Oh look, Equestria

Oh look, Equestria

Chapter 2 - Wat

Current location - dreamy lala land, Hell

There I was, standing before the gates of hell with my adversary between me and my goal, "step aside, foul demon!" I bellowed at the abomination not even a mother could love. In short, it stood about 20 ft tall, had two huge legs thicker than my torso, and one arm of equal width brandishing a sort of cage. Where its second arm would be, was a large pulsating welt. Corpses seemingly intertwined with the beast's flesh, several "heads" filled with luminescent yellow pus, and a second cage also embedded into the growth, which housed an odd, yet equally ghastly creature. Its face, was nothing more than two tiny black eyes, and a large rotting mouth missing most of its teeth. Finally, its garment seemed to be nothing more than a few rags covering its lower half with a spiked ring around its left ankle, and a few human skulls around its midsection.

It was the Jailer.

The Jailer responded to my taunt in kind with a ground shaking roar, before barreling towards me flailing its arm wildly, trying to squash me with the cage brandished in it's right hand. I ducked under a wide swing before bolting underneath its legs, slicing at its ankles with my dual hand-scythes. The Jailer let loose a roar of agony before falling to its knees, seeing the opening I needed, I promptly dashed around to meet him head on, and quickly tore the head of the demon clean off.

"Such a pitiful gatekeeper, where are the true warriors of the realm, satan?!" I shouted in the voice of Death, from the popular game Darksiders 2™. I strode up to the gates of hell, fully intent on ripping them from their foundation. But, just as I grasped the left gate; the ground shook all across the dreamscape, yet its source seemingly nowhere to be seen. I whirled around on the spot, ripping the gate off in the process and brandishing in front of me as a makeshift shield. I scanned my surroundings, but nothing but corpses of fallen demons and barren rock were what met my gaze. 'Oh well, must've been nothing..' Shrugging it off with a thought, I turned around and carried on through the new doorway to hell.

"What the hell am I doing with this piece of shit still?" I announced before tossing the offending gate over my shoulder, upon landing a few hundred feet away with a dull thud, a small scream was heard "my leg!!". Being the badass that I was in this dream, I acted like I meant to do it. Slaying a few lesser demons, and even a carebear or two, oddly enough along the way I finally reached the castle. "About bloody time, I've got demon guts all over me... Urgh." I walked up to the doors, changing back to human form (shapeshifting dreams, so OP.) and politely knocked. It took a few seconds for the response, as the door creaked slowly open, I had to look down at the little girl in a gray dress and large, glowing yellow eyes. "Hello child, I'm here for the tea part-"

"Seriously?!" announced the creepy little girl in a rather boyish tone before rudely slamming the door in my face. All of a sudden, the dreamscape started to fall apart, slowly fading to blackness..

Twilight was confused, 30 minutes after Spike's little outburst, she managed to convince him to hold off making breakfast for the strange creature they handn't even met yet, and instead send a letter to Princess Celestia. Not a minute later, a bright flash enveloped the inside of the tree-brary before fading, showing not only Celestia, but her younger sister and co-ruler Luna.

Twilight was silent in confusion at the arrival of both diarchs for only a second before shaking it off and greeting the new arrivals. "princess Celestia, princess Luna. It's good you're here!"

"Greetings princess Twilight, it's wonderful to see you once again, I only wish it was a more casual visit" greeted Celesta, whilst Luna replied with a curt nod. Noticing Twilight's confusion at the presence of the lunar alicorn, Celestia cut off any question with "I understand your confusion of my sister's presence, Twilight. But, she was rather adamant in her accompanying me to see this strange creature. How did you put it again sister? 'We shall flay its hide if deemed dangerous'?"

Luna, undeterred by her sister's jab, replied with "Indeed we did, dear sister, this creature's arrival in our fair land caused us quite the headache" rather annoyed at the sudden magical overload awakening her from her slumber back in Canterlot. Scanning the library, her eyes rested upon a rather large bed, its size rivalling those of hers and her sister's though not nearly as regal. "Is this the creature you referred to, Twilight Sparkle?" turning her head to the smallest princess.

"Yes, princess. I think I may have teleported it by accident after practicing the summoning spell that princess Celestia asked me to try out"  with an exasperated sigh, she continued "it landed on top of me, bed and all. Luckily, it seems to be sleeping, quite heavily I might add. The fall didn't even faze it."

Celestia, who had opted to view the strange creature, had chosen this moment to interject "That is strange, he is either a rather heavy sleeper, or maybe he's in a state of hibernation?" she mused, turning to Luna "sister, what are your thoughts? Surely falling from any height would wake even the heaviest sleeper?"

Luna returned her gaze to the creature, lighting up her horn she cast a detection spell. Once the spell was complete, her brow furrowed in confusion. Turning to address Twilight, Luna asked "Twilight Sparkle, you did not cast any spells on the creature, no?"

Twilight looked up to Luna "no, princess. I've merely been monitoring it since it arrived, and if I may ask how do you know it's male?"

"We can smell him, Twilight." was all what was given as a reply from Celestia, followed by a slight blush and a nod from Luna. "Luna, why do you ask? What did you sense?" Celestia asked her sister.

"I am not sure, dear sister. He seems to be stuck in the dreamscape. Unable to awaken, he also has an unfamiliar magical signature, although it seems strong, he would be no match for either of us or Twilight Sparkle should he prove hostile." 'Oh, I do hope he proves hostile' she thought with a mental cackle.

Pinkie Pie, choosing this as the perfect moment to re-introduce herself to reality, and to the shock of the 3 princess said "Well let's wake him up! We can't have fun together and I can't plan him a 'Sorry Twilight messed up and zapped you here and welcome to Ponyville' party if he's sleepy sleeping!" trotting up to the side of the bed, she leant down so she was close to the creature's ear and shouted "WAKE UP SLEEPY MCSLEEPERSON!".....................Nothing. Pinkie huffed in annoyance before bouncing back over to Twilight.

"Pinkie!! What were you thinking?! What if he woke up, he could be dangerous!" Twilight chided her pink friend, no doubt she'd respond with the most care-free and anno-

"Don't be silly Twilight, he's not dangerous, he's sleeping!" Pinkie giggled, pulling out two cupcakes from her mane, one was a deep blue colour, the other was a bright white. Hoofing the corresponding treats to the princesses quicker than a flash, she resumed her happy bouncing.

Celestia shared a confused glance with her younger sister before shrugging and taking the cupcake in her magical grip, as opposed to holding it with a hoof. Biting into the cupcake, she found it to be absolutely perfect 'As to be expected, with dear Pinkie Pie' she thought to herself. "I believe you should attempt to wake him, sister. I would rather like to speak to him, we will not find out if he poses a threat to our ponies whilst he sleeps."

Luna seemed taken aback by this "Are you sure sister? What of the strange magic I sensed?" staring at her sister with defiance, she soon deflated under the solar diarch's disapproving stare.

"We can ask him when he awakes, I'm shocked by your attitude, sister. Being so quick to judge somepony you have yet to so much as speak a single word to" responded Celestia, a slightly disapproving tone, but still upholding her motherly composure.

Luna sighed, "We apologize sister, you are right... I shall attempt to awake him, though may I suggest you be ready to apprehend him should he try anything, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie."

Twilight seemed uncertain at first, they were going to wake up this strange being.... Having no idea if he was hostile or not, and he had some weird new magic to boot! 'Hmm, if he's friendly, I wouldn't mind researching this magic' steeling herself at the prospect of learning new magics, and potentially learning of new, alien concepts she replied "Okay princesses, ready when you are", whereas Pinkie just giggled.

Rolling her eyes, Luna cast a quick spell to awaken the strange male and waited with bated breath as he started to stir

I felt like shit. "I feel like shit", I tried saying, but it ended up as a lovely garbled mess of "Umf eebo sit" 'Wow, that was intelligent' I thought to myself. Groaning, I slowly turned my head with my eyes still closed, where I heard some unintelligible muffled voices.

"Wa...up" said a very perky voice, followed by another, more commanding tone "Be.....eady......may....viol...." 'What the hell? Who's in my room?' opting to slowly open my eyes, much to the chagrin of my brain who still wanted to sleep more, I saw several blobs of varying size and colour. 'Urgh, too early' I decided to voice my opinion rather rudely "Too early, fuck off" before closing my eyes again.

Upon hearing a rather indignant huff and what seemed to be a second angry voice saying...Something, I opened my eyes once again, this time things were much clearer. Standing before me, was a unicorn... No, scratch that.. A purple unicorn, with wings.. And, oh no there's more. 'Weird dream, oh well.... More sleep' I closed my eyes once more, fully intent to wake up later.... Much later.

I heard a strange bouncing coming from.... Somewhere, throwing my pillow over my head and groaning, I tried to will it away. It worked, only for the incessant bouncing noise to be replaced by something hard nudging me in the shoulder. I heard a bubbly, but soft voice cooing into my ear "wake up, sleepy mcsleeperson... It's time to start the daaaaaaaay!" 'no it's nooooot, piss offffff' I thought to myself, grabbing a pillow and launching it at the crowd. I heard a dull *pomf*, accompanied with a chuckle

"Well, it seems the creature has good aim, he got you right in the face, sister." Celestia laughed at her sister, who was in the process of grabbing the pillow in her magic, taking aim at the wayward human in bed.

"He shall feel my wrath! Nopony engages in pillow fights with the princess of the night and gets away with it unscathed!" Luna proclaimed, throwing the pillow

'Urgh, why won't this pink one piss o--*SLAP*" I jerked up to a sitting position after something... Ah, my pillow hit me. "Uuurgh blegh.... I'm up, jesus christ woman I'm up..." Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I scanned the room to see the same unicorns I saw earlier..... 'Wow, it wasn't a dream.... Oh hey, it's that purple one!'

Flanking this purple unicorn was a small pink unicorn 'I think', she had bright blue eyes and her hair was HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! immediately to the right of the pink one was a much larger white unicorn, she had wings too... And her mane looked like some weird icecream blowing in some none existent wind 'Weird, and kinda ugly hair' I thought to myself. Big Whitey seemed to be amused with something, and was gazing at me with those big, pinkish eyes... Wait, oh. I just told a bunch of unicorns to fuck off, welp. There's one from the bucket list!

Returning from my inner musings, I looked to my left, and saw another large, but slightly smaller than Big Whitey unicorn. This one was dark blue, had bright teal eyes, seemed to be pissed off about... Something, and also seemed to have a magically flowing mane just like Big Whitey! This one however, took my breath away. It was as dark as night, and it almost looked like I could see stars in there, being a lover of the night myself.. It was truly a spectacle to look at, that I got lost staring at this one. 'I'll name her bluey' I thought to myself

I think Big Whitey noticed my stare, as she turned to Bluey saying "I think he likes you, dear sister. He seems rather captivated with your mane" she said with mild amusement, and I could've sworn she sounded a little disappointed. For what? Who knows. Maybe jealous 'Yeah, like fuck'. Bluey seemed to be getting rather flustered at my gaze, if the blush was anything to go by. 'Wow, why is that so adorable? She thinks she's intimidating, awwwww. Sorry love, but your blush kinda kills the death glare' So, I did as any gentleman would, and averted my eyes and settled my gaze upon Big Whitey.

I tried to think of something to say, coming up blank I settled for giving her a confused stare and asking "Why are there Unicorns in my bedroom?" I could only think of one thing at this moment.