May we check this book out?”

A loud chorus of sushing followed by a more happy, cheerful tone, announces to the two, “Come up front, we do not want to disturb the rest of the ponies here.”

The two alicorns blush slightly, the embarrassment once again reeling through them. “I’m sorry,” Luna says. “Tis’ a mistake.”

Celestia sighs. “Let’s go to the counter, Lulu.”

The two large winged unicorns waltz proudly over to the counter, their previous embarrassed appearances quickly dissipating due to the sudden noise coming from outside the library. Luna looks at the door, preparing herself to suddenly banish anypony to the sun if they did not shut their mouths. Celestia, on the other hoof, places the book on the counter, allowing Raven to swoop it up and stamp it with the “I love books” stamp of approval. “You need to bring this back by the end of the week, Princess Celestia,” she says proudly as if a date to bring a book back meant the world will drop candy covered nerds from the sky to date her on any day of the week.

“Thank you, Raven,” Celestia politely says, giving a gentle smile. “I hope you have a wonderful day.”

Raven slightly blushes, the redness on her cheeks showing brightly to Celestia. “I-I hope you do too!” Raven exclaims a bit too loudly, stuttering partially as she speaks. “I-is Princess Luna going to be okay?”

Celestia turns to see a fidgeting dark bloo``` alicorn staring at the large exit they once entered through. “Luna?”

The now wide eyed Luna looks at her sister. “What?”

Celestia giggles. “Why are you fidgeting over there?”

Luna looks back at the door and growls viciously. “There is a dastardly noise out there and I have…”

Luna stares at the door.

“I have…”

She slowly approaches it.

“I have to…”

And opens it with one large huff of her breath.

“I HAVE TO END IT!”

The alicorn known as Luna then rushes out the door, her wings flared out and ready for battle. Two blood-curdling screams emit from the hallway as the alicorn shouts at the two victims of the canterlot voice.

“I’ll go get my sister out of those two poor ponies’ hair,” Celestia says calmly. “I’ll see you next time, Raven.”

All the librarian could do is nod, her eyes gazing upon the white alicorn with admiration.

Celestia slowly processes her way out of the prestigious warehouse of knowledge, her eyes now set upon her upset younger sibling. They have more pressing matters, but those will have to wait.

Right now, Celestia has a few ponies to save…

...from an extremely irritated sister of her's.