Forced Perspective

**Spike**

These cupcakes sure are delicious; Pinkie sure knows her stuff. I stuck out my tongue and grabbed another cupcake. I spun it into the air and before it reached my mouth I had lashed all of the frosting off of the top. Once the cupcake was in my mouth I gave a small burp before swallowing. A small curl of green flame escaped my lips and I looked to see if Pinkie had caught on to my ruse.

Pinkie sat on the other side of the counter slack-jawed. Sugarcube Corner was a mess, the sign on the door flipped to ‘closed’ long ago. Cupcake wrappers littered the ground in a pile next to the counter we occupied. Crumbs and frosting smudges adorned the countertop as cupcake after cupcake disappeared one set at a time.

“You may be the Ponyville cupcake eating contest champion, but you’ve never faced a dragon before,” I boasted.

With a look of grim determination she set two more cupcakes on the table between us, adding the wrappers to those already discarded. She reached forward slowly with a shaky hoof, eyes squinted and twitching as she grasped the confection. She lifted it to her mouth, her face slowly turning green. Her head slumped to the table, the cupcake rolling forgotten to the floor. I slurped up my cupcake the same as the last.

Pinkie groaned: “I’ve never seen anypony eat so many cupcakes. Ughhhh”

“And you never will,” I boasted. “Nopony can match a dragon’s appetite.” I puffed up my chest and patted my belly.

After a second I hiccuped and crossed my eyes before a gout of green fire shot from my mouth with a loud burp and a scroll clattered to the floor. That always surprised me. Every time it feels like about I’m about to puke and there’s nothing I can do to hold it back. Luckily the feeling doesn’t linger.

The scroll was addressed to me. That’s odd, they’re almost always for Twilight.

Dear Spike,

I’m not sure why I just received 36 partially eaten cupcakes. Please, in the future only send whole and ungobbled cupcakes.

Princess Celestia

I grinned sheepishly as Pinkie finished reading the note over my shoulder.

“Oh, you’re good,” she said squinting at me. She scooped up the discarded cupcake on the floor and tossed it into her mouth as she continued “So what do you wanna do next?”

“It’s getting pretty late, I should head back to the library. Twilight probably needs me to re-alphabetize her spell component drawer again.”

“Aww Spike?” she whined.

“You’ll have to wait until next time.” Meanwhile, I prayed that she would forget before then. We took the ‘Pinkie Pie Route’ back to the library. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand how that pony moves. We popped out of bushes, trash cans, puddles, and out from behind lamp posts, and I’ll swear on all of the rubies in Equestria, we didn’t pass through any space between them.

“Thanks for the fun day!” I shouted over my shoulder to Pinkie.

I walked up to the door and knocked. I could hear Twilight stumble around inside for a bit before coming to the door.

“Hello Spike,” she said with a giant grin on her face, “What brings you here?”

“Um...I live here Twilight, you know, with you.”

“Right! Just you and me living here, nopony else!” She took a step back and waved a hoof in the air, as if to demonstrate how empty the library was. The effect was spoiled by Rainbow Dash sitting dizzy-eyed on the floor.

“Hi Rainbow,” I called as I stepped into the library. She shook her head and stood up.

“What happened?” She shook her head again and looked at Twilight.

“Nothing much,” Twilight said in a strained voice, forcing her smile a bit wider. “We were just welcoming Spike back to the library.” She tilted her head toward me a few times. She was never the best at subtlety but honestly, if it didn’t cause me more work, keep me from sleeping, or challenge my ‘number one assistant’ title, it didn’t matter.

I started to go upstairs, but was stopped by a bright flash. I rubbed my eyes, and when the spots cleared Twilight stood in front of me with that big grin of hers. She tilted her head slightly to the side “Why are you going upstairs, Spike?”

This better not break rule #2 of getting along with Spike… “I was just going to bed Twilight,” I yawned to accentuate my point “It’s late.”

“I was actually just thinking it would be fun to have a campout. We could build a pillow fort and sleep down here. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” She took a step toward me with the last word. I know that look in her eye, I’m not about to push too hard, but this is straining rule #2.

My shoulders slumped and I rubbed an eye. “Yeah it sounds like a blast, let me go grab my basket.”

“Silly, there aren’t any baskets on a campout!” She grabbed cushions from the couch and the reading areas around the library. She deposited them in an area next to the wooden horse’s head. She draped a cloth from the horse’s head and fastened it to a chairback forming a makeshift tent. I crawled inside.

When you hang around Twilight all the time you realize you have few options. You can try to dig into her craziness, but that rarely works. The best method I’ve found is to ignore it and wait for her to talk to you. I laid my head down and tried to shut out the conversation Rainbow and Twilight were having about what to do with Derek. Don’t they know a baby dragon needs his sleep?

***

Camping out wasn’t that bad. I’m sure the sheet hanging over the area would’ve done a great job blocking out the morning sun, letting me get that extra bit of sleep. I never got to find out though, because Twilight probably read in a book at some point that ‘one should wake early to enjoy the fresh morning air’. Accordingly we probably woke up before Princess Celestia herself. I stretched and groaned, reluctantly being rolled off of my warm cushion. I watched it and the other pillows return to their places. I made it about two steps towards where it landed in one of the cozy reading areas before Twilight scooped me up in her magic and deposited me on her back.

My longing for the warm cushion easily tripled as she stepped into the brisk morning air. I guess I’ll settle for the next best thing, I thought as I spread out on Twilight’s back and used her crest as a pillow. The ride was a lot bouncier than my cushion but soon my nose informed me that at least it came with snacks. I opened my eyes and was faced with a wall of pink and white. Confused, I leaned back and the image coalesced into Pinkie’s giant grinning face.

“Feel like some apple pie for breakfast, Spike?” she asked, as chipper as always. “Applejack will be by in a bit with some fresh apples.”

Twilight lifted me off of her back and set me by the window in a ray of sunlight. I take back any bad thought I ever had about that pony. They talked for a bit, but truthfully, I wasn’t listening. I was content to let the sun work the chill of the morning air off of me.

Soon, Twilight said: “Goodbye Spike, I’ll see you in a few days.”

I heard the words and gave an automatic grunt of farewell. I’ll figure out what’s happening later, right now...sleep... I felt the air move around me, and suddenly the warmth of the sun was gone. I felt a pressure on my head, neck, and back and also I noticed I was standing instead of laying down. I started to slump back onto the ground with my eyes still closed, but as soon as my arms hit the wooden floor, I found I was standing again.I opened my eyes and noticed I was standing in Pinkie’s kitchen wearing a chef’s hat and apron. Pinkie was bustling around the kitchen, fiddling with the oven, working whatever was is in the mixing bowls and retrieving utensils. Pinkie was just adding the bottom crust to a pie tin when I heard a knock on the door. “I got it,” I mumble as a shuffled towards the door.

I made it to the door without having to open my eyes too much. They sunk comfortably closed again as I swung it open.

“Well howdy partner! I wasn’t expectin’ to see you here.”

Well that’s a blessing. At least I don’t have to open my eyes to see who that is.

“Hi Applejack.”

“Somepony’s draggin’ this morning.” She chuckled at the pun.

I opened my eyes to see the cowpony with a bushel of apples on her back. In a pink blur the bushel was empty. A second later we both looked down to see ourselves holding a small plate with a piece of apple pie and fork on it. We just had time to meet each other’s eyes before Pinkie was back, holding her own plate with a piece of pie on it, and I realized my other hand was now occupied with a glass of milk. It seemed this morning might not be that bad after all.

We both thanked Pinkie as we walked over to the table. I’d been around Twilight so much that I found it odd for just a second when AJ and Pinkie both shifted their plates to their backs before walking over to the table. Once there, the pie didn’t stand a chance.

“So, why’s Spike here hangin’ out with ya?” Applejack asked.

“Twilight dropped him off this morning, she said something about some super important dangerous experiment she wanted to do. So Spike is going to stay with me for a few days.”

My head snapped around to see Pinkies smiling face. I slowly looked over at Applejack, she was trying to cover a smile.

“I wish ya the best there Spike,” Applejack consoled me.

I groaned.

“Maybe I’ll just swing by there on my way home, make sure everything’s alright. I ain't rightly comfortable having somepony doing dangerous experiments without someone around. What if somethin’ goes wrong? Who’s gunna help’um?”

“That’s a great idea! We’ll swing by later and check on her too.”

“I don’t know guys,” I ventured “if she wanted someone there, do you think she would’ve sent me away? I am her number one assistant…” I mean, if she wanted anything done she would’ve asked me. Nobody can do assisting better than me...right? She doesn’t think she doesn’t need an assistant anymore does she? “On second thought, maybe we should check in on her in a bit.”