Forced Perspective

Trevor was crouched down leaning into his locker. On the way by I gave him a nudge, causing him to hit his shoulders on the lockers on either side. Trevor was always good for that kind of thing, so I had a big smile on my face when I saw Ryan up ahead.

“Hey Ryan” I said, slapping hands with my shooting guard, “don't be late for practice.” He smiled at me and nodded. It was a running joke. Ryan hated doing the sprints at the beginning of practice so he was always about a half hour late.

Neil was also on the basketball team. He played my position when I needed a break or when the team was way ahead. “Why do you always pick on that guy?” he said, nodding at Trevor as he accompanied me toward the gym.

“What do you mean pick on him? He knows I'm just fooling. Lighten up.”

“Does he? Because that was one serious look he was giving you.”

“Bah,” I said blowing off the thought. I’ve always bugged Trevor; it’s just the nature of our relationship. If he had a problem with it, I'm sure he'd have mentioned it.

Neil and I dressed for practice and made our way onto the court.

Practice went as normal; Ryan was late, the coach yelled at everyone a lot, and we ran a bunch of drills. Soon it was time for a practice game. We were picking teams when the coach called out: “Derek, how about you sit out this next game?” It clearly wasn't a question.

I sat on the bleachers watching the game disinterestedly. They were making simple mistakes and not pressing their advantage. There were openings the size of whales and nobody was playing aggressive. I growled in frustration as one of the defenders tripped and Ryan passed the ball. The guy was practically on the floor and Ryan passed.

I didn't even watch the rest of the practice. There wasn't anything I was going to learn by watching, so I cleaned my fingernails, looked at the ceiling, and thought about leaving.

After practice Coach called me into his office. “Do you know why I called you in here?” the coach asked, walking to his desk. I nodded smugly, amused as I took my seat. “Okay, enlighten me.” he said.

“You wanted them to have a fair match, so you pulled me out. Makes sense to me. Teams can’t be fair if one person is way better than everyone else.” I rested my hands behind my head as I leaned back in the chair.

“You would say that,”-I smiled- “but you're wrong.”-my smile dropped. “You're a hot shot, a ball hog. Yeah you're good, but nobody else gets a chance to practice with you out there. This is a team game, Derek! Every team is better with five good players.” The coach continued on about how “machines only work with all of the components running smoothly” and “a chain is only as strong as its weakest link”

But, I thought, if you have an awesome button, why would you need any other button? I’m the one scoring all of the points. I’m the one that makes the plays. Why shouldn't I be the one everyone passes to? Coach doesn't know what he’s talking about!

Later I changed out of my gym clothes and hopped into my car. I turned up the stereo and burned out of the parking lot. About a quarter mile down the road I slowed. Passing an old cut out on the side of the road, I gave the policeman that always parked there a wave.

He always parks at that same spot. It’s almost sad. I took the bend up ahead, tires squealing and soon made it home. Pulling into the driveway, I unlocked the front door, and went to my room. I tossed my bag onto the bed and sat down in front of my computer. I had just installed a new game before going to school today; it looked like it should be pretty good. I loaded it up.

**Twilight**

“It looks kind of stupid just sitting there staring at that box.” I briefly looked over my shoulder at Rainbow Dash then turned back to the purple glowing circle.

“This is called ‘playing videogames’. They press buttons to make the person on the screen do things. It seems to be how male humans spend their free time. I haven’t figured out what it does though.”

“I hope he goes back to that ‘basketball’ thing. That was at least exciting. He was running circles around those guys!” she said, doing a small loop the loop in the air before landing back behind me. “What do you mean you haven’t figured out what it does, it looks like his little guy is blasting the other little guy?”

“Well,” I said as I shifted into lecture mode, “When you fly, you burn fat and build muscle. It increases your general health, coordination, and releases endorphins. When I read, I learn about all kinds of fun and exciting things. I learn how to cast new spells, or why the griffons eat meat while ponies eat grains. I haven’t figured out what kind of benefit ‘playing videogames’ gives yet. But as much as he does it, I should be able to figure it out. If only I could ask him...That would be so much easier...”

“What’s stopping you?” Rainbow asked. She took her eyes away from Derek, still sitting in front of his computer.

“It’s not safe. Plus I promised Princess Celestia that if there were any problems caused by my research, I would be personally responsible. There aren’t any ponies in their world. Who knows what might happen if one of us went there? Who knows how they might react?”

“Yeah, but just for a second?”

“No, Rainbow. I don’t want to risk it.” I laid the quill down and stretched my neck. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out, I just need more time. Right now, though, I have to go. I told Fluttershy I would help catalog the critter food stores for the winter.” My heart leapt at the excitement.

“Boring! I wanted to practice my cloud cartwheels anyway.” And before I could explain how not boring it was, Rainbow shot out through the open window.

**Derek**

I had almost finished the mission when something strange happened. I thought I heard some kind of ripping sound. I checked my pants, the chair, my shirt, and the carpet, but everything seemed to be in order. Then I heard a different sound, like the footfall of someone in high heels on a wooden floor. That can’t be right though, because my brother and I were the only ones with the keys and he never came over without calling, not to mention he didn’t wear high heels. Must just be the house settling as it cooled off outside.

When I first moved in, I got up every ten minutes to check out every little sound. That got annoying fast. I was either going to spend the rest of my life looking out the window at nothing, or learn to let it go.

I had just finished the mission and looked around, stretching. I stopped mid-stretch. Something had caught my eye. The streetlight shone through the window in the room next to mine. It pitched a strange shaped shadow on the hallway wall. I cocked my head as I looked at it. It doesn’t look like a murderer, so I’ll check it out. Probably the blind got caught in a strange position; it kind of looked like the outline of a horse’s head…

As I got up from my computer and turned toward the hallway, I heard a gasp and the sound of someone clumsily running away in high heels. I gave pursuit.

I sprang into the hall and got a split-second view of something about knee height as it shot around the corner into my living room. I pushed off of the far wall to maintain my momentum as I chased it through the living room. I leapt my coffee table and hopped through the open window after it. I just caught a motion out of the corner of my eye as the thing turned the corner of my house. I chased it and as I turned the corner it disappeared into what was obviously some kind of portal. Unfortunately, the portal was positioned right AT the corner and I had no time to slow down or stop before I plunged through it.

Again I heard the ripping sound. There was a straining, a pulling sensation that absorbed all of my attention for a heartbeat…I felt as if my chest and face were stretching forward as the rest of my body stood still. Two heartbeats…My body rushed to catch up. I could feel each hair on my head, one by one, spring forward trying to join my escaping head. Three heartbeats…and the tugging finally released. My body snapped back together. I felt like a rubber band that had been stretched and suddenly released.

Disoriented, I looked around, trying to keep my balance. I ended up sitting heavily on something soft and bouncy. Looking down I realized I was sitting on a miniature bed. As I continued to search my mouth slowly dropped open.

These colors…they seem…intense. I’ve never noticed how blue, blue is. Man do I sound like I’m high… The bedspread felt so…smooth…

**Rainbow**

Looks like the human followed me though, I guess that works. I mean, that was my plan all along, yeah, right. Now Twilight can ask him whatever she wants. She is going to be so excited, and he came through by himself. She can’t get mad at me for that!

I shot through the air in a straight line, leaving my signature rainbow contrail, just in case anyone wondered who was moving that fast. I saw Fluttershy’s cabin was empty so I didn’t break pace. I made it to the food stores and braced myself as I skidded to a halt just outside. I took a few deep breaths, not that I needed to- I just wanted to settle my feathers- before knocking on the door. A second later Twilight opened it with a genuine smile.

“Oh, hello Rainbow, what brings you here? Realize that organizing isn’t boring after all?”

“As if. I just brought you that human, thought you might want to know,” and inspected my hoof ready for her praise.

“You did what?!” Twilight shouted.

“You said it would be easier if you could talk to him and he just happened to come through the portal, thought you should know.” I explained. Sheesh isn’t she supposed to be smart?

“Rainbow! He couldn’t have found that portal unless someone went through first. Who knows what kind of problems this is going to cause? Who knows what kind of imbalance this makes? Oh, this isn’t good this isn’t good…” Twilight whimpered and lowered her head.

“Relax, everything is fine. He is back at your place. What could go wrong?”

Her eyes shot open. “He’s where?” And, without waiting for a response, her horn glowed and the world went white.

**Derek**

…smooth… The bedspread! It feels so nice…I nuzzled my cheek into the bedspread. Mmm.

“Uh…what’s he doing?” I heard someone say.

“I’m not sure, but he seems to be enjoying it…” another voice chimed in.

“Ummhmmmm”

“Strange, I never noticed him do this before,” said the second voice.

I opened my eyes and saw the cutest stuffed animals I’d ever seen. One was a big purple horse with a horn. A unicorn, my mind supplied and I grinned, knowing I had the right word. Next to the unicorn was a blue horse with a multi-colored hair bit…thing… My arm snaked out to feel how soft the plushie was, but the horse flinched.

That’s odd, my eyebrows scrunched, stuffed animals aren’t supposed to move… As my mind slowly put the pieces together, my eyebrows climbed.

“You aren’t a unicorn!” I spat in disgust at the purple liar. “You’re too small! What do you call a pony unicorn?” I asked it.

“Um…” she seemed taken aback, “A unicorn?”

“No, no, no! A unicorn is a horse with a horn,” I explained slowly “You must be a ponicorn,” I decided.

“Bhahahaha” the blue one exploded “I like it. Twilight Sparkle the ponicorn.”

“Stop it Rainbow, I think something’s wrong.” She stepped toward me and her horn glowed.

“Whoa, shiny.” I reached out for its horn. She squeaked as I made contact with it the glow winked out as soon as I touched it, causing me to frown. I took a firm hold, and pulled her toward me so I could inspect it. Meanwhile the blue one rolled on the ground.

“Bad ponicorn, it’s not nice to shine lights at people.” Rainbow said as she giggled.

“Rainbow, help” the purple one squeaked, her eyes shut as she struggled not to be drawn towards the bed. The blue one rolled onto her feet, walked over, and swished her tail in front of me. I instantly let go of the horn and grabbed for the tail.

Stupid colors, why do you move when I try to grab you? I rolled out of the bed, landing heavily on the floor. I scrambled onto my hands and knees trying to follow on three limbs and I reached with the fourth. The colors stayed just barely out of my reach as they turned the corner of the bed.

“Think, Twilight, think! What’s wrong with him? He’s never acted like this before.” With that her gaze drifted up to a spot on the wall. Her jaw dropped “The portal, where is it? Not good, not good, not good.”

**Twilight**

“Twilight, what are we going to do?” Rainbow asked, starting another lap around the bed.

“I’m not sure, there isn’t anything in here about this.” I slammed shut the book. “I’m going to be in so much trouble if I can’t straighten this out! I’m already in so much trouble!”

My train of thought was briefly derailed as the human crawled past me making another grab for Rainbow Dash’s tail.

“I can’t send him back through the portal. I don’t have the components, plus I needed Princess Celestia’s help opening it in the first place. If she finds out what I’ve done…”

“Twilight, snap out of it! Freaking out isn’t going to help anyone! And walking in circles is starting to get to me.” I heard her say behind me. Realizing I’d been pacing I sat down. I looked over my shoulder and saw Derek’s hand make contact with her tail, but before he could grasp it, she pulled it from his hand.

I shook my head to clear it. “On the one hoof,” I looked to my left, “If I tell Princess Celestia it’ll all be over! She won't trust me anymore! I’ll have to go back to Canterlot!” Then I looked to my right. “But if I don’t tell her she is definitely going to hear about a human wandering around Ponyville!”

Frantically I thought: she can’t find out! But she is going to find out! It’s not like I could disguise him as anypony else...or...can I…?

“I have an idea!”

***

“Run me through this one more time,” Rainbow said as she sat on the edge of the balcony, letting her tail dangle off. Derek stood under the ledge with his hands raised, jumping and grasping occasionally.

Rainbow was a great friend. She was always there when you needed her, and her determination was second to none. However, absorbing and sticking to a plan was not her strong suit. I rubbed my head with a hoof.

I took a big breath “I can’t send Derek back to his world without the portal being open. The only way I can reopen the portal is with Celestia’s help. For her to help, she’s going to need to be here… If she sees a human here, when she comes to help, she is going to…” - I whimpered - “... But if she shows up and it’s just a new pony, well that should be okay. So I’m going to turn him into a pony so we can get Celestia to open a portal so we can send him back.” I probably didn’t need to give the whole explanation in one breath, but I figured maybe that way I could work with her short attention span.

“Got it!” she said.

Finally.

“So what are you waiting for? Zap him.” She said, twitching her tail out of the way as he sprang for it.

Okay, let’s just reread the spell one more time to make sure I have it down. Yes...good...need to remember to correctly map the derivative, or the rate of change will be too slow… Fix the template firmly in your mind...yes...and factor in the weight…

“Rainbow, how much would you say he weighs?”

“Um...I’m not sure, you were the one who was getting all cuddly with him.”

Right, well, I don’t have too much time before Spike gets home. Let’s say he is about six feet tall, looks on the athletic side, so judging by his rate of consumption, exercise, metabolism, and nutritional habits he should be about...193 pounds? Better double check...yeah, 193. Or is it 194…nope, definitely 193.

I closed my eyes to focus my attention, set my legs apart to establish a firm stance, and started casting. I had run through all of the math and I knew at which angles the forces needed to join to form the effect I was looking for.

What I didn’t expect was for Rainbow to get distracted and not lift her tail. I certainly didn’t expect him to pull her off of the ledge causing her to gasp. Another thing I hadn’t expected was to open my eyes and see the spell heading toward Derek, who was now nuzzling a struggling wide eyed Rainbow Dash.

**Derek**

My eyes, unseeing, were affixed to a point on the ceiling; my body felt wooden, stiff; locked in position as if any action might make things more real. I was focusing all of my attention inward and my mind raced. My eyes forced a detail into my whirling mind, causing it to come to a halt as surely as a stick through the spokes of a bike. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying like this, but the sun is coming up.

Was this real? My mind started back from the beginning, trying to come to some kind of logical conclusion. I know I’m in the bed from last night. Risking a glance down I saw the blue bedspread adorned with stars and moons resting right there on my...chest… My eyes snapped back up to the spot on the ceiling. This can’t be a prank from a Ryan or Neil, this is way too elaborate and detailed. It can’t be one of those reality show pranks: they wouldn’t be allowed to break into my house, right? That leaves either the possibility of this being real, or me being insane. I’m not sure which of the two I would prefer…

I remember coming through the portal last night...but then things got a bit...swimmy. I remember talking ponies, I remember chasing some pretty colors. It seemed important at the time. I remember a bright flash...and then I woke up here.

The first thing I had noticed when I woke up was that I wasn’t at home. My alarm clock wasn’t beside my bed, howling at me to get up; the standby light of my computer monitor wasn’t greeting me from across the room. As I looked down, the next thing I noticed was the bedspread. It was the same one from my dream, but that meant… I also noticed a strange bulge in the bedspread. The fact that there was a bulge wasn’t what was odd, it was the placement.

My view was blocked much sooner than expected. I tried to press down the puff on my chest but immediately realized there were two good reasons why that wouldn’t work. I hadn’t dared look, but... I moved my legs together, just to check, and that’s when my eyes found their new resting spot on the ceiling.

I heard the door creak and saw, out of the corner of my vision, the top of it move open a few inches. After a brief pause, it opened further and I heard one of the ponies slowly walk across the room. My eyes didn’t move.

“G...G...Good morning Derek.” she ventured.

One of my eyebrows rose...very...very...slowly.

“Maybe not best choice of words,” she said sheepishly. “I know you have a million questions, but I want to start off by saying I’m sorry.”

My short sharp laugh chopped through the room and I heard her hooves scrabble on the wooden floor in surprise.

“No,” I said, and things became slightly more real. My voice was different. “I don’t have a million questions.” I cleared my throat… but it didn’t help. “Just a few fucking big ones. Like, where am I? What are you? And what did you do to me?” My voice stayed calm except for one word I couldn't help shout. I imagined she flinched as she heard it.

“Derek I know you’re angry, confused and frustrated, but please don’t yell. We’ll get this thing fixed up as soon as I figure out what went wrong. Then I’ll send you back and everything will be okay.”

“If you want any help,” I offered “I can fucking tell you what went wrong!” I grabbed my chest, shaking it for emphasis. My eyes left their safe spot on the ceiling, and I tried to melt this tiny unicorn with my rage filled gaze.

She didn’t look the same as last night. Her mane was disheveled and her eyes looked droopy. It didn’t look like she had gotten a wink of sleep last night. Good! After what she did, not getting a good night’s sleep is a drop in the bucket. No, a drop in the fucking ocean!

“I’ve spent all night researching that spell, trying to figure out what went wrong. You should’ve ended up similar to Neon Lights. But when my concentration broke and I saw Rainbow Dash, it may have switched the template for the spell, but that means you should look like her. I don’t understand why you’d still be human…”

“Oh, is that the problem?” I bit sarcastically. “The problem is, after you broke into my house, took me to another universe, drugged me, and starting casting spells on me, the problem is you didn’t change me enough?” It didn’t look like my stare was going to melt her into a puddle so I returned it to the ceiling.

“Can we start over?”

“What?”

“Sitting here blaming each other for what happened isn’t going to solve anything, but-”

“Maybe not, but it sure makes me feel a whole lot better.” I muttered, “And what’s this ‘blaming each other’? As far as I can tell I’m completely blameless here. There wasn’t any ‘blaming each other’ going on. It was just me blaming you!”

“-isn’t going to solve anything,” she continued, “But if I could have a bit of cooperation, we can rectify this whole situation.”

I just glared at the ceiling.

“Fine. Let’s start with your questions. ‘Where am I’ was the first one, right? Well this is Equestria, it’s a land of talking ponies, griffons, zebras, and so forth. You are in the town of Ponyville, which is pretty small and quiet most of the time. More specifically, you’re in the Golden Oaks Library, my home.”

I gave a small nod to show I was listening.

She continued. “‘What are you’, was your next question. My name is Twilight Sparkle, I’m a unicorn.”

I gave her an incredulous look.

“A pony unicorn is still a unicorn, there’s no such thing as a ponicorn…” she explained, misunderstanding my look.

“A land of talking ponies and unicorns, right. Why not?” I returned my gaze back to the ceiling.

“Well,” she said, caught off guard, “There are unicorn ponies, pegasus ponies and earth ponies...oh and alicorns.”

“And what’s an alicorn?”

“An alicorn is a blend of the three types of pony. They have the wings of a pegasus, the magic of a unicorn and the strength and hardiness of an earth pony. There are three alicorns. Princess Celestia rules the day and is the older sister of Princess Luna. Princess Luna has domain over the night, and guards our dreams. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is my sister-in-law. She rules the Crystal Empire and we call her Princess Cadence.”

I gave a “hmmph” allowing her to continue.

“As to what happened to you, that’s going to take some time to explain. Would you like pancakes?”

***

The pancakes tasted wrong. Not bad, just different. They were slightly denser than normal pancakes, but the syrup was amazing.

“So let me get this straight,” I said setting down my fork and leaning back in the chair. “Your friend came through the portal to ask me a question, got spooked and dashed. That’s what I followed back through the portal?”

“It seems that way,” she nodded slowly cutting up her pancakes.

“Then, once I got here, I had some kind of natural allergy to magic?”

“Not an allergy exactly...it just took a bit for your body to become used to the ambient magic here. I never would’ve realized your world had a lower level!” I noticed a quill make a note in the other room while she added syrup. “Anyway, that’s why you were all-” she slowly weaved her head back and forth as her eyes spun in opposite directions in her head.

“But you’re going to be in big trouble about bringing a human to Equestria?”

She whimpered slightly and her ears flattened against her head “Yeah…”

“So you decided to try to disguise me as a pony so Celestia wouldn’t find out when she came to help you reopen the portal?”

Her ears drooped even lower. “Yeah, it wasn’t one of my finer moments. I’m really sorry.”

“I follow so far. How did, disguising me as a pony, lead to me being a woman? That’s the part that really has me stuck.”

“The spell is designed to change one pony into another pony, it never occurred to me that it wouldn’t work on a human. Maybe it can’t cross that big of a species gap...”

“So what’s the plan now?”

“I’m not sure. I could send a message to Princess Celestia, and she could probably fix you and send you home, but then I’d be in huge trouble. The other option is you could give me some time and I’ll see if I can fix this…”

I was furious about her presumptuousness. She spied on me, imprisoned me, and now that she told me there was a way out of this cell, begged me not to leave. Why should I go out of my way for her? She’d been nothing but trouble for me, even before I had met her.

There are a lot of underhanded ways to force people to do what you want. There’s blackmail, coercion, threatening, using hostages, but none were as effective as those puppy dog eyes. She had the perfect mixture of concern, hope, and desperation.

“Fine, you have two days, after that I need to get back for finals. But don’t think you’re off the hook!”

“Understood,” she said as she took her first bite.

“What am I supposed to do while I wait?” I asked looking around.

“Well, we are in a library.” She said leadingly. “What do you like to read?”